Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes t

aurianna

I'm really not sure why they invited you to be in their wedding and even more confused on why you accepted since it's obviously a great burden for you.

If it were all a plot for the bride to get attention, I think she'd be spending the money on making her dress and hair poofier vs using it to feed and water friends and family.

Also, if I recall mine and all the others I've been too, the bride is rarely the center of attention. It's often times the PARENTS of the groom who might not have any other opportunity to host/shine as well as the couple as a whole.

I think an RD or at least some sort of refreshments should be required as it's a way to THANK those who took time during the rehearsal / took the time to come in from OOT... not a way to torture people like you're making it sound.

I don't think you should be required to go to the rehearsal, and if the bride is throwing a bridezilla fit because you don't want to, I can understand your annoyance... But even ushers have things they can pick up at the rehearsal, like learning any strange layouts, meeting mothers or grandparents they may be escorting, get a general idea of cues which might indicate they'll need to start dismissing rows... etc etc.

Just chill.

Callmefia

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:cc650c32-00ef-4abb-b2dd-fe7e321218d0">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]You sound resentful of the past, and IMO, your husband's sister's wedding/R/RD is NOT the event you should pick to make your last straw kind of declaration.
Posted by doublenn[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what I was thinking. If you aren't happy with the way things are going, can you please wait until the NEXT family holiday/event?!?!!! Don't do this based on a wedding event of your H's sister. This is probably a big deal to her and it would be extremely hurtful if you guys couldn't figure out how to deal with it.

mwiederhold

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:f023af64-c2dc-4462-aa84-775c4035bf09">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : I'm genuinely curious here. How is asking you and H to attend holidays, birthdays, his sister's wedding , etc. overkill and taking advantage of you? Perhaps they just want to spend time with you two on important days in their lives.
Posted by AceTT[/QUOTE]



Taking advantage bc they think a hour + drive is nothung when they never do it for us. There were quite a few functions that we wanted to do in our area but cant bc its too far for them yet they think its ok for US to make the trip. The more we bite the bullet and drive out there, the more they will expect it, hence taking advantage!

I get the "wanting to spend time" but when it comes to them taking the drive for us, the interest to spend time falls into a black hole! Dont you get it? Again, no one had time for our rehearsal dinner so we didnt have one, also, one of them suggested that we postpone our wedding till after they purchased their new home!!! Yeah pretty bold shittt hah? And most of you will continue to say that im the AW!

jemmini6

So really...this isn't about the bride making the event ALL ABOUT HER...this is YOU making the event ALL ABOUT YOU as a way to get 'revenge' for how things have been done in the past, which as PP's said, is an issue with your H, not his family.

mwiederhold

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:a08da7c5-19c9-4792-aa26-f6e78bf002ab">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : OP, you sound extremely jealous and petty. Don't make her wedding tit-for-tat with your wedding.  Just because noone did what you wanted doesn't mean you have to skip her events.  It's spiteful. I think you should do the right thing for the wedding and go.  HOWEVER, I do think you and hubby need to have a major talk about splitting the holidays.  All his and none of yours all the time is not very good.   You need your peeps too.
Posted by myname1234[/QUOTE]




We have every intension of going to the wedding!! Its the RD thats an inconvenience. This is not tit for tat i am not a child its about principal and meeting expectations when expectations arent reciprocated.

whitsy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:743b6b1e-f3fe-4aa3-92fd-67a24d145a02">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : We have every intension of going to the wedding!! Its the RD thats an inconvenience. This is not tit for tat i am not a child its about principal and meeting expectations when expectations arent reciprocated.
Posted by mwiederhold[/QUOTE]

<div>Then don't go! Jeebus.</div><div>
</div><div>Bless your heart! How do you function?</div><div>
</div><div>This honestly is not as big of a deal as you're making it out to be. They can pressure you all they want to, but you can still say no. Your husband can go and you don't have to. Or you can suck it up and go. Those are your options. What do you want us to say? </div><div>
</div><div>Also, you keep mentioning what you did for your wedding. Who cares? Everyone does things differently. I can guarantee you she's not going to NOT have a R/RD just because you're pitching a hissy fit.</div><div>
</div><div>So, just to sum it all up:</div><div>
</div><div>1) Neither one of you go because it's too much of an inconvenience.</div><div>2) You stay home because you're ill about it.</div><div>3) Y'all go, and make the best of it.</div><div>
</div><div>Personally, it's family, so regardless of the inconvenience, I'd go.</div>

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:743b6b1e-f3fe-4aa3-92fd-67a24d145a02">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : We have every intension of going to the wedding!! Its the RD thats an inconvenience. <strong>This is not tit for tat i am not a child its about principal and meeting expectations when expectations arent reciprocated.
</strong>Posted by mwiederhold[/QUOTE]

First of all, I think you mean "intention" and "principle."  Second of all, you're full of sh!t.  Newsflash:  Refusing to go to someone's event because you don't feel like they go to enough of your events is absolutely, 100%, tit-for-tat bean counting.  If this was truly only about the RD being an inconvenience, you wouldn'tve created a GD poll on a freakin' wedding website to b!tch about how the bride is supposedly an AW.  You would've just said "sorry, can't make it" and moved on with your life.   

eirwyn

Aren't you the same person who was a complete AW over your in-laws paying for this wedding but not yours? Could this be some resentment on your part, perhaps?

eirwyn

Found it:

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paid-for-our-wedding-ourselves-husbands-sister-getting-free-ride-bc-shes-the-daughter

Also:

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_paid-for-our-wedding-ourselves-husbands-sister-getting-free-ride-bc-shes-the-daughter

Fancypantsamy

Does anyone else feel really bad for the OP's inlaws? What an unpleasant, angry and irrational person to get stuck with.

AceTT

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:a531b188-0384-4059-8eac-dd0b366ed61d">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]Found it: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paid-for-our-wedding-ourselves-husbands-sister-getting-free-ride-bc-shes-the-daughter">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_paid-for-our-wedding-ourselves-husbands-sister-getting-free-ride-bc-shes-the-daughter</a> Also: <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_paid-for-our-wedding-ourselves-husbands-sister-getting-free-ride-bc-shes-the-daughter">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_paid-for-our-wedding-ourselves-husbands-sister-getting-free-ride-bc-shes-the-daughter</a>
Posted by eirwyn[/QUOTE]
Wow... OP, it sounds like you have a LOT of resentment toward your ILs, not just about the holidays and "being taken advantage of" but also about the money they have chosen to spend on their daughter's wedding day. If you need time to get over it, fine; take time. But don't make your SIL suffer while you work on getting over it.

laurenlizzyb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:da6515a0-9bb2-4fc8-a504-24de0335ab2a">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : BC we're always traveling one hour + to go to THEM.  I had a casual engagement party dinner out by us and none of them attended, excuses were: work, drive too long etc. our wknd wedding was 45 minutes away from them but they only stayed for the night of the wedding (sister DID come the night before in addition to wedding night, I will give her credit and appreciation for that).  My birthday is never acknowledged by them yet we're expected to attend EVERY SINGLE birthday that they have.  I dont have much family here in this country, only a mother and step-sister who I no longer get to see for holidays b/c I'm "expected" to be with my husbands family.
Posted by mwiederhold[/QUOTE]




After reading the entire board I change my reply: its your husbands sister... Go to her RD. rise above yadda yadda. However, after this wedding might be a good time to talk to your husband about how spending quality time with your family is just as important.