--

stupid8d

--

redheadfsu

You don't ask, it is very rude to do so.

ETA: If you rent a mansion, you pay for it the entire time (as it is your choice to do so). Do not ask them to pay for even a portion.

baystateapple

You can't ask for a party to be thrown in your honor.  If someone asks what you would like to do, however, it is not rude to throw out suggestions of what you would like for a bachelorette party (i.e. no strippers, a night at a bar, etc.)  It is very rude to ask your friends to throw a party for you, or to throw your own party.

Meghannsix

Wow, not much of this makes a whole lot of sense so I'll just agree with redhead, you don't ask to have parties thrown for you.

dogsandfrogs

1) You don't ask someone to throw you a party.  Period.

2) It doesn't necessarily have to be the MOH who does offer to throw you a party.  Someone else may want to.

3) You don't have to have her approval on how you want to plan your wedding.  If all she's doing is shooting down your ideas, stop sharing your ideas with her.  A MOH (or any bridesmaid for that matter) is not required to help you with anything.

4) What she does with her money is her business.  If she wants to spend $200 on a dress and it fits any guidelines you've given her, that's her own dealing.

5) You make a mention of a new MOH.  If you're talking about "demoting" your current one, don't.  That's a terribly rude thing to do and could very well be friendship ending.  If you're talking about "promoting" one of your bridesmaids and having two MOHs, I would ask you why you would want to do that.  If it's only because this one isn't living up to your expectations of what a MOH should be, don't do it.  As I've said before (and as I saw other PPs said in another post), a MOH is not required to help you with anything.  You don't pick one based on her ability to pitch in or willingness to throw you parties.

6) If you want to rent a mansion for people to stay in, that's fine, but you need to pay for it.  You can't say "I've decided we're doing this, here's how much you owe me". 

stupid8d

After reading these I have decided I will throw a party myself for my girls. I didn't know I could do that. I thought the only partys were the bachlerette and the bridal. The mansion thing is for all of us because it costs $200 + a day to rent a nice hotel in vegas. A cheap motel would cost $50 a day which is what they'll be paying if we stay at the mansion. And this mansion would be a way for all of the birdesmaids and groomsman to have a private hang out. I only thought of this option to help them out. I will be paying for over half of their stay there. I have other options that don't include something like that. But my problem with my maid of honor is that she doesn't care about my wedding at all and is making me feel like it's all a mistake. I was thinking of getting an extra maid of honor or matron of honor. She's just not excited, if she was engaged today I would be super excited for her. She knows how important this day is to me and I feel like she should at least be a little happy for me. Its not like she doesnt approve of my wedding, she loves my fiance.

doalittlejig

Print out a list of bridesmaid/MOH duties. It will be on there.  Highlight it and give it to each of them.

And at the party you should ask them to do a danceoff to decide who is your number #1 bridesmaid.

 

rebarobert2012

You do not ask someone to host a party for you.  That would be very rude.  If your MOH or your bridesmaids want to host a shower or a bachelorette for you, they will offer.  But you should not ask.  No one is obligated or required to throw you a a party.

Also, it sounds like you are thinking of *firing* your MOH and asking another girl to be your MOH.  Do not do this either.  Kicking someone out of your wedding party is a friendship-ending move.  Plus, kicking someone out of your wedding party because they haven't offered to throw you parties is a very poor reason anyway.

Kate61487

ditto PPs.

But if you really truly "just want a day to hang out with [your] girlfriends"  Then plan a movie night and hang out with your friends.  DONT call it a b-party, or have anything that makes it wedding-y.  But seeing as how you said most of your BMs are out of state anyway I'm not sure they'd be able to come, even if it was a b-party...

dumdumfroggie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-how-to-ask-for-a-bridal-shower-or-bachlerette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:87ad807a-3781-42c0-951f-e392d06136afPost:9b762a3f-1c08-4931-bfb7-63813e9aa309">Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party? : OMG, I LOVE TOLLS!! This is an etiquette board.  We give proper etiquette advice.  Not the best idea to give bad advice on the board. OP, there are no duties of a BM or MOH.  Buy the dress, show up on the wedding day.  That's it.
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

<div>Eh, I'm guessing from her second part about the dance off that's she's being sarcastic.  Maybe not though.</div>

doalittlejig

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-how-to-ask-for-a-bridal-shower-or-bachlerette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87ad807a-3781-42c0-951f-e392d06136afPost:9b762a3f-1c08-4931-bfb7-63813e9aa309">Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party? : OMG, I LOVE TOLLS!! This is an etiquette board.  We give proper etiquette advice.  Not the best idea to give bad advice on the board. OP, there are no duties of a BM or MOH.  Buy the dress, show up on the wedding day.  That's it.
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]

You are not very smart.

From THE KNOT..... you know, the website you are on.....

<a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/bridal-party/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/bridal-party/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx</a>

doalittlejig

The maid/matron of honor is part worker bee, part emotional lifeboat. Chosen for your energetic, get-the-ball-in-motion qualities, you should also remember that listening to the bride, making her laugh, and offering emotional and logistical support are also part of your honor attendant package. Here's what's expected:

• Lead the bridesmaid troupe. It's the maid/matron of honor's (MOH) job to direct the other maids through their duties. Make sure everyone gets their bridesmaid dresses, go to dress fittings, and find the right jewelry. Also provide them with the 411 on all prewedding parties.
• Help shop for dresses (the bride's and the bridesmaids'). And the MOH pays for her own entire wedding outfit (including shoes).
• Offer to help the bride with prewedding tasks, from addressing invites to choosing the wedding colors and nodding enthusiastically when she waxes poetic about wedding cake.
• Spread the news about where the bride and groom are registered.
• Help the bride change for her honeymoon and take charge of her gown after the ceremony. Arrange for storage in a safe place until she returns.
• Lend an ear. Whether it's about the planning, the marriage, or the registry china patterns, the MOH should assure the bride that she has someone with whom she can share her thoughts. Even if she seems to dwell on the same subjects repeatedly, the MOH keeps listening.
  
• Host or cohost a bridal shower for the bride.
• Attend all prewedding parties.
• Keep a record of all the gifts received at various parties and showers (or delegate a bridesmaid to handle this).
• Plan the bachelorette party with the bridesmaids.
• See to it that all bridesmaids get to the rehearsal; coordinate transportation and lodging, if necessary.
• Make sure that all bridesmaids get their hair and makeup done, get to the ceremony on time, and have the correct bouquets.
• Hold the groom's ring during the ceremony. Safest place to put it? On your thumb.
• Arrange the bride's train and veil before the ceremony begins and just after she arrives at the altar. The MOH might also need to help her bustle the train for easy dancing at the reception.
• Hold the bride's bouquet while the couple exchanges vows.
• Sign the marriage license as a witness, along with the best man.
• Stand next to the groom in the receiving line (this is optional; the bride may decide to have attendants circulate among the guests instead).
• Play hostess along with the other bridesmaids at frequent points during the reception: show guests where to sit, direct them to restrooms, tell them to where to put presents, invite them to sign the guest book, etc.
• Collect any gift envelopes brought to the reception and keep them in a safe place.
• Make sure the bride takes a moment to eat something -- refresh her drink, get her a plate of food from the buffet table, or instruct the wait staff to keep her entree warm.
• Dance with the best man during the formal first-dance sequence and possibly be announced with him at the beginning of the party. Also dance with other groomsmen, the groom, and others.
• Toast the couple after the best man. (This is optional, but it is a nice touch.)
• Troubleshoot emotional crises. In most cases, this will require lots of tissues, hugging, and hair-smoothing. The MOH continues to be a trusted friend, a good listener, and a smart advisor.
• Keep the bride laughing. For the stressed-out bride, laughter can be as effective as venting.

dumdumfroggie

Oh, I guess there was no sarcasm. Awesome.

Doalittlejig - the Knot's "advice" is not always very good.  BMs and MOHs are not required to do anything if they don't want to.  Most do because they are good friends of the bride and want her to be happy.

doalittlejig

please notice its right there on the list.  "Host or cohost a bridal shower for the bride."

& a lot of other things that aren't "buy a dress and show up."

Now that I am done educating the less intelligent among us, dance off anyone?

sparent2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-how-to-ask-for-a-bridal-shower-or-bachlerette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:87ad807a-3781-42c0-951f-e392d06136afPost:5c10d2b5-99e9-4fcb-9af1-918bd677280b">Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party? : You are not very smart. From THE KNOT..... you know, the website you are on..... <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/bridal-party/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/bridal-party/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx</a>
Posted by doalittlejig[/QUOTE]

The Knot is not that great at giving good etiquette advice but nice try-

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-how-to-ask-for-a-bridal-shower-or-bachlerette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:87ad807a-3781-42c0-951f-e392d06136afPost:6b1aee0f-0c91-4d0c-a12b-5e2af4c055da">Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]please notice its right there on the list.  "Host or cohost a bridal shower for the bride." & a lot of other things that aren't "buy a dress and show up." Now that I am done educating the less intelligent among us, dance off anyone?
Posted by doalittlejig[/QUOTE]

<div>That's because TK is a company and wants women to think they must spend money hosting showers and parties in order to be a good MOH/BM, but that's not true. The wedding industry is behind that list, and doesn't care if you piss off your friends and family in the process. </div>

Megbo2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-how-to-ask-for-a-bridal-shower-or-bachlerette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87ad807a-3781-42c0-951f-e392d06136afPost:7788c990-4005-408b-97ab-ac0743ff55cf">Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]The maid/matron of honor is part worker bee, part emotional lifeboat. Chosen for your energetic, get-the-ball-in-motion qualities, you should also remember that listening to the bride, making her laugh, and offering emotional and logistical support are also part of your honor attendant package. Here's what's expected: Lead the bridesmaid troupe. It's the maid/matron of honor's (MOH) job to direct the other maids through their duties. Make sure everyone gets their   bridesmaid dresses , go to dress fittings, and find the right jewelry. Also provide them with the 411 on all prewedding parties. Help shop for dresses (the bride's and the bridesmaids'). And the MOH pays for her own entire wedding outfit (including shoes). Offer to help the bride with prewedding tasks, from addressing invites to  choosing the wedding colors   and nodding enthusiastically when she waxes poetic about   wedding cake . Spread the news about where the bride and groom are registered. Help the bride change for her honeymoon and take charge of her gown after the ceremony. Arrange for storage in a safe place until she returns. Lend an ear. Whether it's about the planning, the marriage, or the   registry china patterns , the MOH should assure the bride that she has someone with whom she can share her thoughts. Even if she seems to dwell on the same subjects repeatedly, the MOH keeps listening. Host or cohost a  bridal shower   for the bride. Attend all prewedding parties. Keep a record of all the gifts received at various parties and showers (or delegate a bridesmaid to handle this). Plan the bachelorette party with the bridesmaids. See to it that all bridesmaids get to the rehearsal; coordinate transportation and lodging, if necessary. Make sure that all bridesmaids get their hair and makeup done, get to the ceremony on time, and have the correct bouquets. Hold the groom's ring during the ceremony. Safest place to put it? On your thumb. Arrange the bride's train and veil before the ceremony begins and just after she arrives at the altar. The MOH might also need to help her bustle the train for easy dancing at the reception. Hold the bride's bouquet while the couple exchanges vows. Sign the marriage license as a witness, along with the best man. Stand next to the groom in the receiving line (this is optional; the bride may decide to have attendants circulate among the guests instead). Play hostess along with the other bridesmaids at frequent points during the reception: show guests where to sit, direct them to restrooms, tell them to where to put presents, invite them to sign the guest book, etc. Collect any gift envelopes brought to the reception and keep them in a safe place. Make sure the bride takes a moment to eat something -- refresh her drink, get her a plate of food from the buffet table, or instruct the wait staff to keep her entree warm. Dance with the best man during the formal first-dance sequence and possibly be announced with him at the beginning of the party. Also dance with other groomsmen, the groom, and others. Toast the couple after the best man. (This is optional, but it is a nice touch.) Troubleshoot emotional crises. In most cases, this will require lots of tissues, hugging, and hair-smoothing. The MOH continues to be a trusted friend, a good listener, and a smart advisor. Keep the bride laughing. For the stressed-out bride, laughter can be as effective as venting.
Posted by doalittlejig[/QUOTE]




LOL this is the worst thing I've ever seen ever.

MrsMack10612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-how-to-ask-for-a-bridal-shower-or-bachlerette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87ad807a-3781-42c0-951f-e392d06136afPost:6b1aee0f-0c91-4d0c-a12b-5e2af4c055da">Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]please notice its right there on the list.  "Host or cohost a bridal shower for the bride." & a lot of other things that aren't "buy a dress and show up." Now that I am done educating the less intelligent among us, dance off anyone?
Posted by doalittlejig[/QUOTE]

The Knot does not equate to good etiquette advice (see this is the ETIQUETTE board).  For good etiquette rules you need to consult places like Emily Post and Miss Manners.

doalittlejig

I am sure that crfb87 will be glad to now she is not the only unintelligent one here. Theirs a whole group of you right in this thread.

Megbo2012

I thought that jigjag was joking too dumdum. Whoops. Guess I'm just used to our humor. No need to name call, jigalig. I think it's silly to call someone unintelligent for not believing everything they read on the Internet.

mbody

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-how-to-ask-for-a-bridal-shower-or-bachlerette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:87ad807a-3781-42c0-951f-e392d06136afPost:5c10d2b5-99e9-4fcb-9af1-918bd677280b">Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party? : You are not very smart. From THE KNOT..... you know, the website you are on..... <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/bridal-party/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx">http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/bridal-party/articles/maid-of-honor-duties-in-detail.aspx</a>
Posted by doalittlejig[/QUOTE]
Would you honestly print this out, highlight it, and give it out to your MOH and BMs? I sure hope not.

Just because it's on the knot, doesn't make it correct.

OP, don't throw yourself any pre-wedding parties.

Matty143

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-how-to-ask-for-a-bridal-shower-or-bachlerette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:87ad807a-3781-42c0-951f-e392d06136afPost:182fb938-a7b2-44dc-bda8-62dea966c482">Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am sure that crfb87 will be glad to now she is not the only unintelligent one here. <strong>Theirs</strong> a whole group of you right in this thread.
Posted by doalittlejig[/QUOTE]

Ha!

Megbo2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-how-to-ask-for-a-bridal-shower-or-bachlerette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87ad807a-3781-42c0-951f-e392d06136afPost:182fb938-a7b2-44dc-bda8-62dea966c482">Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am sure that crfb87 will be glad to now she is not the only unintelligent one here. Theirs a whole group of you right in this thread.
Posted by doalittlejig[/QUOTE]



Ok and now you are just baiting me with the incorrect use of their/there. Damn you jigglypuff!

dumdumfroggie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-how-to-ask-for-a-bridal-shower-or-bachlerette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:87ad807a-3781-42c0-951f-e392d06136afPost:182fb938-a7b2-44dc-bda8-62dea966c482">Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am sure that crfb87 will be glad to now she is not the only unintelligent one here. <strong>Theirs </strong>a whole group of you right in this thread.
Posted by doalittlejig[/QUOTE]

<div>If you're going to insult people's intelligence, at least use proper spelling and grammar.</div>

mbody

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-how-to-ask-for-a-bridal-shower-or-bachlerette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:87ad807a-3781-42c0-951f-e392d06136afPost:6b1aee0f-0c91-4d0c-a12b-5e2af4c055da">Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]please notice its right there on the list.  "Host or cohost a bridal shower for the bride." & a lot of other things that aren't "buy a dress and show up." Now that I am done educating the less intelligent among us, dance off anyone?
Posted by doalittlejig[/QUOTE]
Ew

sparent2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-how-to-ask-for-a-bridal-shower-or-bachlerette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:87ad807a-3781-42c0-951f-e392d06136afPost:182fb938-a7b2-44dc-bda8-62dea966c482">Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am sure that crfb87 will be glad to now she is not the only unintelligent one here. Theirs a whole group of you right in this thread.
Posted by doalittlejig[/QUOTE]

Lol

Thank you for educating us, I now see the light.

You might feel more at home over at the Weddingbee.

doalittlejig

I made the mistake on purpose so those less-intelligent would be able to understand the post. 

And my name's not jigglypuff so stop calling names or I'll report you to the moderaters.

Megbo2012

Littlebigjig I'm like bffs with the mods here. One of them even sent me chocolates, I'm that insanely popular. And now you are boring me.

ceh789

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-how-to-ask-for-a-bridal-shower-or-bachlerette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:87ad807a-3781-42c0-951f-e392d06136afPost:9b762a3f-1c08-4931-bfb7-63813e9aa309">Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]IOP, there are no duties of a BM or MOH.  Buy the dress, show up on the wedding day.  That's it.
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]
Well I disagree with that.  The MOH also holds the bride's bouquet during the ceremony.

doalittlejig

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-how-to-ask-for-a-bridal-shower-or-bachlerette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87ad807a-3781-42c0-951f-e392d06136afPost:aa93a875-6ce6-4339-8058-5d0c0823e232">Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]Littlebigjig I'm like bffs with the mods here. One of them even sent me chocolates, I'm that insanely popular. And now you are boring me.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

Geniunley curious, why are you so obnoxious. I wasnt even directing anything at you and you got all jerky.

And namecalling.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_help-how-to-ask-for-a-bridal-shower-or-bachlerette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87ad807a-3781-42c0-951f-e392d06136afPost:8b8d6ab5-9c78-4f88-9e3f-2c140e82c432">Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: help! how to ask for a bridal shower or bachlerette party? : Well I disagree with that.  The MOH also holds the bride's bouquet during the ceremony.
Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]

My MOH is my brother - he's informed me he will not be holding "[my] big weird girly flowers."  But in general, yes.

Oh, and jigglypuff, seriously?  BMs (and MOHs) are supposed to be your friends, not your wedding minions. 

ETA: And jig, if you actually look at this thread, you're the <em>only</em> one in it who has called anyone by a name that is actually offensive.  Idiot.  (Oh wait, now there's two of us who have called people offensive names.)