problems with a moh

misscaitlin07

I know that i am having seven girls all together (4 cousins, my sister, FI sister, and my best friend.) 

Now the easiest solution would be my sister..but we don't get along. at all. and when we do its for a week at the most. i just do not feel close enough to have her as my moh. my mom was trying to guilt me about it for the longest time and how she has to be and all this other stuff. 

The second solution would be my best friend. But we have off and on fights and i would rather have security. (Im not asking anyone anything until it's much closer to the wedding)

I think i am going to end up going with one of my cousins who i am pretty close with i guess. We don't see each other much since she lives a few hours away but i feel like it would be the best choice.

I guess my questions are 1. what would you do?

and 2. Is it wrong not to have my sister as moh?

thanks in advance. 

andrea2473

You could always just not name anyone as MOH.  There are no rules that you have to have one.  And if you are having these thoughts about your best friend and sister, then you are wise to wait an ask them to be in the WP at all.

toothpastechica

I would pick the person you are closest to (sister or not sister)....but also take in consideration who is the most reliable....My bff is my MOH, but it was a hard choice between her and my sister because im closer to my sister, but because my sister is in school full time and is also 6 years younger then me and not friends with any one in the bridal party who are all closer to my age (she just graded highschool last spring, we are all mid to late 20's) i know my bff can handle organizing and has more time to plan stagettes, and volunteered to help me with any issues since she has been a MOH before and likes wedding stuff. Choose who you feel can both support you (at least emotionally), and is the person you would really say is your 'best girl' in life. Also with a year and 4 months to go, dont pick tooo soon if you are having doubts, you have a few months still before you have to worry about dresses or anything, its really only a question you (not your mom) can answer, make sure you are happy with your decision before telling anyone what it is.

MRSBJS

Well you're wedding party is typically your nearest and dearest right?

So pick the people you are closest to - there is no rule that says you have to have a MOH, and certainly you don't have to choose your sister if you do want one.

Also, you might want to re-think having your bff and sister in the wedding party if you don't get along with them.

DramaGeek

You've got a good 9 months until you need to worry about that.  Relationships can change a lot in 9 months.  Like the others have said, you don't even need to have an MOH.  And please don't take toothepastechica's advice - the MOH should be the person with whom you're closest, not the person who can do the most planning for/with you.

andrea2473

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_problems-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f0b85f2-8a2e-4cba-8547-ab7ed9827d89Post:8e4c4eaf-f011-428b-91bf-30b873676af7">Re: problems with a moh</a>:
[QUOTE]I would pick the person you are closest to (sister or not sister)....<strong>but also take in consideration who is the most reliable....</strong>My bff is my MOH, but it was a hard choice between her and my sister because<strong> im closer to my sister</strong>, but because my sister is in school full time and is also 6 years younger then me and not friends with any one in the bridal party who are all closer to my age (she just graded highschool last spring, we are all mid to late 20's<strong>) i know my bff can handle organizing and has more time to plan stagettes, and volunteered to help me with any issues since she has been a MOH before and likes wedding stuff. Choose who you feel can both support you (at least emotionally),</strong> and is the person you would really say is your 'best girl' in life. Also with a year and 4 months to go, dont pick tooo soon if you are having doubts, you have a few months still before you have to worry about dresses or anything, its really only a question you (not your mom) can answer, make sure you are happy with your decision before telling anyone what it is.
Posted by toothpastechica[/QUOTE]

I completely disagree with your logic.

OP, please do not base the decision on who can do what for you.  It is supposed to be an honor, not a job.  The only extra responsibility that a MOH has over other bridesmaids is holding your bouquet while you exchange rings.   That's pretty much it.  Anyone, BM, MOH, MOB, etc, who want to help or throw parties may, but no one is obligated to.  Pick who you are closest to, or don't pick anyone at all. 

MRSBJS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_problems-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f0b85f2-8a2e-4cba-8547-ab7ed9827d89Post:539c1b93-01a8-432f-a481-7d774410d5c0">Re: problems with a moh</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: problems with a moh : I completely disagree with your logic. OP, please do not base the decision on who can do what for you.  It is supposed to be an honor, not a job.  The only extra responsibility that a MOH has over other bridesmaids is holding your bouquet while you exchange rings.   That's pretty much it.  Anyone, BM, MOH, MOB, etc, who want to help or throw parties may, but no one is obligated to.  Pick who you are closest to, or don't pick anyone at all. 
Posted by andrea2473[/QUOTE]

OMG woman, you are in my head! I was just about to reply to that. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />

Yeah - OP, you don't pick your wedding party based on what they can do for you. They are not hired help, they are your loved ones. The ones you want standing next to you while you marry the person you love.

Andrea's advice is wise.

mollyehren

Bridesmaids and groomsman #'s do not have to be the same and I might be completely wrong but your post kind of insinsuates that you are not that close/friendly with several of your girls. You might consider scaling back your numbers. In the long run it will be easier to coordinate their schedules for stuff, not have near the drama amd be less costly.

chattychiqa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_problems-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f0b85f2-8a2e-4cba-8547-ab7ed9827d89Post:266af949-b4e1-4144-a590-d4ae8ce9d7eb">Re: problems with a moh</a>:
[QUOTE]Bridesmaids and groomsman #'s do not have to be the same and I might be completely wrong but your post kind of insinsuates that you are not that close/friendly with several of your girls. <strong>You might consider scaling back your numbers</strong>. In the long run it will be easier to coordinate their schedules for stuff, not have near the drama amd be less costly.
Posted by mollyehren[/QUOTE]

I'd definitely give this some thought if you've not asked anyone yet.  If you HAVE asked them, I'd be inclined to not have a MOH at all.  Any parties are purely a gift and not to be expected.  As far as wedding planning goes, if they want to help at all--that's awesome, but I woudn't go into it expecting my 'maids to be laborers either. 

misscaitlin07

Thank you so much to everyone who posted. It just helps to have opinions from other people. 

Maybe i can't post it as well as i want to. I get along with my best friend but there are always rough patches..i would definitely have her in the party because she is close with me.

my sister im not 100 percent sure. my mom told me she HAS to be in the wedding party and that i do not have a choice. 

chattychiqa

Is your mom paying?  I hate when things like this come with strings attached.

My older sister is a complete twat.  I can't imagine my mom trying to call the shots.

AlmostMrsStrong

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_problems-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f0b85f2-8a2e-4cba-8547-ab7ed9827d89Post:b676abb6-3c8f-40ae-9a0b-c362969ff591">Re: problems with a moh</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you so much to everyone who posted. It just helps to have opinions from other people.  Maybe i can't post it as well as i want to. I get along with my best friend but there are always rough patches..i would definitely have her in the party because she is close with me. my sister im not 100 percent sure. <strong>my mom told me she HAS to be in the wedding party and that i do not have a choice.</strong> 
Posted by misscaitlin07[/QUOTE]

<div>My grandma told me that if I ask one cousin to be a bridesmaid, I have to ask the other. Ended up working out because the cousin I wasn't going to ask is completely excited and being wonderful, but I know how it is. Sometimes it's easier to just do it and avoid family drama.</div>

rebarobert2012

It's fine not to have your sister as the MOH.  My sister isn't my MOH.  My best friend is.  Your MOH should be your nearest and dearest.  If that is not your sister, then you should ask someone else.

Also, as PPs said, you don't have to designate one girl as a MOH.  They can all just be bridesmaids.  It's up to you.

jemmini6

As far as keeping the peace, it probably is easier to include your sister in the WP (although it's not required), but she most definitely does NOT have to be your MOH. 

Your MOH should be the person you are closest to, not who can do the most for you as toothpastechica suggested, that's terrible advice.

specialk84

Definitely wait to ask anyone. You don't have to ask your sister, but it will probably save you a giant headache if you just do it.

Ditto PPs about not having a MOH. And contrary to Toothpaste's advice, your MOH doesn't actually have to do much. Mine flew out for my shower, picked out her dress and held my bouquet. That was about it, and I think she was fabulous.

Has Toothpaste ever given good advice on this board?

Kate61487

ditto PPs.  Take some time and think about it.  You don't have to have a MOH if no one jumps out as being the one you want; it certainly doesn't have to be your sister.  And sometimes smaller is better - it's cheaper and easier to coordinate for sure!

TiffannieF

-Definitely wait. 

-You don't have to have a MOH.

-You can more than 1 MOH.

-Just because your mom says you have to do something doesn't mean you have to, you are not 5 anymore.  FWIW, my cousin chose me as a BM in her wedding and not her 2 sisters.  Started some drama but they got over it and had a great time at the wedding.

-No relationship is perfect and just because you and your BFF are like that doesn't mean she wouldn't be there for you and be a great MOH...who knows it might strengenth your relationship.

-Do not set your expectations high for a MOH, if you do I'm 90% sure you will be disappointed. 

chrmun

What's a "stagette"?

ILoveToRobot

You're supposed to pick the person that your closest with. But like PP said you don't have to pick anyone really. I'm not a good example of choosing a MOH for the right reasons because I felt obligated to ask my sister. But what I did was have a Maid and Matron of honor. That way I could fulfill my "obligation" and choose someone for the right reasons.

misscaitlin07

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_problems-moh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f0b85f2-8a2e-4cba-8547-ab7ed9827d89Post:6ae4211e-9f34-478a-8046-f27eae5f6949">Re: problems with a moh</a>:
[QUOTE]Is your mom paying?  I hate when things like this come with strings attached. My older sister is a complete twat.  I can't imagine my mom trying to call the shots.
Posted by chattychiqa[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>She is definitely helping a lot money wise and i think that is my main problem.</div><div>There are a few things i would do different but i cannot because i am not doing this on my own. :[ </div>

HockeyFan4

one thing to just throw out there ( i don't have a sister, so this is pure speculation)....but I could see a shitstorm brewing in your family if you picked a cousin over your sister to be a MOH...just a thought