Confession Thursday

Kati0105

My dad took me to lunch today to tell me that he has a girlfriend and to ask me how he should break the news to my mom (they're divorced, but are best friends). I gave him advice and am proud of him for not keeping it a secret like he usually does, but I still feel shitty because it will break my mom's heart. Yuck.

Welcome to my life   I'm sure you gave him great advice though, hopefully your mom will react better tha expected.

Opal, I agree, I really need to suck it up and make an appointment.  This obviously won't be my first attempt at therapy, but it is the first time I've really experienced anxiety like this so it's been kind of a shock to me.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confession-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9442dde9-8d8a-442c-abec-21c524fe8cb7Post:384272db-1121-4f5b-ae62-b8de648e22f8">Re: Confession Thursday</a>:
[QUOTE]TR, don't be ashamed. I think it's pretty normal to feel this way, even though you know you're being ridiculou. I used to get jealous of DH's exes sometimes.
Posted by ac_in_dc[/QUOTE]

Yeah but this chick isn't an ex.  She's just his friend and he even said there was never anything romantic there.  I can understand being a little bit jealous of their friendship, but I think the rest of what you said TR is pretty ridiculous and immature and I'm glad you realize it too!  Knowing is half the battle you know.  ;)

pinkpinot

TR - I am the same way sometimes about my FI's ex and I get so embarrassed that I let my "green" show. 

[Deleted User]

Thanks Kati. My mom used to have a very bad drinking problem and things like this used to really set her off (sometimes resulting in suicide attempts). I know she's better now, but I can't help but worry myself sick over it.

pinkpinot

lpstl - my co-worker and his wife sound like you :-) His family gives him helllll at Christmastime b/c they would prefer wooden toys for their daughter, clothe diapers etc.  She belongs to a community : http://www.holisticmoms.org/ you've probably heard of it but I'll pass it along just in case.  He's mentioned to me that the network has turned into a great support group for her and people that parent in different ways.  GL

pinkpinot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confession-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9442dde9-8d8a-442c-abec-21c524fe8cb7Post:d57be0d7-1b93-4655-acf7-1b711d2292e5">Re: Confession Thursday</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks Kati. My mom used to have a very bad drinking problem and things like this used to really set her off (sometimes resulting in suicide attempts). I know she's better now, but I can't help but worry myself sick over it.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

Cew, because of your mom's past history why would your dad tell her? Maybe some things are better left unsaid if it would effect her so negatively.

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confession-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9442dde9-8d8a-442c-abec-21c524fe8cb7Post:d8e9b6b4-5699-4469-839e-b07c327ea2fd">Re: Confession Thursday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confession Thursday : Yeah but this chick isn't an ex.  She's just his friend and he even said there was never anything romantic there.  I can understand being a little bit jealous of their friendship, but I think the rest of what you said TR is pretty ridiculous and immature and I'm glad you realize it too! <strong> Knowing is half the battle you know.  ;)
</strong>Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

Exactly!  I know it's crazy and I'm just glad I have 7 months to work it out in my head :)

[Deleted User]

Pink - there is no way that she wouldn't find out. He's hidden it in the past and that's much worse. We are a very close (but weird) family. Even though they are divorced, we have family dinners at least once a week, we go on family vacations, etc. There's just no way not to tell her and keeping it from her would be wrong with our family dynamic being the way that it is.

BecW2be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confession-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9442dde9-8d8a-442c-abec-21c524fe8cb7Post:7bb1757f-8cf9-4a0d-b089-8e3e7aed2dd5">Re: Confession Thursday</a>:
[QUOTE]She'll be invited to our wedding and while she may not come (she still lives in OH) I'm worried that she will and I will ruin my own wedding day being petty and jealous.  I know, I know, he picked me, he's marrying me, but I know myself and I know I can be ridiculous and emotional and I'm just worried about how I'll feel on what should be the happiest day of my life. Sorry that was so long.  It feels good to admit it even though it's ridiculous.
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

I think you're ok until she asks you to sing karaoke just to make you look like an asss in public. Then you should panic and kick Julia Roberts off the guest list! :)

Seriously though, we all go through it. I volunteered to organize then-FI's closet for him once, and he told me to get rid of anything that wasn't his size. In a back corner under some ancient tee-shrits I found a black and pink thong with rhinestones on it that wouldn't fit my 8yr old. He had an ex who was a pro-football cheerleader a few years ago, so I assumed they were hers, and since they obviously didn't fit him, I threw them away. I never said a word, but I had some super-secret body issues to get over the next few times we had sex.

Pirata13

I am also in debt and lately have been super anxious about the wedding and money and getting a new apartment.  I wouldn't be so worried about the wedding and stuff if it wasn't for having to find a new place. But neither of ours is big enough for both of us, so saving up for a security deposit plus movers etc just adds to it.  The place where I worked on Saturdays closed so even though it wasn't tons of money, it was still extra money.

I took a loan from my 401K to pay the bulk of my credit card off, but am still making payments on my card as well (thankfully saving tons of money on interest though). FI's work gets slow after the holidays so he has been losing hours then wasn't getting paid for the days he did work. So it's just like fuuuuuck. He may start looking for a new job but who knows what's out there and what he'd be happy doing.  But we clearly can't live like this when we're married.  At least after the wedding I can focus on getting that card paid off which will be awesome but right now things are so tight and it just sucks.

pinkpinot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confession-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9442dde9-8d8a-442c-abec-21c524fe8cb7Post:cec0dfe8-5fe1-4aab-ac9e-786d30990486">Re: Confession Thursday</a>:
[QUOTE]Pink - there is no way that she wouldn't find out. He's hidden it in the past and that's much worse. We are a very close (but weird) family. Even though they are divorced, we have family dinners at least once a week, we go on family vacations, etc. There's just no way not to tell her and keeping it from her would be wrong with our family dynamic being the way that it is.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

It's really awesome your parents are friends and remain that close, that says a lot about what great people they must be - even if they are weird :-) hahaha  well I hope your mom takes the news ok! Is she dating?

[Deleted User]

Thanks! I think she'll be okay.  No she doesn't date and I don't think she ever will. She is just all about the grandkids and family. I honestly don't even think she misses it.

pinkpinot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confession-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9442dde9-8d8a-442c-abec-21c524fe8cb7Post:d71fd0e4-f40a-44fc-b22c-94d81f866b15">Re: Confession Thursday</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks! I think she'll be okay.  No she doesn't date and I don't think she ever will. She is just all about the grandkids and family. I honestly don't even think she misses it.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

My parents separated while my mom was pregnant with me (sad, right?) and she NEVER dated! Now that she lives alone I always feel guilty and worried about her.

[Deleted User]

So, she hasn't dated since you've been born? I worry about my mom too, but I truly do think that she's content with her family and doesn't really need to date.

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confession-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9442dde9-8d8a-442c-abec-21c524fe8cb7Post:df877720-7b88-44be-8c68-f5578f77a267">Re: Confession Thursday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confession Thursday : My parents separated while my mom was pregnant with me (sad, right?) and she NEVER dated! Now that she lives alone I always feel guilty and worried about her.
Posted by pinkpinot[/QUOTE]
My mom hasnt dated since I was around 5 years old, and apparently has no interest in it. She is so set in her ways now, I dont know if she could handle having a partner. I offered to get her set up on something like eharmony if she was interested and she isnt, at all. She told me once she was dating a bit when they first divorced but I threw fits and hated her going out so she stopped and just never started back up again as I got older. I have to say I feel like a bit of an ass, but I was only five!!

swtasa

My confession: My ex(the one prior to the relationship with my finacee) texted me the day before my FI proposed to me... He confessed he missed me and loves me(ugh)

I still haven't told FI yet, and I haven't broken the news to the ex that I'm getting engaged. Ex keeps texting to see if we can 'talk' even though I told him I had no desire to be with him...

lpstl

Thanks pinot! I actually haven't been to that site before, so I'll have to check it out. We're kind of picking and choosing different things from different parenting techniques that we feel will best suit our family, so we aren't militant or anything about a certain style. But yeah, I'd rather my son play with wooden blocks than sit infront of the tv to watch Baby Einstein.

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_confession-thursday?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9442dde9-8d8a-442c-abec-21c524fe8cb7Post:df877720-7b88-44be-8c68-f5578f77a267">Re: Confession Thursday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Confession Thursday : My parents separated while my mom was pregnant with me (sad, right?) and she NEVER dated! Now that she lives alone I always feel guilty and worried about her.
Posted by pinkpinot[/QUOTE]

I know how you feel, my parents separated when I was 3 and my dad jerked my mom around for 7 years cheating on her and whatnot before knocking up my stepmom and marrying her when I was 10.  I think I remember my mom dating one guy who broke up with her via letter.  Now I worry about her a lot and feel guilty that I live so far away.

Shaki

i  just cant wait for the seven months to hurry up and go by so i can marry my FI and start my life with my FI and my two pups !!!

ThePinkSuperhero

I confess that I can't believe some of you can still get excited about planning weddings when I hear about the sh*t you put up with from your fiances.  It makes me sad, too.

thesuninherhead

I am SO late to this, but TR, I have a friend who is best friends with a guy in her old town. She has no feelings for him whatsoever- she says that she sees him as a brother-  but he has just got engaged and she was saying how awkward it is that his FI (who is yet to meet her, much like you) is jealous/uncertain of her. He actually wanted my friend to stand up with him for the wedding, but the FI dismissed the idea because my friend doesn't have a penis, essentially, and she was jealous and felt it wasn't appropriate. My friend was pretty hurt because she really feels close to this guy, has never had any romantic attachment, yet is having to try and justify their relationship to his FI, who she really wants to get along with given that she's so close to the guy. 

 

And, this whole situation reminded me of something somewhat from the other side of the argument which I haven't outlined here before:

 

H had a good friend who he met at art camp one year in hs. They were really close and spent lots of holidays together, and made things to send each other when they were younger (eg. she sent him a pillow on which she'd had a picture of him and her together printed, and had written their names onto it and sewed it herself (actually, this was REALLY odd, but whatever, it was made when they were 17 or something), as well as lots of letters and things). H insisted that, at least from his point of view, their friendship was purely platonic. When we got together, H and I went out one night with some mutual friends, and this girl was amongst their friendship group there. She pulled him onto the dance floor and kept insisting he stay up there with her. Eventually, she grabbed his hands and put them onto her boobs- H (then BF) totally freaked, came off the dance floor and asked me if I wanted to go. When we left, he told me what happened. He said that he thought she'd just been ridiculous because she was drunk and 'protective' of him thus unsure of me, but yeah... it was highly odd. We didn't spend much time with her following that (not by my insistence, they just don't see each other frequently anymore and that made it awkward for H).

 

When we got engaged in Zurich, she was the first person to call and congratulate us. Prior to our wedding, she expressed excitement about it to H, and he wanted to invite her twin brother so thus he asked that we invite her as well- she's harmless and I know they were close once upon a time, so I was fine with it. During the night though, her happy act wore off and she ended up spending half the evening sitting on a chair by herself next to the dance floor glaring (no shiit, glaring) at us dancing together. I didn't even realise until someone asked who the 'angry chic in the corner' was. I took far too much pleasure in going over and harassing her to dance. It was actually rather fun. 

 

The next day, she text H and told him she'd had the most awesome time ever etc etc that night. Instead of a present, she gave us a handmade card of H and I on little bride and groom pop-outs. She then sent us a thank-you card for being invited... talk about overkill. It's rather clear her enthusiasm isn't purely motivated by happiness for H, but I am not at all threatened by her, and H also will acknowledge to an extent her ridiculous behaviour, so it's fine.

 

Holy hell, that was a novel! After all that, I doubt anyone will actually see this given that it's near impossible to track threads in this format, but it was somewhat cathartic for me to detail it!