My Fiance's "Redneck Family"

PharmacyBride

These guests will wear what they want- it may suck- but it is what it is.  

If you want to take his sisters out shopping for their dresses - it could be a fun bonding experience- but don't give them $ and ask for a receipt- it is a huge insult.  (even if they are into drugs/alcohol- it is still rude).

FutureMrsFraser

I'm going to be honest, in general I think your whole post is offending. Regardless if you think they are "less classy" they are your new family. Wouldn't you be offended if someone told you that they didn't feel you had enough judgement to wear something appropriate to their wedding and even had the nerve to offer to buy you something to wear? To me, that's just rude.

No you cannot politely tell them anything to make sure they dress their best.

No you should not offer to buy his sisters something to wear and then ask to see it to make sure it's up to your standards

and No you shouldn't care this much as to what people are wearing. You should just be happy that they are choosing to spend your wedding day with you.

In addition, I'm sure you have far too many other things to worry about concerning your wedding than what they are wearing, and I doubt on the day of you'll even notice. ) Good luck.

ElizaRachael

It sounds like my family - At frist I picked a few dresses online for my mom to try on but as time went on - I want my family to be there as my family, not as people who look uncomfortable in what they were forced to wear. I've always teased my dad about wearing a striped button down shirt with a striped tie to church (and on top of that he rolls the sleeves up) but now I think that having that picture of my dad walking me down the isle as HIMSELF will mean so much more to me than anything else! Family is family and unfortunately we don't get to pick any of them, not even our in-laws (I know, it's hard to believe that the people we love come from such AWFUL families sometimes but hey, I'm sure our future husbands have the same kinds of thoughts!) Don't stifle them! You'll end up with better memories with happy people rather than uncomfortable, out of their element people.

AaronAndNikki

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiances-redneck-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a860bf45-7da6-476b-9b31-b82bb237826bPost:e645cad0-d2e7-4d1b-a660-60cc391ff935">Re: My Fiance's "Redneck Family"</a>:
[QUOTE]I still don't think you understand, or are clearly not seeing the entire picture. You cannot change anyone, nor should you be embarrassed of your FI's family......they are probably just as embarassed and ashamed of your rich snottiness. If you want to label people here.  clearly they  have not seen the real side of you. And are you making your FI  feel bad about the financial status and recreational habits of his family or does he feel bad on his own true judgements. And for the millionth time, as everyone has already said, it's is too much to ask for the list of things your wanting to ask his family to do........maybe you should stop counting your cash and reading posts at the same time.....and another thing....maybe he isn't the one for you if you can't accept him for who he really his, because I'll be honest, the one thing that is always guranteed is your family. maybe you should marry into a richer, more suitable family. You are indeed the meaning of a bridezilla.
Posted by hope1009[/QUOTE]

I'm not sure if you read the rest of the posts or just the first one... Because if you had read the rest, you might have noticed that I mentioned I'm not rich (just the opposite in fact - and I'm talking in debt... about $50,000 thanks to school).  I don't pretend to be the classiest, richest, or high-class person that I'm not and I've always treated his family as I expect them to treat me - with respect. 

Calling them redneck or backwoods is exactly how they refer to themselves, so I don't think me describing them as such is any worse than describing myself as anal-retentive (a.k.a. perfectionist) or even something mundane like brunette. 

And I'm not making my FI feel bad about anything... Again, had you read the rest of the posts, you would have learned he is the one who's worried.  Worried about how they'll dress and act... And I don't believe he feels any worse about that than most parents feel about worrying their children will say something out of turn or act up - he knows his family and how they are and what to expect (just as parents know which kids might decide to scream out during the ceremony).

And, for the millionth time, if you had read the other posts you would realize you don't need to tell me that I shouldn't say anything about it, since I've already said that I understand that and will not say anything. 

BUT... how dare you!?  Insinuate that my FI isn't right for me?  When you don't know either of us?  Had you read the other posts (see the common theme here) you'd have noticed that my FI isn't really anything like his family so the fact that I appreciate his manners and etiquette (that kind of "class" is what I'm talking about - not as in "middle-class" based on $) that his family isn't known for is part of what I love about him.  He's broken the mold that the rest of his family had him in and has proven he is motivated and smart and willing to do what needs to be done to live the life he's chosen for himself.  (Oh, and you also would've noticed -had you read more- that he has distanced himself from his family and didn't want to invite most of them but I had told him that family is important and he shouldn't cut them out when he'll probably regret that in the future.)

AaronAndNikki

For the rest of you that have been constructive with your criticism and given real and helpful advice and insight, I apologize for you having to read the previous post.  I realize it wasn't the most deserving post to be on an etiquette board, but it was in response to one that I believe was less fit for such a board.  I'm not a confrontation person and don't like to see all the negativity I find on these boards, but I refuse to sit back and listen as someone (who ignored all the other posts that would've clarified things) basically tell me how awful of a person I am and that my FI and I aren't meant to be...  Because while I might not be an etiquette expert (explaining why I posted a question here), I know one thing and that is my FI and I are the luckiest people in the world for having found each other and 8.7.10 is going to be the happiest day of my life (regardless of what his family is wearing! ).

AaronAndNikki

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiances-redneck-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a860bf45-7da6-476b-9b31-b82bb237826bPost:d777243e-84f2-4c56-a2f9-2f377ee0f966">Re: My Fiance's "Redneck Family"</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Fiance's "Redneck Family" : dude, chill. it was a joke and a reference to the Three Stooges. fairly well-known comedic line.
Posted by pooh8402[/QUOTE]

My bad!  Apparently another thing I'm ignorant about... <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /> Thanks for the clarification!!

AaronAndNikki

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiances-redneck-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a860bf45-7da6-476b-9b31-b82bb237826bPost:62119885-bba1-450f-b658-3e32e9a50fd5">Re: My Fiance's "Redneck Family"</a>:
[QUOTE]At the end of the day, you'll be too busy staring into your FI's eyes to notice that someone snuck jeans into the affair.
Posted by kristi-ji[/QUOTE]

That's just a perfect line!  I think I'm gonna jot it down, stick on a Post-It, and put it on the mirror... maybe less the "someone snuck jeans into the affair"... Maybe more like "At the end of the day, you'll be too busy staring into your FI's eyes to notice anything else."  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

Bubbalub

Nikki, just ignore Hope. She calls someone a bridezilla for everything, then continues to make rude, assumptive comments about a poster's fiance just like she did to you. It's not worth it to read anything she writes OR take it seriously.

AaronAndNikki

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiances-redneck-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a860bf45-7da6-476b-9b31-b82bb237826bPost:bb4d530a-9409-4a07-9394-3b2a2452a152">Re: My Fiance's "Redneck Family"</a>:
[QUOTE]I intentionally had it where everyone (including members of the bridal party) came in jeans. Aside from my mother, father and sister, and us, everyone wore decent tops and jeans and it was the best decision I could have made. Noone felt obligated to play the glamour game to see how much prettier and nicer they could get than others. Everyone there was comfortable and could concentrate not on shifting around in their overly stiff clothes but instead on being there for us.... However, on the people side: If he's truly worried about them doing something inappropriate (such as making rude statements out loud during the ceremony--veeeery bad) then he needs to go speak very candidly with those people. If he still is unsure, they dont get invited. He'll know the trouble makers more than you will and regretting not inviting them when you are aware they would have done something very bad in the middle of the ceremony is going to be far lesser than the regret you'll have when you make him invite people he feels will ruin the ceremony and make him feel embarrassed and ashamed on his wedding day. Its just as important to him as it is to you and the very last thing you want to do is make him invite people he knows he shouldn't, especially if something happens and it'll ruin the memory for him. You'll feel guilty for making him do it, he'll feel guilty cause he'll always remember how his family ruined your big day. So make this an honest discussion and since its his family, its ultimately HIS decision. Let him decide where his worries lie and act accordingly after that. Sorry this is such a lengthy message!  Hope it helped a little.
Posted by MrsMartin86[/QUOTE]

Very helpful!  Wish I would've thought to just have everyone in jeans from the beginning!  Too late now... but then FI's family would have fit right in!  (Of course my Grandma would never be caught dead in jeans in public... So she'd stand out as the only person in khakis, but oh well!) 

And I will talk to him about who might do or say something really inappropriate (I can see some inappropriate remarks at the point of the ceremony where people can state objections)... Maybe an ultimatum for those people - either you promise to respect the sanctity of the ceremony and "behave" or just don't come... (And for anyone worried about this offending them, they'll just laugh.  I assure you of that...  FI told his sisters essentially that for college graduation and they said they'd see him afterwards!)  Thanks for all your advice!

AaronAndNikki

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiances-redneck-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a860bf45-7da6-476b-9b31-b82bb237826bPost:5f6de2ed-0ce7-4189-aa12-712f74b70e04">Re: My Fiance's "Redneck Family"</a>:
[QUOTE]It sounds like my family - At frist I picked a few dresses online for my mom to try on but as time went on - I want my family to be there as my family, not as people who look uncomfortable in what they were forced to wear. I've always teased my dad about wearing a striped button down shirt with a striped tie to church (and on top of that he rolls the sleeves up) but now I think that having that picture of my dad walking me down the isle as HIMSELF will mean so much more to me than anything else! Family is family and unfortunately we don't get to pick any of them, not even our in-laws (I know, it's hard to believe that the people we love come from such AWFUL families sometimes but hey, I'm sure our future husbands have the same kinds of thoughts!) Don't stifle them! You'll end up with better memories with happy people rather than uncomfortable, out of their element people.
Posted by ElizaRachael[/QUOTE]

I really appreciate your post...  You are more in the position of my FI, being that it was your family you were worried about.  It's nice to hear from that perspective (other than FI) and I really like your attitude...  I'll try to keep you last line in mind!

AaronAndNikki

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fiances-redneck-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a860bf45-7da6-476b-9b31-b82bb237826bPost:efd9881d-61a7-4b54-8ba0-4e654a3bda4d">Re: My Fiance's "Redneck Family"</a>:
[QUOTE]Nikki, just ignore Hope. She calls someone a bridezilla for everything, then continues to make rude, assumptive comments about a poster's fiance just like she did to you. It's not worth it to read anything she writes OR take it seriously.
Posted by Bubbalub[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the tip... I'll just ignore her then!