We ARE having a cash bar! & We ARE sending reception invites only!

tiffanydibona

Being from the Mnpls-St Paul area too.. I think you're making gross generalizations about people.   I do see cash bars at weddings, that is pretty accepted, but it doesn't mean I think its ok.  We're having an open bar. If you don't want to pay for alcohol, i would prefer not to host it at all.

I've never seen a tiered reception around here. Maybe its only in your particular circle, but please don't clump everyone in two big cities into your generalizations. 

Late night pizza sounds good though. We're doing something similar possibly.

musicalsunlight

Oh glad to see people are keeping the Twin Cities community looking great online. Kudos, keep your undies in a bundle plz.

freebread03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-are-having-a-cash-bar-we-are-sending-reception-invites-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:85575f50-825e-48ca-a125-aa149cdbee3ePost:213fe19c-795a-4696-8460-6e886ee1e0dc">Re: We ARE having a cash bar! & We ARE sending reception invites only!</a>:
[QUOTE]Now you "ladies" are making fun of my fake handle on a website. I mentioned to someone that I posted this here, the response was, oh ... they are so mean. Hmm. They did not mean me. Your posts have been quite humorous. And news flash, <strong>cash bar is popular around here and will continue to be.</strong> Please all of you enjoy your perfect etiquette, your perfect language and making fun of people trying hard to make things work for everyone. I guess if you feel good about yourself talking to and about someone this way, then continue. I really did not think this website was about this. Unlike you, I wish you all the best.
Posted by MomoftheBriade[/QUOTE]

<div>Probably not popular amongst the people who spent a good amount of money to travel to and buy a gift for the wedding who now have to buy their own drinks...</div>

TheVirginians

A new low!

jcg98

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-are-having-a-cash-bar-we-are-sending-reception-invites-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:85575f50-825e-48ca-a125-aa149cdbee3ePost:92b61025-bdf8-464f-bdf1-283d779236ad">Re: We ARE having a cash bar! & We ARE sending reception invites only!</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, I think one of the reasons you received so many negative comments is the aggresive title of your post.  You didn't ask a question.  You stated that you were violating etiquette. Cash bars are not proper etiquette in any circle.  Alcohol free weddings are perfectly OK, though.  This is not a matter of opinion.  As hostess, you are responsible for your guests comfort and refreshments.  <strong>This is a wedding, not a fraternity kegger.</strong> As for inviting only some of your guests to the reception part of the wedding - no.  This tells them that you consider them second class guests, and that is terribly rude for a hostess to do. I am sorry that you found some of the posts so offensive, but many of us found the title and tone of your post equally offensive.  I am afraid that the guests at your daughter's wedding will share our opinion, though they might be too polite to tell you so.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

I think this is my favorite line ever on TK.  CMGr, FTW!

hoffse

OP, I'm not cohabitating with FI... but I mean, I'm not virtuous either.  So I wouldn't assume your daughter is pure just because she's not living with him.  Just saying.

And like everybody else has said, what you're doing is rude.  People will talk about you behind your back.  My mother STILL talks about the rudeness she has encountered at weddings more than a decade ago.  Looks like your DD's is going to be one for memory lane!

em105

Okay, I responded to a post on an the CC board as well with what I thought was a very polite and concise response, but after going through this thread, here's what you get from me:

Look lady, nobody's going to be happy and you're blatantly going to do whatever you want so: 

A: Don't get all nasty when you ask if something is going to work and people give honest answers.

B: Realize that it is the couple who pay for the wedding nowadays.

C: Get the fact that if anonymous people in internet land are willing to tell you that some of your choices will be considered in poor taste, many of your guests will think so to.  Whether or not they tell you is another issue.

Seriously??  After reading all the nastiness you chose to post on multiple forums, my comment to you is "DUDE.  REALLY??"

MomoftheBriade

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-are-having-a-cash-bar-we-are-sending-reception-invites-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:85575f50-825e-48ca-a125-aa149cdbee3ePost:30925c4f-1a14-427c-9d3a-243e2a8ad523">Re: We ARE having a cash bar! & We ARE sending reception invites only!</a>:
[QUOTE]Being from the Mnpls-St Paul area too.. I think you're making gross generalizations about people.   I do see cash bars at weddings, that is pretty accepted, but it doesn't mean I think its ok.  We're having an open bar. If you don't want to pay for alcohol, i would prefer not to host it at all. I've never seen a tiered reception around here. Maybe its only in your particular circle, but please don't clump everyone in two big cities into your generalizations.  Late night pizza sounds good though. We're doing something similar possibly.
Posted by tiffanydibona[/QUOTE]

I do not live in the Mpls St Paul area and I never said I did. The bride is a server at a large popular restaurant in town (as I have stated) the reception only invites is because her co-workers starting asking if they could stop at the reception and buy her a drink. (they are all a bit older than her, not offended by not being included, they know family takes up the entire event, I have mentioned this too) I had never heard the term tiered reception until here. We were ordering some stationary and she thought she would like to hand out a little invite card at work. That is how this all started. As far as cash bar is concerned, I would love to have a hosted bar (but cant afford it and the family asked me to have it), and I will offer non alcoholic drinks. Now you have the facts again to judge. I am not looking for your your approval I was looking for others in a similar situation. All I asked about was pizza.

MomoftheBriade

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-are-having-a-cash-bar-we-are-sending-reception-invites-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:85575f50-825e-48ca-a125-aa149cdbee3ePost:2fe2e89c-832b-4cdf-94da-cc40c1c2b886">Re: We ARE having a cash bar! & We ARE sending reception invites only!</a>:
[QUOTE]why are you inviting people to the reception only? Is the ceremony space too small to invite them all to it?
Posted by livnsamsmama[/QUOTE]

YES!

Meegles4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-are-having-a-cash-bar-we-are-sending-reception-invites-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:85575f50-825e-48ca-a125-aa149cdbee3ePost:2d599c23-0bea-48d9-9389-4b8d29d4acc3">Re: We ARE having a cash bar! & We ARE sending reception invites only!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We ARE having a cash bar! & We ARE sending reception invites only! : I do not live in the Mpls St Paul area and I never said I did. The bride is a server at a large popular restaurant in town (as I have stated) the reception only invites is because <strong>her co-workers starting asking if they could stop at the reception and buy her a drink. (they are all a bit older than her, not offended by not being included, they know family takes up the entire event, I have mentioned this too)</strong> I had never heard the term tiered reception until here. We were ordering some stationary and she thought she would like to hand out a little invite card at work. That is how this all started. As far as cash bar is concerned, I would love to have a hosted bar (but cant afford it and the family asked me to have it), and I will offer non alcoholic drinks. Now you have the facts again to judge. I am not looking for your your approval I was looking for others in a similar situation. All I asked about was pizza.
Posted by MomoftheBriade[/QUOTE]

I haven't even read this whole thing, but I get the gist. Two things regarding the bolded.

Your daughter's underage. They probably CAN'T buy her a drink even if it's her own wedding. Right?

If these co-workers understand they can't be invited, then they really don't even need to come "buy her a drink" (especially because they can't legally do that). Leave them off the guest list, don't give them a "reception only" invite, just let it go. No harm no foul.

Even if your daughter will be 21 when she marries (which I guess is possible, since I haven't read the whole thing) this still sounds like the co-workers don't mind not being invited, so your daughter should just tell them "no, you can't come buy me a drink, but we should go out after we get back from our HM".

MomoftheBriade

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-are-having-a-cash-bar-we-are-sending-reception-invites-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:85575f50-825e-48ca-a125-aa149cdbee3ePost:891c703e-c612-4735-bbd0-e10e5d5bbc4e">Re: We ARE having a cash bar! & We ARE sending reception invites only!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: We ARE having a cash bar! & We ARE sending reception invites only! : I haven't even read this whole thing, but I get the gist. Two things regarding the bolded. Your daughter's underage. They probably CAN'T buy her a drink even if it's her own wedding. Right? If these co-workers understand they can't be invited, then they really don't even need to come "buy her a drink" (especially because they can't legally do that). Leave them off the guest list, don't give them a "reception only" invite, just let it go. No harm no foul. Even if your daughter will be 21 when she marries (which I guess is possible, since I haven't read the whole thing) this still sounds like the co-workers don't mind not being invited, so your daughter should just tell them "no, you can't come buy me a drink, but we should go out after we get back from our HM".
Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

The legal drinking age is confusing for her co-workers because in WI, where she works they CAN buy her a drink, if I am in the room. But, the reception is in MN and they forget that. I really think the offer came out of a place of kindness. And I can see what you're saying. :)

DramaGeek

OP, I'm confused.  Does the fact that your DD doesn't live with her Fi make it ok to have the cash bar and tiered reception?  Because if that's the case, damn, we missed the boat!  We could have made our guests pay for their dinner since we didn't live together AND we weren't having sex!

Also, please quit saying it's a reception only invite.  It's not.  It's a half of a reception invitation.  They aren't even invited for the whole reception!

FluffyGumDrop2

Has your daughter ever drank before? Does she know how she reacts to it and how she'll feel during the night? No one wants to be sick on their wedding night. 

You mentioned co-workers wanted to come buy her drinks and there's a good chance she could end up drunk if a lot of people want to buy her a drink. Does she know her limit? Will she be able to say no after the third person wants to buy her a drink? The coworkers seem to be coming with the intention of partying and buying alcohol so are you prepared for that? Not trying to imply it'll turn into a raging party but there is a good possibility some of these co-workers came to drink. 

Has your venue okayed the extra guests arriving later in terms of capacity limits?

MomoftheBriade

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-are-having-a-cash-bar-we-are-sending-reception-invites-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:85575f50-825e-48ca-a125-aa149cdbee3ePost:d525f13f-c3f8-41df-b010-bf9948ab0af1">Re: We ARE having a cash bar! & We ARE sending reception invites only!</a>:
[QUOTE]OP, I'm confused.  Does the fact that your DD doesn't live with her Fi make it ok to have the cash bar and tiered reception?  Because if that's the case, damn, we missed the boat!  We could have made our guests pay for their dinner since we didn't live together AND we weren't having sex! Also, please quit saying it's a reception only invite.  It's not.  It's a half of a reception invitation.  They aren't even invited for the whole reception!
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

You are confused? I am confused, I never said anything about my DD living arrangements having to do with the reception! And again, the reception only part stemed from the bride wanting her co-workers to come after work. Also this "tiered" reception. That must  be a term made up on this site.

MomoftheBriade

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-are-having-a-cash-bar-we-are-sending-reception-invites-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:85575f50-825e-48ca-a125-aa149cdbee3ePost:9772d60c-ec75-47ec-9af5-87997a76d11b">Re: We ARE having a cash bar! & We ARE sending reception invites only!</a>:
[QUOTE]Has your daughter ever drank before? Does she know how she reacts to it and how she'll feel during the night? No one wants to be sick on their wedding night.  You mentioned co-workers wanted to come buy her drinks and there's a good chance she could end up drunk if a lot of people want to buy her a drink. Does she know her limit? Will she be able to say no after the third person wants to buy her a drink? The coworkers seem to be coming with the intention of partying and buying alcohol so are you prepared for that? Not trying to imply it'll turn into a raging party but there is a good possibility some of these co-workers came to drink.  Has your venue okayed the extra guests arriving later in terms of capacity limits?
Posted by FluffyGumDrop2[/QUOTE]

You do bring up a good point about the drinking. She has had a few cocktails.Not cocktails I guess, hard lemonade type things (am not glued to her hip but she doesn't not drink in my presence). And I think in their world saying coming to buy her a drink is a gesture of coming to have one and say hello, her co-workers do know she is not a drinker. Her co-workers do know all of us (the rest of her fam) also.  I can imagine nerves excitement and trying to (for lack of a better term) fit in with those pals, I could see a girl getting carried away. :) We will all be there and well, a mom always hopes she has a good head about her in those situations. Regarding the venue, yes, when we came up with it we talked to them, the space is larger than our dinner party. We are going to be about 50 under the limits. I think a lot of this also has to do with the fact that we live in a smaller town, the venue is in a "tourist" style town not too far from home. I am trying very hard to put my thoughts in to words without making a mistake and being grilled. So sorry so long. Oh, one other thing that I have mentioned in the past, her godfather lives in this town and is hosting the present opening at his home and hosted the shower. His pals helped him set up and get ready, I wanted to invite them to the dance. :)

Carson386

In my family we have a general rule- don't drink at your own wedding! This all came from one of my aunts who was not a drinker. She was 23, she had alcohol before (drinking age was 18 then) but did not drink regularly. Friends and family wanted to get her drinks at her reception- she ended up drunk and sick- not the ideal wedding night.

TheBaney

So, your original question was about whether or not it would be okay to serve pizza and soda to the people that are only invited to part of the reception?

No. It's not okay. Because it's not okay to invite people only part of the reception, and it's not okay to serve one group of people dinner and another group of people a snack. It's also not okay to only invite certain people to only the reception, unless the ceremony is strictly family members. Is it?

If you can't afford to host this extra group at the reception, don't invite them. If they want to buy her a drink, maybe she should make plans with them on a different day.

MomoftheBriade

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_we-are-having-a-cash-bar-we-are-sending-reception-invites-only?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:85575f50-825e-48ca-a125-aa149cdbee3ePost:450ecf78-9a2d-4b77-8e0a-d602e16925d0">Re: We ARE having a cash bar! & We ARE sending reception invites only!</a>:
[QUOTE]In my family we have a general rule- don't drink at your own wedding! This all came from one of my aunts who was not a drinker. She was 23, she had alcohol before (drinking age was 18 then) but did not drink regularly. Friends and family wanted to get her drinks at her reception- she ended up drunk and sick- not the ideal wedding night.
Posted by Carson386[/QUOTE]

Oh, so not good! I did not drink at my wedding, I have told her that it is so overwhelming, with family and emotions that staying focused is hard. I don't remember everyone either and that was totally sober. Just better to stay hydrated!