best man's gf-uninvited?

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mans-gf-uninvited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7b7f5db-a284-4423-967f-741e19dc3977Post:57c2b835-602e-4626-b3bc-cd9c3915d3c3">Re: best man's gf-uninvited?</a>:
[QUOTE]We've hung out one-on-one and double dated.  Not once has she been a pleasure to be with.  That's why it's usually just me, fiance, and best man hanging out.  And she feels the same way about me and my fiance as she did for best man's brother and his wife.  She made that very clear. But you all are right.  I have to invite her if they are dating.  And it's his problem, not mine.  If she does cause a scene at any time during our wedding, then they will both be asked to stop, or leave until they fix it.  That's all I can do.  I do have perspective.  I do have understanding.  But I am also spending a lot of money for them to be there.  We are paying for their hotel room for two nights so that does factor into my perspective.  But as pp said, it's not the worst that could happen.
Posted by irishwife714[/QUOTE]

You never had to pay for their room. Why would you do that if you are already tight on budget (you said you couldn't invite everyone you wanted)?

If you already offered, you are stuck. But that was a choice of yours, so don't hold it against them.

irishwife714

Yes.  We sacraficed part of our budget to help our wedding party be there.  I know destination weddings can be spendy for guests so we wanted to make it a little easier for them to be there.  It would be hard for me to say no to my best friend if she wanted me in the wedding party of her destination wedding but it would also be hard for me financially.  We wanted to take some of the burden off of them.

This whole post has definitely been helpful.  I have definitely calmed down and learned a lot. 

Even if some of you were snarky...I was still given much needed advice.
We have already had our fill of drama with this wedding...however, it seems as though all weddings have their share and I have to remember the most important thing...I'm marrying the love of my life that day.  If a hooker walks in off the strip ...if these guys start fighting...if the restaurant serves cold food...I'm still marrying the love of my life. 

The end.

RaptorSLH

What might help is to talk to your event staff.  Where are you holding this?  Do they have bouncers, or security?  Then, if they start up, the venue staff can be responsible for kicking them out, and you and the rest of your guests don't have to get involved at all.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mans-gf-uninvited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7b7f5db-a284-4423-967f-741e19dc3977Post:94790379-ce8d-44b3-b25d-b6fa523e09d4">Re: best man's gf-uninvited?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think I'm special at all.  I just thought that if I could avoid her being there, then I would.  But that clearly isn't an option.  I wrote a post asking for advice because I've never had a wedding before and don't know the etiquette.  If you are going to post a response, be mature and respectful.  I am asking for advice because I CLEARLY don't know the answer.  She hasn't received a formal invite so I thought I still had time to see to it that she didn't get formally invited but if etiquette says she's part of the best man's invite, then so be it.  Forgive me for asking for advice. Thank you to everyone else for giving me constructive critcism.  It was helpful. <strong> If she does act like an asshole, then I will ask her to leave, which unfortunatly means that our best man will follow her and we'll lost out on him being there. </strong> So that's that.
Posted by irishwife714[/QUOTE]

And if he wants to stay in a relationship with someone who ruins special events like that, it's his problem. Not yours. His choice to make.

entropicbeauty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mans-gf-uninvited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7b7f5db-a284-4423-967f-741e19dc3977Post:1cb783f2-a842-4f50-957e-3b9e0b782adf">Re: best man's gf-uninvited?</a>:
[QUOTE]She ruined best man's night.  He did not have a good time at his twin brother's wedding because she fought with him the whole time.  The risk and the consequences are having a repeat performance.  That she'll start her drama about her being the one that should be in the wedding dress, etc.  She'll fight with him again.  She'll take him away from having a good time with his friends.  I just witnessed this all happen at his brother's wedding and it made me very fearful that it will happen at our wedding.  It was terrible and uncomfortable and I would hate for it to happen in front of the 20 guests that have spent a good amount of money to go to the wedding to have a good time. I run the risk of her ruing things for everyone...not just her and our best man.
Posted by irishwife714[/QUOTE]

If you're really that worried, why don't you just have your FI talk to his friend about your/his concerns? When it comes down to it, your GM is still an adult and capable of making his own decisions.

MyUserName1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mans-gf-uninvited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a7b7f5db-a284-4423-967f-741e19dc3977Post:ae06717d-9107-4b60-91bf-16723a8976e2">Re: best man's gf-uninvited?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: best man's gf-uninvited? : If you're really that worried, why don't you just have your FI talk to his friend about your/his concerns? When it comes down to it, your GM is still an adult and capable of making his own decisions.
Posted by entropicbeauty[/QUOTE]

I think that is a baaaaaaad idea.  It's not OP's place to judge someone else's relationship. 

irishwife714

I already said something to him after the first little fight started at the reception.  I simply said, "no fighting in Vegas" but that was before the yelling and the crying.  It didn't matter though, because he was too focused on his gf...so for now, I think I'll wait for him to bring it up. He's extremely private and I know he must be extremely embarassed that his laundry was aired in front of everyone.  I won't bring it up but if he wants to talk about it, I will.  I know what it's like to be in a destructive relatioship...I know how to leave one...but it's different for everyone and he has his reasons.  I know that you can't tell someone to do something, they have to do it themselves, so even if I said something, it wouldn't matter.  He has to do this on his own.  I'm pretty sure he knows me well enough to know what I would say about it anyway.