Cash Bar, Dollar Dances - your thoughts

italvamp2378

With many of the venues that my fiancee and I have visited, we've asked what the price difference would be if it was open bar, or if it would be beer, wine & soda.

Some places offered b,w&s only, or an open bar. It wouldn't hurt to ask your venue if they offer this option and if you're really worried about your guests.

For us, the b,w & s would work. 

Also, I'm not sure what the dollar dances are. Can someone explain please?

Thanks!

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-dollar-dances-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c058ed08-d747-4448-baf1-2ff784676a60Post:f1fbb444-a7f5-400f-bf36-7dc985816316">Re: Cash Bar, Dollar Dances - your thoughts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Bar, Dollar Dances - your thoughts : Oh you provided the buckets?  Mine were for sale next to the bar.
Posted by kellyjellybelly[/QUOTE]

Dammit!  I should totally have made them pay for that!!

kellyjellybelly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-dollar-dances-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c058ed08-d747-4448-baf1-2ff784676a60Post:72e84e0f-73d8-4811-b513-9588e51c0352">Re: Cash Bar, Dollar Dances - your thoughts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Bar, Dollar Dances - your thoughts : Dammit!  I should totally have made them pay for that!!
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]
Well, I needed honeymoon spending money.  We were just going to do a dollar dance, but when I dance for money, I prefer to not be wearing my wedding dress, it really gets in the way on the pole.

lharri12

I grew up in rural Illinois, and people had dollar dances all the time.  Even when I was in grade school, I thought it was tacky, and I still do.
Cash bar is pretty tacky, too.  Find somewhere else to cut costs.  If I were a guest at your wedding, I'd prefer to have no centerpiece at my table, rather than having to pay for my own drinks.

orangejulius

Just a couple of things I wanted to add...

There is no way you're going to be able to control each and every person who comes to your wedding. You just have to have faith in your guests that they can behave as adults, and if they have children, that they can make sure their children behave as well. There are so many other things you need to worry about other than keeping your guests in "check" --like avoiding a dollar dance...for example

FI and I went to his cousin's wedding in July where they happened to have a cash bar, and a fight actually did break out. It was odd, and the last thing I expected. Fast forward to another wedding we went to in August. Open bar, no fights or nonsense, just a lot of fun. Come to think of it, I can't really think of any wedding I've ever been to that I didn't get drunk at (as an adult)...and I've never had a problem with behaving.

Goldlie11

Cash bar is rude. When I go to a wedding, I bring my checkbook and write the check after I get there.  If I go and get treated poorly (like a cash bar), I'm going to write the check for a small amount or give an empty card.  Like others said, many people spend money traveling, take time off of work without compensation, buy new outfits for weddings, ect.  If you can't be a proper host, then I have no respect.  Cash bars just aren't done where I'm from.  

I've been to some really low budget parties before and still never paid for a drink.  I've been to weddings and parties where the "bar" was a couple of bottles of liquor, mixers, and you made your own drink.  So when people go with the whole liquor is expensive, I call BS.  Yeah, maybe you see a great venue that you love, but the liquor is unaffordable.  Well, then you can't afford the venue.  Find a venue that will allow you to be a proper host.  

As for dollar dances, I've never heard of them before TK.  They sound terrible though.  

Before I get the whole, you go to weddings just to get drunk thing.  That's not the case.  I would never go to someone's wedding and get drunk.  

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-dollar-dances-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c058ed08-d747-4448-baf1-2ff784676a60Post:f8f456ed-6bac-43f9-9066-e6f87312d21a">Re: Cash Bar, Dollar Dances - your thoughts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Bar, Dollar Dances - your thoughts : Out of curiosity, why did you ask if you already had your mind made up?
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]


I was wondering the same thing.

OP -  only you know your guests.  In both our families and social groups it's offensive not to offer a  'free' drink, regardless what the social event might be. It does not matter if you are stopping over for a sunday cookout or a wedding.  An invite to a social event includes booze.  It's just how we socialize. 

If your family and friends do not socialize that way (and I would assume by now you would know) then a cash might not be as offensive as it is in my social group.

Good luck and yeah, you do at the very least add soda to the bar.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-dollar-dances-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c058ed08-d747-4448-baf1-2ff784676a60Post:0e9f1284-a7bf-417e-b6e6-3f7d315737bf">Re: Cash Bar, Dollar Dances - your thoughts</a>:
[QUOTE]Cash bar is rude. When I go to a wedding, I bring my checkbook and write the check after I get there.  If I go and get treated poorly (like a cash bar), I'm going to write the check for a small amount or give an empty card.  Like others said, many people spend money traveling, take time off of work without compensation, buy new outfits for weddings, ect. <strong> If you can't be a proper host, then I have no respect.  Cash bars just aren't done where I'm from.   I've been to some really low budget parties before and still never paid for a drink.  I've been to weddings and parties where the "bar" was a couple of bottles of liquor, mixers, and you made your own drink.  So when people go with the whole liquor is expensive, I call BS.  Yeah, maybe you see a great venue that you love, but the liquor is unaffordable.  Well, then you can't afford the venue. </strong> Find a venue that will allow you to be a proper host.   As for dollar dances, I've never heard of them before TK.  They sound terrible though.   Before I get the whole, you go to weddings just to get drunk thing.  That's not the case.  I would never go to someone's wedding and get drunk.  
Posted by Goldlie11[/QUOTE]


That's how it is in both our socail groups.  For the guests  after about 5 minutes the beauty of the venue goes aways and people just want a drink.. 

xyrius

well op, you wanted to know everyone's opinion on the subject and here's mine - i'll give you a different point of view from the majority:

the etiquette on cash bars vs. open bars is different by location.  where i'm from most people wouldn't bat an eye at a cash bar, and 99% of the weddings i've been to have been cash.  not once did i considere it rude, I didn't even know that it was poor etiquette until i came to TK.  however, I believe it's a *must* to at least offer a selection of non-alcoholic drinks for the meal.  i would also prefer a cash bar to no bar at all.

also, in my circle of friends/family - everybody always byob (bring your own booze) to parties and most times each guest will bring food to share with everyone else too.  i only remember going to one party where the booze was provided by the host, to be honest.

as far as dollar dances, (in my social circle they're called sock dances), i find them cute (watching a grown man dance around in funny socks is pretty funny)- but i'm not going to have one at my wedding.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I went to a dry wedding a few weeks ago. It was at a restaurant and there was a bar downstairs. No one left to get a drink. Everyone there had more respect than that.

quotequeen

IMO, all the justifications people come up with are hogwash.  If your guests have to open their wallets at a party you are supposedly hosting, you are a bad host.

Budget is not an excuse, because you need to plan around your budget from the beginning, and that means accounting for all the aspects of the wedding you should be paying for, including providing the drinks, whatever they may be.  You can host what you choose, but you don't try to "host" a better party than you can actually afford by asking your guests to pay the difference.

It's no different than providing all your guests chicken but telling them they can pay if they want the steak because hey "nobody has to eat steak."

SparrowSong

I think beer/wine/soda/water should be available to guests. I don't mind if it's a cash bar above and beyond that (for mixed drinks etc). But people should at least be able to have the basics to accompany their meal without breaking out a wallet. If you wouldn't charge someone who came to your house for dinner, you shouldn't charge them at a party too. Yeah, it's expensive, but if you can't afford the number of people you are hosting you are inviting too many. Period.

I don't feel strongly about dollar dances, but it entirely depends on your circle. In my area they are not done and would not be received too well. But I'm fine with other people having them if they want (I really doubt I'd ever participate in one as a guest though).

hccpsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-dollar-dances-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c058ed08-d747-4448-baf1-2ff784676a60Post:725e17b5-33f7-4039-8d31-1dad294ffaba">Re: Cash Bar, Dollar Dances - your thoughts</a>:
[QUOTE] I don't think anyone at my reception will get their panties in as much of a wad as most of you did.  I guess it is a cultural/location/family thing.  I appreciate your trying to steer me in the right direction, and I would offer it if I could afford it.
Posted by hanson2B[/QUOTE]

<div>My... tasteless souls and now panties in a wad... quite the way with words you have!</div><div>
</div><div>You have what you can afford.  If you can't afford it, you shouldn't expect your guests to pay for it... end of story.  As previous posters said, I can't understand why you think a cash bar is okay but a dollar dance isn't.  They're both asking your guests for money.</div>

2dBride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-dollar-dances-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c058ed08-d747-4448-baf1-2ff784676a60Post:e9ac41d1-6ef3-4a43-a2a4-b416b3bf96d0">Re: Cash Bar, Dollar Dances - your thoughts</a>:
[QUOTE]Come to think of it, I can't really think of any wedding I've ever been to that I didn't get drunk at (as an adult)...
Posted by orangejulius[/QUOTE]One more argument for a dry wedding!

orangejulius

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-dollar-dances-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c058ed08-d747-4448-baf1-2ff784676a60Post:3eeb6839-4c8f-4cb1-a925-3fef31241eff">Re: Cash Bar, Dollar Dances - your thoughts</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Bar, Dollar Dances - your thoughts : One more argument for a dry wedding!
Posted by 2dBride[/QUOTE]

Wow, way to chop my sentence in half. I finished by saying "and I've never had a problem behaving myself" which was to show origianl poster, and any others who are against people drinking at parties, that just because people get drunk doesn't mean they will be "souless" or anything else negative in that respect.

donnaoneill

I would try to do a ticket thing with the alcohol. I'm only having a keg at the wedding. Mostly because everyone in our families loves beer, and because I have a small wedding. I'm not having any wine or hard alcohol at my wedding, but I do have some venue restrictions on that too. 

As for dollar dances, everyone in my family has already asked about it, and my grandparents love them so I am doing them. Thankfully I get to pick the songs. However, if you do a cash bar and a dollar dance, you may seem like you're pumping the money out of your guests. I don't find them as tacky as the stupid chicken dance, cha cha and electric slide songs.

AmoroAgain

In Response to Re: Cash Bar, Dollar Dances - your thoughts:
[QUOTE]I would try to do a ticket thing with the alcohol. I'm only having a keg at the wedding. Mostly because everyone in our families loves beer, and because I have a small wedding. I'm not having any wine or hard alcohol at my wedding, but I do have some venue restrictions on that too.  As for dollar dances, everyone in my family has already asked about it, and my grandparents love them so I am doing them. Thankfully I get to pick the songs. However, if you do a cash bar and a dollar dance, you may seem like you're pumping the money out of your guests. I don't find them as tacky as the stupid chicken dance, cha cha and electric slide songs.
Posted by donnaoneill[/QUOTE]
Yeah, that's an awful idea.  It's a wedding- not a carnival ride.

leah2b

Generally, 3 things matter when hosting a wedding party:  Food, booze and music.  Those are the elements to a great party.  You should at least try to provide beer and wine and then you could have  cash bar if poeple want mixed drinks. But, I'd rather have a cash bar than no bar if that were the choice.

Dollar dance? If I was at a wedding where the hosts went out of their way to put on a great party for the guests (meaning - open bar, great food and music) then maybe I wouldn't mind it so much.  However,  In light of the fact that you are having a cash bar, if you did a dollar dance on TOP of that, you are going to look really cheap and money grubby.  It would be something that would cause guest to go "Remember that wedding?  Can you beleive they did so and so?...."

elisabethb29

I love this board! I love that you guys give honest answers and know your stuff.  I've learned a lot.

As for cash bars and dollar dances.... I agree with the majority of people here, they are both rude.  I know people who have done the dollar dance and it's sorta cute, but it brings a halt to dancing and fun for everyone, but most of all, it's greedy. At first a cash bar seems like a great way to save money, but when you think about it further, it's a terrible way to host a party.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-dollar-dances-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c058ed08-d747-4448-baf1-2ff784676a60Post:08515b4e-302b-4159-b7c6-bfdb6f6befe1">Cash Bar, Dollar Dances - your thoughts</a>:
[QUOTE]But, #2, it's not just a matter of saving us money.  It's also about the type of environment we want to have.  People generally don't get wasted when there's a cash bar, because they don't wan to pay for a ton of drinks... and we do not want wasted people at our reception. 
Posted by hanson2B[/QUOTE]

You don't think people get wasted at bars?  If people want to drink until they get buzzed or drunk, they will whether they're paying for it or not.  They do at bars all the time where they pay for their own drinks.  I just think your logic there is flawed.

In general though, I would rather have the option to buy my drinks than have no alcohol at all at a wedding reception.  I'm not against dollar dances either but I think it really depends on your guests and whether it's something they are used to doing at receptions or not.  If not, then don't do it.

EasleySalton

I think midwest weddings are MUCH MORE low key about open bars.  We tend to like beer better anyways

EasleySalton

I think midwest weddings are MUCH MORE low key about open bars.  We tend to like beer better anyways

kellyjellybelly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cash-bar-dollar-dances-thoughts?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c058ed08-d747-4448-baf1-2ff784676a60Post:92de6475-1383-4b30-8d4b-94c3d3910111">Re: Cash Bar, Dollar Dances - your thoughts</a>:
[QUOTE]I think midwest weddings are MUCH MORE low key about open bars.  We tend to like beer better anyways :)
Posted by EasleySalton[/QUOTE]
Not any of the ones I have been to.