Wedding Etiquette Forum

No kids question

I read the thread below and was wondering why people would be so against having an infant at your wedding.  I get not wanting little kids running around, but an infant?  How does that really affect your wedding/reception in any way?
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Re: No kids question

  • You know the answer. Well answers.

    1) Babies are super cute. They take attention away.
    2) Since they take attention away all servants who should be paying due homage (bridemaids, cousins, SILs etc) are not watching the entire thing at all times. The nerve.
  • I'd hope the mother has sense enough to take the baby out if it starts to scream. That would be my only fear. I sat through a wedding a few years ago with a screaming 2mo. old, and the mother refused to take it out, even after every person glared at her. It was awful. You couldn't hear one word of the ceremony.
  • Because sometimes they scream/cry, and parents aren't very good about removing them from the situation sometimes.

    Provided the parents deal with the infant who's upset, I have no problem with infants.
  • Bec, that's just stupidity on the parents' behalf.  Not the fault of the kid.

    And I even get that if you had a reception that went until 11pm that it's kinda inappropriate.

    But there were normal people in that thread voicing their opinion, and I'm just wondering why. 
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  • I wouldn't worry about the attention thing or anything like that. I'd be worried like becw said- about hoping that the mom would get up and leave the area, if the child started crying more then a few minutes.  If it were me, i'd get up as soon as the child would start but I'd at least hope in a minute or two that the child is still crying then the mom would leave.

    That'd be my only worry/fear as she mentioned...
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  • Oh yeah, it was the stupidity of the mother, but it still ruined that wedding. I have nothing against infants. It's stupid mothers who can't figure out that 200+ people glaring at them means get thefuck out of the room with your little banshee that I can't stand.

  • If it's the crying thing, then I think it's kind of insulting to the parent to say "no babies" because it basically tells them that they suck at parenting.
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  • Babies cry, it's normal, I don't or wouldn't say that the parent sucks due to the baby crying. The parent only sucks if they don't get up and take care of the crying baby. Instead of sitting there, hoping the baby stops, so that everyone can't hear anything but the cries. As Bec mentioned, it ruins the wedding if a baby is crying uncontrollably.
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  • edited December 2009
    Thank you. I was starting to think I had steped into a bizzaro version of P&E, er &E, or whatever we're called now.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with having a conversation with the mother and explaining that if the baby becomes fussy she can step over to whereever to console him/her. That should send a pretty clear message about crying.

    I do think it's wrong to outlaw nursing infants, because that pretty much uninvites the mom. If someone is going to haul an infant out for a wedding it's probably not going to be a random coworkers wife or something, but more likely to be a family member or close friend. So, I think it's pretty crappy to send that type of message to someone you're close with.
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  • I know, but to make the rule "no babies" it insinuates that the parent is not bright enough to figure out when its acceptable to take the kid out.

    Of course it figures that no one who posted in that thread is here.  Just my luck.
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  • My cousins brought their 3-month-old to our wedding and she didn't make a peep the entire time. I would have never considered asking them not to bring her, especially since my cousin was breastfeeding at the time. And she is family, so I wanted her there.

    We also got some great candid photos of her that my aunt (her grandmother) loves. :)

    My favorite -
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  • I see your point, Sucrets (yay! We are here together tonight!). Perhaps instead of "no babies", we should start putting "no shitty parents who won't remove crying babies" on the invite. I have no problem telling people they suck at parenting. I don't expect your baby to be quiet, but common courtesy should tell you to take the baby out if it screams in the middle of a wedding ceremony. Sadly, this is not the case so much anymore.

    Thankfully, I don't know anyone that stupid. We had babies at our wedding, as well as kids, and they were all great. If they hadn't been, I have no doubt any mom would have taken the screamer around the side of the house at least.
  • Laine, I wasn't around earlier, but I was truly baffled.

    We wanted kids at ours.  But I can understand if someone didn't want a toddler running around and making a mess.  Because kids can and do make messes, and I get that.

    I just don't understand how an infant would affect the couple getting married, except the crying during the ceremony thing.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9aad5a0f-a837-45dd-af5b-8fa88a841b40Post:aa9e8ae2-527f-4d91-b757-49998c96a177">Re: No kids question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know, but to make the rule "no babies" it insinuates that the parent is not bright enough to figure out when its acceptable to take the kid out. Of course it figures that no one who posted in that thread is here.  Just my luck.
    Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

    Don't we have the discussion on here fairly regularly about how much parents suck? I can see the sucky parents just saying, oh it's jsut for a few min, I want to see the ceremony! This is a big problem in my church. I just don't get how you can let your kid scream like that. If you can't hear what's going on, no one else can either.

    That being said, I would just suck it up and deal with it. I can't imagine not inviting a nursing infant (or really not inviting any children)
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  • gg - that's freakin adorable!

    But you know you just used the baby for cute pictures, fess up.
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  • I'd guess they're worried about screaming during the ceremony, and losing the attention of the mom.

    I find that my new mom friends are better able to participate in conversations when they don't have their babies with them - esp. the ones who are totally baby-obsessed.  That's not to say that I insist that they not bring their babies when we hang out, but there is a difference.
  • Prop baby! PROP BABY!!!
  • Anyone who we invited with small kids is either leaving them home or only bringing the ones above 4.  They were invited, but not coming.  At least, the ones who have RSVPed thus far.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9aad5a0f-a837-45dd-af5b-8fa88a841b40Post:d9075d55-d384-4761-a2dc-6f0f9f996973">Re: No kids question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I do think it's wrong to outlaw nursing infants, because that pretty much uninvites the mom. ...I think it's pretty crappy to send that type of message to someone you're close with.
    Posted by lpstl[/QUOTE]
    Yeah, I went back to read that thread and I completely agree with you. The way I see it, if a bride is going to feel OK about telling me, "Come sans baby or don't come at all," I'd feel pretty OK about telling HER, "OK, have a great wedding and seeya when you're married!"

    I mean, I get people's point about not having other people's choice to have children dictate the type of wedding they want... but for me personally, having my guests there was more important than anything else, and I chose to do whatever I could to accommodate them.
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  • gg, your cousin's baby is fricken adorable!

    sucrets, I'm glad I wasn't the only one baffled. I like bec's idea of outlawing asshole parents, but that should extend to parents of children of all ages.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9aad5a0f-a837-45dd-af5b-8fa88a841b40Post:2954b45e-5dad-4d79-a3b0-579cf870d3f6">Re: No kids question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I see your point, Sucrets (yay! We are here together tonight!). Perhaps instead of "no babies", we should start putting "no shitty parents who won't remove crying babies" on the invite. I have no problem telling people they suck at parenting. I don't expect your baby to be quiet, but common courtesy should tell you to take the baby out if it screams in the middle of a wedding ceremony. Sadly, this is not the case so much anymore. .
    Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

    This exactly,


    I haven't really thought about putting "no kids" so I don't believe I will. I will be hoping I have friends and family that will be courteous enough to leave if needed. I don't believe there will be many kids or babies at that time though times can change.

    My reception may become a no kids or young teens advised by parents, due to having a band, if we end up with that band. We will note if we have the band, they will only start around 8 or so, this way children/teens, and older family/friends are welcome and that they can enjoy until the band starts. If they choose to leave then they won't miss much.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9aad5a0f-a837-45dd-af5b-8fa88a841b40Post:2954b45e-5dad-4d79-a3b0-579cf870d3f6">Re: No kids question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I see your point, Sucrets (yay! We are here together tonight!). <strong>Perhaps instead of "no babies", we should start putting "no shitty parents who won't remove crying babies" on the invite.</strong> I have no problem telling people they suck at parenting. I don't expect your baby to be quiet, but common courtesy should tell you to take the baby out if it screams in the middle of a wedding ceremony. Sadly, this is not the case so much anymore. Thankfully, I don't know anyone that stupid. We had babies at our wedding, as well as kids, and they were all great. If they hadn't been, I have no doubt any mom would have taken the screamer around the side of the house at least.
    Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]

    This is a brilliant idea.  Brilliant I tell you.

    I know that when/if we have kids, if they start to act up at a wedding or movie or concert, it's time to remove them, and deal with missing the event to deal with the kid.
  • ggmaeggmae member
    5000 Comments
    edited December 2009
    Oh, you know it! ;-) She is the cutest thing.

    But no, for real - I love her and would have never excluded her! I actually don't have any posed pics of her, just cute candids like the one I posted.

    Wasn't there a post a week or so ago about a girl who wanted to invite a baby just for photos, but not to the ceremony or reception?
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  • I agree lpstl. I didn't take either of my girls to any weddings until they were at least 4-5, and even then it was only afternoon weddings with early receptions. And under the fear of God if they misbehaved. But that's the difference between me and momtards who think their tyrants are just the cutest little things and EVERYONE wants to see them run around the ceremony and destroy the reception.

    I'd like to push those women into the chocolate fountain.
  • I do agree with bec's idea!

    I mean, just because you invite someone with their kid doesn't mean that they HAVE to bring it.  But this way they have a choice.

    I completely understand that new parents may want an adult night out, but I also think that it should be their choice.

    And I completely disagree with the fact that a woman can just pump for the evening.  That's a personal choice.  It'd be like telling someone that they should use tampons instead of pads - not everyone is comfortable with it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9aad5a0f-a837-45dd-af5b-8fa88a841b40Post:b6277f74-e7b8-4212-9603-ca7e407b2dba">Re: No kids question</a>:
    [QUOTE] Wasn't there a post a week or so ago about a girl who wanted to invite a baby just for photos, but not to the ceremony or reception?
    Posted by ggmae[/QUOTE]

    How did I miss that???
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  • Also, for some people pumping doesn't work or the milk spoils, etc.  
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  • Having someone breastfeed their kid is akward and could be out of place at a wedding reception (maybe they don't do that in your circles, but they do in mine!).  Beyond that, I think people get confused (and I just wrote about this on my blog)- it's not infants that are the ones you really need to watch out for re: noise and disruptions, it's TODDLERS.  They are the devils.
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  • Sucrets - My other cousins J & K brought their 4-year-old, but left their 1-year-old at home with a babysitter. They wanted to be able to enjoy my wedding, and for them that meant without their baby. K almost fainted when she found out my infant cousin was coming, but it worked out fine for everyone.
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  • PS - I love how I posted about my cousin breastfeeding at the time, and she is clearly holding a bottle in that photo. FTR, that is  previously pumped breastmilk in that there bottle! Guess she didn't feel so comfortable with the idea of breastfeeding at my wedding.
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