Father's Mistress Invite

Sashaa911

I have a very complicated family situation.  I wish to invite people close to me and whom I like.  My father threatened to not come if I don't invite his mistress/girlfriend (he cheated on my stepmom with her and is now divorced and has a child with her).  I really want my father to come but this complicates seating of my stepmom and my mother.  Plus I don't even like my father's girlfriend.  How do I handle this.  I'm afraid there will be drama at the wedding and I'll have to kick them out.  I would like to not damage the relationship with my father as he means a lot to me.  Any Advice PLEASE?

Avion22

I think you should invite her, as she and your father are in a relationship (and have a child together).  I don't see how this complicates seating.   Just sit your father and his girlfriend at a different table (preferably one far away from your mom and stepmother).   Nobody will expect ex-spouses to sit at the same table, especially not if they know anything about the situation.

Keep in mind, as much as you dislike this woman, your father is the one who cheated on your step-mother, not this woman.  He is just as much at fault as this woman (if not moreso).    Now, if you don't have a good realtionship with your father and don't want either of them there, then don't invite them.   But if you want your dad there, then you should at least invite his girlfriend.  Maybe she won't come, but if she does hopefully everyone can put their animosity aside for your sake for one evening.

Carson386

Like it or not, they are a family unit. If I were you I would invite her anyways. My mom cheated on my dad and is now remarried, I would love to not have to invite her new husband. Guests with significant others get to bring the significant other.

harper0813

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-mistress-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a810cb94-3ff8-49f6-a92d-fe8259315184Post:89419cab-1bca-48ae-a845-64a8b99a10a7">Re: Father's Mistress Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should invite her, as she and your father are in a relationship (and have a child together).  I don't see how this complicates seating.   Just sit your father and his girlfriend at a different table (preferably one far away from your mom and stepmother).   Nobody will expect ex-spouses to sit at the same table, especially not if they know anything about the situation. Keep in mind, as much as you dislike this woman, your father is the one who cheated on your step-mother, not this woman.  He is just as much at fault as this woman (if not moreso).    Now, if you don't have a good realtionship with your father and don't want either of them there, then don't invite them.   But if you want your dad there, then you should at least invite his girlfriend.  Maybe she won't come, but if she does hopefully everyone can put their animosity aside for your sake for one evening.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]




Completely agree with this. Plus, have a talk with your sets of parents before the wedding and remind them how important it is to you that they set aside their differences and hurt feelings for the day, just as you will be. Explain that it is important to you that they be there to witness your marriage and have a really nice time. :)

Simply Fated

In Response to Re:Father's Mistress Invite:I have a very complicated family situation.nbsp; I wish to invite people close to me and whom I like.nbsp; My father threatened to not come if I don't invite his mistress/girlfriend he cheated on my stepmom with her and is now divorced and has a child with her.nbsp; I really want my father to come but this complicates seating of my stepmom and my mother.nbsp; Plus I don't even like my father's girlfriend.nbsp; How do I handle this.nbsp; I'm afraid there will be drama at the wedding and I'll have to kick them out.nbsp; I would like to not damage the relationship with my father as he means a lot to me.nbsp; Any Advice PLEASE? Posted by Sashaa911 Your situation isn't that complicated. Invite the gf. Seat her with your dad. Seat them at a separate table from your mom and stepmom. You need to separate yourself from whatever happened between them. Your dad cheated on your stepmom. It sucks and what he did was deplorable. But he's your dad and he loves you. He's not going to stop loving you just because he's in a new relationship. What went on between your dad, stepmom and his new girlfriend doesn't concern you. You dont have to like his girlfriend, but you do have to tolerate her or you'll risk straining your relationship with your dad. Also, I encourage you to embrace your half sibling. He didn't do anything to YOU. Congratulations, you're a big sister. You might not like his mom, but you can still love him.

arco13

What's the over-under on how long until NYU shows up?

I agree though-I just don't get why it's always the woman the man cheated with that gets demonized in these relationships. 

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-mistress-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a810cb94-3ff8-49f6-a92d-fe8259315184Post:e89b0fc5-2df9-4736-ac03-2e076d24828d">Re: Father's Mistress Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>What's the over-under on how long until NYU shows up</strong>? I agree though-I just don't get why it's always the woman the man cheated with that gets demonized in these relationships. 
Posted by arco13[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm wondering how long it will take for her to show up but this will give her a whole new thing to go off about.  Not only do we have a stepmother, we now have a second one!</div><div>
</div><div>OP - I'm guessing you are concerned about ceremony seating?  I don't have any good suggestions for that.  Where do you plan on seating  your father?</div><div>
</div><div>You really do need to invite her.  They are married so that seals the deal here.  Your father is just as guilty in the affair and subsequent divorce as your stepmother - actually more in my eyes because he chose to be unfaithful to her.  It is water under the bridge now but I would take the high road here and invite her.</div>

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-mistress-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a810cb94-3ff8-49f6-a92d-fe8259315184Post:0a06c38a-e644-4df8-87c2-10b58cb40bcc">Re: Father's Mistress Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]Hm.  <strong>If one of your friends was in a relationship and had a child together, you would call her his "girlfriend".  Because he is your father, you give her the label "mistress"</strong>? Your father is in a relationshiup with a woman.  You must invite her.  Your parents are divorced now.  Deal with it.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>CMG - there is no similarity to having a friend who had a child while in a relationship and referring to her father's wife as a mistress.  The mistress was the "other woman" and in an extra-marital affair.  Big difference there.

</div>

JaxInBlue

Agree with PPs.  What your father did is terrible and inappropriate but he and your stepmother are now divorced and he is in a new relationship, one that has given you a half-sibling.  Your father and girlfriend need to be invited together. 

If your mother and stepmother are cordial, you can seat them together in the first row at your ceremony and seat your father, his girlfriend, and your half-sibling in the next row.  At the reception, allow each parent to host his/her own table with mutual friends and relatives (or, again, seat your mother and stepmother together and your father and his girlfriend at another table). 

Give everyone a heads up that everyone else will be there.  Sit down with them individually and explain what you are doing to make everyone comfortable.  Ask that they put aside their animosities for the time of your ceremony and reception.  They are all adults.  They should be able to be civil for a half-day.

brittany634

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-mistress-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a810cb94-3ff8-49f6-a92d-fe8259315184Post:e89b0fc5-2df9-4736-ac03-2e076d24828d">Re: Father's Mistress Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]What's the over-under on how long until NYU shows up? I agree though-I just don't get why it's always the woman the man cheated with that gets demonized in these relationships. 
Posted by arco13[/QUOTE]

I was just thinking the Same thing!

OliveOilsMom

Also, for the ceremony seating, if necessary, you could always have your stepmom sit across the aisle on the grooms side.  But as a PP said, if your mom & stepmom are cordial, seat them in the first row, then your father and his gf in the 2nd row.

KellyBrian2013

In Response to Re:Father's Mistress Invite:[QUOTE]I haven't seen her or thurman around lately. Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]

Oh, Thurman is around. She just posted two days ago or so about how I only come into threads to create drama. I give it before noon Eastern for NYU to come in screaming about how regardless of arbitrary limits, the "other woman" shouldn't be invited. And OP, NYU will be wrong when she does start spouting that crap. If you value your relationship with your father, he should be invited with his girlfriend.

Kaie

In my country, at the reception, the bride's parents sit at the head table, so inviting my father's girlfriend would make her feel very uncomfortable to have to sit alone at a table with people she didnt know. If this is not how it works in your country and your dad and his girlfriend will be sitting together at all times, then invite her. Just inform your mom and stepmom about the decision.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-mistress-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a810cb94-3ff8-49f6-a92d-fe8259315184Post:cd0ecbe6-b013-4f47-8457-2107ef3793ab">Re:Father's Mistress Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Father's Mistress Invite: Oh, Thurman is around. <strong>She just posted two days ago or so about how I only come into threads to create drama. </strong>I give it before noon Eastern for NYU to come in screaming about how regardless of arbitrary limits, the "other woman" shouldn't be invited. And OP, NYU will be wrong when she does start spouting that crap. If you value your relationship with your father, he should be invited with his girlfriend.
Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]


I posted about how your were just trying to get a rise out of OP in that thread, as evidenced by you continuing to respond to her posts by insulting her instead of advising her. Now, here you are claiming I said something I didn't, and something unrelated to this thread completely.


You can judge for yourself how much drama you create.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-mistress-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a810cb94-3ff8-49f6-a92d-fe8259315184Post:99ddf9e6-5bcc-4c56-8dc9-ff5dc3a50d6a">Re:Father's Mistress Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Father's Mistress Invite : I don't think Kelly creates drama.
Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]


ok?

s-aries8990

OP, your father's GF must be invited. She isn't his mistress anymore- you're father doesn't have a wife to cheat on anymore.

I'm giving the following advice based on the assumption that you and your father don't get along well:

Seat mom & stepmom (if they are civil enough) in the front row and seat dad&GF in the second or third row. Is your dad walking you down the aisle? This may complicate things a tad more, but I'm sure it'll get figured out.

At the reception, seat dad&GF several tables away from mom & stepmom- seat both mom & stepmom either together or with their families.

As much as you may not like this woman, she is not the reason your father cheated- he cheated because he wanted to, he was not forced. He is a grown man who can make his own decisions and suffer the consequences. Don't put your blame on this woman or your new sibling. It's not their fault your dad did dumb things.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-mistress-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a810cb94-3ff8-49f6-a92d-fe8259315184Post:b9b7bb9c-58c6-4d92-9d4f-a5ab6ac3ad82">Re:Father's Mistress Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Father's Mistress Invite : <strong>Just find a way to prove her wrong on something and then she will wander off and refuse to come back to a thread.</strong>  Easy peasy.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]


What?

brittany634

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-mistress-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a810cb94-3ff8-49f6-a92d-fe8259315184Post:b9b7bb9c-58c6-4d92-9d4f-a5ab6ac3ad82">Re:Father's Mistress Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Father's Mistress Invite : Just find a way to prove her wrong on something and then she will wander off and refuse to come back to a thread.  Easy peasy.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

haha. this is true.

brittany634

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-mistress-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a810cb94-3ff8-49f6-a92d-fe8259315184Post:fcc31d5d-3b72-4c16-8cfb-9db4ce53364f">Re:Father's Mistress Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Father's Mistress Invite : I posted about how your were just trying to get a rise out of OP in that thread, as evidenced by you continuing to respond to her posts by insulting her instead of advising her. Now, here you are claiming I said something I didn't, and something unrelated to this thread completely. You can judge for yourself how much drama you create.
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]

and what thread would this be?

thurmanpowell

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-do-i-do-ventkind-of-long


This one. Now... how do I refuse to come back to a thread?

brittany634

I don't think she was causing drama, I think she was being honest, I also think the OP was an 18 year old girl who probably shouldn't be getting married.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-mistress-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a810cb94-3ff8-49f6-a92d-fe8259315184Post:04367bc7-d47e-4b93-bc28-35d85a7f4b7a">Re: Father's Mistress Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think she was causing drama, I think she was being honest, I also think the OP was an 18 year old girl who probably shouldn't be getting married.
Posted by brittany634[/QUOTE]


Ok. Like I said, I think she was trying to cause drama, if Kelly doesn't think she was that's fine. I see no point in debating that fact. However, that's the thread where she's claiming I said she does <strong>nothing</strong> but start drama, which isn't true.

thurmanpowell

Oh also,

I don't think you (or anyone else) is really in a position to determine who should or shouldn't be getting married.

brittany634

Everyone is entitled to their opinions, and that is the opinion I gathered from that post, I didn't say anyone had to like my opinion.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-mistress-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a810cb94-3ff8-49f6-a92d-fe8259315184Post:fb14772a-29ff-4501-af3c-765722be518b">Re: Father's Mistress Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father's Mistress Invite : You immediately abandoned the thread about "Hurt Feelings" the second you were proven to be a liar and never came back to respond.  You did however, post on other threads for several hours after the fact.  Do you seriously expect me to believe that your sudden lack of interest in the thread just happened to coincide with THREE people posting the link that proved that you were wrong and I had not said a damn thing about you not serving vodka?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]


Just reread that thread. Yeah, as I mentioned in another thread that same day, I had a paper to finish. I left that thread with my last post saying that I didn't care about it to continue the conversation. And guess what? I didn't. I'm not as invested in this online community as much as some other people are and I didn't know you had another 2 pages of posts (without my involvement) going on.

That being said, ok, you're right, you didn't respond in the vodka thread. However, as you yourself admitted to in that thread, you DID call me hypocritical for it. As this thread shows your pension for bringing up stuff from days ago in a new thread, you must have said that somewhere else. Again, you <strong>admit</strong> to criticicizing me on the vodka thing, so I'm not really sure how you could pretend that I made that up. The fact that I couldn't recall the exact thread in which some one else made a comment a month earlier isn't really that big of a deal.

Also, you never came back with any proof of the crap you accused me off. Neither did Kelly in the thread I posted here.

Now, I probably won't be responding to this because 1) my wedding's in 4 days, and I have stuff to do, and 2) this is rather boring and juvenile. Stage, you better keep to antagonizing newbies in other threads, how are you going to keep yourself entertained without me?

P.S. I saw how you criticizing the NYE bride about her food choice.... really? <strong>You?</strong>

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-mistress-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a810cb94-3ff8-49f6-a92d-fe8259315184Post:4ee2cf67-1063-4f2a-b7df-c64f9a1f0fba">Re: Father's Mistress Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father's Mistress Invite : Then maybe you shouldn't<strong> yell</strong> at them about their post count.
Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]


Yell? really? get over it.

Peledreamsofrain

Wow, and here I was expecting it would be NYU to hijack the thread. Imma have to apologize for assuming .

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-mistress-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a810cb94-3ff8-49f6-a92d-fe8259315184Post:b5777063-fe6e-4590-a0af-b30a207ca873">Re: Father's Mistress Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father's Mistress Invite : Uh, I'm over it.  Calm down.
Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]

Sorry, I didn't realize you had reached the level of being "over it" where you bring your issue up in the middle of two other people's issues with each other.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-mistress-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a810cb94-3ff8-49f6-a92d-fe8259315184Post:4f31dd11-0abe-4942-ba5c-01b02698a153">Re: Father's Mistress Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Father's Mistress Invite : I was just pointing out that you said you're not invested in this community (which is fine), but then you wonder why I have twice as many posts as you (or however many more it is).
Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]


I don't "wonder." Someone accused me of causing all these 100+ threads, and I mentioned that not only am I not involved in 90 percent of them, but that I don't comment that often at all, as evidenced by people like yourself who rack up a large number of comments in a short time.

And that's fine. This is your internet hang out. It was far from yelling at you.

AND.. I'm for real out this time.

s-aries8990

"Goin' off the rails on a crazy train"

MrsJoshuaParker4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fathers-mistress-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a810cb94-3ff8-49f6-a92d-fe8259315184Post:65f18c51-d935-4052-b4f5-001fbd0db4f7">Father's Mistress Invite</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a very complicated family situation.  I wish to invite people close to me and whom I like.  My father threatened to not come if I don't invite his mistress/girlfriend (he cheated on my stepmom with her and is now divorced and has a child with her).  I really want my father to come but this complicates seating of my stepmom and my mother.  Plus I don't even like my father's girlfriend.  How do I handle this.  I'm afraid there will be drama at the wedding and I'll have to kick them out.  I would like to not damage the relationship with my father as he means a lot to me.  Any Advice PLEASE?
Posted by Sashaa911[/QUOTE]

ouch! i personally don't think your father would really miss his own child's wedding because you don't want to invite the homewrecker! if you really don't like her and don't want her there, then don't invite her. there's nothing worse than having people that you don't even like/want at your wedding. if your father really is that shallow and won't come, that's on him. he'll regret it.