Wedding Etiquette Forum

Adding on a guest a bit late...need advice

O ladies of Etiquette, I require your advice!

Here's my deal: In putting together our initial guest list, I was super focused on the fact that you cannot uninvite guests later (as we all know that's a etiquette faux paus) and as such, we were a bit ruthless with the guest list and cut quite a few people off that we're semi-close to (more background info: this is a destination wedding in Las Vegas).  

Wedding is this May, and the Save the Dates were sent out this past August, planning to send invites out in late February (again, long lead times considering it's a DW).   I'm now feeling like I was a bit over-zealous and one of the girlfriends I left off our initial list should warrant an invite.  I have major guilt about it because she and I have gotten closer than we ever were in the past few months.  I'm stepping on eggshells here because I'm almost certain that she's very much aware she never received an STD (a few mutual friends of ours were invited) but I'm also pretty sure she's hoping for an invite as well.  

Do I:  
A) Go ahead and invite her-- either by sending her an STD now, or making up some "Oh, you didn't get your STD in the mail last August?" lie so she won't feel B-listed (I feel like she would see through the latter option and that might be dangerous).  If I do invite her, do I need to explain to her why she didn't get her STD until this late?  Do I just tell her the truth and say we were trying to cut down our guest list but I felt that I wanted her to be invited?

or 

B) Keep her off the list-- sending her an STD at this point, after she's known other friends to have them, would just cause more hurt feelings and is a breach of etiquette.

Thanks for your two cents, gals.

Re: Adding on a guest a bit late...need advice

  • It's fine to invite people that didn't receive an STD.  Don't lie to her that it was lost in the mail.  
  • An STD is not required by any means. Go ahead and send the invite.
    Nichole Tampa, FL BabyFetus Ticker
  • achiduckachiduck member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I think I would probably invite her but I would stay clear of the "lost in the mail" excuse as I think that would just be rubbing salt in the wound so to speak.
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  • If it were me, I would go ahead and invite her.  I would send a save the date now, and not explain about it being late unless she asks.  If she does ask  I would tell her the truth, pretty much how you put it above, and explain that you would really like her to be able to come now.
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  • I agree with the consensus. Skip the STD (especially if she's local). Invite her. If she's not local, don't send a late STD (doesn't that say "almost B list"?), but do start saying, "Wedding planning is going great! We can't wait to see you there on X date!"
  • STDs are optional and are often only given to VIP guests. Invite her when the time comes and say nothing else about it.  You can let her know she'll be invited by word of mouth earlier than when formal invites go out if you want her to get an earlier heads up.
  • She's not B-listed.

    Just send out the invite with the rest and don't sweat it.

    If she asks, tell her that the guest list wasn't set in stone at the time of sending the STDs so not everyone got one.
  • B List is when you send invites after your first round of RSVPs have been returned and you have some declines.

    Your friend isn't b-listed.  I would mention the wedding, make it clear to her that she is invited and send an invite.  Even something as simple as "hey, so I'm getting ready to address the invites and I just want to make sure I have your address right.  Is this it?"
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  • Just send her an invitation.  Don't lie about the save-the-date getting lost in the mail.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adding-guest-bit-lateneed-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9aa4dd04-d9a5-42ec-9a65-8a3901a69a79Post:bb197ae1-d150-4b0d-8267-e3c65f4c0c35">Re: Adding on a guest a bit late...need advice</a>:
    [QUOTE]She's not B-listed. Just send out the invite with the rest and don't sweat it. If she asks, tell her that the guest list wasn't set in stone at the time of sending the STDs so not everyone got one.
    Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

    This
  • I agree, just send an invite and don't worry about the save the date, I doubt she will say anything about it.

    This actually happened to my FI and I. When one of his female friends got married we did not receive a save the date (although mutual friends did), but we later received a wedding invitation. We initially assumed we weren't invited and were a little suprised with the invite but ended up going and it wasn't a big deal.

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  • I would send her an invite & if she asks about the std i would just say we never sent them to everyone, we assumed you would know you would be invited, or something along those lines rather than making it look like it got lost in the mail. 
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  • Just sent the save the date now..you still have plenty of time before your wedding.  Don't lie or make excuses...I'm sure she will be happy to just get it late rather than never.
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