Where should father-of-grooms girlfriend sit?

decency

I am the mother of the groom and found out my ex-husband (father of the groom) is bringing his live in girlfriend to the wedding. My children are encouraing me to bring a friend so that guests will not "feel sorry for me", and so that I will have someone to dance with - but he is strictly a friend. The original plan was that our "dates" would sit behind the first row. Now, my ex is insisting that his girlfriend wants to sit on the front row because she feels disrespected! 

I gave birth to my son 27 years ago - not her! I feel that it is very dishonoring of me to have her included in the wedding party - and I certainly didn't plan that my friend would be. I really don't want to be sitting next to him in all the photos. 

My son feels caught in the middle in trying to please me, and trying to please his Dad. What is the right thing to do????? Please help...

Mrs.B6302007

[QUOTE]I am the mother of the groom and found out my ex-husband (father of the groom) is bringing his live in girlfriend to the wedding. My children are encouraing me to bring a friend so that guests will not "feel sorry for me", and so that I will have someone to dance with - but he is strictly a friend. The original plan was that our "dates" would sit behind the first row. Now, my ex is insisting that his girlfriend wants to sit on the front row because she feels disrespected! <div>
</div><div>I gave birth to my son 27 years ago - not her! I feel that it is very dishonoring of me to have her included in the wedding party - and I certainly didn't plan that my friend would be. I really don't want to be sitting next to him in all the photos. </div><div>
</div><div>My son feels caught in the middle in trying to please me, and trying to please his Dad. What is the right thing to do????? Please help...[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div>I know she's not technically family but if he is in a relationship with her, then I would think she should get to sit next to him.  She doesn't have to be in all of the photographs or anything but it would just seem odd to me to come to a wedding which is about love and relationships and see the G's father not sitting with his own GF.

Since your date is just a friend and there isn't a romantic relationship, I would think it would be fine to have him sit behind you. 

zitiqueen

Here's a crazy question: What does the groom want?

lyndausvi

Your ex should be able to sit with is SO just like any other guest.

Everyone will know she is only in the front row because she is the SO of the FOG NOT because she is special.

If it really bothers they both can sit in the 2nd row.

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_where-should-father-of-grooms-girlfriend-sit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ed7ae20-ff62-4787-a632-2252f92fe0dcPost:f88ff64b-b414-4df6-8aab-942552137a23">Where should father-of-grooms girlfriend sit?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am the mother of the groom and found out my ex-husband (father of the groom) is bringing his live in girlfriend to the wedding. My children are encouraing me to bring a friend so that guests will not "feel sorry for me", and so that I will have someone to dance with - but he is strictly a friend. The original plan was that our "dates" would sit behind the first row. Now, my ex is insisting that his girlfriend wants to sit on the front row because she feels disrespected!  I gave birth to my son 27 years ago - not her! I feel that it is very dishonoring of me to have her included in the wedding party - and I certainly didn't plan that my friend would be. I really don't want to be sitting next to him in all the photos.  My son feels caught in the middle in trying to please me, and trying to please his Dad. What is the right thing to do????? Please help...
Posted by decency[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Since significant others should not be split up (and because it's the decent thing to do), the FOG's GF should sit with him. </div><div>
</div><div>If you don't want to bring a friend, don't. No one will feel sorry for you. </div><div>
</div><div>If you don't want to sit with your exH at the reception, discreetly let your son and FDIL know. Letting divorced parents each host their own table is quite common now.</div><div>
</div><div>Lastly, remember this is your son's wedding. It's very important to him, as are his parents. The least you could do is act like a civil adult for one day.

</div>

decency

So Mrs. B,  are you saying that when your son marries - you would be OK with your ex-husband having his girlfriend (one that he was living with while you were still married), sit on the front row with you?  Please put yourself in my shoes. One of the ten commandments is to "Honor your Mother and Father". I think a problem with our culture is the attitude toward tolerance. 

You are right that marriage is about love and relationships - AND commitment and covenant.

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_where-should-father-of-grooms-girlfriend-sit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ed7ae20-ff62-4787-a632-2252f92fe0dcPost:2d3ef524-3ad3-46a7-9e6f-3cb7bb1efd18">Re: Where should father-of-grooms girlfriend sit?</a>:
[QUOTE]So Mrs. B,  are you saying that when your son marries - you would be OK with your ex-husband having his girlfriend (one that he was living with while you were still married), sit on the front row with you?  Please put yourself in my shoes. One of the ten commandments is to "Honor your Mother and Father". I think a problem with our culture is the attitude toward tolerance.  You are right that marriage is about love and relationships - AND commitment and covenant.
Posted by decency[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm not Mrs. B., but I'll bite. Yes, I would be okay with that. It might not be the most comfortable hour of my life, but sucking it up for my son would be worth it.</div><div>
</div><div>If it's really going to be a huge issue, your exH and his GF can sit in the second row.</div>

adamar15

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_where-should-father-of-grooms-girlfriend-sit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ed7ae20-ff62-4787-a632-2252f92fe0dcPost:2d3ef524-3ad3-46a7-9e6f-3cb7bb1efd18">Re: Where should father-of-grooms girlfriend sit?</a>:
[QUOTE]So Mrs. B,  are you saying that when your son marries - you would be OK with your ex-husband having his girlfriend (one that he was living with while you were still married), sit on the front row with you?  Please put yourself in my shoes. One of the ten commandments is to "Honor your Mother and Father". I think a problem with our culture is the attitude toward tolerance.  You are right that marriage is about love and relationships - AND commitment and covenant.
Posted by decency[/QUOTE]

So you want your son to "honor" you, but not his father?  Because it would be pretty disrespectful to tell him that his significant other can't sit with him.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_where-should-father-of-grooms-girlfriend-sit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ed7ae20-ff62-4787-a632-2252f92fe0dcPost:2d3ef524-3ad3-46a7-9e6f-3cb7bb1efd18">Re: Where should father-of-grooms girlfriend sit?</a>:
[QUOTE]So Mrs. B,  are you saying that when your son marries - you would be OK with your ex-husband having his girlfriend (<strong>one that he was living with while you were still married), sit on the front row with you</strong>?  Please put yourself in my shoes. One of the ten commandments is to "Honor your Mother and Father". I think a problem with our culture is the attitude toward tolerance.  You are right that marriage is about love and relationships -<strong> AND commitment and covenant.</strong>
Posted by decency[/QUOTE]


Sounds to me like this is more about you still having some unresolved issues with your ex.

No, I wouldn't necessarily be okay with it but sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do and if putting on my poker face for the day would make my son happy on his wedding day, well, that's what I would do.

PaddysGirl8

I think there should be no problem to have the gf sit in the second row for the ceremony unless your son has a really good relationship with her. By having her sit in the 2nd row, it's no disrespect to her.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_where-should-father-of-grooms-girlfriend-sit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ed7ae20-ff62-4787-a632-2252f92fe0dcPost:2d3ef524-3ad3-46a7-9e6f-3cb7bb1efd18">Re: Where should father-of-grooms girlfriend sit?</a>:
[QUOTE]So Mrs. B,  are you saying that when your son marries - you would be OK with your ex-husband having his girlfriend (one that he was living with while you were still married), sit on the front row with you?  Please put yourself in my shoes. One of the ten commandments is to "Honor your Mother and Father". I think a problem with our culture is the attitude toward tolerance.  You are right that marriage is about love and relationships - AND commitment and covenant.
Posted by decency[/QUOTE]<div>I don't think you're going to get the answer you want. No one is asking you to feel any particular way about her, or her relationship with your ex husband. What etiquette dictates is that they be seated together. Not that you like it. 

</div>

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_where-should-father-of-grooms-girlfriend-sit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ed7ae20-ff62-4787-a632-2252f92fe0dcPost:2d3ef524-3ad3-46a7-9e6f-3cb7bb1efd18">Re: Where should father-of-grooms girlfriend sit?</a>:
[QUOTE]So Mrs. B,  are you saying that when your son marries - you would be OK with your ex-husband having his girlfriend (one that he was living with while you were still married), sit on the front row with you?  Please put yourself in my shoes. One of the ten commandments is to "Honor your Mother and Father". I think a problem with our culture is the attitude toward tolerance.  You are right that marriage is about love and relationships - AND commitment and covenant.
Posted by decency[/QUOTE]

<div>I would suggest you (and your date if you choose to bring one) sit in the front row and ex and his GF in the 2nd.</div><div>
</div><div>Or suck it up and all of you sit in the front row.</div><div>
</div><div>I think having just you and your ex in the front row is.... IDK... weird.  It does't seem like you even like each other why sit together alone?</div>

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_where-should-father-of-grooms-girlfriend-sit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ed7ae20-ff62-4787-a632-2252f92fe0dcPost:637d3c4a-615a-45ba-b643-0a7c48c62689">Re: Where should father-of-grooms girlfriend sit?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think there should be no problem to have the gf sit in the second row for the ceremony unless your son has a really good relationship with her.<strong> By having her sit in the 2nd row, it's no disrespect to her.</strong>
Posted by PaddysGirl8[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes, it is. Don't judge other people's relationships.</div>

Mrs.B6302007

And, FWIW, I was married before and have had the GF thrown in my face.  Literally.  She showed up to help move my ex's stuff out of the apartment.  That's actually how I found out about her even though I had my suspicions.  I'm just saying that I understand how hard it is to not be the one who wants to end a relationship and that I understand it takes awhile to come to terms with everything.  BUT, your son's wedding isn't the time or place for that battle.

decency

Wow - specialK84 - that was harsh - "the least you can do is act like a civil adult for a day." I simply asked an opinion on a very hurtful situation to me. I would never make a scene and will  go along with what ever is decided. 

It is so very sad to me that we have such a "divorce is normal" society. I was asking a friend from Vietnam and they said that in their culture - a girlfriend that helped to break up a marriage would not be welcome and accepted at the wedding. Interesting.

I pray that you never have to be in this situation. Blessings

musicalsunlight

calm your tits and deal.

JaxInBlue

Having just gone through this dance of the parents for my own wedding, I have to agree with ziti.  Knowing his father's objection to the proposed seating, what does he want to do? 

Beyond that, I agree with Mrs.B.  All of my parents sat in the front row on my side, my mom and stepdad, my dad and his partner.  No one in attendance was confused about how the "real" parents were and everyone appreciated that we weren't splitting hairs.  I agree, though, that because she is not a step-parent, your son and FDIL can have her only in a few photos, can decline to seat her in a special way (ie: she just walks into a venue and sits down, no fancy escort during the pre-processional), could decide not to have her wear a corsage or list her in the program as a parent.  Having both sit in the second row is also an option, but I can understand why that might be less appealing.

And ditto PPs about each parent group hosting their own table.  It helped us tremendously.

laurenclaire1386

Oh dear lord. Now we're on the breakdown of society. Please. I also fail to see how Vietnamese culture is relevant to this situation. 

baystateapple

PPs are right.  Splitting up a social unit is rude.  I'm also wondering why you want to sit with your ex-husband when you two aren't together any longer.

Also, ditto ziti -- what does your son want to do?

musicalsunlight

My H has a LOT of divorce on his side of the family. Do we like that? No. But it is what it is. His family was civil and understood that some people had to sit near each other for an hour or so even if there had been divorces between several of them, and remarriages or new relationships. If your son is ok with it, you just need to let it go.

musicalsunlight

Oh and yeah I'm with LC. WTF does Vietnam have to do with anything? There are assbackwards cultures all over the damn place.

specialk84

I don't think I was harsh at all. I think it's too easy to get wrapped up in your feelings toward a person or situation and ignore the larger picture.

I get it, you don't like this woman. You're still mad at your exH. I understand that. I understand that seeing them together at a wedding is going to be hurtful. However, you can still be the bigger person and be polite and civil. You'll feel better about yourself, and others will be thinking, "She's classy," rather than, "I feel sorry for her."

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_where-should-father-of-grooms-girlfriend-sit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ed7ae20-ff62-4787-a632-2252f92fe0dcPost:87b673de-1132-4153-8926-5a6a79005d80">Re: Where should father-of-grooms girlfriend sit?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think I was harsh at all. I think it's too easy to get wrapped up in your feelings toward a person or situation and ignore the larger picture. I get it, you don't like this woman. You're still mad at your exH. I understand that. I understand that seeing them together at a wedding is going to be hurtful. <strong>However, you can still be the bigger person and be polite and civil. You'll feel better about yourself, and others will be thinking, "She's classy," rather than, "I feel sorry for her."
</strong>Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]
Ditto this 100x.

My ILs are estranged.  My FIL is not a nice person.  But my H wanted him at the wedding, and my MIL sat with him, smiled with him, posed with him for pictures, and never once breathed a word of discontent.  Because that was what her son wanted.

Natrasha

The title of this post makes it sound like the groom has a girlfriend, and where should her father sit. Which makes me giggle.

My parents are divorced, and they are NOT friendly. Unfortunately there was tension at my and my sister's wedding. Fortunately, no one made a scene. My mom was dating someone at my sister's wedding, but not at my wedding. No one felt sorry for her. In fact, everyone talked about how gorgeous and happy she looked.

My dad's girlfriend sat in the front row with him at my wedding. My sister's husband sat with my mom. Is there someone like that who can sit with you during the ceremony? Maybe a brother or your parents?
I think you'll just have to suck it up for the ceremony. It would be rude to make your ex's GF sit in the second row. You don't have to like it, but I think you should be the bigger person.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_where-should-father-of-grooms-girlfriend-sit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ed7ae20-ff62-4787-a632-2252f92fe0dcPost:09fe77dd-8f01-4373-a07d-6809ea64a67f">Re: Where should father-of-grooms girlfriend sit?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow - specialK84 - that was harsh - "the least you can do is act like a civil adult for a day." I simply asked an opinion on a very hurtful situation to me. I would never make a scene and will  go along with what ever is decided.  It is so very sad to me that we have such a "divorce is normal" society. I was asking a friend from Vietnam and they said that in their culture - a girlfriend that helped to break up a marriage would not be welcome and accepted at the wedding. Interesting. I pray that you never have to be in this situation. Blessings
Posted by decency[/QUOTE]

Yeah, it does suck but because divorce is common, we find ourselves in potentially awkward and hurtful social situations.  We have to learn to roll with the punches and move forward.  I feel for you - I really do. 

  Now, go buy yourself a gorgeous MOG dress and schedule a massage for the day before the wedding.  Get all dolled up, be radiant and party it up at the reception!  ;-)

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_where-should-father-of-grooms-girlfriend-sit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ed7ae20-ff62-4787-a632-2252f92fe0dcPost:09fe77dd-8f01-4373-a07d-6809ea64a67f">Re: Where should father-of-grooms girlfriend sit?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow - specialK84 - that was harsh - "the least you can do is act like a civil adult for a day." I simply asked an opinion on a very hurtful situation to me. I would never make a scene and will  go along with what ever is decided.  It is so very sad to me that we have such a "divorce is normal" society. I was asking a friend from Vietnam and they said that in their culture - a girlfriend that helped to break up a marriage would not be welcome and accepted at the wedding. Interesting. I pray that you never have to be in this situation. Blessings
Posted by decency[/QUOTE]

Oh boy.

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_where-should-father-of-grooms-girlfriend-sit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ed7ae20-ff62-4787-a632-2252f92fe0dcPost:144931a1-0d22-4801-af8b-93575e1631f7">Re: Where should father-of-grooms girlfriend sit?</a>:
[QUOTE]Having just gone through this dance of the parents for my own wedding, I have to agree with ziti.  Knowing his father's objection to the proposed seating, what does he want to do?  Beyond that, I agree with Mrs.B.  <strong>All of my parents sat in the front row on my side, my mom and stepdad, my dad and his partner.  No one in attendance was confused about how the "real" parents were and everyone appreciated that we weren't splitting hairs.  I agree, though, that because she is not a step-parent, your son and FDIL can have her only in a few photos, can decline to seat her in a special way (ie: she just walks into a venue and sits down, no fancy escort during the pre-processional), could decide not to have her wear a corsage or list her in the program as a parent.  Having both sit in the second row is also an option, but I can understand why that might be less appealing.</strong> And ditto PPs about each parent group hosting their own table.  It helped us tremendously.
Posted by JaclyneD[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Good points.</div><div>
</div><div>OP, she's not going to be in all the pictures. Most photographers will be sensitive to the situation. Ours did family photos with girlfriends/boyfriends and without. </div><div>
</div><div>Besides, even if she is in a bunch of the pictures, why does it matter? I assume you won't be getting prints of every single photo taken, so how does it affect you? I'm not trying to be harsh, but the pictures are something that is out of your control and has absolutely nothing to do with you.

</div>

zitiqueen

Something tells me that your son and what he wants doesn't factor into HIS wedding at all as far as you're concerned.

Natrasha

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_where-should-father-of-grooms-girlfriend-sit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ed7ae20-ff62-4787-a632-2252f92fe0dcPost:e176e738-25b9-4112-82fa-a52efd0d0b68">Re: Where should father-of-grooms girlfriend sit?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where should father-of-grooms girlfriend sit? : Yeah, it does suck but because divorce is common, we find ourselves in potentially awkward and hurtful social situations.  We have to learn to roll with the punches and move forward.  I feel for you - I really do.    <strong>Now, go buy yourself a gorgeous MOG dress and schedule a massage for the day before the wedding.  Get all dolled up, be radiant and party it up at the reception!  ;-)</strong>
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

Definitely this!!
Look at my gorgeous mom. I know things were rough for her during the ceremony and pictures, but she was the life of the party at the reception. She was an amazing hostess. She forgot about the awkward bits, and no one remembers who she was sitting with during our ceremony.

<a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/4/5/8447d339-d1d0-4f26-9555-9675186a971e.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/4/5/8447d339-d1d0-4f26-9555-9675186a971e.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

myname1234

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_where-should-father-of-grooms-girlfriend-sit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ed7ae20-ff62-4787-a632-2252f92fe0dcPost:09fe77dd-8f01-4373-a07d-6809ea64a67f">Re: Where should father-of-grooms girlfriend sit?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow - specialK84 - that was harsh - "the least you can do is act like a civil adult for a day." I simply asked an opinion on a very hurtful situation to me. I would never make a scene and will  go along with what ever is decided.  It is so very sad to me that we have such a "divorce is normal" society. I was asking a friend from Vietnam and they said that in their culture - a<strong> girlfriend that helped to break up a marriage would not be welcome and accepted</strong> at the wedding. Interesting. I pray that you never have to be in this situation. Blessings
Posted by decency[/QUOTE]

The girlfriend didn't break up your marriage.  your HUSBAND did.  She didn't cheat on you...HE didn't.

it's easy to blame the other woman, but the truth is she has absolutely no commitment to you.

FWIW, i've also been in a similar situation.  My ex-to-be was cheating on me.  He was living with his new girlfriend prior to when our divorce was final (which never actually finalized due to his death, but that is irrlevant here).     To be completely honest THEY lived in my basement.   It was an horrible dreadful sitatuion and i look back on it with a lot of disdain.

But I can absolutely assure you with 100% certainly that I would still make dang sure my son's wedding day was about <strong>him.   </strong>I would put on my happy face, let ex- and his girlfriend sit in the front row.  I would ask for 2 tables at the reception, but i would not expect my child to have to be in the middle of my battle.

Edit for spelling

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_where-should-father-of-grooms-girlfriend-sit?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9ed7ae20-ff62-4787-a632-2252f92fe0dcPost:adc72501-0671-4c17-ae87-28c88101262f">Re: Where should father-of-grooms girlfriend sit?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Where should father-of-grooms girlfriend sit? : Definitely this!! Look at my gorgeous mom. I know things were rough for her during the ceremony and pictures, but she was the life of the party at the reception. She was an amazing hostess. She forgot about the awkward bits, and no one remembers who she was sitting with during our ceremony.
Posted by Natrasha[/QUOTE]


STUNNING!!  =-)