My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:85d46ee8-0942-4f1e-a219-edd6086b2b3f">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : Again, your opinoin. You are free to have that opinion, but you can't force it on others. Not everyone is going to agree with you.  <strong><u>Also, why does that all matter, the point is her bridesmaids are jerks and that's the problem she wants help with, not ridicule because she's "married"
</u></strong>Posted by catloverd[/QUOTE]

If someone I knew was already married and wanted me to be a fake bridesmaid and pay for hair and makeup etc, I would tell her to pound sand.

I dont ask my friends to go out and get their hair and makeup done and wear dresses I bought for them to attend my birthday party.  Why is this any different?

catloverd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:aa626e90-a72c-4868-833d-d2da13ac5d25">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : If someone I knew was already married and wanted me to be a fake bridesmaid and pay for hair and makeup etc, I would tell her to pound sand. I dont ask my friends to go out and get their hair and makeup done and wear dresses I bought for them to attend my birthday party.  Why is this any different?
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>Wow, I feel sorry if you ever have a friend in her situation. You sound like you'd be a real jerk to her. Grow up and realize not all situations are black and white. There are exceptions. </div>

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:64498dad-3570-40e7-8d45-ec6cfaa070b9">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : her job decided not to sponsor the visa.    I have a friend that it happen to here.  Her company told her they were going to re-sponsor her visa.  Then they found out they were planning on getting married.  They decided that they didn't want to have to spent the money when she could be legal through other avenues.    They already had their church wedding planned.  Was going through pre-cana, etc.  They got married in the court house first, then had their church wedding 6 months later.  Even if they wanted, they would not have been able to push up their church wedding because they had not finished their pre-cana obligations. Life is not black and white.  Stupid stuff happens all the time.  Good friends know the difference between someone who just wants a PPD and someone who got screwed because of some legal craziness.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Thats fine.  But it wasnt her wedding.  It would be a church blessing and a party afterwards.  Not a wedding.  A church doesnt = legal.  What this girl did with her paperwork made it legal.  Anything she does afterwards is a celebration, vow renewal, big fancy party, or whatever you want to call it.  Its not a wedding.

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:61d343b7-4880-4ee0-a9a5-d4eda65d340d">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : Wow, I feel sorry if you ever have a friend in her situation. You sound like you'd be a real jerk to her. Grow up and realize not all situations are black and white. There are exceptions. 
Posted by catloverd[/QUOTE]

Hey, if saying that getting married to reap the legal benefits and then still pretending im not already married by having a big wedding and calling it a wedding, makes you a brat, makes me a jerk, then cool. 

Unless she gets divorced between now and her party, its not a wedding.  She is already married.  THAT is as black and white as it gets.

catloverd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:e95e39b1-f1e1-4fa5-9c2c-492a112e248f">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : Thats fine.  But it wasnt her wedding.  It would be a church blessing and a party afterwards.  Not a wedding.  A church doesnt = legal.  What this girl did with her paperwork made it legal.  Anything she does afterwards is a celebration, vow renewal, big fancy party, or whatever you want to call it.  Its not a wedding.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>Wow someone needs more hobbies if all they want to do is say "it's not a wedding" all day....</div>

Blueyed228

Its just like people who get married for insurance or for military housing and then go on like it didnt friggin happen.

You want the benefits, fine.  But that was your one shot at a wedding.

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:4ce29a36-9f85-40a8-a8b7-ddde99b280cb">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : Wow someone needs more hobbies if all they want to do is say "it's not a wedding" all day....
Posted by catloverd[/QUOTE]

Oh blow me btch.  For real. 

You sound like the type who thinks honeymoon registries are A-Ok.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:e95e39b1-f1e1-4fa5-9c2c-492a112e248f">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : Thats fine.  But it wasnt her wedding.  It would be a church blessing and a party afterwards.  Not a wedding.  A church doesnt = legal.  What this girl did with her paperwork made it legal.  Anything she does afterwards is a celebration, vow renewal, big fancy party, or whatever you want to call it.  Its not a wedding.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Well her church wedding was in Austria.  Church weddings are not legal, so you have to do both if you want a religious ceremony.  They do not call them vow renewals, they call them weddings.</div><div>
</div><div>Japan is the same way.  "Weddings" are not when you drop off the paper work at the clerks office.  They are the ceremonies done after the legal paperwork is done (if they choose to even have one).</div><div>
</div><div>In the states, they are one in the same.</div>

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:04187036-0cfb-4645-8eff-e223d79793c0">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : Well her church wedding was in Austria.  Church weddings are not legal, so you have to do both if you want a religious ceremony.  They do not call them vow renewals, they call them weddings. Japan is the same way.  "Weddings" are not when you drop off the paper work at the clerks office.  They are the ceremonies done after the legal paperwork is done (if they choose to even have one). In the states, they are one in the same.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

Well she is American and knows better. And she is having her party here, not in Japan.

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:976f27b4-0d6d-4b23-9297-094591fb3a41">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : One that already been planned in another country.     These were her options (1)  leave Japan, lose her job, try and find another job, place to live for 10 months and then return to have the planned wedding. (2) sign a piece to get the visa and scrap her plans and lose deposits.   Pushing up the wedding is not really an option.  She lives is JAPAN.  It's unlikely her family would be able to all the sudden hop on a plane to JAPAN.  Getting married in the states might have posed more VISA issues than help.  Those options pretty much suck.  If I was her I would have done the same.    I would feel different if the plans were not already made.  But they were.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

With your explanation and knowing that you used to live there, I think I'll opt for your opinion, Lynda

Blueyed228

Also- would you feel the same way if she did it 1 year later?  5 years later?  10?  At what point in your mind does it become inapporopriate?

4letterwords

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:390ac90d-dce3-4100-b984-ae891a0a6094">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : Well she is American and knows better. And she is having her party here, not in Japan.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>I *Know* better? It's just a wedding, dude. It's not so important that you need to get online and freak out about every last little thing. </div><div>
</div><div>And having a wedding ceremony in American means absolutely nothing because I LIVE IN JAPAN. LONG TERM. I'M NOT AN EXCHANGE STUDENT, I'M NOT ON VACATION... I LIVE HERE (and thank god... there's no crazy bridenazis like you here). Going and having the ceremony in the states doesn't mean jack s**t to the Japanese government. </div><div>
</div><div>And MODERATORS -</div><div>
</div><div>How many times to I have to ask you to delete my account before you are actually going to do it? </div>

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:cfb76080-84da-4d5d-8ba9-3a053c51d275">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : I *Know* better? It's just a wedding, dude. It's not so important that you need to get online and freak out about every last little thing.  And having a wedding ceremony in American means absolutely nothing because I LIVE IN JAPAN. LONG TERM. I'M NOT AN EXCHANGE STUDENT, I'M NOT ON VACATION... I LIVE HERE (and thank god... there's no crazy bridenazis like you here). Going and having the ceremony in the states doesn't mean jack s**t to the Japanese government.  And MODERATORS - How many times to I have to ask you to delete my account before you are actually going to do it? 
Posted by 4letterwords[/QUOTE]

well then, its a good thing you had your quicky wedding so you get to stay there!

4letterwords

I feel sooooooo bad for your husband if you're like this in real life.

4letterwords

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:de34bd3e-9837-47dd-bf92-097db029cf44">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : well then, its a good thing you had your quicky wedding so you get to stay there!
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>Unlike you, being with someone I love is more important to me then some ceremony. </div>

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:3e8b87b7-b4e1-4419-910b-7e74ce57531f">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel sooooooo bad for your husband if you're like this in real life.
Posted by 4letterwords[/QUOTE]

The feeling is mutual.

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:e86145ae-2fc6-47f8-82fc-a7f4d47b748d">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : Unlike you, being with someone I love is more important to me then some ceremony. 
Posted by 4letterwords[/QUOTE]

Clearly it isnt, lol.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:419f58dc-d1ef-4a3b-91a0-d2271623dfdf">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]Also- would you feel the same way if she did it 1 year later?  5 years later?  10?  At what point in your mind does it become inapporopriate?
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>It's a case-by-case for me.  </div><div>
<div>I think that wants something was already planned (concrete plans, not just "we are getting married sometime in the future"), plus the major travel logistics for guests (and the couple) I tend to have a little more sympathy in the situation.  </div></div><div>
</div><div>I don't mind 5 or 10 year vow renewals.  I somehow doubt this OP would be suggesting a PPD 5 or 10 years later.</div>

4letterwords

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:bfd0353e-c397-432d-b945-475967635417">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : Clearly it isnt, lol.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>You're right... It's much better to completely rearrange our lives from top to bottom than to DARE be married on paper before the ceremony. You are clearly the God of all Wedding Knowlege and all lesser brides must bow down before you.</div><div>
</div><div>Moron.</div>

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:ad9490da-8ef1-4f52-acc3-eb221b5ddfaf">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : You're right... It's much better to completely rearrange our lives from top to bottom than to DARE be married on paper before the ceremony. <strong><u>You are clearly the God of all Wedding Knowlege and all lesser brides must bow down before you</u></strong>. Moron.
Posted by 4letterwords[/QUOTE]

Well duh.  Now on your knees betch.

4letterwords

You'll have to give me some time to buy massive amounts of Fabreeze... something about my face being in proximity to your crotch....

Blueyed228

Hey, your the one in Japan with all that fish.

Tell the dolphins I said hi.

Peledreamsofrain

Wow, 4letterwords, if it's just the internet, and we all matter so little and are so trite and useless human beings, why don't you just let it go?

I've been wondering all this time why someone so apparently nice would hang out with such thoughtless and nasty girls as 'friends'.  Hrm.....

TaraKeeley

People on here are really sensitive about having religious ceremonies or weddings with family after you've gone to a lawyer or courthouse. Personally, I don't see why it's so offensive, as long as you're up front about it, but whatever. As your husband, though, I'd be hurt by the phrase "only married on paper." Get married 15 times if you've got the time, money, and energy for it... but a committment is a committment and you are married.

Paying for the dresses was generous of you, and you've done, enough. If they agreed to be bridesmaids (whether you're already legally married or not... cuz they knew that, right?), they agree to buy the dress and show up.

You definitely should not throw your own bachelorette party. If they complain, explain that since you're already legally married, you feel it isn't appropriate.

jlm9113

This is completely not where this post has headed, but OP do you mind if I ask who the designer is for your BM dresses? 

ninamyspace

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:94d7a0bb-99e0-4a01-bb63-ab9a823e1aa5">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey, your the one in Japan with all that fish. Tell the dolphins I said hi.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't post here much.... but damn, you must have been a huge bridzilla, i'm pretty sure you are the defintion of a female dog. Jesus woman.</div>

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-bridesmaids-think-i-have-to-pay-for-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6daf916-0d6c-4153-8de6-ad301f63a625Post:7a656af2-b422-4c9b-98cf-de8a140eb41f">Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My bridesmaids think I have to pay for... Everything? : I don't post here much.... but damn, you must have been a huge bridzilla, i'm pretty sure you are the defintion of a female dog. Jesus woman.
Posted by ninamyspace[/QUOTE]



Yeah total bridezilla. I definitely got married a year before to scam the govt and then forced all my friends to participate in my fake wedding just so i could wear a big fancy dress, get a bunch of gifts and have all the benefits of pre wedding parties.

Or i didn't.

ninamyspace

I doubt she is forcing anyone to participate in her wedding. If the don't agree with what she is doing, they don't have to be involved.

She doesn't seem to care about having a bachelorrete party. I doubt she is having any "pre-wedding parties" considering her family is so far away. Not everyone that gets married has fancy parties, I sure didn't.

And I doubt ALL of the "fancy" gifts would even equal out to 20% of what she is spending on the wedding, I don't think anyone would spend 30K to get "fancy" gifts, and there is a ton of fancy things I can buy with 30K.

And if she want sto wear a big fancy dress.. who the hell cares?  She is paying for the whole wedding/party, so really if someone has a problem with it, they don't have to come. Easy as pie. 

 

It's like the wedding police over there.

phfiely

I just read through this thread and this is insane. I can't imagine a friend or guest that would be angry/bitter about someone needing a visa and therefore doing the paperwork when it was necessary, even if it was ahead of the planned ceremony and reception. It's not like it's some big secret that's being hidden from guestsI'm sure it was devastating to have your job suddenly stop sponsoring you. Why would that matter to me as a friend or bridesmaid? How bizarre that people freak out about it.

Blueyed228

Its a sad state what this board has become. Really sad. Have fun giving each other terrible etiquette advice. After all "its YOUR day!!!!!!" right?