Wedding Etiquette Forum

Dis or Un Inviting Guests

Well my friend, at one point best friend kinda, sorta, ruined my bridal shower.  Is it ok to not or dis invite her to the wedding now?

She got so plastered at my bridal shower that she had sex with one of the caterers in the bathroom, puked all over the place, and then (I hate to say it) pooped herself while we were opening presents.  Now I have been friends with her forever and this is really just the type of behavior she is known for, so rather than have her ruin my wedding I was just going to not invited her. 

Thoughts?
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Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests

  • I depends on if you are willing to lose her as a friend. If you don't invite her to the shower, that is what is likely to happen.

    Has she mentioned anything since this happened? Any apologies? If she hasn't I would probably talk to her and let her know how embarrassing and upsetting this was to you. Let her know you really want her at your wedding, and hope that she is able to recognize her limits and behave responsibly.
  • Are you having the same caterer at your wedding? 

    If you're ready to end the friendship, then don't invite her.  If you want to preserve the friendship but save yourself a lot of embarassment, tell the bartender(s) to keep an eye on her and cut her off before she overdoes it.  You could also consider hiring security if the venue does not provide it.
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  • maybe its just me but I really cannot imagine that this is the first time this girl has done something crazy like this. This cannot possibly be a one-off incident. So I guess- do you want a friend that poops their own pants and screws the caterer at your wedding or not. For me.. that is actually a pretty easy question...

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  • Why are you friends with this person? Because I am totally okay with not ever being friends with this person.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dis-un-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6584d71-6d84-49ad-97b2-e8a3e4f4399fPost:b7709379-298a-45bb-971b-00e5cb547bdc">Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why are you friends with this person? Because I am totally okay with not ever being friends with this person.
    Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

    I agree.  I don't understand why the wedding is the battleground here.  You're OK with behavior like this- unless it's at YOUR party?  I think you should examine the friendship as a whole.  If you plan to remain close, you should invite her.
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  • Well, I'm assuming the caterer was fired, so hopefully THAT won't be an issue at your wedding...
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  • Pictures or it didn't happen.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dis-un-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6584d71-6d84-49ad-97b2-e8a3e4f4399fPost:e29209ea-2f79-42d3-a3b7-6a5fe688aae9">Dis or Un Inviting Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well my friend, at one point best friend kinda, sorta, ruined my bridal shower.  Is it ok to not or dis invite her to the wedding now? She got so plastered at my bridal shower that she had sex with one of the caterers in the bathroom, puked all over the place, and then (I hate to say it) <strong>pooped herself while we were opening presents.</strong>  Now I have been friends with her forever and this is really just the type of behavior she is known for, so rather than have her ruin my wedding I was just going to not invited her.  Thoughts?
    Posted by FelciaYanetteBalz[/QUOTE]


    Not while you were opening presents?!? That's a huge no-no. She could have at least waited until afterwards.

    But really in all seriousness, I agree with PP's in many respects. Why are you friends with her to begin with? Has she behaved like this before? And are you willing to forego the the friendship completely if you decide not to invite her?

    I can understand your hesitation to invite her, because frankly I wouldn't want someone like that attending my wedding, or in my lfe at all. From an etiquette standpoint, no, it's not ok to disinvite someone. But this is a special circumstance in a way. Although, since I don't believe this is the first something like this could have happened, I don't know why you didn't think about this prior to extending the invitation.
  • I'm sorry, I'm still stuck on the girl pooping her pants. I can't give any advice until this matter is cleared up. I will repeat M&M's question, how effing drunk does a person have to get to poop her own pants?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dis-un-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6584d71-6d84-49ad-97b2-e8a3e4f4399fPost:b3d88a88-1fff-4763-9b2b-1b76eeba00fe">Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is weirding me out how tight this voting race is right now.
    Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

    I voted for a stern talking to.  I love a good stern talking to between two adults.  It reeks of a good time for all.
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    "Lvharpy could be your AE." - direy25
    "smokeybailey is the one shining beacon of light in this steaming turd of a thread." - daffodil_jill
    "The almighty smokeybailey has spoken." - some bitch on the Las Vegas board

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dis-un-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6584d71-6d84-49ad-97b2-e8a3e4f4399fPost:34b79e19-e72b-4157-b524-8f26da72112e">Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests : I voted for a stern talking to.  I love a good stern talking to between two adults.  It reeks of a good time for all.
    Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

    True.But, I just usually have my mom call their mom and stern talk it out for me. That's probably why I don't understand the poll.
  • I'm confused as to why you want to uninvite her NOW, when the whole entire time you knew that she did crap like that.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dis-un-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6584d71-6d84-49ad-97b2-e8a3e4f4399fPost:a2dd39b7-a2b2-4afa-82db-9a3f71eaf279">Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm confused as to why you want to uninvite her NOW, when the whole entire time you knew that <strong>she did crap like that.</strong>
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    snortysnortsnort
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dis-un-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6584d71-6d84-49ad-97b2-e8a3e4f4399fPost:3f3a8819-a9b0-4b52-96de-080f74056198">Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Are you having the same caterer at your wedding?</strong> 
    Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]


    This made me laugh.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dis-un-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6584d71-6d84-49ad-97b2-e8a3e4f4399fPost:a2dd39b7-a2b2-4afa-82db-9a3f71eaf279">Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm confused as to why you want to uninvite her NOW, when the whole entire time <strong>you knew that she did crap like that.</strong>
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]


    Ba-dum shhh!!!!!!!
  • Aw, man, I didn't even mean to make a funny. 

    I mean, Ha, I'm hiiiiiiiiiilarious!

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  • That was confusing. I thought I had accidentally wandered off the Etiquette board for a minute.

    And yeah I wouldn't feel bad about not being friends with that person any longer. She sounds terrible.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dis-un-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6584d71-6d84-49ad-97b2-e8a3e4f4399fPost:7bba819d-cb66-472e-b08c-0c630d947358">Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]Pictures or it didn't happen.
    Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]


    Trust me I wish it didn't.  I can still here this in my head:

    My Mom: "Hunny, I think that girl just pooped herself"
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dis-un-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6584d71-6d84-49ad-97b2-e8a3e4f4399fPost:eea284e6-ddb5-428b-ae33-0a3a454e28dc">Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests : I don't know if I want to laugh, or be totally weirded out.<strong> Honestly, who does this? I think that she should be mature enough to know when to cut herself off.</strong> I would honestly have to second guess my invite. I know, I know not proper etiquette, but there has to be an exception to this. I would be terrified to have her at my wedding. After all she is YOUR friend. I wouldn't want to be associated. I have some off the wall friends, but I have to say nothing to this extent.
    Posted by truegirl89[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>^ Like I said, the only girls I know that think it's cool to get that wasted are 15. </div>
  • I can't believe all this happened during a bridal shower. Most showers are only a couple of hours. For her to get drunk, punk, poop, latch on to the caterer to have sex with him would - in my humble opinion - have taken longer than 2 hours.
  • I would take her to an AA meeting!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dis-un-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6584d71-6d84-49ad-97b2-e8a3e4f4399fPost:05a1bd8b-b281-44a7-9809-0ce113712819">Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests : ^ Like I said, the only girls I know that think it's cool to get that wasted are 15. 
    Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

    <strong>SERIOUSLY!!
    </strong>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dis-un-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6584d71-6d84-49ad-97b2-e8a3e4f4399fPost:fb957ccc-1623-4430-aa2f-7e8877f2a2f1">Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can't believe all this happened during a bridal shower. Most showers are only a couple of hours. For her to get drunk, punk, poop, latch on to the caterer to have sex with him would - in my humble opinion - have taken longer than 2 hours.
    Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]
    This is a very valid point.
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  • I don't believe for a second that this story is true.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dis-un-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6584d71-6d84-49ad-97b2-e8a3e4f4399fPost:2bc1ea51-d43a-436c-8b3c-7e7b3fab1e9a">Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't believe for a second that this story is true.
    Posted by lizarellie[/QUOTE]


    You know, I thought that too for a minute. But then I got weirded out by the fact that someone would think to make this all up, and then decide to post it on an internet message board.

    It's frightening.
  • Maybe she prepartied it!

    I agree-- really hard to get that wasted on alcohol alone, seduce the waiter, poop yourself etc. etc. in 2 hours. There are either drugs involved, lots of shots(at a shower?!), some prepartying bc she's classy like that, or this is a lie.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dis-un-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6584d71-6d84-49ad-97b2-e8a3e4f4399fPost:24f6462d-f985-407e-86a5-552ce11aa7fe">Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests : You know, I thought that too for a minute. But then I got weirded out by the fact that someone would think to make this all up, and then decide to post it on an internet message board. It's frightening.
    Posted by LessThanZero[/QUOTE]

    You haven't been around these parts for very long, have you?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dis-un-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6584d71-6d84-49ad-97b2-e8a3e4f4399fPost:fb957ccc-1623-4430-aa2f-7e8877f2a2f1">Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I can't believe all this happened during a bridal shower. Most showers are only a couple of hours.</strong> For her to get drunk, punk, poop, latch on to the caterer to have sex with him would - in my humble opinion - have taken longer than 2 hours.
    Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]


    Really? Maybe it's just the area I'm from but most bridal showers/baby showers are around the 4 hour mark. The first hour is for people to grab a drink and maybe some appetizers and catch up. The second hour is for real food and more talking. And the third and fourth hours are a combination of dessert, coffee, gift opening and saying goodbye to everyone as you're leaving.

    Not that I'm saying what happened with this girl makes any sense. But a 2 hr period and a 4 hour period can make all the difference with someone like this.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dis-un-inviting-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b6584d71-6d84-49ad-97b2-e8a3e4f4399fPost:0318f2c9-f549-4e6a-a918-5882a5a4724a">Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dis or Un Inviting Guests : You haven't been around these parts for very long, have you?
    Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

    <div>lawl</div><div>
    </div><div>seriously. people are strange. I appreciate it for the entertainment value, though.</div>
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  • I voted for disinvite - but I'm for having a stern talk too. After the talk you can see if you want her to come or not. She should have behaved herself like an adult. Maybe she was jealous of the attention you were getting and just acted up... But anway it is totally unacceptable.
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