Nasty Family Mess Over Nephew's Second Wedding (long)

s-aries8990

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nasty-family-mess-over-nephews-second-wedding-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89004a1d-9c99-49e2-8873-aeec92dde340Post:61ab1d6c-563b-48c4-b91c-1e927438ce92">Re: Nasty Family Mess Over Nephew's Second Wedding (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Because the wedding date is not finalized and the ff miles have to be scheduled or lost before September, when the wedding will be. Even if they are used to schedule flights for next year, that is OK but it has to be done in the next few weeks or they expire. I can't hardly book flights for a wedding that has no date yet, can I?  Finished explaining my life away.<strong> This topic is CLOSED</strong>. In Response to Re: Nasty Family Mess Over Nephew's Second Wedding (long) :
Posted by Hurt & Perplexed[/QUOTE]

Can you schedule and then reschedule?

And you can't direct the way others post.

STARMOON44

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nasty-family-mess-over-nephews-second-wedding-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89004a1d-9c99-49e2-8873-aeec92dde340Post:61ab1d6c-563b-48c4-b91c-1e927438ce92">Re: Nasty Family Mess Over Nephew's Second Wedding (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]Because the wedding date is not finalized and the ff miles have to be scheduled or lost before September, when the wedding will be. Even if they are used to schedule flights for next year, that is OK but it has to be done in the next few weeks or they expire. [/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Then how would you be able to give them to your nephew to come visit?  Often airline miles can also be used to reserve hotel rooms- have you looked into that option?  I'm also a neighbor of Bearnardsville, and I know you're right that the area is expensive, but it isn't too far to Morristown, that has somewhat reasonable options, and in a pinch you could stay at an airport hotel in Newark- not ideal I know, but if the wedding was an hour away from where you live, surely you'd drive home instead of getting a hotel anyway?</div><div>
</div><div>I think you're right, staying home is best if you're determined to be insulted.  However, while I would extend a warm invitation to your nephew and his bride to come visit, I wouldn't actually gift them the miles.  The first year of marriage can be a tricky one travel wise, as you balance splitting holidays between newly combined families, time off for a honeymoon, and maybe even a romantic weekend or two.  Although it seems like of course they should have time to visit you, it just may not be how they want to spend their time at the moment, and your gift might wind up just making them feel guilty.</div><div>
</div><div>I hope whatever you decide to do you can come to a more content place with your decision.

</div>

banana468

It sounds like you're harboring such a grudge with your sister so heavily that there's no way she could win here.

From how it sounds, she's a selfish person so why on Earth are you surprised and angry that she's doing something that seems to be in keeping with her character according to you?

RamonaFlowers

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nasty-family-mess-over-nephews-second-wedding-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89004a1d-9c99-49e2-8873-aeec92dde340Post:7308b944-0204-473f-b4d5-570c40c605d1">Re: Nasty Family Mess Over Nephew's Second Wedding (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>It sounds like you're harboring such a grudge with your sister so heavily that there's no way she could win here</strong>. From how it sounds, she's a selfish person so why on Earth are you surprised and angry that she's doing something that seems to be in keeping with her character according to you?
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]


I'm really starting to get the impression that if the sister HAD offered up a room in her house, OP would have been under the impression that her sister was doing it to flaunt how much money she had or something, and been just as upset over that.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nasty-family-mess-over-nephews-second-wedding-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89004a1d-9c99-49e2-8873-aeec92dde340Post:5fbc6f23-e214-4212-bdb4-afff7337965a">Re: Nasty Family Mess Over Nephew's Second Wedding (long)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Nasty Family Mess Over Nephew's Second Wedding (long) : I'm really starting to get the impression that if the sister HAD offered up a room in her house, OP would have been under the impression that her sister was doing it to flaunt how much money she had or something, and been just as upset over that.
Posted by RamonaFlowers[/QUOTE]

Or she would be upset at being sent to the guest house which has the cheaper towels.

I get that it's really selfish to go on vacation rather than see a dying parent.   My aunt's husband dealt with this issue with his sister when their father was dying.   She b!tched and moaned about being "owed" his dining room set and complained that she was too fatigued from a 4 hour drive to see her dad before he passed.    She's not a good person and doesn't get that you should be nice not just cause it may get you something later.   My uncle wrote her off and they haven['t spoken in years.    It's sad but he also does not look for other ways to be involved only to be upset again.

With the OP, I'm not understanding it.   Is she looking to try to have a relationship to salvage the last bond she has to her parents and to be with her sibling or is she looking to come up with a set of tally marks to show how awful the sister is.    This gets to be so tiring.

Stop coming up with ways that your sister sucks.    Either have a relationship with her or don't.   Don't stay in touch with her just so you get to add reasons to criticize her.

Dreamergirl8812

You're getting lost in the details. You said you can't afford to go. So don't. It would be damaging to your life. If you're close with your nephew he will understand.

Your sister's financial situation or your past are irrelevant. You're her freakin sister! Her home should be open to you (as long as you don't abuse that). Tell her you can't afford to go. Don't get into all the details. She sounds like a... nevermind.

Forgo the monetary gift. It would seem strange if you can't afford to go but sent a bunch of money. I think the best gift would be the airfare. That seems like a legitimate wedding gift to me: "I'm sorry I couldn't come to your weddings so come spend time with me and my family, on us."

ETA: I sympathize with OP and think she would have been fine if she had avoided all the judgement and just stuck to the facts ("I can't afford to go, blah blah blah"). But I didn't notice that her knot screen name is "hurt and perplexed?!" Woa...

Calypso1977

i didnt read all the posts, but i guess if you t hink you can afford to give a monetary gift and buy two plane ticekts for your nephew, why cant you afford gas and a hotel for 2 nights?

your sister is the mother of the groom.  she probably doesnt want or need additional houseguests beyond her own child at this hectic time.  you should nto expect to be able to stay with her or hold it against her for saying no. 

to cut expenses, do you have someone that can come and stay with your dogs rather than boarding them?  the dogs will be happier and you'll save a ton of $$.

if you can afford to go, great, but if you cant, then im sure your nephew will understand.