Unique Co-worker invite Question

Abs211981

I work in a really small office with only 4 other people.  I will no longer be working at this place by the time my wedding comes around (i'll move to live with the hubby), but I would like to invite 3 of my 4 co-workers.

How hurtful would it be if I didn't invite this 4th person?  I get along with pretty much anyone, but this girl is extremely passive aggressive and is definitely someone I would never choose as a friend outside of work. 

Will it make me look bad to the other 3 coworkers I do invite when they realize i left her out? 

LDYGTR13

Hmm...interesting question. I work in a small office too. I think if it was ME, I'd invite all of them - she's only one more person, plus if the three of them came in on Monday morning mentioning how awesome your wedding was, she'd probably be like "WTF?" not that you care what she thinks, it seems, I just think it's the polite thing to do. She might not even show

kikibaby

That would be pretty rude not to invite the 4th person.  Put yourself in their place.

danieliza1127

If you won't be working there anymore, do you think you'll continue to remain friends with the 3 you are inviting?  If so, invite them and don't worry about the 4th girl.  You won't work there anymore so who cares if she gets mad at you or not?  I'd just be careful because sometimes work friendships end when you stop working together.

Abs211981

LDYGTR: I know.  The main thing I'm worried about is if I use one of three people as a reference for a future job, will the fact that I left this one girl out affect their view of me. 

I'm more than polite at work, and if I didn't tell anyone no one would guess I didn't like her.  But I just really can't stand her.  I have to get along with her at work, but I'd rather not invite her to a wedding where I'm already having to cut closer friends from the guest list due to budget

AliGirl11

Personally I'd probably end up inviting the 4th person just because I care too much about other people's feelings I guess.  You'll barely see her at the wedding, and there's always the chance that she won't even come.  Plus, I try never to make enemies in business.  You never know...

Abs211981

i've tried to put myself in her place, but it's really hard because i would just never treat people that way.

it's not simply a personality clash, she's just flat out rude sometimes (well, a lot)

Beachy730

Are you leaving the job before invites go out?  How long before the wedding are you quitting?  Personally if I was going to have any way of seeing her with her knowing she wasn't invited then I would just suck it up since its only one person.  Also, i agree with PPs that you may not even stay friends with any of these people after you leave.  I am a teacher and was low man on the totem pole in my district so I was in a different school every year.  I made many teacher friends, but since my wedding was in summer, and I wasn't going back to that school district, I didn't invite any of my teacher friends. 

Abs211981

The invites will go out after the job ends.  I would rather not say what I do, but the office will actually move at the same time I leave.  It's not going out of business, but these people will all be given different locations around the country to move to.

LDYGTR13

Think that you might be able to pull a "Ohmigosh, your/her invite never showed up?? Crazy post office!!" if someone mentions it? It's pretty dishonest, but it would save you from having her there and depending on how you play it, it might work lol.

Wow, I totally just told you to lie. I'm a bad person lol.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-co-worker-invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1ccfe07-d7a5-4fc8-990a-338589591b6aPost:2ac1be58-7bc3-4aa2-b858-85747a0c516f">Re: Unique Co-worker invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]LDYGTR: I'm more than polite at work, and if I didn't tell anyone no one would guess I didn't like her. Posted by Abs211981[/QUOTE]

Well if she has no idea you don't like her she will probably be very surprised and offended that you didn't invite her.  If you are already cutting your own good friends for your work people, then I would cut the other 3 as well to invite people I'm close with and know I will stay close with.  If you are only inviting these people to your wedding to maintain a good work reference, then you need to rethink your guest list.  I think co-workers completely understand when they aren't invited to a wedding, especially when there are budget or space limitations.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-co-worker-invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1ccfe07-d7a5-4fc8-990a-338589591b6aPost:a3946008-eb9e-4215-8a96-fb532d847368">Re: Unique Co-worker invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Think that you might be able to pull a "Ohmigosh, your/her invite never showed up?? Crazy post office!!" if someone mentions it? It's pretty dishonest, but it would save you from having her there and depending on how you play it, it might work lol. Wow, I totally just told you to lie. I'm a bad person lol.
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

Then what happens when she says "oh thats okay I can still come that weekend?"

OP- the more you explain the situation the more it seems to me that you should just cut all of these work people from your list to invite others. 

LDYGTR13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-co-worker-invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1ccfe07-d7a5-4fc8-990a-338589591b6aPost:f281cb61-7e1a-4768-a419-f9623e4fa9da">Re: Unique Co-worker invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unique Co-worker invite Question : Well if she has no idea you don't like her she will probably be very surprised and offended that you didn't invite her.  If you are already cutting your own good friends for your work people, then I would cut the other 3 as well to invite people I'm close with and know I will stay close with.  If you are only inviting these people to your wedding to maintain a good work reference, then you need to rethink your guest list.  I think co-workers completely understand when they aren't invited to a wedding, especially when there are budget or space limitations.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

Ooh, DNB has a much better idea than I did with the ltitle white lie lol. Completely ignore my previous post - do this. =)

Abs211981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-co-worker-invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1ccfe07-d7a5-4fc8-990a-338589591b6aPost:f281cb61-7e1a-4768-a419-f9623e4fa9da">Re: Unique Co-worker invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unique Co-worker invite Question : Well if she has no idea you don't like her she will probably be very surprised and offended that you didn't invite her.  If you are already cutting your own good friends for your work people, then I would cut the other 3 as well to invite people I'm close with and know I will stay close with.  If you are only inviting these people to your wedding to maintain a good work reference, then you need to rethink your guest list.  I think co-workers completely understand when they aren't invited to a wedding, especially when there are budget or space limitations.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

I'm inviting the other 3 because they are friends who I will keep up with after I leave, and also because I've worked with them much longer.  This girl just came on board.  They would be put in the "friends" category, while I think of her strictly as a co-worker

LDYGTR13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-co-worker-invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1ccfe07-d7a5-4fc8-990a-338589591b6aPost:ec8820a1-0c4d-4fd7-839c-a87d15096676">Re: Unique Co-worker invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unique Co-worker invite Question : <strong>Then what happens when she says "oh thats okay I can still come that weekend?"</strong> OP- the more you explain the situation the more it seems to me that you should just cut all of these work people from your list to invite others. 
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

I was sorta hoping no one would ask til afterwards lol. It was a bad call. I totally agree with you on cutting out the co workers.

LDYGTR13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-co-worker-invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1ccfe07-d7a5-4fc8-990a-338589591b6aPost:b37b8e45-b312-4c59-96d1-ac67e9dd3212">Re: Unique Co-worker invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unique Co-worker invite Question : I'm inviting the other 3 because they are friends who I will keep up with after I leave, and also because I've worked with them much longer.  This girl just came on board.  They would be put in the "friends" category, while I think of her strictly as a co-worker
Posted by Abs211981[/QUOTE]


That poor girl is probably already feeling out of place since she's new. I'd invite her. But I'm a pushover. 

Abs211981

*sigh*  i guess i was hoping yall would give me the green light to not invite her  

but i'm glad everyone is giving me their honest point of view....i'll have to mull over this for a while....

LuluP82

I'd just suck it up and invite her, it's just one more person. If you're not close with her and she has to travel, she probably won't come anyway.

However....if you're legitimately friends with the other 3 ppl and not her, why do you think they're going to think badly of you for not inviting her? I thought the general rule of thumb with coworkers was that you could invite those you're freinds with outside of work only....

LDYGTR13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-co-worker-invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1ccfe07-d7a5-4fc8-990a-338589591b6aPost:c330c48f-9db8-4245-b25f-ce7f739812d6">Re: Unique Co-worker invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]*sigh*  i guess i was hoping yall would give me the green light to not invite her :(  but i'm glad everyone is giving me their honest point of view....i'll have to mull over this for a while....
Posted by Abs211981[/QUOTE]

HAHA! I have wanted people to validate my "wedding crazies" moments before (not that I consider you not wanting her to come a "wedding crazy" moment) - and the good thing about TK is that these girls will tell you like it is! They'll let you know if everyone will think you're being a bitch lol - happy to help!

Abs211981

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-co-worker-invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1ccfe07-d7a5-4fc8-990a-338589591b6aPost:83a9e52f-8361-4bea-a976-acba6c17e6cc">Re: Unique Co-worker invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unique Co-worker invite Question : HAHA! I have wanted people to validate my "wedding crazies" moments before (not that I consider you not wanting her to come a "wedding crazy" moment) - and the good thing about TK is that these girls will tell you like it is! They'll let you know if everyone will think you're being a bitch lol - happy to help!
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE

I know!!!! I think because I'm only seeing it from my perspective it feels like a totally legit move.....ugh

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-co-worker-invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1ccfe07-d7a5-4fc8-990a-338589591b6aPost:b785cd15-ce0a-4fcf-9485-7c8a0a4dae01">Re: Unique Co-worker invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]The invites will go out after the job ends.  I would rather not say what I do, but the office will actually move at the same time I leave.  It's not going out of business, but these people will all be given different locations around the country to move to.
Posted by Abs211981[/QUOTE]

I still don't think you have to invite her.  If you will no longer be working there by the time the invitations go out, and these women are being sent all over the county so even they won't be working together anymore, I see no obligation what-so-ever to invite her.  By the time invitations go out, these are just friends, not co-workers.

Celles

I agree with Dani.

noodle_oo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_unique-co-worker-invite-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1ccfe07-d7a5-4fc8-990a-338589591b6aPost:45050bf7-609e-4edf-945c-2ad737d80d21">Re: Unique Co-worker invite Question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Unique Co-worker invite Question : I still don't think you have to invite her.  If you will no longer be working there by the time the invitations go out, and these women are being sent all over the county so even they won't be working together anymore, I see no obligation what-so-ever to invite her.  By the time invitations go out, these are just friends, not co-workers.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]


Agreed with this.  If they are all being moved and the invites go out after that, then she won't have any way of finding out that she wasn't invited and they were.  So I don't think you have to invite her.  But it also depends how much time has passed.

tenofcups4me

Ordinarily I would say you should really invite her -- BUT if she's relatively new and by the time the invitations go out, every one of them will be in a different office around the country, I don't think you have to. She probably won't know anyway and even if she does, in that scenario I think it really is ok to just invite the 3 that you think you'll continue to remain friends with.

ARod22

Personally, I'd just suck it up an invite the 4th person.

damaless

If I were your new coworker I would have pretty hurt feelings if ALL the other coworkers got invited except me.  Especially since with 3 out of 4 of them getting invitations, it's bound to come up while you're at work at some point or another.

[Deleted User]

I completely agree with dnbeach.  I am not inviting any of my co-workers because of the size of my wedding, and we don't socialize anyway.  However, I believe strongly that, unless ALL of your co-workers are invited, keep wedding plan conversation out of the office.  It's just uncomfortable to hear every day about someone's fabulous party if you're not invited. 

Also where to cut the guest list is an issue everyone deals with.  My wedding is very small (30 people or I'm real trouble) and there are certainly people on my list because of their connection with others on the list, and we're counting on them not coming. 

Budnotes

I would invite all of them.  They'll probably all end up sitting together at the wedding and chances are you'll be so busy with it being your special day you won't be interacting with this individual very much.  You work with this person 8 hours a day; a few minutes to say hello and a thank you for coming to the wedding should be a piece of cake!!  Extend the invitation - you have a 50/50 shot of her saying no she won't attend!

lindsaynewbride10

For me, when it comes down to it, I'd invite the three that you would WANT to see on your wedding day- obviously the fourth person isn't someone you'd want to see on your wedding day so why bother?! It's your day- you should be surrounded by people you love and that love you back.

blankslate25

I would definitely not invite her. If I was the 4th man out at an office and someone didn't invite me to their wedding, I would in no way shape or form feel excluded or hurt. If you're not close to someone, you shouldn't expect an invite. You should really never expect an invite. It's ridiculous to assume because of other coworkers' relationships that you must also be included. Don't invite her out of obligation, because that's all it would be.

venusta82

Given the situation I say don't invite her, it is your day.