I have two questions, as you will see while reading this.
I live in WI. My husband and I do not have much disposable income.
My sister and her husband are quite wealthy and live in an extremely large, expensive home in NJ. She does not work. One of her two sons, who also lives in NJ, is 29 and is getting married for the second time; he has an almost nine year old son from his first marriage.
We "attended" his first wedding by cell phone. My parents, in their 80's at the time, were too ill/frail to make the trip back to NJ for the wedding so by an arranged plan on both ends, a cell phone was placed near the bride and groom during the ceremony so that we could hear the whole thing here in WI. They got married because she was pregnant. No one in my family really approved of the young woman (my sister more than anyone; the bride-to-be was wild and had a rather colorful lifestyle, to put it mildly). As such, it was a very small (but elegant) garden wedding.
Now, my much-loved nephew has become engaged to a lovely girl and the wedding will be held in an historical inn's gardens with about 150 guests.
My husband and I, after comparing the cost of flying to NJ and renting a car against driving there from WI found it is more cost effective for us to drive; still not cheap by any means, just cheaper than flying and car rental.
This entails driving the 20 hour, one way trip without stopping for the night to pay for a hotel, both there and back. My husband's employer pays a small hourly wage and then according to production rates, so his paycheck for the week we are gone will be very, very small. I am disabled and have a fixed income. We have two dogs we will have to board while gone. Gas and meals while traveling and in NJ, along with the wedding gift, which will be a generous amount of money, will stretch us to our limits.
My sister advised me via email last night that we will not be able to stay at her home while we are there, because her other son and his girlfriend are flying in from CO and staying with them. Their home has five bedrooms. It will be my sister, her husband and her son and his girlfriend but no room for us?. Hotels nearby are at least $150 per night, which puts us way, way past the money we have available to us to make this trip. I should also mention that there will be no other guests or family traveling to the wedding from out of state, so it is not a case where they are being inundated with requests to stay at their home.
So here is the first question; if we decide not to attend, is it selfish and horrible of us? Should we dust off the credit card and charge a trip that we can't afford for the sake of my engaged nephew, of whom I am very fond?
As an alternative to attending we were thinking of sending a monetary wedding gift and also buying my nephew and his bride plane tickets to come to WI at their leisure and stay with us at our northwoods cabin, which sits on a pristine river. My nephew and his fiance love nature, hiking and fishing and have been longing for a chance to come here, and we would provide all of their ground transportation and meals during their visit. This way, we would spend quality, enjoyable time with my nephew and his new bride and do not have to deal with my sister at all.
My sister, through her rejection of us, has already ensured that there are hurt feelings on our end and friction that will no doubt last for a while. So here is the second question: am I asking too much by asking if the two of us can stay at her home for three or four days?
What I thought was going to be a joyous occasion and a wonderful visit has turned overnight into an ugly family situation. I know my sister will have a full plate with the wedding but all we are asking for is a bed. I don't know if I am having an emotional, knee-jerk reaction and need to give her space during such a busy time or if she is being an absolute jerk.
Carol in WI