people invite others with no plus one.

Carson386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-invite-others-with-no-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a14651a6-a2b1-4274-ac26-de02143e5e38Post:ea6ce855-00fd-4622-9c82-380f5b35b5c5">Re: people invite others with no plus one.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: people invite others with no plus one. : It might be serious, but it would not be long-term.  I don't see a mandate that every boyfriend/GF get an invite.   I do not see every BF/GF being serious, especially at 21. 
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

I'm 21, I will be married when I am 21. I am in a very serious relationship with my FI, we have been together for 3 years. We were serious after about 2 months. 2 months may not seem like a long time, but we were definitely serious.

APDSS22

Honestly, if the aunt is asking if he can come, invite him.  Causes a lot less drama.  My FI and I have been together since freshman year of college and we're getting married next year at 24.  If it's serious enough for his girlfriend's mother to ask for an invite for him to an OOT wedding, who knows, he might propose before your wedding and then you'd look like a fool.

KellyBrian2013

NYU you get more and more ridiculous. How do you have friend?

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-invite-others-with-no-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a14651a6-a2b1-4274-ac26-de02143e5e38Post:f4d6b48c-cf6f-4cd2-8eb2-b84c490265cf">Re: people invite others with no plus one.</a>:
[QUOTE]NYU, do you seriously not see how inherently judgmental it is to pick and choose which relationships warrant a plus one? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thats why some people suggest a hard line of say six months, etc in relationship. <strong>  I have yet to see anyone other than the Knot people say that everyone who asks for invite for BF/GF gets one.</strong>
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]
1.  No one should have to ask for an invitation  for their BF/GF.  It should have already been extended.

2. From Emily Post, the link for which has already been posted twice in this thread:
For most people, this means family and close friends but as you build your guest list, there are a few people who, out of courtesy, should also receive an invitation: your officiant and his or her spouse; and the spouse, partner, fiancé(e), or significant other of any attendant or guest in a committed relationship. While many a romance has had its start when two singles met at a wedding reception, it’s kind to invite any single bridesmaid or groomsman to ask a plus one.

There.  Now you've seen it. 

TheSlowskys

I know in the knot universe this is the worlds biggest deal, but in my family I've seen plenty of cousins so's not invited if they haven't met the rest of the family. I had a long term bf and was invited on my parents invite gasp when I was over 18 and I didn't think to care that he wasn't invited.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-invite-others-with-no-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a14651a6-a2b1-4274-ac26-de02143e5e38Post:7b9ffc5d-e005-4207-869b-339567093641">Re: people invite others with no plus one.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: people invite others with no plus one. : My FI and I moved in together when we were 21. We're now 25 and getting married next year.  This is exactly why your advice is bad. Because the only people who are capable of judging the seriousness of a relationship are the people in that relationship. If someone has a significant other, they should be invited with that SO. It is impossible to judge the seriousness of other people's relationships and it is incredibly rude to try. 
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]


Oh, don't try telling NYUgirl that. She is an EXPERT on everyone's relationship status. She also apparently knows all the ins-and-outs of her estranged father's relationship with both his ex wife and his current wife. She must be quite the busybody. And/or have more wiretapping skills than the Bush Administration.


But this is all a moot point, since the OP never once stated that she wasn't invited boyfriends and girlfriends.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-invite-others-with-no-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a14651a6-a2b1-4274-ac26-de02143e5e38Post:e1731cfc-a87f-4333-93d6-ce1d30dd0777">Re: people invite others with no plus one.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: people invite others with no plus one. : But a boyfriend is a significant other - ???  I think some are, some aren't
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]


Honey, "Significant other" is a short hand, all-encompassing term for someone's boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/finance/life partner. So you don't have to specify. Or in case you don't know the status of the person in question. A boyfriend is automatically a significant other, rather than just an "other" i.e. an add-on, plus-one, or date.

KellyBrian2013

In Response to Re:people invite others with no plus one.:[QUOTE]Oh, don't try telling NYUgirl that. She is an EXPERT on everyone's relationship status. She also apparently knows all the insandouts of her estranged father's relationship with both his ex wife and his current wife. She must be quite the busybody. And/or have more wiretapping skills than the Bush Administration. But this is all a moot point, since the OP never once stated that she wasn't invited boyfriends and girlfriends. Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

Let's be honest. NYU has no issue not inviting WIVES of men if they were at one point "the other woman"... so she's not exactly the authority on S/O etiquette.

niquemel

I would say that the fact that he would have to come in from out of town with his GF's parents = pretty serious -> should be included/allowed to attend. 

gurrlballa10

NYU, you are being foffing ridiculous.

LoveyHowl

I'm baffled by the fact that OP's aunt is asking about a +1 for her 21 year old daughter. The daughter has long since aged to the point that she would no longer be included on her parents' invitation. She should have received her own invitation and done her own inquiry about bringing her boyfriend. I don't remember whether OP specified -- was the adult daughter even invited?

rsanna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-invite-others-with-no-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a14651a6-a2b1-4274-ac26-de02143e5e38Post:842680ec-a313-4374-84f1-d7628bb47da3">Re: people invite others with no plus one.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: people invite others with no plus one. : Of course, if OP is allowing anyone a BF or GF, then cousin should be treated the same.  But it seems that etiquette allows the line to be drawn to long-term relationships (in additon to engaged, married).
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

<div>NO IT DOESN'T! HOW MANY TIMES MUST YOU BE TOLD THAT YOU ARE WRONG! I HAVE PROVIDED YOU A LINK TO EMILY POST TWICE AND THEN SOMEONE COPIED AND PASTED WHAT IT SAID!  Stop being so dense, maybe all caps will finally get you to listen that you are not the source of etiquette and the end-all-be-all in everything you post about.</div>

rsanna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-invite-others-with-no-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a14651a6-a2b1-4274-ac26-de02143e5e38Post:ce7deee3-86cd-4bc1-8d4e-fb265a60c662">Re: people invite others with no plus one.</a>:
[QUOTE]This is how dictionary.com defines significant other significant other   noun 1. Sociology . a person, as a parent or peer, who has great influence on one's behavior and self-esteem. 2. a spouse or cohabiting lover. ---------------------------------------------- In terms of wedding invitations, I dont think that the first meaning is relevant.  I think that many BFs will not fit within the second meaning.  I think that many here push the envelope on what signficant other means to justify mandating inviting of BFs/GFs.   Rsanna -- I dont see what definition Emily Post used of SO -- if she used the above, many BFs/GFs would not require an invitiation. 
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

<div>I challenge your definition of SO with the Oxford English Dictionary
definition (which, you know, is much more academic than dictionary.com)</div><div>
</div><div><h3 id="eid22826762" style="margin:0px 0px 15px;padding:15px 0px 11px 8px;font-size:1.231em;font-weight:normal;color:#333333;width:772.7166748046875px;line-height:1.35;font-family:Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;background-color:#ffffff;">  <span style="font-weight:bold;" class="lemma">significant other</span> <span style="font-style:italic;" class="ps">n.</span>  <span><em>(a) </em><em>Social Psychol.</em> any person with great
influence on the behaviour, self-opinion, etc., of another (esp. of a
child);</span>  <span><em>(b) </em>(in later use) a person with whom someone has an
established romantic or sexual relationship; a partner.</span></h3></div><div><span>
</span></div><div><span>This definition has been in circulation since 1940 with the most recent entry on the Oxford English Dictionary on the 2009.  </span></div><div><span>
</span></div><div><span>Also if you continued to scroll down even on dictionary.com you would have been disproven.  Nice try though.</span></div><div><span>
</span></div><div><span>ETA: Sorry about the formatting.</span></div>

emichele87

Given that you did not know about the boyfriend you should not feel obligated to invite him. If you have the space then, by all means invite him. But it was slightly rude of your aunt to put it on the responce card. She could have called and asked when she received the inviation. 

rsanna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-invite-others-with-no-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a14651a6-a2b1-4274-ac26-de02143e5e38Post:e20f79b2-54d0-4300-98d2-748e2d6600f7">Re: people invite others with no plus one.</a>:
[QUOTE]And in all these definitions of SO, we see partner, lover, etc, but not BF?  GEE, but you are still confident it includes some guy that cousin has been dating for one month?  Or that Emily Post would interpret as such?  This is a KNOT value, that BFs/GFs must be invited.  It is not universal etiquette.  OP should be consistent, if she has invited BFs, she should add this one (but no need for her to apologize, if no one told her before this), but if only fiances and live-ins, she should explain that to the aunt/uncle.   Many people may not want to go alone to wedding.   Doesnt mean they have a longstanding relationship. 
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

<div>Your reading comprehension skills suck.  The definition said a romantic or sexual relationship.  Um, that is what a boyfriend or girlfriend is.  Someone who you have a romantic relationship.  </div><div>
</div><div>Do you enjoy being this dense? </div><div>
</div><div>ETA: It also says partner.  Which um, a boyfriend or girlfriend is a partner. Or was your fiance just a pet or toy for you until he proposed?</div>

rsanna

Also Oxford English Dictionary's definition of boyfriend and girlfriend.  So sorry sweetie, you are still wrong.  But good job sticking your head further up your ass.

Boyfriend: 

2. A male with whom a person has a romantic or sexual relationship; a male partner or lover.

Girlfriend

 2. A female with whom a person has a romantic or sexual relationship; a female partner or lover.

Kdancy0805

This cousin actually still lives at home with her parents. She is in high school. We gave everyone a plus one if they are in a relationship. Just wanted to clear that up.

rsanna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-invite-others-with-no-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a14651a6-a2b1-4274-ac26-de02143e5e38Post:8b5ff74f-4e7c-4c68-9814-05353b14157d">Re: people invite others with no plus one.</a>:
[QUOTE]But you dont know what definition EP meant, do you -  it could have been 2. a spouse or cohabiting lover. ------------------------------------------------- which likely, is where many people  draw the line.
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]
You<div>
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</div><div>The Point</div><div>
</div><div>You completely missed it.  The definition of a significant other is partner or a romantic relationship.  The definition of a boyfriend is a person with whom you have a romantic relationship with or a partner.</div><div>
</div><div>Keep trying though.  It is cute how you think you are right when you are wrong and rude and just becoming more and more of an ass.  But please keep trying.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: Your 21 year old cousin is still in high school?</div>

Kdancy0805

Im sorry. I misspoke earlier. She is not 21. I confirmed the age with FI.

rsanna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-invite-others-with-no-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a14651a6-a2b1-4274-ac26-de02143e5e38Post:22efa822-12d5-46b2-9574-b52673a38976">Re:people invite others with no plus one.</a>:
[QUOTE]Im sorry. I misspoke earlier. She is not 21. I confirmed the age with FI.
Posted by Kdancy0805[/QUOTE]

<div>In that case OP, the general consesus is that if someone is still in high school, under the age of 18 then they can be included in the family's invite and a SO is not required.  But it is sure appreciated.  I know several people that are still with people they dated in high school, and I still think that since the aunt asked that they must think highly of this guy and think it could be something serious.  But it is up to you.</div><div>
</div><div>And for NYU if she comes back stomping her feet and saying I told you so, it is because the person is not considered an adult.  So while there is a case, SOs need to be invited if the person is an adult over the age of 18.</div>

Kdancy0805

I agree. We are extending an invite.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-invite-others-with-no-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a14651a6-a2b1-4274-ac26-de02143e5e38Post:127327d3-6a09-45bc-80fc-d6d7afa14cda">Re:people invite others with no plus one.</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree. We are extending an invite.
Posted by Kdancy0805[/QUOTE]

<div>under 18 I would have said, you don't have to include him.   But if you had the space I'm glad you did.</div><div>
</div><div>Have a fun wedding.  The random guy being there is not going to make a difference.</div>

gurrlballa10

In Response to Re:people invite others with no plus one.:[QUOTE]This is how urbandictionary.com defines asshat.nbsp;asshatnbsp;One whose head is so far up their rear end it could pass for a hat; used to describe a person who is stubborn, cruel, or otherwise unpleasant to be around. Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

Um, this was awesome.

melisrodis

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-invite-others-with-no-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a14651a6-a2b1-4274-ac26-de02143e5e38Post:7e5c1ea7-1e5a-4eab-be5e-9d40f692f37a">Re: people invite others with no plus one.</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>This is how urbandictionary.com defines asshat. </strong>  ass-hat   One whose head is so far up their rear end it could pass for a hat; used to describe a person who is stubborn, cruel, or otherwise unpleasant to be around.
Posted by HoorayForSoup[/QUOTE]

I just...I just...I can't even.  This is great. 

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-invite-others-with-no-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a14651a6-a2b1-4274-ac26-de02143e5e38Post:127327d3-6a09-45bc-80fc-d6d7afa14cda">Re:people invite others with no plus one.</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree. We are extending an invite.
Posted by Kdancy0805[/QUOTE]

Just want to say kudos to you for extending the invitation. I was invited to my high school boyfriend's cousin's OOT wedding when we were 18. We had been together for two years at that point, but I still wasn't expecting an invitation and wouldn't have dreamed of asking to go. But when I was invited, I was really excited and touched to be included. It definitely added to my then-boyfriend's enjoyment of the wedding, as well.

Kdancy0805

Thanks. After we decided it would be fine to invite him. FI parents got on the well why would you invite him if you aren't inviting kids. GEEZ LOUISE it never ends!

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-invite-others-with-no-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a14651a6-a2b1-4274-ac26-de02143e5e38Post:eee19c60-c8cd-4bb9-8b4a-81e9043b729c">Re: people invite others with no plus one.</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks. After we decided it would be fine to invite him. FI parents got on the well why would you invite him if you aren't inviting kids. GEEZ LOUISE it never ends!
Posted by Kdancy0805[/QUOTE]

If you invited the high-school aged "child" of someone already, I see no harm in allowing her boyfriend (presumably of the same age) attend, especially if they consider themselves serious enough for the parents to ask if he may join.

FWIW - I also had a very serious boyfriend in high school (Junior/Senior year into my freshman year of college) and was always grateful when he was invited to attend weddings and other events with me, even when I was under 18. I knew that my friends and family respected me enough to include someone that I felt very strongly about.

Kdancy0805

I am talking about 3 year olds, not  teenagers.

gurrlballa10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-invite-others-with-no-plus-one?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a14651a6-a2b1-4274-ac26-de02143e5e38Post:eb166a7c-6db4-4b6d-9e1b-077ef1322ad3">Re: people invite others with no plus one.</a>:
[QUOTE]I am talking about 3 year olds, not  teenagers.
Posted by Kdancy0805[/QUOTE]

What?  You went from 21 year olds to HS and now to 3 year olds? 

Kdancy0805

If you read a little more. I made a misstake. She is not 21 she is still in highschool. Her mother asked if her daughter could bring her boyfriend. Yes I thought it was rude but one person is not going to make a difference, so we are extending an ivitation. I am talking about 3 year olds because some people were considering high school students as children. I consider children anywayone under the age of around 10ish. Get it?