Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes t

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:6cb2e2a4-ce14-47fc-8ff0-44f1bece2e72">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : I rise at 545am, husband rises at 500am - my commute from NYC is one hour, his is 20 minutes. we start work at 7am and 730am and get home at 5pm  and 7pm.  The hearsal (starts at 730) is over an hour away, possibly 2hrs with NY traffic.  After the church the dinner will go from 8pm to 10pm and then there's the 1 hour + drive home.  Our family is fully aware of our schedules and the sister is demanding that her brother (my husband) attend regardless of what his daily work schedule is like.  when we explained our day in full detail yet again, the response was <strong>"So, cant you just come"?
</strong>Posted by mwiederhold[/QUOTE]

Your husband should be saying "Unfortunately, our work schedules prevent us from attending. We are so sorry." He should say it over & over & over & over. And then change the subject. You should stay out of it.

strlzfan11

You mean to tell me that neither you nor your husband is willing to take a few hours off of work to participate in a SIBLING's wedding?

I can understand both points of view.  That would be a long day for you & your husband, but this is his sister.  Can you skip the actual rehearsal, go for dinner, and leave as soon as dinner is over?

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:306a6f6d-600f-4c1b-9dfa-e0c44e218d0b">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : Does your awesome high powered fancy NY job not provide PTO?
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

That, or maybe just try and function on less sleep for a day?  Everyone does it from time to time.

mdeidre

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:0ea906e5-c2a2-44fe-999f-4f84fa7c5867">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]WHAT A BITCH!!!!!  HOW DARE SHE OFFER TO FEED YOU DINNER?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Posted by Megan+Adam[/QUOTE]

I don't know you Megan, but you rock!  Lol.

cpm1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:06b7fd7c-049b-4774-844c-e451b2ad955d">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : <strong>That, or maybe just try and function on less sleep for a day?  Everyone does it from time to time.
</strong>Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what I was thinking. OP you'll be home by what 11:30/12:00? Sure that's a little late for a work night, but its not impossible to function on 5.5 hours of sleep.

mwiederhold

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:306a6f6d-600f-4c1b-9dfa-e0c44e218d0b">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : Does your awesome high powered fancy NY job not provide PTO?
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

LOL!  Not really, I work in Finance (joking), Yes they do, but I have a juror summons to attend the next day which means I have to get ALL MY WORK DONE BY Thursday.  my problem isnt about it being necessary its more about the pushback we got from them when we explained that its very difficult for us.  This is not an isolated incident, we travel out there for every single holiday, birthday, etc and its becoming overkill and we're being taken advantage of.  I didnt have a rehearsal simply b/c most of them wouldnt have been able to make it so its starting to become more about HER and not for Family.

mdeidre

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:6cb2e2a4-ce14-47fc-8ff0-44f1bece2e72">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : I rise at 545am, husband rises at 500am - my commute from NYC is one hour, his is 20 minutes. we start work at 7am and 730am and get home at 5pm  and 7pm.  The hearsal (starts at 730) is over an hour away, possibly 2hrs with NY traffic.  After the church the dinner will go from 8pm to 10pm and then there's the 1 hour + drive home.  Our family is fully aware of our schedules and the sister is demanding that her brother (my husband) attend regardless of what his daily work schedule is like.  when we explained our day in full detail yet again, the response was "So, cant you just come"?
Posted by mwiederhold[/QUOTE]

Like Nancy Regan said, just say no.  Seriously, you guys are adults, you can say no if you want to.  They can whine and stomp and whatever else, but you say no and tell them the subject is closed.  And yes, I know how hard that is for some people, but the trick is not to open it for negotiation.  Just nicely tell them "We can't, but i hope the rest of you have a great time," and leave it at that, no more discussion, just closed.

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:fa99567a-04b1-4ab5-8335-5e2d591528e0">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : LOL!  Not really, I work in Finance (joking), Yes they do, but I have a juror summons to attend the next day which means I have to get ALL MY WORK DONE BY Thursday.  my problem isnt about it being necessary its more about the pushback we got from them when we explained that its very difficult for us.  This is not an isolated incident, we travel out there for every single holiday, birthday, etc and its becoming overkill and we're being taken advantage of.  <strong>I didnt have a rehearsal simply b/c most of them wouldnt have been able to make it so its starting to become more about HER and not for Family.</strong>
Posted by mwiederhold[/QUOTE]

I still don't get how she's making it about her by asking you and her brother to be there?

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:306a6f6d-600f-4c1b-9dfa-e0c44e218d0b">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : Does your awesome high powered fancy NY job not provide PTO?
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

<div>Or can't your husband just run on a little less sleep the next day? </div><div>
</div><div>I don't completely understand being on such a strick schedule so have to miss out on a family social event.  An event that I assume does not happen on a regular basis.</div><div>
</div><div>Maybe it's just me.  I've gone to concerts, sporting events, charity events and various other things on a 'school night' before.  On a regular basis? no, but once in a while I don't see the big deal. </div>

AceTT

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:fa99567a-04b1-4ab5-8335-5e2d591528e0">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : LOL!  Not really, I work in Finance (joking), Yes they do, but I have a juror summons to attend the next day which means I have to get ALL MY WORK DONE BY Thursday.  my problem isnt about it being necessary its more about the pushback we got from them when we explained that its very difficult for us.  This is not an isolated incident, <strong>we travel out there for every single holiday, birthday, etc and its becoming overkill and we're being taken advantage of.</strong>  I didnt have a rehearsal simply b/c most of them wouldnt have been able to make it so its starting to become more about HER and not for Family.
Posted by mwiederhold[/QUOTE]
I'm genuinely curious here. How is asking you and H to attend holidays, birthdays, <strong>his sister's wedding</strong>, etc. overkill and taking advantage of you? Perhaps they just want to spend time with you two on important days in their lives.

myname1234

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:6cb2e2a4-ce14-47fc-8ff0-44f1bece2e72">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : I rise at 545am, husband rises at 500am - my commute from NYC is one hour, his is 20 minutes. we start work at 7am and 730am and get home at 5pm  and 7pm.  The hearsal (starts at 730) is over an hour away, possibly 2hrs with NY traffic.  After the church the dinner will go from 8pm to 10pm and then there's the 1 hour + drive home.  Our family is fully aware of our schedules and the sister is demanding that her brother (my husband) attend regardless of what his daily work schedule is <strong>like.  when we explained our day in full detail yet again, the response was "So, cant you just come"?</strong>
Posted by mwiederhold[/QUOTE]

If this was an average joe friend request, I'd say decline.
This is his sister.  I think you can do an extra shot of espresso the next morning to be at his sister's dinner.

strlzfan11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:bb6e8468-85cb-4c46-8d1b-46bcc80bf36f">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : Or can't your husband just run on a little less sleep the next day?  I don't completely understand being on such a strick schedule so have to miss out on a family social event.  An event that I assume does not happen on a regular basis. Maybe it's just me.  I've gone to concerts, sporting events, charity events and various other things on a 'school night' before.  On a regular basis? no, but once in a while I don't see the big deal. 
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

My thoughts exactly.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:f023af64-c2dc-4462-aa84-775c4035bf09">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : I'm genuinely curious here. How is asking you and H to attend holidays, birthdays, his sister's wedding , etc. overkill and taking advantage of you? Perhaps they just want to spend time with you two on important days in their lives.
Posted by AceTT[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Some people just do not like hanging out with family as often as other families do.  Obviously she is that type that thinks hanging out with family is a chore.  Her in-laws seem to be the opposite.</div><div>
</div><div>I have a feeling there will always be a conflict as they not to be in the same page on the subject.

</div>

mica178

All of H's siblings took at least a few days off to attend our wedding since we married on the opposite side of the country from where most of them lived.  They all attended the RD.  No one complained because (hopefully) this is the one time H will marry, and they want to be there for all the festivities.

Having a sibling with  a local wedding and only having to deal with a few hours' loss of sleep?  Count yourself lucky.  These are your in-laws.  Either go and smile or decline and hold your ground.  No one is being an AW.  RDs are a chance for the B&G to thank their family and WP for their involvement in the wedding and their pre-wedding lives. 

mwiederhold

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:b8e9920a-254d-4172-b585-6297729d405e">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : Like Nancy Regan said, just say no.  Seriously, you guys are adults, you can say no if you want to.  They can whine and stomp and whatever else, but you say no and tell them the subject is closed.  And yes, I know how hard that is for some people, but the trick is not to open it for negotiation.  Just nicely tell them "We can't, but i hope the rest of you have a great time," and leave it at that, no more discussion, just closed.
Posted by mdeidre[/QUOTE]

I agree with you, but he needs to grow a pair of balls I guess!

[Deleted User]

I don't think I get all of this as I really don't see this as a big deal.

1) If you don't want to/can't go, just say no.  If she guilts you, just stick to your guns.  Be a big girl, put on your big girl pants, and say no.
2) It seems like YOUR work schedule is the real problem.  Any reason your husband can't go to his sister's rehearsal dinner without you? I mean...it is his SISTER'S wedding we're talking about...if you have a work conflict, fine, but I don't see why that affects him taking a few hours to be with his family.
3) I really thought a rehearsal dinner was a courtesy for people who were in the wedding party (I mean, my sister had one and she didn't have a rehearsal...but it's nice to feed your wedding party if they come in the day or so before the wedding).  So, no, I in no way think it's a way for her to be seeking more attention.
4) It's an hour.  That's really not that far to go for holidays, birthdays and weddings. 

jemmini6

I'm still not sure how asking you to attend a rehearsal and RD is making it ALL ABOUT HER.  It's pretty standard for weddings so people know where they enter from, line up, etc.  Not exactly what I call a AW type of event....

mwiederhold

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:f023af64-c2dc-4462-aa84-775c4035bf09">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : I'm genuinely curious here. How is asking you and H to attend holidays, birthdays, his sister's wedding , etc. overkill and taking advantage of you? Perhaps they just want to spend time with you two on important days in their lives.
Posted by AceTT[/QUOTE]

BC we're always traveling one hour + to go to THEM.  I had a casual engagement party dinner out by us and none of them attended, excuses were: work, drive too long etc. our wknd wedding was 45 minutes away from them but they only stayed for the night of the wedding (sister DID come the night before in addition to wedding night, I will give her credit and appreciation for that).  My birthday is never acknowledged by them yet we're expected to attend EVERY SINGLE birthday that they have.  I dont have much family here in this country, only a mother and step-sister who I no longer get to see for holidays b/c I'm "expected" to be with my husbands family.

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:da6515a0-9bb2-4fc8-a504-24de0335ab2a">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : BC we're always traveling one hour + to go to THEM.  I had a casual engagement party dinner out by us and none of them attended, excuses were: work, drive too long etc. our wknd wedding was 45 minutes away from them but they only stayed for the night of the wedding (sister DID come the night before in addition to wedding night, I will give her credit and appreciation for that).  My birthday is never acknowledged by them yet we're expected to attend EVERY SINGLE birthday that they have.  I dont have much family here in this country, only a mother and step-sister who I no longer get to see for holidays b/c I'm "expected" to be with my husbands family.
Posted by mwiederhold[/QUOTE]

So you're making it all about you instead. I get it.

FWIW, I get the whole sides of the family fighting thing.  FMIL and my dad are always whining we don't spend enough time with them.  But instead of making your statement with one of their pre-wedding events, maybe you should take the high road, get through the wedding stuff, and THEN tell them how you feel.  This passive agressive skipping of rehearsal just because you don't like your holiday arrangements is pretty immature IMO.

AceTT

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:da6515a0-9bb2-4fc8-a504-24de0335ab2a">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : BC we're always traveling one hour + to go to THEM.  I had a casual engagement party dinner out by us and none of them attended, excuses were: work, drive too long etc. our <strong>wknd wedding was 45 minutes away from them but they only stayed for the night of the wedding (sister DID come the night before in addition to wedding night, I will give her credit and appreciation for that).</strong>  My birthday is never acknowledged by them yet we're expected to attend EVERY SINGLE birthday that they have.  I dont have much family here in this country, only a mother and step-sister who I no longer get to see for holidays b/c I'm "expected" to be with my husbands family.
Posted by mwiederhold[/QUOTE]
I suppose that does seem excessive, especially the fact that you are "expected" to be with your H's family on holidays. However, most couples do a decent job of splitting holidays and taking turns. That's something you would have to discuss with your H.

Regarding the bolded - our wedding was just under an hour from H's parents' house. They came to town for the R and RD on Friday night, drove home that night, drove back to town for the wedding on Saturday, and then drove home later that night. They did not spend the night here for our wedding because they didn't want to. I was a little disappointed because it would have been nice to have seen them the next morning, but they didn't want to spend the money. They also needed to get back to their dogs and horses; those type of animals don't do well being ignored for 24 hours straight. I did not take it to mean I was being taken advantage of.

blgrout

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:3fe41f2b-064d-4bf2-86a1-0eabb0a33dd7">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm still not sure how asking you to attend a rehearsal and RD is making it ALL ABOUT HER.  It's pretty standard for weddings so people know where they enter from, line up, etc.  Not exactly what I call a AW type of event....
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

this is what I was thinking.  We're having a RD so we can let everyone who's in the wedding know the order of ceremony, where to stand, etc.  I don't think that makes someone an AW for trying to make sure people know what's happening on the wedding day.  Then again, I am not requiring peeps to be there.  If they get there, great, if not, they can get cliff notes from those that did come. 
We're also using our RD as our time to hand out gifts, but that's because our WP will be at our RD.  Because they want to be, not because they have to.

myname1234

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:da6515a0-9bb2-4fc8-a504-24de0335ab2a">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : BC we're always traveling one hour + to go to THEM.  <strong>I had a casual engagement party dinner out by us and none of them attended,</strong> excuses were: work, drive too long etc. our wknd wedding was 45 minutes away from them <strong>but they only stayed for the night of the wedding</strong> (sister DID come the night before in addition to wedding night, I will give her credit and appreciation for that).  <strong>My birthday is never acknowledged</strong> by them yet we're expected to attend EVERY SINGLE birthday that they have.  I dont have much family here in this country, only a mother and step-sister who I no longer get to see for holidays b/c <strong>I'm "expected" to be with my husbands family</strong>.
Posted by mwiederhold[/QUOTE]

OP, you sound extremely jealous and petty.

Don't make her wedding tit-for-tat with your wedding.  Just because noone did what you wanted doesn't mean you have to skip her events.  It's spiteful.

I think you should do the right thing for the wedding and go.  HOWEVER, I do think you and hubby need to have a major talk about splitting the holidays.  All his and none of yours all the time is not very good.   You need your peeps too.

em01092

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinners-absolutely-importantnecessary-or-bride-squeezing-out-another-event-where-shes-the-center-of-attention?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9f6d9efe-dd20-428f-9818-2c281f3d3162Post:da6515a0-9bb2-4fc8-a504-24de0335ab2a">Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Rehearsal Dinners - Absolutely Important/Necessary or Bride Squeezing Out Another Event Where Shes the Center of Attention : BC we're always traveling one hour + to go to THEM.  I had a casual engagement party dinner out by us and none of them attended, excuses were: work, drive too long etc. our wknd wedding was 45 minutes away from them but they only stayed for the night of the wedding (sister DID come the night before in addition to wedding night, I will give her credit and appreciation for that).  My birthday is never acknowledged by them yet we're expected to attend EVERY SINGLE birthday that they have.  I dont have much family here in this country, only a mother and step-sister who I no longer get to see for holidays b/c I'm "expected" to be with my husbands family.
Posted by mwiederhold[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ok so just decline these requests. They legit cannot force you to come out to them. If you can't because of work,  then say so and don't give in. You aren't doing anything wrong. I agree that you should try to go to the R or the RD, but you certainly do not have to for every little thing or even to the wedding related events if you absolutely cannot make it. Your H needs to deal with his family and let them know that it just isn't possible to come to every event. Have you ever invited them to come out your way for things?

</div>

polichik

... So what you're saying is that you have a FI problem. Apparently you think he "needs to grow a pair of balls," and you clearly resent the hell out of his family, but nobody's taking any steps to change anything. If you feel that you're always having to go to visit them, you and your FI need to sit down with them and suggest that you two host a holiday this year. Or that you've decde yhat you're going to spend this Thanksgiving with your family. Or whatever. But holding onto this huge level of bitterness and resentment towards your future familyinlaw and not addressing it is going to do nothing but ensure your future misery. If your FI won't back you up, that's a whole other set of issues.

polichik

Sorry, didn't realize you were already married. I can't edit on the mobile format, so please change "FI" to "husband" in your mind.

rlavach

Why is traveling 1 hour such a big deal? I travel over an hour each way to work. Plus, by the time you'll be leaving at night, traffic will be much better & it'll be a quicker ride. You're making this into such a huge deal when it's really not. I say suck it up & go. It's your DH's sister. Come on.

sparent2010

This has a lot more to do with your issues with his family than going out there for a rehersal dinner.

You need to grow up and take one for the team. FI and my parents live about 2 hours apart and every holiday we are juggling families and schedules. It would be nice if they came t osee us instead of us traveling all over the Puget Sound seeing people but we suck it up adn do it anyways... b/c they are family.

StephBeanWed61502

So let me get this straight - you have a problem with the fact that your H (NOT his family, since they have absolutely zero control over what you and your H decide to do with your time, unless they routinely put an actual gun to your head, which, I'm guessing, they don't) "makes" you spend holidays/etc. with his family more often than you'd like, so your solution is to throw an unbelievable hissy fit and not only refuse to attend his sister's RD yourself, but also insist that he doesn't attend either?  This solves your actual problem - you know, the one where your H "makes" you do stuff you don't want to do and doesn't do stuff with you that you want to do - how, exactly?

As a bride with a brother, all I can say is please don't punish your H and his sister just for the sake of making a point.

doublenn

You sound resentful of the past, and IMO, your husband's sister's wedding/R/RD is NOT the event you should pick to make your last straw kind of declaration.

[Deleted User]

This seems like less of a RD issue and more of an in law issue.  So, don't take it out on the bride (who you admitted made an effort for your wedding).  At least have your husband go to his sister's rehearsal dinner.  If you want to beg out, fine, but it's her wedding and I'm sure she wants her brother to be a part of everything.

Then, at a later time, hash out this resentment and this holiday issue.  You're a grown woman.  Unless your in-laws are literally tying you to the roof of the car to MAKE you go to events, you don't have to go.  Next Christmas, tell them you want to see your mom instead.  Kindly suggest doing a holiday brunch a few weekends after to celebrate with them. Or, to avoid this drive you hate, offer to host easter/thanksgiving/a birthday dinner for yourself.  Stand up for yourself and find kind compromises because, frankly, it's not your in laws job or your husband's job to make time for your family.  That's your job.  Being passive aggressive and angry about it solves absolutely nothing and will probably just make things worse.