Our Privacy vs. FB!

buffy03302010

As the bride, I would like to ask my guests to not post pictures on line of my soon to be husband and I, on our wedding day. I don’t mind if pictures that they take of themselves and others are uploaded, but not of us (the bride and groom). Do we, as the couple have the right to ask our guests NOT plaster our images all over FB that they take of us on our personal and private day?  And should our guests respect our wishes?

squirrly

You can ask, but you can't demand.  And honestly?  People will forget and do it anyway, because they're excited to share the photos.  Nothing you can do to prevent it, really.  But you can untag yourselves. 

May I ask WHY?  Just because I'm curious.  Most people want to see photos their guests took as soon as possible. 

FutureMrsTR

What exactly is your issue with your pictures being on FB?

akhensley81

Yeah there's not a lot you can do to control what photos people put up on their own FB pages.

And I'm curious why too. The first photos I got to see of my wedding were on FB. It was one of the first things I looked at when I got home the next day.

LDYGTR13

I agree with PP - you can't demand that they keep your pics off of FB, but you're totally able to ASK them not to, still doesn't mean they won't forget though.

I wanna know why you're to be so private about this too...

[Deleted User]

Like squirrly said, you can ask but they will probably do it anyway. You can just untag all the pictures.

baystateapple

Good luck with that.  People posted pictures of our wedding to their FB accounts during the reception.  And honestly?  I was so happy when I woke up the next morning and saw that there were already pictures. 

You can say something to people about it, but there's no way you can keep them from doing it.  They're happy to be there, they're excited, and they're going to post pictures.  You're going to be the one to post the pro pics when they come, and they'll be much better than the camera phone pics or unprofessional camera shots.  Try to relax and decide not to let it bother you.

annakb8

Yeah, if you don't want people to see pictures just hide all pictures of yourself. Of course those pictures will still exist, but people would have to put a lot more time and energy into stalking your wedding. The only thing you could do is not allow guests to bring cameras, but unless you are getting married at the White House or are famous enough to worry about someone selling the pics to US Weekly, this is not going to go over well.

I too am curious about why you don't want pictures on Facebook. If you are worried about privacy, get off Facebook.

andy71781

I think anna had a good solution - no more facebook = no more pictures of you on facebook.

emilyinchile

I don't really think you can do this. Sure it's your wedding, but they're your guests' pictures. You'd have to ban all cameras from your wedding, which would not only be weird but also would rob you of potentially fun pictures.

Is there a privacy setting you can change so that no one can tag you in pictures, if that's what you're worried about? Like others, I was excited to see people start putting photos up the next day, so I don't really understand the issue.

baystateapple

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_privacy-vs-fb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b4780140-5d8a-470e-b0bf-8ba074775d22Post:d5f87e22-5c44-4d7b-b174-ee7de80864a2">Re: Our Privacy vs. FB!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think anna had a good solution - no more facebook = no more pictures of you on facebook.
Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]

I had the exact same thought.  When you sign up for FB, you sort of have to be okay with loosening your grip on total privacy and pictures being posted.

garcias1

My suggestion would be to block anyone from seeing photos in which you are tagged.  Also, you can untag yourself in any pictures that people post.  FI blocks anyone from seeing his pictures because he is a HS teacher and doesn't want students finding his profile and seeing his personal life.  But the pictures are still out there if anyone wants to try hard enough to find them.  Unfortunately it's a byproduct of the society in which we live.

mkrupar

Why are you on FB if you don't want pictures of you posted? Why are you being so tight fisted with photos of your wedding?

You can certainly ask your guests not to do it, but like PPs have said they'll forget, or you might have that one guest that, just to spite you (and this semi-crazy request), that will do it anyway. Set your privacy settings to block everyone from seeing photos of you/being able to tag you. Or, like Anna suggested get off the FaceSpace and you won't have to worry about it.  

danieliza1127

Even if she doesn't have a FB profile, people can still post pictures of her on their own profile.  I don't understand you guys who are saying just get off FB to solve the problem. It wouldn't solve the problem at all, people would still post their pictures.  I have plenty of pictures of my H on my FB and he doesn't have a FB profile at all.

Otherwise, I agree with everyone else in that it's a weird request and I don't really understand why you care whether your pictures are on there or not.

ricksang

You can ask but people will do what they want.

mica178

The only way to have a truly private and personal day is to not invite guests.  You can indicate to guests that you don't want them to post your pictures, but that'd be hard to enforce.  You could try starting up a photosharing site that is password protected so your guests put their pictures there rather than on FB, but even still, guests will put pictures on FB because they like the pictures of themselves dressed up, not just you.

Calypso1977

well, *technically* when you post a pic on FB, there is some disclaimer that asks somethign like "do you have permission to post tehse pictures".  but, people post stuff all the time withotu permission.

i do find it an odd request....i too loved seeing pics from my wedding up on FB, and i was actually disappointeed that there werent more.

AdeleDazeem

Just put an insert in your invites saying all cameras and cell phones will be confiscated at the door. 

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_privacy-vs-fb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b4780140-5d8a-470e-b0bf-8ba074775d22Post:d44244e9-5ddb-45d3-a067-237067324395">Re: Our Privacy vs. FB!</a>:
[QUOTE]Even if she doesn't have a FB profile, people can still post pictures of her on their own profile.  I don't understand you guys who are saying just get off FB to solve the problem. It wouldn't solve the problem at all, people would still post their pictures.  I have plenty of pictures of my H on my FB and he doesn't have a FB profile at all. Otherwise, I agree with everyone else in that it's a weird request and I don't really understand why you care whether your pictures are on there or not.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

Agreed. But Facebook does claim some limited rights to photos uploaded, which allow for them to use the photos. I don't think it's clear what they'd use photos for, or if they ever have, but I know some people who are adamant that photos of them not be uploaded on Facebook for that reason.

But there really isn't any way to guarantee that people won't post pictures.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_privacy-vs-fb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b4780140-5d8a-470e-b0bf-8ba074775d22Post:78c296e5-2f37-46d6-a0eb-257100c3cc86">Re: Our Privacy vs. FB!</a>:
[QUOTE]well, *technically* when you post a pic on FB, there is some disclaimer that asks somethign like "do you have permission to post tehse pictures".  but, people post stuff all the time withotu permission. i do find it an odd request....i too loved seeing pics from my wedding up on FB, and i was actually disappointeed that there werent more.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

That is about copyright protection. The guests own the pictures they took so they can post them.

buffy03302010

Thanks for all of the feedback. The reason that we were contemplating making that request is simple….our right to privacy. Idk, I guess we are just old school like that. That being said, I think the request is fairly reasonable. If I wanted my wedding day to be posted on line in a manner in which I have no control, I would film it and post it on You Tube. Question for you all; just because FB and other sites like it exist, does that mean that I no longer have a right to have a say as to what is posted about me online? Is privacy really on the road to extinction on account of FB and the www? Also, it’s rather presumptuous to assume that I have a FB page and if I did I wouldn’t post pics on line of anyone else unless I knew for certain they would be okay with it, just out of respect. Great comments! Gives me something to think about. Keep them coming.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_privacy-vs-fb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b4780140-5d8a-470e-b0bf-8ba074775d22Post:a43268a5-0e2b-452f-96c0-9bfef53496df">Our Privacy vs. FB!</a>:
[QUOTE]As the bride, I would like to ask my guests to not post pictures on line of my soon to be husband and I, on our wedding day. I don’t mind if pictures that they take of themselves and others are uploaded, but not of us (the bride and groom). Do we, as the couple have the right to ask our guests NOT plaster our images all over FB that they take of us on our personal and private day?   And should our guests respect our wishes?
Posted by buffy03302010[/QUOTE]

You can untag yourself if you are tagged but other than that, no, there's not much you can do.  Honestly, you would get the side-eye from some people if you even brought it up. 

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_privacy-vs-fb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b4780140-5d8a-470e-b0bf-8ba074775d22Post:fae18877-6d32-420a-be1f-75596e877439">Re: Our Privacy vs. FB!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for all of the feedback. The reason that we were contemplating making that request is simple….our right to privacy. Idk, I guess we are just old school like that. That being said, I think the request is fairly reasonable. If I wanted my wedding day to be posted on line in a manner in which I have no control, I would film it and post it on You Tube. Question for you all; just because FB and other sites like it exist, does that mean that I no longer have a right to have a say as to what is posted about me online? Is privacy really on the road to extinction on account of FB and the www? <strong>Also, it’s rather presumptuous to assume that I have a FB page</strong> and if I did I wouldn’t post pics on line of anyone else unless I knew for certain they would be okay with it, just out of respect. Great comments! Gives me something to think about. Keep them coming.
Posted by buffy03302010[/QUOTE]

In this day and age, no it's not.  You brought up FB so naturally people are going to come to this conclusion.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_privacy-vs-fb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b4780140-5d8a-470e-b0bf-8ba074775d22Post:fae18877-6d32-420a-be1f-75596e877439">Re: Our Privacy vs. FB!</a>:
[QUOTE]Question for you all; just because FB and other sites like it exist, does that mean that I no longer have a right to have a say as to what is posted about me online?
Posted by buffy03302010[/QUOTE]

I think that's a really good question.  I do think you have the right to request that your guests not post pictures of you and the groom on Facebook.  I just don't think you can enforce it if they choose not to respect your request other than to untag yourself or ask them to be removed once you see that they are there.

buffy03302010

Oh, one more thing I forgot to mention,we are not the type of people who would ever concern themselves with offending others with our request. As far as we are concerned, it's our day that we paid for. I'm sure there will be plenty of things that our guests will have an opion about, what's one more?

Mrs.B6302007

THere's a slight bit of irony in all of this.  While you don't have to post pics of yourself here and can certainly control your privacy, posting on a forum isn't 100% private either, KWIM?

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_privacy-vs-fb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b4780140-5d8a-470e-b0bf-8ba074775d22Post:3e7abfea-08c5-4975-a5f9-9da0b5503bfe">Re: Our Privacy vs. FB!</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, one more thing I forgot to mention,we are not the type of people who would ever concern themselves with offending others with our request. <strong>As far as we are concerned, it's our day that we paid for. </strong>I'm sure there will be plenty of things that our guests will have an opion about, what's one more?
Posted by buffy03302010[/QUOTE]
But once you include other people, it's not just "yours" anymore.  It's not necessarily rude to ask them not to post pics but it is a bit controlling and it *could* be taken the wrong way with some of your guests. 

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_privacy-vs-fb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b4780140-5d8a-470e-b0bf-8ba074775d22Post:3e7abfea-08c5-4975-a5f9-9da0b5503bfe">Re: Our Privacy vs. FB!</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, one more thing I forgot to mention<strong>,we are not the type of people who would ever concern themselves with offending others</strong> with our request. As far as we are concerned, it's our day that we paid for. I'm sure there will be plenty of things that our guests will have an opion about, what's one more?
Posted by buffy03302010[/QUOTE]

<div>Wow.  Well, good luck then.  You've lost my sympathy.</div>

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_privacy-vs-fb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b4780140-5d8a-470e-b0bf-8ba074775d22Post:fae18877-6d32-420a-be1f-75596e877439">Re: Our Privacy vs. FB!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for all of the feedback. The reason that we were contemplating making that request is simple….our right to privacy. Idk, I guess we are just old school like that. That being said, I think the request is fairly reasonable. If I wanted my wedding day to be posted on line in a manner in which I have no control, I would film it and post it on You Tube. Question for you all; just because FB and other sites like it exist, does that mean that I no longer have a right to have a say as to what is posted about me online? Is privacy really on the road to extinction on account of FB and the www? Also, it’s rather presumptuous to assume that I have a FB page and if I did I wouldn’t post pics on line of anyone else unless I knew for certain they would be okay with it, just out of respect. Great comments! Gives me something to think about. Keep them coming.
Posted by buffy03302010[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately the guests own any pictures they take. As long as they are not using them for commercial reasons (i.e advertising) you can't do anything. Plus, I would be really confused if you asked me not to post them on FB.

Mrs.B6302007

Ditto Dani. 

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_privacy-vs-fb?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b4780140-5d8a-470e-b0bf-8ba074775d22Post:3e7abfea-08c5-4975-a5f9-9da0b5503bfe">Re: Our Privacy vs. FB!</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, one more thing I forgot to mention,we are not the type of people who would ever concern themselves with offending others with our request. As far as we are concerned, it's our day that we paid for. I'm sure there will be plenty of things that our guests will have an opion about, what's one more?
Posted by buffy03302010[/QUOTE]

WOW, that is a really horrible attitude. Sorry, but I care about not offending my friends & family.