MOG problems

millkn2

Last night at dinner, my FI's mother was asking where the venue would have us (the girls in the WP) when guests are showing up. After talking a little more about it with her, she thinks she is going to be spending the entire day with me before the ceremony. I was shocked that she assumed this! Is this normal? I really just thought it would be my mom and my bridesmaids. She can drive me crazy sometimes and I really do not want to be stressed out from having to listen to her all day. She also is about as senstive as a 5 year old. Is it normal to have the MOG with the bride all day? Any suggestions on how to avoid it?

kristeno90

It really depends on how close the bride is to the MOG. Personally I get along with my FMIL fine so she is welcome to spend the day with us.

kcscejal

It really depends on your relationship with her. I don't know what my FMIL or FSMIL plan on doing, but if they want to get ready with me they can. If you don't want her there tell her you were really looking forward to spending that time with just your mom and bridesmaids, but it will probably hurt her feelings.

Irishcurls

I think you'll be so busy getting ready and having all the excitement and other people around you that you won't get as frustrated with her as in a normal situation. Try to relax and busy yourself with other things, and if it gets really bad, maybe you can subtly have your mom occupy her for awhile. 

hlq2011

Ditto PPs.  My FSILs are in the wedding party, and my FMIL will be picking up some food and stuff for us to have while we're getting ready.  She'll be getting hair and makeup done with all of us, so I fully expect she'll be around most of the day, and that's totally fine with me.

Habs2Hart

I wouldn't, because that is time with my mom, but that's just me.  Others are close and don't mind, but I want my mom to feel special too.  My FMIL is great though.  She hasn't tried to get in on any of the stuff that we feel is MOB territory. 

skippylouwho

DD invited the MOG to be with us all day, she chose not to.  We all get along fine and it would have been nice to have her with us.

DDIL did not invite me to spend the morning (afternoon wedding) with her but - we got up and started getting ready, the groomsmen arrived at our house to get dressed and it was off to the ceremony. I really wouldn't have had time to go over there with as early as the wedding was.

I do think it depends on how well you get along, if her talking is annoying and stressful for you then you won't want to have her. If she's fun and a calm person that it would be ok.

millkn2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mog-problems-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98c79a8a-4084-4e0f-9242-e59e10570b7bPost:b39369e4-3869-4696-ac55-41112816597b">Re: MOG problems</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't, because that is time with my mom, but that's just me.  Others are close and don't mind, but I want my mom to feel special too.  My FMIL is great though.  She hasn't tried to get in on any of the stuff that we feel is MOB territory. 
Posted by Habs2Hart[/QUOTE]

That is how I feel! Things are going to be super busy and I kind of just want some time with my Mom. To let her know how thankful I am for everything and to make her feel special too.

I am thinking about having my FI explain to her that she can spend some of the day with us, but I also want time with just my mom. My FI understands completely, we talked about it last night.

specialk84

I will be getting ready with just my bridesmaids and my mother.  The flower girl and her grandmother are more than welcome to be there as well, but my MOH has agreed to not let anyone else in the room.

For those who get along with MOG, do whatever you feel comfortable with.  Personally, I think FMIL is a miserable excuse for a human being, and I don't want her anywhere near me.  FI agrees, and he thinks she should  be grateful to attend the wedding at all.

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mog-problems-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98c79a8a-4084-4e0f-9242-e59e10570b7bPost:b3a560aa-58bc-490b-86dd-aab2c4b643da">Re: MOG problems</a>:
[QUOTE]OH, I'm having this battle currently. FI said that we may have to have her pictures taken after the ceremony because he "expects her to be with my the whole time". Yeah, no.  I don't want her in there except for a few minutes AFTER I'm dressed and we're all hanging out. Otherwise, I want to be with my family and my friends. I also know she'll try to force her way into the room while I'm getting dressed, or when I show it to my dad the first time.  In the end, you just need to be firm with her, and make sure your FI is on your side.  <strong>Luckily, she's going to our hotel at 3 to pick up the key, "clean the hottub" and decorate (100% against our wishes, but she didn't listen), so hopefully I can avoid the awkward situation of kicking her out.</strong>
Posted by SarahR11[/QUOTE]

<div>When my parents got married, my dad's twin sister did that for them.  They pulled the covers down and found a note stuck between the sheets.  "God is watching."</div>

hlq2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mog-problems-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98c79a8a-4084-4e0f-9242-e59e10570b7bPost:75f04263-bbc0-4966-9a9f-900bccb042b7">Re: MOG problems</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOG problems : When my parents got married, my dad's twin sister did that for them.  They pulled the covers down and found a note stuck between the sheets.  "God is watching."
Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]

Um, creepy much?

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mog-problems-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98c79a8a-4084-4e0f-9242-e59e10570b7bPost:a7ad7ed9-1ef6-4efe-a8b9-1b754107e268">Re: MOG problems</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOG problems : Um, creepy much?
Posted by hlq2011[/QUOTE]

<div>Every family has a crazy person.  My aunt fulfills that role.</div>

millkn2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mog-problems-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:98c79a8a-4084-4e0f-9242-e59e10570b7bPost:75f04263-bbc0-4966-9a9f-900bccb042b7">Re: MOG problems</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOG problems : When my parents got married, my dad's twin sister did that for them.  They pulled the covers down and found a note stuck between the sheets.  "God is watching."
Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]


Wow! That is strange!

pgcp

I think that the best way to handle the fmil that wants to be in on all the girl time when she isn't particularly want is to have you fi step in with a positive spin.  Something along the lines of, "Mom, I know that you want to be included in the girl time, but I really wan to be able to spend time with you prior to the wedding."  Then he could plan lunch or breakfast with her, or something like that.  Yes, he'll want his guy time but special time with mom is a good thing.  You may also want to find time the day of to spend time with your dad so that it doesn't look like you are singling her out, plus it would just be nice too.

Tigge504471

My situation is different, since my fiance's parents seem very disinterested in the whole event. Is there a way you can ask your soon to be MIL to watch over the men, and make sure they have their flowers and that would be a good time for them to do mother/son pictures with your photographer. Might keep her busy for a little while.

meaghan803

I went through a VERY similar situation (FMIL assumed she'd be getting ready at my mom's house with us and the BMs and I had to tell her this was not the case).  It was definitely awkward and she did get offended, which caused some problems later.  She seems to have come around and accepted the fact that it will just be me, MOB and BMs getting ready at my parents' house now, though.  I honestly don't know if there is way to tell your FMIL this without offending her, but if it's important to you, I would try to explain the situation to her as nicely as possible.  Hopefully, she'll respect your decision and everything will work itself out.  Good luck!

GeauxTigers17

Can your FI tell her he wants her to be with him? 

I agree with Habs and the others - that time is for me to be with my mom and sisters. Personally, I wouldn't give that up. If it is important to you that she isn't there, and she point-blank asks you (I wouldn't engage otherwise), then tell her as gently as possible. 

LoveMuffins

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mog-problems-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:98c79a8a-4084-4e0f-9242-e59e10570b7bPost:27385b7d-12d2-40cf-9679-fdeed2f98939">Re: MOG problems</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Can your FI tell her he wants her to be with him?</strong>  
Posted by GeauxTigers17[/QUOTE]

This is what I would do. I would actually love to have FMIL hang out with me all day, but I have a feeling she's going to want to spend time with her son and that's cool =D But if I didn't want her around, I'd probably have FI tell her that he wants to spend some time with her before the ceremony.

Also, off topic, but GeauxTigers, you are freaking beautiful!

ckollstedt

FMIL is actually doing my and my bridesmaids' hair for the wedding, so she'll be hanging out with us most of the day.  We're super close, and she's such a calm, collected person that I know she'll be able to help me handle any last minute freak-outs that I'm sure I'll have.

If I were in your situation, I wouldn't feel comfortable telling FMIL that I want to exclude her from the "festivities" of getting ready.  I'd go with some PPs' advice and get FI to tell his mom how much he wants to spend time with her on his special day.  

Good luck!