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Guests Who Won't RSVP

I have an aunt and an uncle who failed to respond to my RSVP.  I tried e-mailing, calling (left a couple of messages), Facebook (even though I don't think they use it much), even asking their daughter (my cousin) to ask them to call me so I can get guest count information.  Nothing.

Finally, after a few weeks of this, I asked my dad to give them a call.  They answered that time, and said they weren't sure if they would be able to attend yet.

So although that was a bit frustrating, I accepted it since my venue does allow a little flexibility with the guest count up until a few days before. 

But here is is a week and a half before the wedding, and they still haven't gotten back to me.  I'm going to call (again) today, but I honestly have my doubts about whether they will answer the phone -- I really feel like they're avoiding me for some weird reason.  I heard from other relatives that this aunt and uncle NEVER RSVP for anything, even when people call and ask. 

So what's a good message?  I was thinking of something like this: "Hi, this is ___________.  Just checking in to see if you can attend the big day next Saturday.  Please give me a call at _____________ to let me know.  We'd love to see you there!  If I don't hear from you by Sunday, I'll assume you aren't able to make it."  I feel a little rude about the last part, but I also don't want them to not respond, then show up at the wedding.

Re: Guests Who Won't RSVP

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    Well, they are a little rude for dodging your calls and being so vague with your dad.  Especially if this aunt has a tendency to never send her RSVP.  So you are fine to give them a deadline of when they can let you know yes or assume they aren't coming. 
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    I think that message is perfect, that is what I would say if I was in the same position. Don't worry about being rude, they are the ones being rude by avoiding your calls and not being straight up with you. 

    522805_10151186959893168_80368830_n_zps80e4c057
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    I think your message is fine.  We had to use something similar with a few of our guests.  I don't think it's rude to give an absolute deadline when you need to know and you've exhausted all of the other options.  The only thing I'd think about would be if the message would be firmer coming from someone else - maybe your dad since they at least answered him once before.  But I definitely don't think what you're asking - or the deadline you're giving - are rude in the least.
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    I'd say tomorrow evening as well.  Other than that the message is fine.

    They are EXTREMELY rude.
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    Not rude at all- thats what we did for non-RSVPers as well- left a phone message that said we've tried to contact you and havent heard back, if we dont heard from you by tomorrow (or whenever you want to say) we will have to assume you are unable to come and will not be able to reserve a seat for you. If you can make it, we would love to have you, but we would need to have an offical answer by tomorrow evening....

    something like that. But your not being rude setting a deadline. They are being extremely rude, especially since if you dont get an answer and include them in your headcount ur paying for ppl who dont come. I did mention that is we dont hear from you, we will not be able to reserve a seat for you since I figured if they were rude enough to just show up, I wouldnt feel bad if they didnt have a seat because I told them they wouldnt.
    Good luck!
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    aragx6aragx6 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited May 2012
    I agree with everyone else that they're super rude, but I'm also wondering why, if you only needed a final headcount a few days before the wedding, you set an RSVP date early enough that you've been hounding them for weeks. It seems like you set a really early RSVP date!

    edit: spelling and words and whatnot.
    Lizzie
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-who-wont-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b95d9538-b029-4cef-8a13-41e5f7c9558bPost:48c45fd2-f6c6-42fd-ac03-72f7f860c781">Re: Guests Who Won't RSVP</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with everyone else that they're super rude, but I'm also wondering why, if you only needed a final headcount a few days before the wedding, you set and RSVP date early enough that you've been hounding them for weeks . It seems like you set a really RSVP date!
    Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

    I was thinking this too.  I like the give them until tomorrow night to decide, then put them on the NO side.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-who-wont-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b95d9538-b029-4cef-8a13-41e5f7c9558bPost:48c45fd2-f6c6-42fd-ac03-72f7f860c781">Re: Guests Who Won't RSVP</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with everyone else that they're super rude, but I'm also wondering why, if you only needed a final headcount a few days before the wedding, you set an RSVP date early enough that you've been hounding them for weeks . It seems like you set a really early RSVP date! edit: spelling and words and whatnot.
    Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

    Her wedding date is June 9th so I imagine her RSVP date was probably at the beginning of May.  I thought that was pretty normal for most people.  I would want to give myself the time to track people down and do the tables etc. 
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    aragx6aragx6 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited May 2012
    ^Your RSVP deadline should be 7-10 days before the final headcount is due to your venue. 14 max.
    Lizzie
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-who-wont-rsvp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b95d9538-b029-4cef-8a13-41e5f7c9558bPost:48c45fd2-f6c6-42fd-ac03-72f7f860c781">Re: Guests Who Won't RSVP</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree with everyone else that they're super rude, but I'm also wondering why, if you only needed a final headcount a few days before the wedding, you set an RSVP date early enough that you've been hounding them for weeks . It seems like you set a really early RSVP date! edit: spelling and words and whatnot.
    Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

    and I'm wondering why it matters? Even if her venue doesn't require a final headcount a few days before, there are other vendors that might? Regardless, I don't see why it matters at all to subject of the OP. Seems to me that your just grasping for something flameful?

    Weird.
    09.08.12
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    Sounds like my aunt and uncle! I've tried everything, and my wedding is in 4 days so I finally said forget it, they're not coming. And if they show up? I have no room for them, not my fault they failed to return my calls/messages. It's just plain rude & ignorant.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
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    It is so frustrating that people behave this way. I was raised that if you receive a written invitation you respond.  If someone knows they cannot attend they should have the courtesy to let you know as soon as possible so you can potentially include someone else in their place.
    A branch of my fiance's family who live reasonably close to where we are marrying have not responded, and they have been offered free accommodation at the site of the reception. Makes me disposed to dislike them before event meeting them because they won't commit to attending the event, now just 1 month away.
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    I agree with wittybanter243.  I was also raised that if you get a written invitation, you need to respond.  A few months ago, my parents threw an e-party for me and my fiance.  It was in my fiance's area so he wanted to invite friends of his that me and my family hadn't met yet and that he wanted to invite to our wedding.  Of the 18 invites that were those "friends" of his, 3 responded.  It was so frustrating and RUDE!  My parents were trying to figure out how much catering/baking they had to do.  

    People need to get it together!  You are not rude at all.  Give them a deadline and if they don't respond, in the "No" column they go.  
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    This thread is over a year old. I don't think the RSVP matters anymore.

    Stop the Zombie Thread Uprising!
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    I saw it as a bumped up message. Wondering why these threads don't get cancelled after a specific date. Regardless, it actually answered my question.
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    I remember someone saying awhile ago that people might be thinking the thread date was the posters' wedding date. I know I've thought that once or twice when I first came here. Regardless they should still be locked. You can still search for and read threads that have relevance to the situation but it would stop pointless posting.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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    While it's rude to not respond, I have several older relatives with health issues, they have good days where they are up to going out, but will unexpectedly have bad days where they just aren't able to leave the house.

    While they may really want to attend an event, they don't know until that day if they will feel up to it, and may waffle back and forth afraid to commit.  It would be nice if someone (maybe another older relative) suggested that if they aren't sure, then you have to assume they aren't attending because you need a final head count or it costs you extra money for the catering.

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    mlg78mlg78 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited August 2013
    For what it's worth, some of these resurrected threads have been useful to me.
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    I can see how information on old threads may be helpful to people. But they don't need to be available to comment on.  Leaving them as read-only status leaves the information up for those who can use it.
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    edited August 2013
    Hey @courtpenguin21, thank you for the suggestion! I sent a request to tech this morning to see if they can do an automatic close on old threads.
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