Do you guys think destination weddings are rude?

beardownbchs

In the few weeks I've been around here, I've seen a lot of posts about making your guests comfortable and doing things so that it is convenient and fun for guests - which I agree with - but a destination wedding would not be convenient for anyone.

My FI and I are about 95% sure we want a destination wedding in western Montana. We are probably going to be having it at a hotel (and if not, we'll have a bus or something to get everyone to and from the hotel) and are planning on doing a welcome dinner or brunch the next day or something. We're hoping to spend more time with our guests than just at the wedding and will probably incorporate something tourist-y into the wedding itself (if it's in the national park - a bus tour, or if it's on the lake a boat tour during the hors d'oeurves and cocktail hour while we're taking pictures) and we'll do everything we can to make it fun and easy for everyone who comes. 

I don't know if you care, but let me give you a little background. My FI and I are planning to move to Montana after we get married. We love everything about it. We want to start our marriage and life together in the place where we'll be living it. 

I have pretty significant anxiety and self-esteem issues and the thought of 200 people staring at me all day is terrifying. I studder when I'm nervous and I'm already awake at night sometimes worried that I'll studder through my vows. I don't even like the idea of a head table where everyone would be watching me eat. I think a DW would feel more casual and laid back and comfortable for me. 

We would have a party at home when we get back, but obviously wouldn't do the first dance or cake cutting or any of that crap. 

What do you guys think? If/when you get a DW invite are you upset if you won't be able to make it and wishing they'd do it at home? 

Sorry this is long...I'm starting to worry. A lot.  Thanks!!

jessicabessica

I do not think they are rude as long as you properly host your guests.  Sometimes destination weddings can be a way to shift costs from the couple to the guests, that is not appropriate.  I also think it's harder to not host a full meal when it's a destination wedding--even though it's generally fine to host cake and punch at a nonmeal time after your ceremony, if people have traveled a ways, I would feel pretty bad about providing anything less than a meal since they will obviously be at the destination for several meal times.  

We got married in Maine, which was a trip for everyone (including about 2 hours for us, since we lived further north at the time), but our family was scattered across the country, so there was no where we could pick that would have meant no traveling for anyone.  We had a BBQ the day before and a brunch the day after for guests that were around.  Those things aren't necessary, but it was really nice to get to see our guests a bit more.  

ETA: I don't think it's rude when I get a DW invitation.  If I don't want to go, I would send my regrets.  I've read about the all inclusive resorts that charge your guests lots of fees if they don't stay there--I've never gotten one of those invitations, but I would probably find that kind of thing rude.

JaneAustensGhost

Destination weddings are not rude!  Of course not!  They're weddings that are to be celebrated like any other.  Any problem with them arises when the couple doesn't take into consideration the costs and effort of the guests traveling to attend.   Usually the couple has to expect a small (or at least smaller) guest list than they otherwise would at home, and if you're cool with that, do it.  

If I get a wedding invitation of any kind, I'm not upset.  I'm happy for the couple.  If I can make it, wonderful, and if not, I certainly do not hold it against the couple.  I would hope your friends and family would be happy for you too.

It sounds like you really would be more comfy doing a small, intimate, casual affair.  So embrace it. 

beardownbchs

Yeah...we're planning on putting a pretty big chunk of money towards the food. I don't want to drag everyone out to the middle of nowhere to serve finger sandwiches and cheese cubes. We're not expecting anyone to spend any more money (other than the airfare or gas or however they get there) than they would at a typical wedding when they get a room. We can't afford to pay for everyone's room, but we ruled out the gorgeous $250/night hotel that we fell in love with and will probably end up at a regular (Hampton Inn or La Quinta) hotel so it's easier on everyone. I'm even budgeting in renting a van for my mom or sister to use so they can help pick people up from the airport and people don't have to rent cars (my family volunteered to do this...lol).

AdeleDazeem

I've never been to a hometown wedding I've always traveled! I'd loooove to go to Montana! Your wedding sounds great to me!

Kate61487

I don't think a DW is rude.  Unless it's one of the extremes - we've seen girls come on here who, like PP said, were doing an AI that would charge guests not staying at the hotel or the girl who wanted to get married on a cruise where her guests would be forced to attend the entire cruise in order to see the ceremony. 

Am I less likely to attend a DW?  Yes, but that comes with the territory.  I'm equally less likely to attend an OOT wedding, even if the couple lives in that town, kwim? 

Just to be completely honest with you, though, I don't get the DW with the AHR.  Maybe it's an unpop op.  You either want a big party or a smaller intimate one.  You either want to celebrate in Montana or you want to celebrate at home.  If small in montana is what you want then why stress yourself out planning a second party?

lyndausvi

I don't thing DW are rude at all.  I basically had one.

 However, I think some couples are unrealistic about the cost involved (ie. airfare and hotel) or how much vacation someone might need to give up to attend.   They don't always realize how much it can really cost and get disappointed when people can't make it.

 

IMO - I think DW brides need to step up a little more than a local couple.  IE: full meals, open bars, even maybe a welcome cocktail party or brunch or something?   Just my opinion, that's what we did. 

So basically I don't think they are rude as long as the couple has realistic expectations and treat their guests very well.

beardownbchs

It wouldn't be as much of a "reception" as it would be a backyard BBQ. My grandma and his grandparents are getting pretty old and would most likely not be able to travel. We've discussed not doing a party at home and our parents think that the people who couldn't make the DW would appreciate something. My mom made a good point - she said everyone who can't go is going to want to see us right when we come back to see pictures, hear about it and congratulate us, so why not just have a party? Because it would be a party to celebrate our marriage and not the wedding itself, I would not expect gifts and would treat it almost like a birthday party.

So do you think the at home party is rude? LOL I'm totally stressing..

emeejeeayen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-you-guys-think-destination-weddings-are-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c0c31193-9b02-4011-ac86-1335711dd6b3Post:04fb381e-0b66-4795-8c51-c47bc61c8545">Re: Do you guys think destination weddings are rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think a DW is rude.  Unless it's one of the extremes - we've seen girls come on here who, like PP said, were doing an AI that would charge guests not staying at the hotel or the girl who wanted to get married on a cruise where her guests would be forced to attend the entire cruise in order to see the ceremony.  Am I less likely to attend a DW?  Yes, but that comes with the territory.  I'm equally less likely to attend an OOT wedding, even if the couple lives in that town, kwim?  Just to be completely honest with you, though,<strong> I don't get the DW with the AHR</strong>.  Maybe it's an unpop op.  You either want a big party or a smaller intimate one.  You either want to celebrate in Montana or you want to celebrate at home.  If small in montana is what you want then why stress yourself out planning a second party?
Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

<div>Well I think sometimes they're about the family or whatever. When my FI and I were talking about doing the wedding in NYC where most our friends and his family are located, my mom (in CA) nearly cried and said if we did that we would HAVE to do a repeat wedding in CA. (Which is one of the reasons we're now doing the wedding in CA... what a nightmare that would have been.) </div><div>
</div><div>Anyway, OP, I don't think DW are rude as long as the guests are taken into consideration substantially (as it seems in your case they would be). You might want to offer both the nice hotel and the cheaper hotel to your guests in case someone wanted to make it more of a vacation for themselves. ::shrug::</div>

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-you-guys-think-destination-weddings-are-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c0c31193-9b02-4011-ac86-1335711dd6b3Post:59ed7b4e-dfed-4622-9614-c59149d7049b">Re: Do you guys think destination weddings are rude?</a>:
[QUOTE] So do you think the at home party is rude? LOL I'm totally stressing..
Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]

Oh I don't think it's rude at all!  and I think what you're planning sounds like the perfect way to celebrate when you get home with a little less stress since it's lower key.  I just had a friend who did the DW and AHR thing and after she was married she had this whole other party to plan that she complained about b/c she realized once she was married that she didnt want or need a second reception. (but STDs had already gone out for it).  I guess her experience impacted my gut reaction to them in general.

WinstonsGirl

We did a DW so I don't find them rude.  We invited everyone we would have wanted here, but we were ok with many not making it.  We had a seated dinner, tons of apps and open bar, so everyone was well taken care of.  We also organized several optional outings throughout the week around the wedding for those who were interested.  Some were free beach days, or watching the fireworks, another day, we treated everyone who joined us to snorkeling by covering rentals.  Being in Hawaii, everyone had their choice of time, flights and hotels, so they could cater their trip to their desires.  Many people ended up island hopping after the wedding.  

We also had an AHR, as my Mom harassed us until we agreed.  We really didn't want to have one - we had our reception when we were in Hawaii.  It actually ended up being really awesome as many of our older relatives who couldn't travel to Hawaii were able to drive out for a weekend to visit.  It was a nice family reunion.  My parents did  apps, fruit and veggie trays, opp, juice, wine and beer, and I had my cousin supply us with Hawaii themed Cake Pops, all in their backyard.  Family reunion type dinner was make your own sandwiches from a roast.  The only people invited were people invited to the wedding too.  Mom said we could use this to invite people we didn't invite to Hawaii, but we said we invited everyone we would have wanted there already, so it was a non-issue for us.  Have a great time in Montana!!  

misssunshine17

I'm going to jump out on a limb, but I think DW are a little presumptuous that people would want to spend that kind of money, go to your chosen location and use their vacation time. I honestly would only do it if it was my own brother. 

However, I think that if you properly host (which it absolutely sounds like this is your plan) your guests and understand that many people many not be able to for whatever reason attend, then you are have my I think is the right mindset for a DW. I have trouble feeling bad for brides who come back and complain about people not attending DW when it costs them a lot to attend. 

Jen4948

In and of themselves they aren't rude.  I disagree with the PP that "they're "presumptuous that people would want to spend that kind of money, go to your chosen location and use their vacation time" because people are free to decline to attend."

It is certainly possible for destination weddings to be abused, and insisting that persons who can't travel to the area in question attend, especially at risk of financial or other jeopardy, is certainly rude.

If the couple understands that because the wedding is a destination one, of necessity people who might have attended a non-destination wedding are less likely to accept their invitation, and otherwise provide proper hospitality for the guests, including graciously thanking them for gifts, it can pass muster.

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-you-guys-think-destination-weddings-are-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c0c31193-9b02-4011-ac86-1335711dd6b3Post:101edb32-ee70-471e-8e82-81adf0dc18f2">Re: Do you guys think destination weddings are rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I'm going to jump out on a limb,</strong> but I think DW are a little presumptuous that people would want to spend that kind of money, go to your chosen location and use their vacation time. I honestly would only do it if it was my own brother.  However, I think that if you properly host (which it absolutely sounds like this is your plan) your guests and understand that many people many not be able to for whatever reason attend, then you are have my I think is the right mindset for a DW. I have trouble feeling bad for brides who come back and complain about people not attending DW when it costs them a lot to attend. 
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]

<div>No worries - that's why I asked!! And I would never complain about the people who couldn't come. We're not expecting everyone to come and absolutely understand those who can't. I'm not having a bridal party (just my sister as a MOH and his best friend as the BM..both of whom would be coming anyway) so none of our friends HAVE to come (AND buy a dress).</div><div>
</div><div>Thanks everyone for your input - Im going to make sure to take care of everyone (and thanks - I really like the idea of having both hotels available - I know of at least two family members who are coming who can afford it and will be treating this as their summer vacation and at least three others who in no way could afford the nicer hotel...) and I'll make sure they know that they're more than welcome to come early or stick around a few days after and we can do touristy stuff together. </div><div>Thanks!!</div>

Peledreamsofrain

DW are as inherantly rude as hometown weddings are.  It's all about how you host the wedding, your approach to it, and how you treat your guests.  Any wedding has the potential for massive rudeness.  And any wedding has the potential for grace, class, and wonderful hosting.

For instance.  My cousin's wedding was DW on a cruiseline.  She forced registry information on all the guests (in the invites), and made it clear that every room booked with the cruiseline meant that they were one room closer to having the entire trip for free (essentially we were expected to give  her a gift AND pay for their wedding).  It was a long and expensive flight for most of the family, which meant that the grandparents couldn't attend.  Then there was drama over the fact that OTHER family members wouldn't cough up cash to pay for the flights and rooms for the grandparents.  Yeah.... I skipped that one.  And the entire family has never forgotten about it.

There was another DW in my family (my sister's wedding) that was in San Francisco in Horseshoe Bay.  My sister went waaaaaaaaay out of her way to be accomodating to guests, secure discounted blocks of reserved hotel rooms, and never made demands on anyone.  She made sure everyone was treated very well, and everyone had a freakin blast!  In fact, she was the inspiration for all of my efforts for my own wedding to be as gracious and non-bridezilla as humanly possible.

It's not the DW, it's the way you host it.  You are well on your way to having a wonderful wedding, just because you worry about the comfort of your guests, and making it a nice experience for them.  It'll be awesome if you keep that direction, promise!.

emeejeeayen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-you-guys-think-destination-weddings-are-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c0c31193-9b02-4011-ac86-1335711dd6b3Post:95c570a6-2677-4227-8e81-e61a2b0e9fc0">Re: Do you guys think destination weddings are rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]DW are as inherantly rude as hometown weddings are.  It's all about how you host the wedding, your approach to it, and how you treat your guests.  Any wedding has the potential for massive rudeness.  And any wedding has the potential for grace, class, and wonderful hosting. For instance.  My cousin's wedding was DW on a cruiseline.  She forced registry information on all the guests (in the invites), and made it clear that every room booked with the cruiseline meant that they were one room closer to having the entire trip for free (essentially we were expected to give  her a gift AND pay for their wedding).  It was a long and expensive flight for most of the family, which meant that the grandparents couldn't attend.  Then there was drama over the fact that OTHER family members wouldn't cough up cash to pay for the flights and rooms for the grandparents.  Yeah.... I skipped that one.  And the entire family has never forgotten about it. There was another DW in my family (my sister's wedding) that was in San Francisco in Horseshoe Bay.  My sister went waaaaaaaaay out of her way to be accomodating to guests, secure discounted blocks of reserved hotel rooms, and never made demands on anyone.  She made sure everyone was treated very well, and everyone had a freakin blast!  In fact, she was the inspiration for all of my efforts for my own wedding to be as gracious and non-bridezilla as humanly possible. It's not the DW, it's the way you host it.  You are well on your way to having a wonderful wedding, just because you worry about the comfort of your guests, and making it a nice experience for them.  It'll be awesome if you keep that direction, promise!.
Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

<div>Holy isht to the cruise line wedding. I get terrible motion sickness, especially on boats, so this sounds especially awful to me! lol </div><div>
</div><div>(Also I grew up in Marin County; horse shoe bay is so pretty!)</div>

Kristin789

This exactly:
I think DW are a little presumptuous that people would want to spend that kind of money, go to your chosen location and use their vacation time. I honestly would only do it if it was my own brother.

In my area, people will go to local weddings but no one goes to DWs because that's a lot of time and money to take a forced vacation using vacation time from work for you.  And no one goes to those AHRs either, because that's just a way to collect presents from people who could not go to the DW.

I know a couple who hosted an AHR on a dinner cruise boat, expecting 120, but only 30 people showed up and most of them were actually in the wedding party.

The last DW I heard of was a guy who, like you, wanted to use the DW as a way to cut way back on the guests.  He said he really wanted a small wedding, but if they had it in Los Angeles, they'd have to invite 400 people from his family and his law firm plus her family and her law firm.  But if they had a DW in Hawaii, they would only get about 30 people coming.  Which they did.  And then they had a gift collection party for the other 370, so they still scored 400 really cool gifts.

QueerFemme

I agree with CMG.  DWs aren't rude.  But, for me to attend one, you would have to be a very very close friend, or a sibling.  The only other reason I might attend is if you were having it at a fabulous location that I had been wanting to go to anyway.  And maybe you got a good deal on the hotel block.

Otherwise, I'm saving my travel dollars.   I'd probably still send you a gift, and I would be bummed (maybe, depending on the nature of our relationship) to miss your nuptials, but I'd easily get over it.

auroraborealisabc

**edit to what I said below - I did not read this correctly the first time, the at home party was for after the wedding - not the reception... I apologize for the misunderstanding** I do think it would be difficult to expect guests to travel to a remote location they wouldn't normally like to go to anyway, and then feed them what they'd make in their own backyard for 4th of July...  I'm not going to say a home party is outright "rude," but you shouldn't be disappointed when a lot of people can't make it out for that.  To answer the general question, though, no I don't consider a destination wedding rude, and sometimes it actually makes more sense.  My fiance is from Australia, I am from the United States (where we live) with family all over the country, so we considered our guests in picking a location.  We actually thought it would be rude to have our wedding in the place we lived, as some people would be traveling from the other side of the world to go to a non-destination place.  We decided to choose a place people might just like to go to anyway (we settled on Disneyland).

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-you-guys-think-destination-weddings-are-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c0c31193-9b02-4011-ac86-1335711dd6b3Post:59ed7b4e-dfed-4622-9614-c59149d7049b">Re: Do you guys think destination weddings are rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]It wouldn't be as much of a "reception" as it would be a backyard BBQ. My grandma and his grandparents are getting pretty old and would most likely not be able to travel. We've discussed not doing a party at home and our parents think that the people who couldn't make the DW would appreciate something. My mom made a good point - she said everyone who can't go is going to want to see us right when we come back to see pictures, hear about it and congratulate us, so why not just have a party? Because it would be a party to celebrate our marriage and not the wedding itself, I would not expect gifts and would treat it almost like a birthday party. So do you think the at home party is rude? LOL I'm totally stressing..
Posted by beardownbchs[/QUOTE]

kmmssg

I don't think they are rude, but the chances of me attending one are incredibly remote - like you would have to be one of my kids.

An invitation is not a summons.  Guests have the option to attend or send regrets.  The rudeness comes in when the couple expects people to attend and are not gracious about those who send regrets.  We don't vacation regularly and when we do, we usually plan something several months to a year out and then budget accordingly.  I'm not taking away from a planned family trip that we are looking forward to so that we can go somewhere else just to attend a wedding.

I feel strongly that the important thing is all of  this is do those who love you support your marriage and offer friendship and love?  It isn't about their attendance, it is about their support.  Now, I would send a nice gift for a DW, but attending?  Probably not, unless you are my kid.

jennylee813

No, I don't think they're rude at all, but as PPs have said, you should expect a smaller turnout.

It sounds like you are taking your guests comfort very seriously - good for you! And I think that choosing the place you're going to be living is a great idea because you'll be showing them the wonderful place you've chosen to start your life.

Just be realistic about your guest expectations, and you'll have a wonderful time!

Summer2011Bride

They're not rude, but I agree that I probably wouldn't attend one unless you were a very close friend or sibling or if it was a location we had already wanted to vacation at. As long as you understand that not everyone may be able to come, it's fine. It's only an issue when brides become irate that guests can't attend and/or do other things that are rude (like not invite a person's SO to the DW, when in fact, SOs should be invited no matter where the wedding is--just for an example).

I also agree that while, cake and punch receptions at non-meal times are always on par with etiquette, I would HUGELY side-eye a couple that only gave us cake and punch after we just spent big bucks on flying to their DW and spending money on a hotel room. I do think that if you ask people to travel for your wedding, the least you can do is provide a full meal.

Calypso1977

i only think DW's are rude if its implied that people have to go.

for example, my H's cousin had a DW, and there was enormous family pressure for all to go.  like, he literally would have been shunned for life if he didnt go. 

i think if you can throw one and expect and accept that not everyone will go and not hold a grudge about it then they are fine.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-you-guys-think-destination-weddings-are-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c0c31193-9b02-4011-ac86-1335711dd6b3Post:101edb32-ee70-471e-8e82-81adf0dc18f2">Re: Do you guys think destination weddings are rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm going to jump out on a limb, but<strong> I think DW are a little presumptuous that people would want to spend that kind of money, go to your chosen location and use their vacation time.</strong> I honestly would only do it if it was my own brother.  However, I think that if you properly host (which it absolutely sounds like this is your plan) your guests and understand that many people many not be able to for whatever reason attend, then you are have my I think is the right mindset for a DW. I have trouble feeling bad for brides who come back and complain about people not attending DW when it costs them a lot to attend. 
Posted by misssunshine17[/QUOTE]


I have to agree to this. I will say though that I think international DW's are rude, due to all the added costs and everytime I've seen one theres usually an AI and a pay-for-my-wedding feel to them. One of my FIs very good friends/roommates had a second wedding in cancun. The invite's straight up said it was 650/pp to attend and to plan to be there all weekend. Yeah... didn't go to that one.

I'm cool with anything within driving distance for most of your guests, but when you're forcing close friends/family to pony up thousands to see you get married it's a bit rude. You'll get to have your honeymoon in whichever spot you just needed to go to after the wedding.

Gabrielle76

I don't think that destination weddings are rude on their own, but personally I feel like if I have to travel a long way, get a hotel for more than the night, and take some personal days, (Costing a lot of $$$) I'm going to expect that the B&G pay equal consideration.  If I lose all that money coming to see you get married (even if I really, really love you), I might be annoyed if I'm hosted with cake and punch.

KateH2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-you-guys-think-destination-weddings-are-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c0c31193-9b02-4011-ac86-1335711dd6b3Post:3698e74a-30b7-43d4-89f5-3e52fb3bab07">Re: Do you guys think destination weddings are rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you guys think destination weddings are rude? : I have to agree to this. I will say though that I think international DW's are rude, due to all the added costs and everytime I've seen one theres usually an AI and a pay-for-my-wedding feel to them. One of my FIs very good friends/roommates had a second wedding in cancun. The invite's straight up said it was 650/pp to attend and to plan to be there all weekend. Yeah... didn't go to that one. I'm cool with anything within driving distance for most of your guests, but <strong>when you're forcing close friends/family to pony up thousands to see you get married</strong> it's a bit rude. You'll get to have your honeymoon in whichever spot you just needed to go to after the wedding.
Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]

<div>That's the thing about DW - you're not <em>forcing </em>anyone to go. If a B&G decide to have a DW they (should) have the understanding that many people may not be able to come. My FI & I chose a DW in Hawaii only after asking the most important people in our lives if they'd want to take a vacation with us. If they'd said no, we would've chosen something different. In fact, many of our guests have thanked us for choosing our destination, but some others have expressed their distaste for it. It comes with the territory of a DW. </div>

msuprincess04

I hope not. I'm pretty psyched about our Mexico nuptuals. If guests can't make it, choose not to spend the money or time, and don't go, I understand and don't see how it'd negatively affect our friendships. We can't please everyone, and we can't afford to foot the bill for everyone's travel. But, we will do what we can to make it as budget friendly and to accomodate our guests as we can. And, I agree with the PP about those couples who choose a wedding at an all inclusive resort and refuse to pick up the tab for those not staying at that resort. It's why we eventually chose to have ours at a public restaurant, so people can stay wherever they want on the island, and still be hosted to a great party!

[Deleted User]

I love DW weddings.  I sometimes wish more people would have them

I've been to 4 and everytime the b&g have properly hosted, i.e. welcome party with full meal and sit down dinner, nice gift bags in the room with essentials, full sit down meal reception with meals.  Plus they've helped plan other optional events for the guests.  One of the brides even went as far as watching the flight prices for all of the cities her guests were coming from and let us know when they were really cheap! 

FI and I love to travel though, so unless it's a destination we absolutely do not want to go to, we'll be there.

[Deleted User]

I don't think they're rude. As others have said, if people don't want to come, they won't. There's a good chance you'l have a smaller turnout. But, as you want a smaller ordeal, that's probably a good thing for you.

FWIW, I don't see a wedding in Montana as being a destination wedding - to me that's something out of the country that REQUIRES more than a day off from work. Most of our friends are from college, grew up in different parts of the country, and, after college, dispersed throughout the country. So, pretty much every wedding we've been to in the past few yearshas been in another state in the US because of everyone's different home location. I might not plan to do a long vacation in Montana for a friend's wedding, even if they had a week of festivities planned, but I wouldn't see flying there any different than flying to the weddings I've gone to in North Carolina, California, Texas, etc. where I've just had to take a friday and be a little sleepy on Monday.

wrigleyville

I don't think they're rude. If it's in a location I can't afford or don't want to see, I don't go. Simple as that. As long as the guests are hosted properly (full meal, etc), I don't have an issue with them.

FI and I are from different areas and have relatives all over. No matter where we'd planned our wedding, it would have been a DW for a good percentage of the guest list. So, we decided to have it where we live instead of having it near one family or the other.

Originally, we were planning on Vegas, and a lot of people were excited about that, but then I got too stressed out about planning a wedding in an unfamiliar city.

thurmanpowell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-you-guys-think-destination-weddings-are-rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c0c31193-9b02-4011-ac86-1335711dd6b3Post:08a3986d-6058-49c5-9ba6-fc1b86e7f6ba">Re: Do you guys think destination weddings are rude?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you guys think destination weddings are rude? : That's the thing about DW - you're not forcing anyone to go. If a B&G decide to have a DW they (should) have the understanding that many people may not be able to come. <strong>My FI & I chose a DW in Hawaii only after asking the most important people in our lives if they'd want to take a vacation with us. If they'd said no, we would've chosen something different.</strong> In fact, many of our guests have thanked us for choosing our destination, but some others have expressed their distaste for it. It comes with the territory of a DW. 
Posted by KateH2013[/QUOTE]


Yeah, Yeah you're old college roomates don't have to go, but your grandparents? Unless you do something like you have stated here, you are basically either excluding your relatives or forcing them to travel.

 My FI and I adore Savannah, but we weren't going to force our grandmothers on a 13 hour ordeal through the West Va mountains to see us get married there.