AE: I want to call off my wedding

jenajjthr

I won't say I'm happy for you, what you are going through is too painful for that.  What I will say is that I'm proud of you.  What you did took an amazing amout of strength.  It will be one of the hardest things you will ever do.  Standing up to men like that is not easy.  It shows a lot on who you are as a person.  You know deep down that you have worth and value and that you deserve a man who shows it to you, daily.  Take that sense of self pride and make a wonderful new life for yourself. 

On the cautionary side....he may suddenly "change" and become the man you "know" he can be and ask for a second chance.  My ex told me time and time again to leave, he didn't want to be married, he wouldn't stop cheating since our marriage was technically over, etc.  He never believed I would actually leave him and break up the family.  Then I did and he realized he had lost control over me.  That's when he wanted a second chance, would change.  I told him I had doubts and wanted to see it as proof, not just his words.  I wanted him to cut out all the women in his life that he had cheated on me with (yes he loved to keep them as "friends").  He said no, only if I stopped dating as well.  I refused.  I needed him to show me that he could give up these people and not keep them for the ego boost they gave him.  I didn't ask him not to date, just stop contact with the women he had slept with while we were still together.  

He couldn't do it, he told me why should he stop something if I wasn't giving him anything.  It didn't matter that it was the right thing to do, he would only do it if I cut myself off from dating.  Again I had to accept him on his conditions.  Since I didn't I was made out to be the bad guy when I filed for divorce.  I was the one ending the marriage, breaking up the family, hurting the kids.   

Your guy may or may not do the same.  Suddenly "wake up" and realize what he lost.  It may be true and it may not.  If he does this to you, have a list of "musts" that he has to agree too, counseling being first on the list.  Stay home with your parents, don't move back in, and take it extremely slow.....like a minimum of 6 months of showing you that he is becoming a better person.  Most people can fake it for awhile, but not for extended periods of time. 

Good Luck.  Please PM if you ever need to chat. 

Lisa50

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ae-want-call-off-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:88746fc6-f8b8-44a3-9c55-05951d5b9430Post:95a6329f-f1b0-49de-ba06-3621a807d7f2">Re: AE: I want to call off my wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to AE: I want to call off my wedding : If the thought of marrying my H had make me want to puke, that would be a big sign something wasn't right.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

Seriously!  No question about it.

OP -- get out now.  It will be much easier than moving forward with the wedding and then realizing you should have walked.  Good luck!

SMac4690

You have one life to live (if your beliefs follow), do you really want to spend it feeling like you do? In my opinion you should absolutely call it off, there are so many men out there that would be perfect for you and treat you with respect and to  love you for who you are. Not to mention this situation sounds like it is causing you a lot of stress which is NOT healthy physically or emotionally. Please don't go through with it, call it off its not right. I am so sorry you are going through this and wish you only the best.

missy68

Hey guys, read the posts. Don't just post. She's already made her decision.

LDYGTR13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ae-want-call-off-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:88746fc6-f8b8-44a3-9c55-05951d5b9430Post:56e86885-7f85-45b7-a54a-27fe56bff9cd">Re: AE: I want to call off my wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey guys, read the posts. Don't just post. She's already made her decision.
Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]

Read the posts? Why would I do that? I can read the OP and safely assume that she hasn't gotten the thuper spetial advice I've given and I'm the only one who can change her mind! ME!

J/k, j/k.

...I think I woke up on the biitchy side of the bed today ;-)

missy68

LDY, you're a smartass.

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ae-want-call-off-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:88746fc6-f8b8-44a3-9c55-05951d5b9430Post:56e86885-7f85-45b7-a54a-27fe56bff9cd">Re: AE: I want to call off my wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey guys, read the posts. Don't just post. She's already made her decision.
Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]

Oh Missy, you and your logic. It wouldn't be the Knot if there weren't a million people rushing into a post at the end and posting their oh-so-important contributions long after the decision has been made.

missy68

Dammit. I only pull out my logic on Friday mornings, Sarah. It will disappear by probably 10 AM. Then, once I get home, it's all dog logic. And I think we know how that works, when the dog is one who chews up shoes, mechanical pencils and plastic forks and the visor of a motorcycle helmet, but only sniffs at pizza or a sandwich (but wants it really bad).

kmmssg

I just read your post where you said it is over.  I am so sorry for your pain and what you are going through, but you are blessed beyond words to have such a wonderful family and friends.

They will help you through this.  You are so strong and fortunate to have made this decision now.  It would have been 10 times worse if you had gone through with the wedding.

I wish you the best.

Secretgurl9

Good for you! This is something you needed to do for YOU and you did it. Congrats! Now, take some "you" time. Get a massage, do something you've always wanted to do but never had a chance, something. There will be times where you miss being with him, but this will pass and someday you'll find a guy that's perfect for you. Keep us posted and take care of yourself.

shannon&grant

First of all I am very sorry to hear you are in this situation. What I am about to say below does not carry a hidden message about what you should do. I know you have a very difficult decision to make. I personally would cancel. How you handle your relationship from there I would say depends on his response.

Those who are absolutly shocked by this. Yes you should be and it is a horrible thing to feel the way she does. But also remember, while your situation may not be the same as hers I PROMISE there will be a time in your marriage when you feel exactly the way she does now. Like you want to get out and you can't take it anymore and you don't know what to do. Don't be surprised when it comes! It WILL happen probably more than once. That is what you are getting yourself into when you get married. Staying strong and loyal through those hard times. FOR BETTER OR WORSE! What makes a couple last is knowing those times will come and being ready and REFUSING TO GIVE UP! You can work through it and be happier for it but no matter how perfect your relationship is you will face those feelings.