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NWR: Personal reference?

monkeysipmonkeysip member
2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hello ladies,

I come here with an employment question because you ladies are smart.  :)

I'm applying for a teaching position, and they want 3 professional references (got 'em), but one personal reference, not a family member.

I've never actually had to give a personal reference.  It's actually a form I have to mail to my references, and they have to rate my abilities/qualities. 

What do employers look for in a personal reference?  I guess I'm just at sort of a loss because I have family members, friends, and professional acquaintances.  Obviously I have to just pick a friend, but just any friend? 

I just really don't get the point of a personal reference.  Seems like any friend I would pick would just say nice things about me regardless of whether or not they were true.

Any advice?

Also, this is sort of a P&R.  I'll be back in a couple hours though to respond!

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Re: NWR: Personal reference?

  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-personal-reference?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f5fdf42-b0a3-4bb4-86a9-125220078557Post:1cd32a6f-768b-4c73-8841-02f32177c66f">Re: NWR: Personal reference?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My bf uses me as a personal reference, I know because she asked if I was OK with it. I've never been called about her before. My guess is they only use your personal reference if they are on the fence about whether or not you are weirdo in your interview.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    Ha!  So should I just get a good friend to fill out the reference form and assume it won't really be scruitinized much?  Just something they ask for in case they need another reference?

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  • beardownbchsbeardownbchs member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I used to volunteer with a friend and I've used her. She could tell them about my volunteering (always looks good) and she's seen more of my work-type qualities than a lot of my friends don't see. Stage is right, use someone who can give a little more than, "Yeah she's my bestie and I totally love her!".
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  • Hummingbird125Hummingbird125 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    My best friend actually just asked me to be a personal reference for her last week. I was the perfect shoice for her because although we've been friends since 8th grade, we've also competed together in the same sport, been coworkers, and I was her boss for a while - so I have known her in many different situations. The right person for you will be able to speak to the qualities that will make you a good hire.
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I usually choose one of my friends who I've known for awhile, has a good job, and I've worked with before. I know she'll be honest and while she might talk me up in a letter, if called she'll get flustered and tell the truth, which makes me sound like a human. So far it hasn't failed me lol.
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  • rachelm13rachelm13 member
    100 Comments First Anniversary
    Look for someone with a steady work history and preferably an impressive career or title.  It also helps if they have worked with you or work in a similar field so that they can talk about the kinds of qualities that might come up.  Your best friend may say you are an awesome person and super responsible, but if she's a clerk at a gas station who has known you since Kindergarten and is judging that based on you being the DD at the bar or always returning your movies on time, it's not going to carry the same kind of weight, you know?

    This.  I use my former boss who has been my friend longer than she was my boss if that makes sense.  (I worked for her for 2 years back in 2002).  Once I left we became close friends.  :)  She knows my pluses and minuses and my current job called her for a reference.  First time that happened.  This place also essentially went all FBI on vetting me.  So what do I know?
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    a personal reference is usually a character references.  i personally dont bother with these because no one would ever put down someone who would say they have  bad character. 

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  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    You all have given great advice... but I'm still at a loss.

    To be honest, I really don't have many friends.  And the ones I have, I have never worked with and none have impressive jobs/titles.  Sigh.

    Whoever I pick, I will let them know to be honest and not just put all perfect ratings since I know that will look like BS.

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  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-personal-reference?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f5fdf42-b0a3-4bb4-86a9-125220078557Post:66653b66-fdd5-4256-8a46-42b22e7709b4">Re: NWR: Personal reference?</a>:
    [QUOTE]What about a friend of the family or a family member of a friend who has known you for a long time?  
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    I got nothing.  I have a very small family, and none of them have friends who have known me a while.  :/

    I don't know anyone at church either.  Sadly, I'm not the most social type.

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  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-personal-reference?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f5fdf42-b0a3-4bb4-86a9-125220078557Post:c0e3f38a-9b54-4d2b-aa8e-22d042ac2c81">Re: NWR: Personal reference?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Then just pick the best person you can from your friends and acquaintances.  This isn't really usually a "make or break" type thing, though having great ones CAN help if the decision gets close.  But you can't change things so I wouldn't stress over it too much.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Alright, thanks.  The professional references I have *I think* are really good, so hopefully that will take care of showing my professional attributes.  I have just a couple close friends who should be able to at least let them know I good character and was a good student (since we went to school together).

    Job hunting is so stressful, especially when you're just entering the field, so it's so easy to psyche myself out. 

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  • MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Make sure you talk to the reference about this before putting them down. You should call them to ask permission first.

    For my personal references, I use the CEO of a company and the manager of a company that I used support but am friends with. Both can attest to my charcter and work ethic as well as my personability.

    We rarely contact personal references when hiring people at my company. Also, people use me all the time as a personal reference and I've only been called twice. One was a person who really should've asked me first because I was baffled that she considered me a personal reference and I had nothing good to say about her and declined to comment to the interviewer (rather than damage her career path). For the other one, they basically just verified the reference, asked me if I could see him doing the job and that was it.
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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
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  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-personal-reference?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f5fdf42-b0a3-4bb4-86a9-125220078557Post:042c21eb-9e4a-488b-a0e5-f7baeaca627c">Re: NWR: Personal reference?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Make sure you talk to the reference about this before putting them down. You should call them to ask permission first. For my personal references, I use the CEO of a company and the manager of a company that I used support but am friends with. Both can attest to my charcter and work ethic as well as my personability. We rarely contact personal references when hiring people at my company. Also, people use me all the time as a personal reference and I've only been called twice. One was a person who really should've asked me first because I was baffled that she considered me a personal reference and I had nothing good to say about her and declined to comment to the interviewer (rather than damage her career path). For the other one, they basically just verified the reference, asked me if I could see him doing the job and that was it.
    Posted by BritniLeigh[/QUOTE]

    It's actually a form they have to fill out and mail to the employment office, so I have to contact this person first to give them the form.  It's not a "just put down reference phone numbers" kind of situation.

    And my prof. references volunteered and have been references before, so they should be good.

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