Teen & Adult Only Wedding - How to Tell Family

lmw315

My fiance and I decided not to invite any children under the age of 13 to our January 2013 wedding. Our reception is at a hotel in downtown Miami from 8pm-12am (with open bar), and I just don't think it's an approriate occasion for smaller children. I want everyone to relax and have a good time without having to keep an eye on what their kids are doing.

My fiance already told his mother, who relayed the message to all of his extended family. We haven't heard any issues or complaints. On my side, I have three female cousins who would be affected by this (each has two kids).  I was planning on just addressing the invitations to them and their husbands and then adding a sentence on our wedding website respectfully requesting that this be a teen/adult-only wedding. '

My younger sister wants me to tell my cousins now and is predicting that they're going to be upset. She warned me that they may not even come to the wedding, nor their mother (my aunt). My sister's rationale is that our cousins invited us to their weddings when we were kids and that we should invite their children. Also, one of the cousins has told my sister that her young daugher is "so excited" for the wedding.  However, I'm worried about making an exception for six kids and having fiance's family get upset.

I'm really stuck on this one. I feel like I'm going to upset someone either way, so I probably just need to prepare myself for this.

Did any of you run into this issue when you were planning your wedding?  How did you handle it?

achiduck

I would not add anything that says "No kids" no matter how respectful it is. Just address the invitaion to those that are invited and if they call to see if their kids are included you simply explain that the invitaion is for Joe and Sue only and you hope they'll be able to make it.

You can make exceptions to the no kids rules as long as it's a clearly defined line ie. immediate family, wedding party, etc.

We didn't inform people that we didn't invite kids, we just addressed the invitations to those that were invited. We've only had one person call and ask if they could bring their kid. I ok'd it because it's a 10 month old and the parents are driving approximately 2 hours to join us.

MrsMack10612

Just remember not to split up families.  If someone has a 13 yo and 10 yo, it's really rude to invite one but not the other, especially if they family is traveling to attend.

doublenn

Wedding invitations aren't tit-for-tat, so don't worry about your sister's argument that you were invited to your cousins' weddings when you were a kid. 

I'd ask your sister that if the cousin brings up the fact that her daughter is so excited, that she tries to bring down your cousin gently. I'd be concerned that sister would be acting like the daughter would be invited, and that's not the case.

lauraanne9

I held firm to the no kids policy and I was prepared to accept the declines of the people who had issue with the policy.  One of the people was my husband's sister, and we gracefully accepted her decline.

Yes, you will annoy people.  However, if you are considtent about it and do not make exceptions, it is ok, and remember that it is your wedding and, within reason, you are allowed to make decisions on who is and is not invited.