Baby Bump on the wedding day

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-bump-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f4fd415-fcde-414b-86bb-2ee030a28dc8Post:694174e0-eb72-4962-b6cf-ca40bcacf597">Re: Baby Bump on the wedding day</a>:
[QUOTE]They got engaged in August and had planned all along to have a short engagement, but I know that she worries people will think they just did it because she was pregnant and judge her for it. 
Posted by kate51485[/QUOTE]

One of my professors told me that she had a 6 week engagement. EVERYONE thought she was pregnant. Well, she's been married 20 years and is just now adopting her first child. ;-)

ThePinkSuperhero

It's dumb to worry about pregnancy rumors.  They're pretty easy to disprove!  Just continue to not be pregnant.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_baby-bump-wedding-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8f4fd415-fcde-414b-86bb-2ee030a28dc8Post:095daa6c-6b0a-459c-a384-1cfc02106923">Re: Baby Bump on the wedding day</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Baby Bump on the wedding day : I agree with this.  I would either move it up or wait until after the baby to get married. But I'd be pretty pissed if I couldn't have champagne at my own wedding.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Exactly.  I got terrified at about 5 months out that we'd have this problem.  Once we got to 3 months to go, I figured I wouldn't show, I'd have a sip or two for toasts, and it would be fine provided I didn't have morning sickness.  So I quit worrying about it.  And, with a month to go - still not pregnant, so MORE CHAMPAGNE FOR ME!  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-cool.gif" border="0" alt="Cool" title="Cool" />

ac_in_dc

It really depends on the situation I think.

DH and I had a contraceptive failure early in our relationship. He's adopted, and has really strong opinions against abortion as a result, so I didn't bring up the morning-after pill (I know it would have been difficult for him to handle), plus, I decided that I was mature enough that I would have been OK with an unplanned pregnancy regardless of how the relationship had progressed.

He's a traditional guy, though, and I bet he would have wanted to get married. Ugh, I'm really happy we didn't have to figure this out.

I wonder what I would have done? Probably go for some couples counseling to work through the decision? If we had decided to marry while pregnant, though, I think I would have still wanted my immediate family (19 people) and closest friends (maybe 10 people) there...I love them and would want them to be with me regardless of appearances.

mwhitson14

Hahaha squirrly, I was the SAME way!! I worried and worried until a couple months before. And the day of the wedding, we tossed back the champagne

samurai21

For myself I would never do it. If things were already in motion I would see what I could do to get my money back or postpone it.

For others I wouldn't judge depending on the situation. One friend was 7 mos pregnant at her wedding and looked great, and her family was totally supportive.

Then I have a cousin who got engaged, they found out his FI was about 2 mos pregnant, he threatened to leave and they called off the wedding, then decided to just move everything up and had about a 1 1/2 month engagement and still did the whole kit and kaboodle wedding. I judged. I also judge her because she dumped her husband brother because we was deploying and claimed she couldn't handle it, then immediately started dating now husband who was active duty and up for deployment.

Depends on the person I guess.

padburcd

If I got pregnant, we'd move up the wedding, but we're already engaged. (Plus, I've seen some super cute dresses, with draping in front, that make me look like I'm pregnant, so I'd just get one of those!)

I also think announcing your pregnancy at the (already planned) wedding is cute (obviously you wouldn't be showing yet).

Getting married JUST because you're pregnant is a HORRIBLE decision, that probably won't work out well for anyone involved.

nevin2010

It's not for us to judge others. Love of a child and mate is an individual preference and we, as outsiders, can truly only stand by and wish them the best.

JennaV26

I just attended the wedding of one of my best friends from home who found our she was pregnant... with TWINS!....  after dating her BF for only 4 months. It was definitely a shot gun wedding and there was no mistaking. It was kind of sad talking to her family and nothing ran right because it was put together on such short notice. The ceremony only lasted, seriously, 5 minutes because she's so pregnant she couldn't stand on her feet for very long.

I guess if you're planning your wedding and you get pregnant, just continue on like normal, you'll miss the chammy though!! And while I don't agree with getting married just because you're pregnant, it's better than some alternatives and who am I to judge?

moomasters

I got pregnant 3 months into our relationship. I miscarried. The whole situation was the best thing that ever happened to me because it made me realize he was the one for me. We continued to talk about our future together and how we both WANT babies and he proposed right after 1 year of being together. We're both a few years shy of 30, so we're both excited to start a family soon, and if that comes before or after our wedding so be it! He's my best friend and the man of my dreams and no one can take that from me.

My solution to the vanity of it: I bought a flowy wedding gown that is super comfortable and going to look great on me in any situation, whether we only make it to the courthouse or have a ceremony with family and friends! If you have true love in your heart for a child and the father of that child, who cares how other people feel on YOUR day???

serasvictoria

I don't judge other people who get married while pregnant, but personally for me I would cancel the wedding and just do a JOP. I would lose my deposits, but then I could use the rest of the money to furnish a nursery, stock up on clothes, formula, and diapers. Plus I would be able to pay my out of pocket expenses instead of being put on a payment plan. Then, for our 10-year anniversary I would have very fun vow renewal ceremony.

If I had fallen pregnant (love that phrase) before I got engaged I would just have put the child up for adoption (unless the father wanted it). It doesn't really have anything to do with traditional values, but more that until I met my fiance I didn't want to be tied down or responsible for anyone besides myself. I know that is selfish, but we all grow up someday and I am glad I finally did.

ica612

We moved our wedding up so that I WOULDN'T be pregant during the wedding.  It was originally scheduled for august 2011.  I was pregnant and due feb 2010 so we didn't want to get married with such a young baby.  I had her early and she passed away at 12 days old.  So we decided to move the wedding up a year, and our venue let us do this without losing any deposits, so that I don't have to wait so long to try again and don't have to worry about ending up pregnant at the time of the wedding.

That being said, my pregnancy had nothing to do with our engagement.  We have a 3 1/2 year old son, and when I got pregnant with him I was asked if we were going to get married, the answer was NO, I didn't want to get married because of a baby, I wanted to do it for the right reasons.  So 3 years later we got engaged.  Yes, he proposed when I was pregnant, but not BECAUSE I was pregnant.  We had discussed getting married, and we also tried to get pregnant.

So my wedding is planned around NOT being pregnant at the time of the wedding.

That being said, when I was pregnant and clearly engaged (with my diamond ring not accompanied by a band) people would comment on my ring being pretty, then look at my belly and I knew what they were thinking, though it had nothing to do with that.

On my wedding day I want to be comfortable, and I would like to be able to drink at the wedding (not trashy drinking, but having fun)

Tisha.

I WAS a baby bump at my parent's wedding, back in 1976.  lol  And, they DID only get married because of me.  However, they've been happily married for over 33 years now.

They are, unfortunately, the exception though.  But, I find it hard to pass judgement on someone, when I came from the same situation.  It's obviously not ideal, but why judge?  Offer your support, have a good time at the shin-dig, and wish them the best.

CelestialAxis

My 40-year-old cousin couldn't wait much longer to get pregnant, so they tried before the wedding.  She actually got pregnant easier than they thought she would, and was 8.5 months pregnant at the wedding.  She looked RADIANT.  They mainly wanted to be sure to be married first to keep his Mormon family happy, but they were getting married anyways so it doesn't really matter.  There was nothing wrong with it and I don't think they would have wanted it any other way.

Brenna33

Forget how you look at the wedding... I want to look thin and sexy for my husband on the honeymoon!

[Deleted User]

My friend had her baby last March...and they got married the following May.  But I think it's a personal choice.  Personally, I'd want to wait until after the baby was born.  It'd be nice to drink on my wedding day...plus you can get some awesome pictures of your brand new family!

playazsweetness

I don't think it is anyones business why the bride and groom decide to get married. If they want to get married because they're having a baby, they're grown adults and they can do whatever they want. Who cares if someone has a "baby bump"? Most people are engaged for a year + . Even at 8 months, they might have been engaged before she got pregnant. Don't pass judgement on people for being pregnant on their wedding day.

tkobelle

ME!!! I got pregnant a year after I got engaged (we wanted a long engagement of almost 2 years before the wedding) and when I realized what my expected due date was I decided against waddling down the aisle at 8 months pregnant. We chose to move the date and location to a more personal and informal setting. We are expecting our son to be born in the beginning of May and we moved our date to the end of July. Another reason for the move - I already had my dress before I got pregnant! It really wouldn't have fit if I kept my original date!

jcsamels

...I think it's stupid. Weddings are expensive. Babies are expensive. Why are we talking like we live in a vacuum and we're all super well-off. That being said, if I accidentally got pregnant while married, I'd put it up for adoption. I don't want kids until I'm ready. I'm wife #2 due to a shotgun wedding while they were in high school. Idiots. That woman's been married and divorced 3 times before she turned 30 and her 3rd husband didn't even know about the second one... bitter!

[Deleted User]

My sister-in-law became pregnant after they got engaged, and she looked very pretty anyways. I think it's fine (:

geordieboysgirl

Thirty and fourth years ago seven month pregnancies were quite common. "Yes, she got pregnant on the honeymoon. The baby came a little early."

It isn't our job to judge. Hopefully if you don't approve of someone else's situation you have the good manners to keep it to yourself or skip the wedding.

eebjvs11

I personally couldn't care less whether a bride is pregnant/not pregnant/showing or whatever on their wedding day because ultimately, if they are comfortable with it, then that's all that matters. It's THEIR wedding day.

jessnickel

I postponed my own wedding plans when I found out I was pregnant. Our son Caleb will be nine months old at our fall wedding this year. While I really don't think it's a bad idea and the pregnancy glow is impossible to recreate with makeup, I would suggest waiting for several reasons:
1. It is hard enough to find a dress that you love (especially in the maternity department)
2. Fatigue
3. While children are wonderful you probably want the focus of your big day on you not your bump
4. old-fashioned family members (not everyone thinks of babies as the blessing that they are)
 

andersonextreme

Well I must share that in November my Fiance and I got engaged.  We began making all of the plans and arrangments, we chose a location and even picked out the menu.  Not more than 2 months worth of plans before we discovered we would be trading our Bride Magazines for Pregnancy Magazines and baby books. 
We considered making the wedding sooner and smaller.  However, my first trimester was terrible with nausea, acid reflux, tired and feeling fatigued.  Last thing on my mind was planning a wedding.  Quickly my new priority was planning on for our new arrival.  We decided to get married with the court, have our baby and selected a new date after the baby to continue with our wedding.  My Fiance insists we have our wedding regardless of when we have it, we just have another person to add to our list of guests.  

melis5a

I got engaged after we found out I was pregnant. But it wasn't because I was pregnant. Its because we love each other. Thats why people get married. If people get married for the wrong reasons, then they will suffer the consequences(it won't work out). The thing is we got pregnant on purpose and people assume it was an accident because we aren't married. We were just ready. But people will assume incorrect things no matter what. I certainly don't think that a lucky guest of someone's private and special day whould be making judgement calls about the couple's choices. Its their lives and they chose to include you in the celebration of it. IF you wouldn't get married pregnant, then don't do it. But don't look down on those who do. I personally decided to wait until lil one was born so we could include her in the festivities. We're going to be together forever anyway, whats the hurry? Plus, I can enjoy cocktails and dancing in slightly uncomfortable shoes. And eat exotic coastal food on my honeymoon.

angsmith505

As long as they are getting married for love and not the baby its fine.  Nothing i would do but if it works them go for it!

ks3pink

This is actually all very interesting as I am going to a true shotgun wedding tomorrow.  She found out she was pregnant and was engaged and planning this wedding by 3 days leter.  this was 4 weeks ago and its not been very well put together so we'll see what happens!  Don't see the marriage lasting though, she is way too immarure.

tiak

no I would not want to be pregnant at my wedding either... there is something to be said about wearing a white/cream dress and walking down the aisle not preganant or pregnant.  

BUT if I were to get pregnant before our wedding day in October I would not call it off, postpone, or move it up, we picked the date for a reason and that will be our wedding day.

TopazAngel

A slightly different perspective:

I don't believe in marrying over a pregnancy, either--seems like I'm with the general consensus on this board.

 I'm preggo and looking forward to marrying my hunny, although we're not technically engaged yet because we're both still in college. I keep getting questions/criticism about why I'm not getting married RIGHT NOW! I'm like, really, why on earth do you care? And to be honest, I reaaaaally want my teeny waist back before I tie the knot. I want to look good, dammit! lol.

What do y'all think, Knotties? Are these questions resulting from other ppl's fears that my bf will leave if I don't marry him now? Or do you think they're more likely from some moral leftovers from the 50's?

emperry91

I think it is okay to a point. If the couple were planning on getting married, and really loved each other prior to becoming pregnant, then yes, it's fine. However, if it's a "knocked up" movie scenario, then no. For example, my Fiance and I had been dating since I was 15, he was 17. When I was 16, he bought me a ring and we decided to get married when he finished his associates degree 2 years from that date. A year later, I became pregnant. I had our daughter last year, after I turned 18. We had a flood of people telling us that we either needed to get married now, or that we shouldn't get married just because I was pregnant. It was so confusing to hear all these opinions. We wanted to get married, because we wanted to to begin with, but did not want his family thinking that we were only doing it because of the baby. We decided to wait, and now will be getting married this November, 17 months after our daughter's birth. In a way, I wish we would have gotten married then. I feel stupid for listening to everyone. For us, it would have made things a whole lot less complicated. We had more money then too.