Bachelorette Party Guest List?

kimiandgary

I have lived in Oregon for the last 8 years or so, but via FB have kept in contact with friends back home (CA). My wedding is in CA and since my BM's are all over the country, they have decided to throw the bachelorette party on the Thursday before the wedding when we will all be together. None of us are huge partiers so I'm not worried about it getting out of hand.

My question is, do I invite friends from high school to the bachelorette party since we will be in town? Most aren't invited to the wedding, but a few expressed interest in coming out celebrate. I'm not sure what the etiquette is here....

kcscejal

Only invite people who are also invited to the wedding.

lalaweddingdiva

Gentle rule is to invite only people u know are being invited to wedding. But, if you are having a really small wedding it might work. My FI and I have been invited to a few bachelor/êtte parties and not wedding when the wedding was small (50 or less). One bride had 8 brothers and sisters, so them and their significant others were almost half guest list. Neither of us were offended and had a fun time at the parties. if this is your only chance to see these friends in a long time and u miss them, go for it!

lalaweddingdiva

I don't know why it says "gentle"iPad!!

Habs2Hart

Lalaweddings, you are wrong.  Stop posting bad advice. 

myname1234

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-guest-list-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87d919e1-6ec4-4fed-a7df-f4d28a173d58Post:4cb67e84-2241-4eac-9aec-0eb220fcf89c">Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List?</a>:
[QUOTE]Gentle rule is to invite only people u know are being invited to wedding. But, if you are having a really small wedding it might work. My FI and I have been invited to a few bachelor/êtte parties and not wedding when the wedding was small (50 or less). One bride had 8 brothers and sisters, so them and their significant others were almost half guest list. Neither of us were offended and had a fun time at the parties. <strong>if this is your only chance to see these friends in a long time and u miss them, go for it!
</strong>Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]

Going to respectfully disagree.  You don't invite people to pre-wedding festivities unless they are invited to the wedding.  You can use this trip home to visit them, but make it not wedding related (as in have a mini-reunion or girls night out...just don't call it your bachelorette party)

goobersinlove

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-guest-list-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87d919e1-6ec4-4fed-a7df-f4d28a173d58Post:ee8fc476-ebd1-405f-acb8-273646fd6b61">Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List? : I will post whatever I feel
Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]

The OP specifically asked what the <u>etiquette</u> is, and you posted the exact opposite of what is right etiquette-wise.

Meegles4

Lala is wrong. Don't invite them to the b-party. If you want to see them, make other plans that aren't wedding-related.

Wheels987

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-guest-list-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:87d919e1-6ec4-4fed-a7df-f4d28a173d58Post:9609af27-c3ca-4c96-bc36-1174736d19dc">Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List? : Going to respectfully disagree.  You don't invite people to pre-wedding festivities unless they are invited to the wedding.  You can use this trip home to visit them, but make it not wedding related (as in have a mini-reunion or girls night out...just don't call it your bachelorette party)
Posted by myname1234[/QUOTE]

This. It's a little awkward to be invited to pre-wedding activities if you're not invited to the wedding. But you should make a point to say hello, just with a different outing.

mbody

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-guest-list-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:87d919e1-6ec4-4fed-a7df-f4d28a173d58Post:ee8fc476-ebd1-405f-acb8-273646fd6b61">Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List? : I will post whatever I feel
Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]
But, posting incorrect etiquette doesn't help the OP.

No one should be invited to prewedding parties if they aren't invited to the wedding.

OP, you can skip the whole bachelorette party- No sash, crown, penis stuff, ect. and just go out for dinner/drinks or whatever that night and invite them. Just don't call it a b-party.

lalaweddingdiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-guest-list-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87d919e1-6ec4-4fed-a7df-f4d28a173d58Post:c8f7203f-0765-4364-9aaa-9f5b566c8059">Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List? : This. It's a little awkward to be invited to pre-wedding activities if you're not invited to the wedding. But you should make a point to say hello, just with a different outing.
Posted by Wheels987[/QUOTE]



Exactly! So if the friends know they didn't get an invite and aren't going, and want to go anyway...what's the harm?

Meegles4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-guest-list-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87d919e1-6ec4-4fed-a7df-f4d28a173d58Post:d89c4d68-375d-4f2c-ae93-b9345aa70541">Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List?</a>:
[QUOTE]Its going ou a few nights before wedding, I see it as a girls night out probably with some penis themed party and not a real bachelorette party. If her friends know they're not on guest list and want to go anyway it's fine! The whole point of only inviting ppl at bacheloette is so they don't expect and become disappointed/ have hurt feelings when they don't receive one. The point is to avoid hurting feelings, ie sending message " you're good enough for this party but not the real party". If they don't care, and want to come its not a big deal.
Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]

Is this English? Because I have no idea what it says.

ETA: The "harm" in inviting people to a WR party that aren't invited to the wedding is that the party is about and RELATED to the wedding. So, someone might ask themselves "how come it's OK that I come to a party (and likely give a gift), but I'm not invited to the real thing?"

There's a difference between a b-party and a girls night out. The girls night out isn't centered around a wedding. A b-party is.

lalaweddingdiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-guest-list-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87d919e1-6ec4-4fed-a7df-f4d28a173d58Post:b15606f7-d06f-4694-a653-3e11fb64913b">Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List? : Is this English? Because I have no idea what it says. ETA: The "harm" in inviting people to a WR party that aren't invited to the wedding is that the party is about and RELATED to the wedding. So, someone might ask themselves "how come it's OK that I come to a party (and likely give a gift), but I'm not invited to the real thing?" There's a difference between a b-party and a girls night out. The girls night out isn't centered around a wedding. A b-party is.
Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]



Wow things in Michigan are worse than Michael Moore says, the schools don't even teach people to read!

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-guest-list-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87d919e1-6ec4-4fed-a7df-f4d28a173d58Post:5eee2732-00e2-4a4e-8663-1e5197e02bd4">Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List? : She might not have a choice what she wears her friends are going to show up with these items and make her wear them because it's funny !
Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]

Are you 12?

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-guest-list-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87d919e1-6ec4-4fed-a7df-f4d28a173d58Post:51a7df80-43b3-4620-8a5c-36832b46b198">Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List? : Sorry I'm not a huge c word no wonder why The divorce rate keeps increasing!
Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]

What?  That does not make sense.  Are you calling me a cuunt and telling me I'm divorced?  I'm not divorced.  I'm happily married, thanks for asking though.

lalaweddingdiva

Op, these girls are no fun. Go for it especially if your only free night while in town is that Thurs, and your hs friends are fun people who invited themselves because they don't care about wedding invite.

Meegles4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-guest-list-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87d919e1-6ec4-4fed-a7df-f4d28a173d58Post:feefc553-6dc2-4484-a3bd-653e35ef77bd">Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List? : Wow things in Michigan are worse than Michael Moore says, the schools don't even teach people to read!
Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]

Things are so great here that I learned how to read and even learned how to construct actual sentences and properly type them on a keyboard.

Habs2Hart

I think the OP is smart enough to realize the good advice and take it, the advice she asked for that pertained to etiquette, not the one who thinks "SQUEEE!  Penis straws are like SO hilarious!"

lalaweddingdiva

You all are SO petty and rude. Divorce rate prediction for mean girls on this board is 80% within 5 years.

mbody

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-guest-list-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:87d919e1-6ec4-4fed-a7df-f4d28a173d58Post:5eee2732-00e2-4a4e-8663-1e5197e02bd4">Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List? : She might not have a choice what she wears her friends are going to show up with these items and make her wear them because it's funny !
Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]
Um, she most certainly does have a choice in what she wears.

What kind of friends do you have?

Habs2Hart

Yes ranchers, after she flicked off the history channel with the documentary on Queen Elizabeth or whoever she said started etiquette.

diva - We aren't mean, you're just acting clueless and we call people out on bad advice.  You were the one who called me a cuunt.  Remember that.

lalaweddingdiva

My friends are fun people who will show up with fun souvenirs and put a crown on my head and a shot in my hand. Thank gd my friends don't have giant tree trunks stuck up their butts. Maybe I recently had surgery and am stuck in bed with an iPad and it's hard for me to type? And I watch discovery channel all day because I'm bored?

lalaweddingdiva

Ps I didn't call u that, I said I wasn't one

srfgirlie5

I think you should invite anyone you want. It's YOUR bachelorette party. Don't let anyone rain on your parade. This is ALL ABOUT YOU.

lalaweddingdiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-guest-list-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87d919e1-6ec4-4fed-a7df-f4d28a173d58Post:a55afb3a-1b30-4e94-8a5a-234dd2a1f651">Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should invite anyone you want. It's YOUR bachelorette party. Don't let anyone rain on your parade. This is ALL ABOUT YOU.
Posted by srfgirlie5[/QUOTE]



Agree except all about u part. Your friends who have invited themselves and know they are not invited to wedding just want to see you and have fun. You will not hurt their feelings by including them in a fun night that happens to be wedding related.

srfgirlie5

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-guest-list-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87d919e1-6ec4-4fed-a7df-f4d28a173d58Post:b603cbfd-e32c-4209-8ac1-a9f6326f4b6a">Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List? : <strong>Agree except all about u part.</strong> Your friends who have invited themselves and know they are not invited to wedding just want to see you and have fun. You will not hurt their feelings by including them in a fun night that happens to be wedding related.
Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]

But it IS all about her. It's HER wedding. They wouldn't be having this GTG unless SHE was getting married. I say she needs to fly her flag and fly it HARD! Yeah babay!

shadowkat08

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-guest-list-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:87d919e1-6ec4-4fed-a7df-f4d28a173d58Post:b603cbfd-e32c-4209-8ac1-a9f6326f4b6a">Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List? : Agree except all about u part. Your friends who have invited themselves and know they are not invited to wedding just want to see you and have fun. You will not hurt their feelings by including them in a fun night that happens to be wedding related.
Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]

<div>How will inviting them to the bachelorette party, but <em>not</em> to the wedding, not hurt their feelings?</div><div>
</div><div>"Hey, you're cool enough to hang with me now, but you can't come to the huge party I'm having or see me get married." Don't know about you, but I'd be kinda hurt. And pissed. But mostly hurt.</div>

Habs2Hart

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-guest-list-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87d919e1-6ec4-4fed-a7df-f4d28a173d58Post:b033dabe-ea85-4eda-9e43-b20fe3186873">Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ps I didn't call u that, I said I wasn't one
Posted by lalaweddingdiva[/QUOTE]

You think you're oh so clever.  Nobody called you a cuunt, but you responded saying you weren't one and something about divorce rates?  You think that'd fly under the radar?

A loosely veiled direct insult is still an insult. 

sparent2010

Weddingdiva stop being so fucking stupid all the time. 

OP invite people who are invited to the wedding.

lalaweddingdiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-guest-list-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87d919e1-6ec4-4fed-a7df-f4d28a173d58Post:2311e562-f61c-4e91-88b0-203cc81e2f99">Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List? : But it IS all about her. It's HER wedding. They wouldn't be having this GTG unless SHE was getting married. I say she needs to fly her flag and fly it HARD! Yeah babay!
Posted by srfgirlie5[/QUOTE]



Personally I would have a fun get together at some point regardless of the wedding bc that's just how I am. It is her bachelorette and I agree she should invite whoever she wants. I think she posted on here bc she wanted to get feedback/see if it's appropriate. The "rule" says no, but I think in light of her circumstances living far away and friends expressed interest in wanting to come out, I think nobody will be upset by the fact they are not on guest list. Kudos to you for doing what u want and not letting party poopers rain on the parade.

lalaweddingdiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bachelorette-party-guest-list-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:87d919e1-6ec4-4fed-a7df-f4d28a173d58Post:6a5fb76c-64da-4420-935f-680f59b3efd0">Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bachelorette Party Guest List? : How will inviting them to the bachelorette party, but not  to the wedding, not hurt their feelings? "Hey, you're cool enough to hang with me now, but you can't come to the huge party I'm having or see me get married." Don't know about you, but I'd be kinda hurt. And pissed. But mostly hurt.
Posted by shadowkat08[/QUOTE]



If you read her post it says they are not invited to wedding but want to see her when she's in town by coming to b-party. Based on what she wrote, it seems like they didn't get an invite and know she's gonna be in town and want anyway.