this board has been so helpful in the past (thank you!) and i have yet ANOTHER situation that I need a ruling on. I think I already know the answer, i kinda just need outsiders' perspective.
I used to be extremely close with a couple I babysat for. Well almost 2 years ago, the husband and I got into it BIG TIME. He was angry about something at work and took it out on the baby. I dont stand for child abuse. in any form.
well for months, his wife, my best friend at the time, wasnt "allowed" to talk to me. In that time they moved to another state, had another child. I met my FI and had a whole lot of changes in my life, basically not really the same person I had been when they knew me.
A couple of weeks ago, she gets in touch with me on FB (good ole facebook. smh) we chat about things, kinda like old times but I still have some hurt feelings, naturally. Not dwelling on it, just kinda "stand-off-ish" not really getting as close as I had been to them for a lot of reasons. Our conversations usually consist of her asking about wedding plans and then making fun of people we used to hang out with. a lot of negative energy. i'm trying to get the point across that I'm not into that these days.
We were talking the other day and she asked when I was sending out invitations, i had assumed (I know, there's the key word) that she would already understand that I would have no desire to see her husband let alone have him at my wedding (where my mother is likely to rip him limb for limb lol she's still angry ab what happened)
I thought that she was asking in general the way she had with a lot things, picking BM dresses, we googled cake ideas together, (i was googling, she joined in and sent me links..like i said shes states away) and we talked about all kinds of other details she's asked about and even has an opinion on how small our wedding is (only ab 70 people) everytime i mention the size (we dont need 8 ushers, its only 70 people) etc... so the term "small wedding" has been said alot.
Well I told her about 10 weeks out is when I had planned to send them. (we have vendors that need early headcounts).
of course she had an opinion on why that was wrong and too soon bc "people dont know but maybe a month before the wedding what they will be doing" well thats when vendors need headcounts so...10 weeks it is.
anywho here's my point. she then says "when you send me and (her husband) ours, send it to this address..."
holy cow.
i was distracted during the conversation for a lot reasons, so that kinda blindsided me a little. i was just like "Okay i gotta go (FI) just got home"
Here's what I'm thinking, because there is no way this man is coming to my wedding and she isnt the kind of woman to come without...then again she stayed with a man who abuses her child so I can't honestly say she's someone I want to be around anyway. We've only had like 3 conversations since she FB'ed me.
I'll just tell her "look, your husband and I have a rocky history, he is not someone I want there, for obvious reasons, and even if i did, my mom whos paying for (part of) the wedding would have big issues so im sorry, but you're not invited"
just kidding.
" I'm sorry our conversation got cut short that day. Mom's got the say-so for the guest list since she's footing the bill, and she has already finalized it."
oy that makes me sound like a little kid "mommy wont let me" thats no good.
whats a way to let her know that i miss the friendship we HAD but that we won't be that close again and I have no desire to have her husband there, so i wont be sending an invite? like politely? i don't want to hurt her feelings bc I know that she hasn't kept many friends. BUT...is that really my fault? no. not really.
Any help or insight is greatly appreciated. Sorry if my post is hard to follow.
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