Wedding Etiquette Forum

Was I being rude?

I am getting married in a few weeks and have already had bridal showers. My sisters (MOHs) planned a shower for me, FH's aunt threw a shower for me (they preferred to throw their own over coming to the one my sisters were throwing - actually a few of them asked to be invited to both), and some ladies at work threw a shower for me.

I was very nervous about the work shower from the start. I am a high school teacher and there are several hundred people that work there. I invited some co-workers, but there was no way to invite all of them. The ladies in my department really wanted to throw me a shower and I expressed my nervousness with having people come that weren't invited to the wedding. They said that it would be totally fine and people wouldn't be offended. They invited all of the high school. Not a ton of people showed up, but about half of them weren't invited to the wedding - was I being totally rude? I don't know how weddings work, because no one else has gotten married since I've been there (in the past three years). It's only been baby showers, and I don't think anyone expects to be invited to the birth. :-)

My mom also really wanted to invite her friend from work to our family shower. They are partners (911 dispatchers) and they actually work the day of our wedding so my mom had to take off. There is no way the woman could come anyway, because one of them has to be working there and my mom will definitely be at my wedding. I explained to my mom that I really didn't want to be rude and invite her to a shower, but my mom said she understood and really wanted to come either way.

After reading all these posts on this board now I'm feeling like a total jerk. I guess there's no going back, but should I be feeling bad? Was what I did okay? I never actually invited anyone who wasn't coming to the wedding, but I still feel like it's somehow my fault.
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Re: Was I being rude?

  • There's nothing you can do about it now, of course.
    You're right, though. You shouldn't invite people who are not invited to the wedding.
    I don't think you need to spend too much time feeling guilty for what you cannot change.
    You said that you did not personally invite any of the people who are not going to be guests at your wedding.
    If others invite people regardless of your apprehension, it reflects badly upon them, not you.
  • For the work one, don't feel bad.  Work/Church showers are generally the exception to the rule. 

    For your mom's work partner, would you have invited her to the wedding if she were able to attend?  Granted it's probably too late, but you probably should have invited her so that she could feel included.  Then the question of being rude for not inviting her to the wedding wouldn't have been an issue.
  • Agree with PP. Don't feel bad at all about the work shower.  It is an exception to the rule.  As far as your mom's friend goes, although it might have been nice to invite her, it sounds like she knew she wasn't invited to the wedding, and wanted to come to the shower anyway.  I wouldn't worry about it.
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