Help for ambiguous RSVP?

mezpez

Hello, I've lurked here for quite a while and I'm now about 4 weeks from my wedding, and the RSVP's are starting to come in.  I sent a friendly reminder to the mother of a family friend (we are friends with the whole family) to ask about whether or not one of her daughters and her date were coming to the wedding.  I sent it to the mother b/c I didn't have contact info. for the daughter. 

Here is the response I got:
"Daughter" will be attending. "Date"  wants to come but will not know his work schedule until the weekend before the wedding. He will request off but that doesn't mean he will be off!

Is this normal?  It seems that it defeats the purpose of having an RSVP date- which is this Tuesday.  How would you handle this?  It seems like she is expecting me to go ahead and pay for everything for this person, even though he doesn't know if he'll be able to come.  How would you handle this/word a response?

banana468

Call her and say, "Thank you for the quick reply!  Unfortunately I do need to know if the date will be attending the wedding by X date.  If he can't confirm I'll take that as a 'no'."

rbtrumpet

I had a few of those.

Some people don't actually know their schedule until closer to the date.  I just counted all of mine as a yes, just so I would have room at the reception for them (it's better to have more room than less).

I would just respond with something like "well, I hope "Date" can make it - we'll save him a seat."


ETA: I think I had 4 of those, and 3 ended up saying yes

twilight.rose

First, you should never ask about RSVPs prior to the "RSVP by" date.

That said, in this case, I would prepare under the assumption that he will be attending. It would be far more embarrassing to have him come, and not have a plate, chair, etc. for him, than to pay for one extra person who doesn't end up coming.

mezpez

Thanks ladies.  Appreciate that help and input.  I only asked about the daughter's RSVP from the mother early because I didn't have a way to personally contact her, and I wanted her to have time to get in touch with her and then get back to me since we all live in different towns. 

srkropf

I agree with banana-- best way to handle it.