S/O - Strippers

NuggetBrain

This is actually a spin off of another thread on the "Pre-Wedding Parties" board.

Anyways, CN - couples does a dual B-party in vegas, go to a male/female strip club.  Girls get bored with the male strippers, go downstairs to join the dudes, bride finds out that her fiance has been in a private room getting a private dance with a stripper for at least 10 minutes paid for by his buddies.  He comes out 20 minutes later with a big grin on his face.  She's pissed he got a private dance, he's apologetic and knows he "messed up" but didn't feel comfortable with turning his friends down, when she kisses him at the end of the night he tastes like stripper lotion.

My question is, if that happened to you, would you be upset with your FI?  Do you think this is a trust issue or a boundaries issue?  I know strip clubs seem to be a big part of bacherlor parties - is there a "cut off" of what you consider appropriate behavior (aside from straight out sleeping with the stripper)?  If you're okay with FI getting a lapdance or private dance, do you think he'd be okay with you getting one from a male stripper?

Music and Lyrics

no matter what a stripper tells you
there is no sex in the champagne room

eastunder1

I would be livid about this, because being in a private room with a stripper would be way, WAY past my line of ok.  I don't mind strip clubs but the private rooms, no f*cking way.

What the heck does "stripper lotion" taste like?

alixzafiris

Yes. I'd be pissed. I mean, I love going to strip clubs, I really do. The atmosphere most of the time is great and I'd go with Jay but he's just not intersted, which blows a bit but whatever... That being said, I would not be comfy with any physical crap at all. No-sir-ee.

WildRumpus

That would not be ok. I'm not a big fan of strippers to begin with, but lap dances and/or going into a private room is crossing the line. You can look, but no touching.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_strippers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:985cd8e1-d6d8-4bd3-9632-0548b38c1e2fPost:79d5e6df-9e76-4210-9fe3-2f10210e579e">Re: S/O - Strippers</a>:
[QUOTE]I would be livid about this, because being in a private room with a stripper would be way, WAY past my line of ok.  I don't mind strip clubs but the private rooms, no f*cking way.
Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]

Yeah that.

zippityb

I know a guy who had sex with a stripper in a private room and told his friends that they needed to "leave right now" because his credit card was declined.

But that may also be one of those dude tall tales.

opalsky007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_strippers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:985cd8e1-d6d8-4bd3-9632-0548b38c1e2fPost:79d5e6df-9e76-4210-9fe3-2f10210e579e">Re: S/O - Strippers</a>:
[QUOTE]I would be livid about this, because being in a private room with a stripper would be way, WAY past my line of ok.  I don't mind strip clubs but the private rooms, no f*cking way. <strong>What the heck does "stripper lotion" taste like?</strong>
Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]

This, and why does she know what it tastes like? <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />

FutureMrsTR

I would not be ok with this at all.  Strip clubs are one thing (not that I like to think about it, but I can handle it), I don't think I'd even be comfortable with a lap dance and if that makes me insecure so be it so private rooms would be a definite and absolute NO.

Bubbalub

I don't mind the going to strip clubs though I know FI and he's really not into it. But I do draw a line at touching. Looking is fine, tipping is fine. Touching in any way in NOT OK.

eastunder1

I should add, I'm not ok with lap dances either.   Mr Eastunder doesn't go to strip clubs to begin with, but if he did I would draw the line at "look all you want but don't touch" and a stripper grinding her ass into your crotch constitutes "touch" with me.  I would hope he would draw that line for himself on his own.   If I ever went to a male strip place (eeew) I'd hold the same standards for myself.   I just think thats the respectful line when you're in a committed relationship. 

But strip clubs in general, if you want to go with your buddies and drink some and stare at boobies, sure.  Have fun.  

btrflykate1230

I wouldn't be comfortable with any "touching" at all. You can look all you want but do NOT lay a hand on my FI.

tidetravel

Lap dances in the public rooms, Ok.  Private dances in the back would make me uncomfortable. 

jasmineh7777

FI isn't interested in strip clubs, but if he was we could go together.
I am not okay with any touching whatsoever. I don't get bachelor party mentality at all. If I wouldn't be okay with it after we're married, why would I be okay with it a week before?

I posted this earlier, but theknot ate my response.

ashmy211

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_strippers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:985cd8e1-d6d8-4bd3-9632-0548b38c1e2fPost:23239aac-685c-4374-9a7f-db45983947f3">Re: S/O - Strippers</a>:
[QUOTE]Lap dances in the public rooms, Ok.  Private dances in the back would make me uncomfortable. 
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.

shellydiane820

Only if it was Tina Turner doing the Private dancing.

I don't mind strip clubs (its not Nick's scene anyway unless the strippers are playing video games)  but a private room is weird.  Why can't she just dance in front of people?

mandybear7

Yeah, I would have a problem with Dan tasting like "stripper lotion." But FWIW, I really don't think he would go into a private room.

I don't really have any hangups about him going to a strip club, getting a lap dance, whatever... but those strippers that go to private residences? Nuh-uh, bad news.

ac_in_dc

The whole "he tasted like stripper lotion" makes the story sound somehow made up to me.

But if it wasn't, it's a good cautionary tale for setting boundaries about strip clubs *before* your FI/DH goes. For some people that's no lap dances. For others it's no private room. Or no strip club at all.

If they set a boundary and he violated it, though, then that's violating someone's trust, right?

I don't think it's nearly as bad as cheating. Although for me, honestly,  I can't imagine in a million years DH violating my trust like this, it just doesn't fit with anything I know about him right now. So if something like this happened to me, it actually would be pretty earth-shattering, b/c I'd have to re-think a lot of my current assumptions.

mocha beans

Private rooms, absolutely not cool.  I don't know what I'd do, but booking a flight home immediately and calling it all off probably wouldn't be out of the question.  I'm on the fence about lap dances.

noelle24

Thankfully, my FI is not that into strip clubs. I'm not okay with lap dances, grinding or touching of any kind.  If it wouldn't be okay for a random girl in a bar to give my FI a lap dance and grind against him, it shouldn't be any different if he's paying her for it. But going drinking with buddies and looking at strippers? Go for it... knock yourself out.

eastunder1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_strippers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:985cd8e1-d6d8-4bd3-9632-0548b38c1e2fPost:079be6a9-85c0-4b0a-8334-64eac0e20375">Re: S/O - Strippers</a>:
[QUOTE] Although for me, honestly,  I can't imagine in a million years DH violating my trust like this, it just doesn't fit with anything I know about him right now. So if something like this happened to me, it actually would be pretty earth-shattering, b/c I'd have to re-think a lot of my current assumptions.
Posted by ac_in_dc[/QUOTE]

Very well said.  I agree totally.

CaptiolBride

HELL NO I wouldn't be okay with that. It's kind of a situation where... what's done is done because it was already over... but he would have definately violated my trust that night. To even think it was okay to go into a private room with a woman other than me. It sucks because she can't stay mad at him and make him realize the serverity of the lack of respect because the wedding was coming

jasmineh7777

I'm not even okay with lap dances. It seems really disrespectful to me, to let someone else touch your s/o in a sexual way. I know not everyone shares this opinion,  but I just would feel totally uncomfortable with that.

BlameCanada

The only stripper lotion my FI will be eating is my own, TYVM.

britne28

I don't even like stripper clubs and would have an issue with FI going.  I would be pissed if my FI went into a private room for a little one on one.  And to do it while I was upstairs?  It's just wrong on so many levels.

FutureMrsTR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_strippers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:985cd8e1-d6d8-4bd3-9632-0548b38c1e2fPost:079be6a9-85c0-4b0a-8334-64eac0e20375">Re: S/O - Strippers</a>:
[QUOTE]Although for me, honestly,  I can't imagine in a million years DH violating my trust like this, it just doesn't fit with anything I know about him right now. So if something like this happened to me, it actually would be pretty earth-shattering, b/c I'd have to re-think a lot of my current assumptions.
Posted by ac_in_dc[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what I've told my FI.  It's not so much the actual act that would do it for me (although it would make me want to vomit) it would be the fact that FI would no longer be the person I thought he was.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I would feel uncomfortable with the private room. It wouldn't be a make-or-break thing, but definitely something we would have a BIG discussion about. If it was 3-4 of them in a private room with 1 girl, I wouldn't mind. But 1-on-1, I would mind.

The stripper lotion thing sets me over the edge. 1) WTF is stripper lotion? 2) WTF did he have his mouth on? I didn't think touching was okay, even in private rooms. Don't they have security cameras? Even if he wasn't worried about getting kicked out, I'd be pissed that his mouth was on another woman.

zippityb

I don't know about female strippers, but every male stripper I've been near smells like Jovan Musk.

JessAndTrav

So, East & AC must be sharing my brain on this topic. I second everything they've said.

angiebear11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_strippers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:985cd8e1-d6d8-4bd3-9632-0548b38c1e2fPost:cf2b4336-61d7-4923-88e9-1d1d164e5e38">S/O - Strippers</a>:
[QUOTE]but didn't feel comfortable with turning his friends downPosted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]

This is the part that bothers me the most. What a lame excuse. Oh, you didn't want to disappoint your friends? It's ok then that you violated my trust. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_strippers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:985cd8e1-d6d8-4bd3-9632-0548b38c1e2fPost:cb02ed44-0ed4-42ab-8814-c2cbd801b5db">Re: S/O - Strippers</a>:
[QUOTE]FI isn't interested in strip clubs, but if he was we could go together. I am not okay with any touching whatsoever. I don't get bachelor party mentality at all. <strong>If I wouldn't be okay with it after we're married, why would I be okay with it a week before? I posted this earlier, but theknot ate my response.</strong>
Posted by jasmineh7777[/QUOTE]

I assume those of us who are okay with our FIs going to strip clubs would be okay with it any time, not just at a b-party. If some of his friends really wanted to go celebrate something at the strip club after we were married, he would be more than free to join them. Just like he was more than free to do so when we were just dating, rather than engaged. Since we've been dating he hasn't gone, though I've told him he can and also offered to go with him. He has gone in the past, though. We are also planning on going to burlesque soon (very different, I know).

I know FI and I know he is NOT interested in 1) cheating or 2) having sex with a stripper, period, since he knows several in real life and wouldn't touch them with a 10 foot pole. (Just the ones we know, I'm sure they aren't all the same.)