Pre/post party for destination wedding

Peledreamsofrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:220ef7b4-8ece-4535-a02b-f0441be5aa45">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow did not expect so much negativity. I'm not selfish or any of the other things posted quite the opposite. Also I did all my research ahead of time, we got engaged where we are going to have the ceremony in Mexico. For private reasons which I don't feel the need to publicize here we are having a ceremony in Mexico but will be legally married at home. There is a cost of $500 to get blood work to marry in mexico and ceremony is much more if its legal there. I really enjoyed this site when a new bride referred me (whose sister did what we did in terms of legal wedding in canada and ceremony in Mexico) but now I feel insulted.
Posted by bertasha2014[/QUOTE]

Yes, because thoughtfully explaining our POVs, providing alternatives, and civilly discussing a topic is SOOOO insulting.

This kind of foot-stomping and pouting over not being agreed with after 3 pages of us trying to be nice and offer options makes me tired.

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_prepost-party-for-destination-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a2b9b39e-17be-4402-bdc0-c0d38b2e5bb8Post:220ef7b4-8ece-4535-a02b-f0441be5aa45">Re: Pre/post party for destination wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow did not expect so much negativity. I'm not selfish or any of the other things posted quite the opposite. Also I did all my research ahead of time, we got engaged where we are going to have the ceremony in Mexico. For private reasons which I don't feel the need to publicize here we are having a ceremony in Mexico but will be legally married at home<strong>. There is a cost of $500 to get blood work to marry in mexico and ceremony is much more if its legal there. </strong>I really enjoyed this site when a new bride referred me (whose sister did what we did in terms of legal wedding in canada and ceremony in Mexico) but now I feel insulted.
Posted by bertasha2014[/QUOTE]

If it's just the monetary requirements of the ceremony there that you don't like, I'm sure $500 for blood work + the cost of the ceremony is less than having a fake wedding in Mexico PLUS another wedding in the US with reception, etc.

No one was rude to you or attacked you; in fact a moderator came in and mentioned that everyone was responding appropriately. I think you are just upset that no one validated your poor idea. We expained to you why this was a bad plan. Now, I have a feeling you will do what you want anyway, but regardless, it isn't a good idea and we are trying to stop you from doing something rude to your guests.

positivek

A tie in, since the JOP/reception later has spun out again into the same sex marriage issue:

given that this is just one more way the law STILL hasn't caught up to society, I would never fault a gay couple for marrying out of state and if most couldn't attend, then having the social contract- declaring their commitment in front of everyone- fulfilled in their home state that still adheres to inequality- yes, with the vows, the wedding party, the dances, a white dress if desired, etc. 

I couldn't in good conscience say they should be denied an experience everyone else gets to have because they didn't luck out with their circumstances the way I did/the law is still backwards. I don't feel right about saying "sorry, you made your choice to get married in a state that's with the program, so the traditional wedding with the cake and vows? Not for you because, it's not 'real' to ME, the person who isn't going through this". I'm going to be THAT straight person? Who says I insist you adhere to the tenets I pass down from a state of privelege you didn't have in the name of etiquette? Putting the burden on the couple instead of the root of the problem which, were it not to exist, would mean the JOP/ceremony later thing would not exist either- the whack backwards state law? Couldn't do it. Ain't my marriage, not my call to make.

I've known gay couples that have done this, and loved them too much to even infer that I or any other guests gets to decide that their social contract/public declaration ceremony is fake- or make any claims that it means the choice that is right for them has something to do with another couple's JOP choice. You know, that hard line would make me feel like I'm taking exactly the approach dictatorial churches take, that make things so hard in the first place. I can't be that. I cannot make a tough, unfair-to-begin-with situation even tougher.