A List B List

chimmicheesecake

We have a huge guest list and definitely can't afford to feed them all. We've managed to get all the important people onto the A list, but are left with a decent amount on the B list. We're having a mini-destination wedding (about 5 hours from home) and don't know what to do about save the dates. How do we go about inviting the B list people later without letting them know they're not number 1? Is it ok not to send save the dates to those people? Help please!!

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_list-b-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:86e87c62-fe9b-496a-810e-0ab2cf3e6602Post:81e4d401-cbc2-4d66-a5e3-df1b196e2bf8">A List B List</a>:
[QUOTE]We have a huge guest list and definitely can't afford to feed them all. We've managed to get all the important people onto the A list, but are left with a decent amount on the B list. We're having a mini-destination wedding (about 5 hours from home) and don't know what to do about save the dates. How do we go about inviting the B list people later without letting them know they're not number 1? Is it ok not to send save the dates to those people? Help please!!
Posted by chimmicheesecake[/QUOTE]

Invite whom ou can afford from the beginning.  B lists many times can cause problems.

sep72fendr

Don't have a B-List. Cut your numbers where you have to. No one should feel like a second rate guest at your wedding.

angiebear11

Not a good idea.  How would you feel if you were invited to a wedding as a "B List Friend" because you weren't one of the "important" friends. 

Sloane99

Invite as many people as you can afford to feed and leave it at that.

Besides, sending STDs still doesn't give you a guest count as people aren't required to respond to STDs anyways so you're not going to be any further ahead.

osumegs

I'll probably get some people disagreeing with me, but I don't feel it is necessary to send a save the date to every possible person you plan to invite. That said, any person you send a save the date to MUST be invited to the wedding. If you have some people you aren't sure you will be able to afford to invite, I wouldn't send them a save the date. Re-evaluate before you send out invites and invite the people you can, leave off the people you can't, and call it a day. The A List/B List thing applies more to sending out invites, waiting for declines, then sending out a second round. At the early stages where you are still playing with budget, it isn't quite as important.

rbtrumpet

if you send someone a Save-The-Date (STD), then you need to send them an invite.

There is no way to tastefully do a B-list.  People will figure it out pretty quick if they are on the B-list to your wedding (didn't get a STD, got an invitation close to the wedding).

I just went to a wedding last week where I didn't get a STD, got an online invite about 2 weeks before the wedding, and then when I saw their online guest book, noticed people have been signing it since May - yeah, I was B-list.  (I'm not the type to get offended by this, but some people are).

Beachy730

Only send STDs to people you know without a shadow of a doubt will be invited.  If you are on the fence about someone, do not send them a STD. 

I agree with everyong about not doing a B list.  Arrange your wedding and budget to accomodate who you can, and invite accordingly.  I think B lists are bad no matter what, but especially with a destination wedding, as you need to give people ample time to make travel accomodations and plans.  If you sent me a B list invite 3 weeks before I wedding I had to travel 5 or so hours to I would definitely say no.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

If you send someone an STD, it's a green light to make travel arrangements. They MUST be invited to the wedding.

If there are more people you want to include, would having a local wedding help cut costs? If most people are local, you could do something at a non-meal time and have appetizers and cake with limited alcohol options. Check out the budget brides board if you want to stretch your wedding budget.

eamaxin

speaking from experience, i would avoid the "b list."  compared to my FI's family, my family is HUGE.  we had a second list for my side of the family (extended cousins and pseudo-relatives).  in the end, not enough people replied "no" to the wedding, so we didn't even get to the second list - the only thing that resulted from the list was hurt feelings.  make a decision whether they're invited or not and stick with it. 

chimmicheesecake

Thanks for the advice. To be clear, I was never planning on send out save the dates and then not inviting people. I was more asking if they were necessary. The problem is that my fiance has a list of people that's three times the size of mine. Most of the people on the B list are college friends and others that would be nice if there's room. We aren't really planning a budget wedding and don't really feel like it's fair to us to have to cut down on what we really want just to include people that haven't been too key in our relationship and would just be invited as a courtesy to his parents or whomever. I guess we'll just keep looking at the list and really deciding who's important.