What about MY plus one?

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-one-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c56e3d83-ad8e-4073-8b44-c408029825d2Post:69f839e9-f331-4d21-a36a-91427da0cb74">Re: What about MY plus one?</a>:
[QUOTE]Their wedding is in another state, and I am supposed to be the MOH. I don't want to be rude in return ( two wrongs don't make a right   ), but it does just seem so stupid...
Posted by mlashley[/QUOTE]

What does your family think?  My parents would never let us be that rude to one another.

lpstl

Have you tried smacking your sister upside the head? I've had great success with that method.

In the event that that doesn't work, you need to sick older female relatives on her. Grandma, Mom, Aunt, whatever.

tidetravel

The wedding is OOT, you're the MOH and her sister and your FI isn't invited?

So many "rules" she's breaking.  I'd tell her she could shove it and drop out of attending the wedding in any capacity.

salt78

Your FBIL sounds like a dumbass.

JessAndTrav

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-one-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c56e3d83-ad8e-4073-8b44-c408029825d2Post:70c867a8-0ff0-4f51-9365-3141e57f99e2">Re: What about MY plus one?</a>:
[QUOTE]That sucks.  And is terribly rude.  He's not just some random fling, he LIVES with you.  I would ask her about it.  Yeah, you don't question a bride about her guest list blah blah blah... its your sister .   I'm assuming the two of you are close and talk about htings. Ask her.   She may not realize what a tremendous blunder she has made.  Some  idiot may have told her she didn't have to invite hi m since you aren't engaged or married.   Talk to her about it.   If my family did something so blatantly rude to us as a couple and stuck to it, I wouldn't attend the wedding.  Me and my FI are a unit and he comes before the family. 
Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]

THIS.

mlashley

My sister and her FH postponed the wedding (for reasons unspecified) I wonder if his insecurity issues are why... I talked to her today and she mentioned that she is going to have to send out new invites when they pick a new date, maybe she will invite us both on the new invite.... or maybe that's just wishful thinking

mags0607

Wow, your sister is absurd on a multitude of levels.

1) Okay they dated briefly once upon a time. Clearly your Fi has moved on and so has your sister. FBIL needs to grow up, and get over this because he now looks like a tool. Your sister looks like an even bigger tool though, because she is letting his pettiness jeopardize her relationship with her own sister.

2) You are in the wedding party. Etiquette is that you should get a plus one even if its someone you aren't in a serious relationship. The fact that you are in a very serious relationship makes the whole thing more ridiculous.

3) Plus, she is expecting you to travel for her wedding, and to do that alone. Sorry sis, no deal.

I would try to have mom/aunt/grandma mediate this and try and make her see the error of her ways. I also think you need to talk to her calmly and tell her how much this bothers you. If she still won't budge, I would step down from being her MOH and I probably wouldn't even go. I couldn't be in the wedding party knowing that FBIL was making her choose some stupid grudge of his over her own family.

Also, are they footing the bill themselves or, is anyone from your side of the family contributing?

mlashley

Her guy is not a jerk or anything, he seem nice in the few times I've met him.
  prefer not to embarrass her by bringing in the rest of the family (aka having mom or g-ma mediate). And yes our father is paying 50% of the wedding budget as well as the honeymoon and hotel for the night of.
It just seems really lame, I bought a dress, threw her a (really nice) shower, moved my plans around so I would be in this country for the wedding (and am moving them again since they post-poned the wedding), not said anything when she put a girl I hate (the girl was my roommate & bff then she tried to hook up with my FH a year ago) in the bridal party, have been super nice to evil girl at showers and all wedding related events... and Heather can't do this one thing for me?

mags0607

If you don't want to bring in the rest of the family, then you are a bigger person than I would be.
 
I would not want to be put in the sticky situation at the wedding when people ask "Mlashley, where is your BF/FI?"

Ultimately, you are caught in a very hard situation, keeping peace with your sister on her day, or sticking up for your BF and your relationship.

Plus, even if you don't involve your mom or other family members now, they are going to find out when you show up without him. It makes for an awkward time, or at least it would in my family.

I think its best at this point to really talk with your sister, and see if this can be resolved between you two. If it can't, then you have a hard choice to make.

I don't want to sound mean, but YES your FBIL is a jerk. He might not be a mean person, but excluding your FSIL's long-term boyfriend because of a grudge is a jerk move. 

pristinedemon

Bottom line: She is putting her FI first. Do the same.

janedoe1113a

There is no way I would be attending that wedding with my FI.  Her FI sounds like a tool and needs to get over petty jealousy.

mlashley

Thank you all so much for your support and advice!

Night_Sprite

So will you stand up for yourself and your relationship?

mlashley

I am going to wait until she re-sends her invites (after the postponement) and if she still does not include him as well, I will let her know it's both of us or none of us. But, at this point I wonder if they are going to reschedule the wedding ever.... they have postponed it twice, so there may not be a wedding at all!

Night_Sprite

I'm glad you decided to stand up for your relationship.