Sigh..

golden1215

Your H sounds kind of douchey..... fat jokes and now this.

I'm sure he has good qualities but geez!  I think he sounds insecure. 

New MIL

In 30 years of marriage my husband has never once felt the need to tell me how my mail or anything else should be addressed :P

arv266

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sigh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a433b5bf-3896-4ce9-b59b-63aaf08161f4Post:0fab2279-44df-4941-a184-74a6be2d7282">Re: Sigh..</a>:
[QUOTE]Thats really weird! I've never seen anyone go by Mrs. husband's name in a business setting. Honestly, I think the only place I've seen that is on things like wedding invitations addressed to Mr. and Mrs. hubby's name. 
Posted by staceytaylor0704[/QUOTE]

At work I correspond with a jack.powell@blahblah.com.  She sent me an email reeming me a new one, as I has sent her a correspondence addressed to Mr. Jack Powell.  Its Mrs. Jack Powell.  And no, her first name is Linda, but professionally she is Mrs. Jack Powell.

You cannot control how people address mail to you.  It should be enough that you both share his name. 

kd.joseph

I just asked my DH what he thought of this, his response is it's asinine. He knows women in his office that don't even use their married name at work, because it's confusing to their clients.

It's one thing to get some mail addressed to Mrs.HFN and Ourlast name. But this is work, at work when I talk to people on the phone, I'm going to tell them they are talking to Myfirstname His lastname. How confusing would it be to tell them they are talking to Hisfirstname His Lastname. What he's asking just doesnt make sense at all.

And this is coming from another man.

louisvillebride21

Mr. AK? You're a fucking douchenozzle. First you use a fat joke. Then you tell her to stop her shiit with the eggs and now you're telling her that she's your property. You want to own something? Go buy a fucking cow.

flyjawn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sigh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a433b5bf-3896-4ce9-b59b-63aaf08161f4Post:7d48b7e3-40c4-40b4-9b3f-8670feb7c414">Re: Sigh..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sigh.. : At work I correspond with a jack.powell@blahblah.com.  S<strong>he sent me an email reeming me a new one, as I has sent her a correspondence addressed to Mr. Jack Powell.  Its Mrs. Jack Powell.  And no, her first name is Linda, but professionally she is Mrs. Jack Powell.</strong> You cannot control how people address mail to you.  It should be enough that you both share his name. 
Posted by arv266[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>this person wins the award for most annoying human.  how in the hell should you know that JACK is a woman who has decided to start calling herself by her husband's name?!?!?!  stupidest thing i've ever heard.

</div>

sarabear23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sigh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a433b5bf-3896-4ce9-b59b-63aaf08161f4Post:bccab0f1-6fd0-4500-a1ad-df640dec5b52">Re: Sigh..</a>:
[QUOTE]Mr. AK? You're a fucking douchenozzle. First you use a fat joke. Then you tell her to stop her shiit with the eggs and now you're telling her that she's your property. You want to own something? Go buy a fucking cow.
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

I need a "like" button here!

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sigh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a433b5bf-3896-4ce9-b59b-63aaf08161f4Post:4d793357-e5e1-44b4-bc21-842aefcb2d6f">Re: Sigh..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sigh.. : this person wins the award for most annoying human.  how in the hell should you know that JACK is a woman who has decided to start calling herself by her husband's name?!?!?!  stupidest thing i've ever heard.
Posted by flyjawn[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Agreed!  Though H's ex girlfriend's name is Jack.  Technically Jacquiline or whatever but she went by Jack.  They broke up when they were in college and don't keep in touch anymore,  so I have no idea which version of her name she uses professionally now. /end random tangent. </div>

ARod22

Dear Mr. Husband,

The name that your wife now goes by is a very personal decision.  She will go by what makes her comfortable.  She has taken on your last name, now leave it.  She likes her first name just fine the way it is.

She's not your property, and she does not need to be addressed as such.  She can also make her own choices regarding her mail, business cards, and the like.

From,
Me.

aMrsin09

I just read this to H.  His response?  "danger, danger.  He sounds way too controlling"

angie74

I agree with pretty much everyone in this thread except for your H. he sounds like a douche about this.

H's grandma sends me stuff addressed to Mrs. H Lastname. Irritates the crap out of me. SEVERELY. I chose to keep my maiden name and add his, which baffles some people. But it was important to me. I'll be dammed if I give up my first name too.

eastunder1

Your husband needs more exposure to reality and less shoving his glaring insecurity issues off onto you.  Hi, your wife is allowed to have her own identity, thanks. 

mica178

Hmm.  My FI and I are both doctors.  If I followed Mr. H's logic, my FI and I would have the same name on our business cards.  How would that work?  "No, the other Dr. [FI's first and last name}. The female one."  Yeah, that wouldn't work.

sarah0725

Dear Mr. AK,

If my FI started saying that I needed to identify myself only as Mrs. Charlie Speedskater after our wedding, I would cut holes in all of his socks.

Love,
Sarahnumbers

tenofcups4me

The first part, about how mail is addressed to you, is just plain stupid. Really, people are not going to ask you how to address your mail anyway so people tied to archaic rules will address you as Mrs. John Smith and people with a brain in their head will address you as Ms. Jane Smith, and you'll get everything in between. It's really not your call.

But the email thing is beyond stupid. I'm literally not folliowing what he thinks your email should even be? mrsjohnsmith@companynamehere? I've never in my life seen a business (or personal) email address like that. I guess your H doesn't get out much?

He might be a great guy in other areas, but those two comments have firmly sealed him in my head as an ignorant jackass.

eastunder1

And I agree with Mrsa09 that this is a glaring red flag.  I know people are quick to throw out that term around here, but COME ON.  If this is not, what the heck is?   I can't even fathom someone behaving like this to a person they consider their equal. 

kikibaby

I find this really disturbing, AK.  Your H needs a serious reality check.

tldh

What he is proposing is totally unprofessional.  You are not his wife at work, you are your own person - the one others will be dealing with.  I'd venture to say that your clients and business associates don't have an effin clue who your husband is and more to the point don't give a damn.  He has no bearing on their business day.

The more I read some of these posts on TK about insecure little boys masquerading as men, I thank God for my husband.  He asked me if I was keeping my name or hyphenating it.  He never once suggested changing it, which I did.  Were I still in my old state where I've already established a reputation in the legal community I would have kept it.  Since I'm starting over, I decided to change it because neither of us has family on the east coast and I want the same name as my kids will have.  My professional reputation will be built on this new name.

Finally, what he is proposing isn't old school.  It's a list of adjectives that would probably get me banned from TK if I wrote them out.

linguo42

This comment is brought to you by the letters W, T, and F, and the punctuation mark ?

If he wants his initial on your business cards then he'd better be prepared to go do your job too.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sigh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a433b5bf-3896-4ce9-b59b-63aaf08161f4Post:80557341-c82e-4580-8503-589b3a864366">Re: Sigh..</a>:
[QUOTE]I just read this to H.  His response?  "danger, danger.  He sounds way too controlling"
Posted by aMrsin09[/QUOTE]

Your husband is a wise man :)

squirrly

AK, This concerns me for you, legitimately.  Your H is about 9 miles past the line.  He's being an unreasonable asss.  If my H ever even suggested that he'd LIKE such a thing, we'd be having a serious, serious talk. 

He's trying to control you in an unhealthy way.  You need to nip that in the bud.  Now.

aMrsin09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sigh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a433b5bf-3896-4ce9-b59b-63aaf08161f4Post:c64f24af-28b6-4216-a11f-e8d4731bc493">Re: Sigh..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sigh.. : Your husband is a wise man :)
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

The irony here is that, for immigration purposes, we go out of our way to make sure we are addressed as Mr & Mrs and that all correspondence to me has Mrs as my title.  But it still says Mrs<span style="font-style:italic;"> </span>MYNAME  newlastname.

BlueBoxBride

Wow. I made it very clear to FI that I'm not keeping my maiden name, but only because my maiden name is really long and no one can pronounce it or spell it anyways. 

alexirom

This truly frightens me.  Such controlling and possessive behavior usually escalates over time.  From what pp's wrote it sounds like he has also made fat jokes towards you in the past?  I hate to say it, but he sounds like an abuser.  They like to put you down because it becomes easier to control a person if they feel poorly about themselves.  I realize you probably think I am blowing this way out of proportion, but it starts with small things.  You should really look back at the hurtful things he has said and small things that he may have gotten unreasonably angry about.  I hope for your sake that I am wrong, but this is a major red flag that needs evaluation.

akhensley81

I agree with all of you. Which I think is why I posted this here - I'm sure most of you don't believe me, but this is very outside the norm for H. Yeah, he can get a little out there sometimes. But nothing like this. I was truly speechless on Saturday when this came up.

akhensley81

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sigh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a433b5bf-3896-4ce9-b59b-63aaf08161f4Post:c84995e6-fc56-4213-8de3-5a4df9a32825">Re: Sigh..</a>:
[QUOTE]This truly frightens me.  Such controlling and possessive behavior usually escalates over time.  <strong>From what pp's wrote it sounds like he has also made fat jokes towards you in the past?</strong>  I hate to say it, but he sounds like an abuser.  They like to put you down because it becomes easier to control a person if they feel poorly about themselves.  I realize you probably think I am blowing this way out of proportion, but it starts with small things.  You should really look back at the hurtful things he has said and small things that he may have gotten unreasonably angry about.  I hope for your sake that I am wrong, but this is a major red flag that needs evaluation.
Posted by alexirom[/QUOTE]

Not really. He made a joke that I looked bloated when I started my period, and the girls on here took it way harder than I did. Obvs you missed that conversation on here, where I explained to everyone that he and I razz each other all the time. It's just our style.

I see what you're saying, but believe me when I tell you I'm not an idiot. I might have married a guy who can be a pompus jackass sometimes, but I didn't marry an abuser.

akhensley81

And to f/u on this... my business card was still sitting out on the table this morning when he was getting ready to leave for work and he noticed it there. He told me he was sorry and he didn't realize how terrible that sounded until he thought about it some more. He told me he in no way meant that I should go by his first name and he felt terrible that I felt terrible about the whole thing.

The mail issue came up because of a package that was waiting for us to pick up at the post office and he explained he just thought it would be easier that way so that he could pick it up without getting any trouble from the postal service people.

So at least, after further consideration, he realized how stupid he was being on Saturday.

Thanks again, girls.

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sigh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a433b5bf-3896-4ce9-b59b-63aaf08161f4Post:8d1aaba1-0a14-44a8-bddc-1f8d2c3182a5">Re: Sigh..</a>:
[QUOTE]And to f/u on this... my business card was still sitting out on the table this morning when he was getting ready to leave for work and he noticed it there. He told me he was sorry and he didn't realize how terrible that sounded until he thought about it some more. He told me he in no way meant that I should go by his first name and he felt terrible that I felt terrible about the whole thing. The mail issue came up because of a package that was waiting for us to pick up at the post office and he explained he just thought it would be easier that way so that he could pick it up without getting any trouble from the postal service people. So at least, after further consideration, he realized how stupid he was being on Saturday. Thanks again, girls. :)
Posted by akhensley81[/QUOTE]

I'm glad that he came around and apologized without prompting.  That shows that he at least realizes that he was being a douche about it all.

Glad it worked out :)

akhensley81

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sigh-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a433b5bf-3896-4ce9-b59b-63aaf08161f4Post:0d879aa1-6a5f-4563-83f2-ee1558014817">Re: Sigh..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sigh.. : I'm glad that he came around and apologized without prompting.  That shows that he at least realizes that he was being a douche about it all. Glad it worked out :)
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

Yeah, that made me feel better. But now I've got him stamped as a jerk with you girls. And I know you girls have a long, long memory. Hehe. I sat here on Saturday night with the post all written, ready to go. Then I decided I'd wait and see if came back around on Sunday. But the conversation never came up. So last night I said eff it, and posted.

The next time he does something awesome, I'll have to totally AW it just so you all don't think I married a complete asshat.

akhensley81

Haha aMrs, well let's be FB friends! My H is famous for FBUI, so who knows.  I have a few knotties on there, I'll look for you.