Sigh..

akhensley81

This is going to be a P&R because I'm tired and getting ready for bed. But I need help from you ladies with settling an argument with H... well, more proving my point. But we'll see what happens.

Long story short, yesterday, H got all butthurt because I got cranky when he told me that from now on, all mail directed to my attention should be addressed to Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName.

Later in the evening, I showed him my new business cards from work, which - undoubtedly - used my company's standard e-mail format, MyFirstInitial with HisLastName. And the butthurtedness started all over again.

I'll show this thread to him tomorrow. Will someone please (kindly or not so kindly) explain to him why I have only changed my last name, and NOT my first name?

And for my own sanity, will someone please tell me I'm not the only one who's had to put up with this insanity?

TIA.

reddy123

He wants your business card to say "Mrs. John Doe" ?  Never seen or heard of this before...

ETA: and your work email, how would people know they were emailing you if nothing was familiar? I imagine the last name change was a big adjustment for contacts, no need to confuse them more.

akhensley81

"Irritate" is an understatement. I'm thisclose to threatening to change my last name back, out of sheer spite.

skippylouwho

What century is he living in that he is that possessive of you?  yikes

Beachy730

Yeah I have never heard of that.  I think its confusing enough at work and other things to immediately change your last name, let alone your first name too.  Formal things that are addressed to you, or both of you, I see as having you as Mrs. Camo Man.  But other than that, you are still you.  Your first name doesn't change.  Show him on your marriage certificate how it only says surname after marriage, nothing about a different first name. 

H was a little bothered when on Facebook (haha, i know, its lame) I didn't completely change my name.  I have it as First, Maiden, Married.  But I hate when people immediately completely change their name, and I have no idea who it is until I look at pictures. 

Just tell him to stop being so barbaric, and be happy that you changed your last name.  Many brides now are so against changing their last name, or insist on hyphenating it. 

Mrs.B6302007

Hey Mr. H...quit being all butthurt about this.  AK has a good point - she changed her last name, not her first.  She's your wife no matter what  name she goes by, okay?

akhensley81

skippy- You made me giggle. The example he used to make his argument was his grandparents.

apple_green

It offends me too. Calling you Mrs. John Smith takes away your identity. It says that you're nothing without a man -  nothing more than that little "s" after Mr. It would be extremely weird especially to go by that at work, very archaic and unprofessional.

Brie2010

Dude.  Welcome to 2010.  Women can vote, drive cars, hold property, and go by whateverthefuck name they want.  Get over yourself.

RachNRich

Tell him you'll change your full name to his, when he changes his full name to yours. Done and done.

JanoBean75

As other PPs noted, you changed your last name, not your first. For formal social events, yes, you may be "Mr. and Mrs. His Name," but you are still YOU and  you go by YourFirstName NewLastName.

He needs to get over it. He had his camo, you get your first name.

TheCranberry

Is he serious about this?  Does he really want your business card to say Mrs. John Doe?!  I would not take anyone seriously if they had that as their work name.  Are your colleagues supposed to call you "John" now?  Or "Mrs. John"?

I also agree with the PPs who said that you are changing your LAST name, not your first name.  You still have an identity and a name that is totally yours.

flyjawn

wow i didn't know that you got married in 1943... congrats.  can i borrow your time machine because i'd like to go back and talk to Gandhi about some things.

even my mother, who got married 41 years ago, gets in a twist if someone addresses mail to her with my dad's first name.

redheadfsu

Wow. He got hurt because you use your first name? wow. Sorry, but that is way over the line. His new nickname would be caveman. Plus he would be sleeping on the couch/ outside.

I would roll my eyes/ not work with you, if you used Mrs. hisfirst hislast professionally. (Unless it was a business that you two own together or something)

akhensley81

Haha thanks, ladies. I've been passive-agressively biitchy all weekend after that crap yesterday. I'm really hoping he wasn't actually serious - he was in a moodandahalf yesterday as it was - but I'm glad I've got backup if I need it the next time this comes up.

I can only imagine the look on my boss' face if I were to tell him that from now on, he's to call me CamoMan instead of MyFirstName. Hehe.

kate51485

I have never heard of that.  Especially the email thing, that is just plain absurd.  So get over yourself, Mr. AK.

Oh and also, people did land on the moon.  Quit picking stupid fights with your new wife, and good day to you sir.

Beachy730

Ak I think you should just print out this entire thread, and put it on the floor next to the couch for him to find when he wakes up in the morning.

akhensley81

Sigh. H claims to be "old school" about everything but he's taking this one a little too far. Like I said, I'm hoping he wasn't deadserious but now I've got backup if he keeps pushing. Hehe. Thanks again, everyone. Bed time now.

ETA: Haha kate. I think I'm buying him a moon rock for his birthday just to annoy him.

brookelynpaisley

Is he insane? Why would your business cards indicate marital status of any sort? And why would your email be his first initial, his last name? Is he always super controlling? And how are you supposed to control how other people address mail to you. While I'm fine with Mrs. Hisfirst Ourlast, I know a lot of women prefer Mrs. Herfirst Ourlast. This is YOUR decision, not his, how you prefer to be called.

katiewhompus

I could see, maybe, directing all together mail to Mr and Mrs Lastname but yeah, if Scott suddenly said I had to receive all correspondance to "Mrs lastname" instead of Kristi lastname we would be having words. This especially applies to work settings where you are your own person, and they do not give a crap that you are married or not. I couldn't imagine sil being called Mrs bil lastname at work. Her clients would wonder wtf kind of husband she had.

stella218

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sigh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a433b5bf-3896-4ce9-b59b-63aaf08161f4Post:6e4b5b3f-bc34-4215-b47c-e5ae94d18042">Re: Sigh..</a>:
[QUOTE]Tell him you'll change your full name to his, when he changes his full name to yours. Done and done.
Posted by RachNRich[/QUOTE]

I second this.  You should tell him HIS mail should go to Mr. YourFirstName YourMaidenName instead.

sarabellam

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sigh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a433b5bf-3896-4ce9-b59b-63aaf08161f4Post:5410a227-332e-4337-8310-f7e1cca3eda3">Re: Sigh..</a>:
[QUOTE]wow i didn't know that you got married in 1943... congrats.  can i borrow your time machine because i'd like to go back and talk to Gandhi about some things. even my mother, who got married 41 years ago, gets in a twist if someone addresses mail to her with my dad's first name.
Posted by flyjawn[/QUOTE]

My grandmother got married in 1940, and never lost "possession" of her name, despite being a true "southern belle." As in, card-carrying member of the DAR and UDC. Tell mr. Hensley that when he gives up both his first and last names, you'll give up yours. ::grumble grumble Neanderthal, grumble grumble::

[Deleted User]

wow. i want to kick your h in the neck for being such a caveman jerk. i can tell you that if my h made the same comments, we would be having serious marital problems as a result. i would not tolerate such misogyny in my marriage.

i chose to change my last name, because it was the right choice for me. i simply like his better and i have no attachment to my maiden name. but i never, ever made a decision to change my first name. i get very offended when i am addressed by mrs. hisfirstname ourlastname in the mail. my first name is mine, i never gave it up, and i am my own person.

screw your h. seriously, i'm judging him hardcore for being such a cockk.

AutumnFair

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sigh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a433b5bf-3896-4ce9-b59b-63aaf08161f4Post:f1b9acea-9b68-4a85-a12e-f61129043244">Re: Sigh..</a>:
[QUOTE]Dude.  Welcome to 2010.  Women can vote, drive cars, hold property, and go by whateverthefuck name they want.  Get over yourself.
Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]

<div>Brie, FTW!</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

LP11509

Dear Mr. Akhensley81,

STFU.

Sincerely,

LP11509

katiewhompus

See, my H is very old school as well and it works well for us, but definitely not to the point of addressing me only as his wife (as implied by Mrs hisfirst lastname).

kate51485

There is a difference between old school and stupid.

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sigh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a433b5bf-3896-4ce9-b59b-63aaf08161f4Post:a66ac210-8ab9-448e-ae18-33e7a13cd4a6">Re: Sigh..</a>:
[QUOTE]There is a difference between old school and stupid.
Posted by kate51485[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This.  Sorry, but your H sounds like a douchebag in this scenario.  I hope for your sake that he's not always this controlling. </div>

katiewhompus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sigh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a433b5bf-3896-4ce9-b59b-63aaf08161f4Post:a66ac210-8ab9-448e-ae18-33e7a13cd4a6">Re: Sigh..</a>:
[QUOTE]There is a difference between old school and stupid.
Posted by kate51485[/QUOTE]

Amen.

aMrsin09

Oh AK, please don't hate me...

In the waaay old days, the Mrs indicated that you were the Mistress of the Hensley household.  His first name indicated which Hensley household you were Mistress of.  So Mrs. AK Hensley is correct because you can't be your own Mistress, does that make sense?

But anyway, to demand that is completely archaic and holds him up as a first class knuckle dragger.  For the record, My mail comes addressed to Mr & Mrs His FN, Last name, Mrs My First Namee new lastname and just my first and newlastame.  I have no control how someone data enters it.

Feel free to cut out this response when you show him the thread.

staceytaylor0704

Thats really weird! I've never seen anyone go by Mrs. husband's name in a business setting. Honestly, I think the only place I've seen that is on things like wedding invitations addressed to Mr. and Mrs. hubby's name.