To go or not to go?

VioletRose519

Back out, that was beyond rude to invite you to the shower knowing you were not going to get an invite to the wedding! Thats horrible!!! It also makes her look a little greedy!

Milsey32

Do you know anyone else invited to the wedding? You could ask them to ask the bride if you're invited so the bride isn't stuck with the awkward "sorry but due to budget we couldn't invite everyone we would have liked" . If you're not invited, I wouldn't bother going to the shower. However, I have heard many stories about people's invites getting lost in the mail and whatnot... 

Mrs.B6302007

Just call the hostess ASAP so that it's not as inconvenient for her.

scottswife1106

I wouldn't go. She was really wrong for that.

Gift grabby x's 10,000,000,000.

achiduck

Thanks for your opinions ladies!!

jemmini6

Wow, part of me would want to be really bitchy about it and say "well then why did I get invited to your shower?  Just so that I can bring you a gift even though you clearly don't want me to witness your marriage?"  But I'd obviously refrain from that if you want to keep your friendship intact.  I'd probably say something like "Ok, no problem, hope it's a great day."  and then make up a separate excuse as to why you can't attend the shower.

jrkjpf

She should know better, if you are invited to the shower, you get an invite to the wedding.

Bethanne1202

I would ask her why I was invited to the shower then...

nontradduo

I would nicely decline attending the shower.  Let the hostess know that you are now unable to attend- you don't have to give an excuse.  If the hostess asks specifically, it's ok to leave it at- something has come up.

Your friend knew who was invited to the wedding long before she gave names and addresses to the hostess of her shower- that's terrible etiquette on her part.

JayPlusKay

Well, I am fairly new to all this wedding stuff, and so my wedding ettiquette knowledge is not what it should be.

But my "girl code" knowledge is pretty up to speed and I would not have a "gift card" shower under any circumstances, nor would I invite people to it and then not invite them to the wedding. It's like "Oh, I'm so sorry that you're not invited. But you can feel free to give me money anyway, if that's any consollation." Get real!

Anywho, I think that you're a great person for not telling her to shove it and for being so tactful, since she didn't feel the need to be. I would be tempted to show up with no gift. Sure, it's a faux pas, but an eye for an eye, right? Haha I guess the polite thing to do would be to tell her that something came up, and send a card ( with NO gift card).

jsleik

Ooh, it sounds like you have a horrible, horrible cold coming in right before that shower.  What a shame!!!  :-)

Norway_T

I would flat out ask her what' s going on.   Tell her you recieved the bs invite but not a wedding invite. Tell her that you weren't sure what was going on because normally bridal shower invites are only to go to invited wedding guests.

cmcurris

I'd probably go to the shower and give her a card... without a giftcard or present.

achiduck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6615d29-efa1-41d3-ba61-d2459725d978Post:957dcfa5-f064-47e9-96a6-9ce77d9117cc">Re: To go or not to go?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I am fairly new to all this wedding stuff, and so my wedding ettiquette knowledge is not what it should be. But my "girl code" knowledge is pretty up to speed and I would not have a "gift card" shower under any circumstances, nor would I invite people to it and then not invite them to the wedding. It's like "Oh, I'm so sorry that you're not invited. But you can feel free to give me money anyway, if that's any consollation." Get real! <strong>Anywho, I think that you're a great person for not telling her to shove it and for being so tactful, since she didn't feel the need to be. I would be tempted to show up with no gift.</strong> Sure, it's a faux pas, but an eye for an eye, right? Haha I guess the polite thing to do would be to tell her that something came up, and send a card ( with NO gift card).
Posted by JayPlusKay[/QUOTE]
Thank you! I am trying to be tactful and the last thing I wanted to do was to put her in an uncomfortable place since I've already started getting the "am I invited?" and my wedding is still over a year and a half away!

achiduck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6615d29-efa1-41d3-ba61-d2459725d978Post:172b21b0-cef0-4f8a-99a5-070663478da7">Re: To go or not to go?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ooh, it sounds like you have a horrible, horrible cold coming in right before that shower.  What a shame!!!  :-)
Posted by jsleik[/QUOTE]

bahaha.. too funny! I also thought I might have a "family emergency" to deal with but decided that acutally using that as an excuse might be bad luck.

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6615d29-efa1-41d3-ba61-d2459725d978Post:88688c7c-8794-45b0-be32-edd1722f9fd3">Re: To go or not to go?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: To go or not to go? : bahaha.. too funny! I also thought I might have a "family emergency" to deal with but decided that acutally using that as an excuse might be bad luck.
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

<div>I wouldn't use that particular excuse.  I once told someone that something suddenly came up at home.  I spent the evening cleaning my bathroom.</div><div>
</div><div>If you do decide not to go, please give the hostess a heads up so she can plan accordingly.  She didn't start this mess, so it's kind of unfair for her to make plans to feed you when you won't be going.</div>

elizabethjane25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6615d29-efa1-41d3-ba61-d2459725d978Post:61b556a4-a7ab-4e53-ad48-e221eb25bea7">Re: To go or not to go?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok response is in: "Hey! Unfortuantely we ended up having to keep the list to family and WP dates only. FI's family is big enough that it took up 3/4 of the hall so a lot of friends got set aside ;( I'm really sorry.. if it wasn't so political in his family, I know a lot of them wouldn't have been invited." So now what? If I back out now it's going to seem bitchy and I don't want to damage our friendship over it. ETA: Because I cannot type well today.
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>omg don't go to the shower! say something came up, you don't have to give a great explanation. </div>

DeadUtopia

I would figure out a way to not go, or if you do, don't buy them the giftcard they requested because that sounds like the only reason you're being invited to the shower for in the first place. Let the FI's "huge family" foot the bill for their honeymoon.

Milsey32

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6615d29-efa1-41d3-ba61-d2459725d978Post:7df43595-4c81-462c-b9fe-b524344d7059">Re: To go or not to go?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto the lost in the mail thing. When I mailed my thank you cards, we brought them to the post office in stacks, rubber banded. An entire stack of 35 cards went missing, from what I can tell.<strong> I'm only finding out NOW that people didn't get thank you cards. I got married in 2009.</strong> FML.
Posted by september's bride[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>ouch dude.. that honestly stinks. As a guest I would be upset for not getting a thank-you card and then come to find out it was lost in the mail... daaaaang.</div>