I don't get how they can force you to do something, why can't they just give you cards with money? Why does it have to be something obscene like a money tree?
My mind is not made up, i am simply getting opinions and advice on this issue. My family knows that we neither need money nor stuff it is simply that they feel that NOT having a bridal shower would be frowned upon because less than the gifts it is a way that the females of the family can send the new bride off with advice and warm wishes. the gifts have nothing to do with it princess.
If you aren't registered anywhere, people will probably take a hint and get you gift cards or money and include it with a card.
It's not rocket science, and again, you're not required to register anywhere.
Since your mother is so adamant that you do the HM registry, tell her to just spread the word that y'all don't need anything and that money to put toward your HM would be appreciated.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6862830-1606-4594-92e3-27a1531f8d21Post:134ad5c7-f7c2-4043-9971-c36d56f4eefb">Re: Money tree...</a>: [QUOTE]My mind is not made up, i am simply getting opinions and advice on this issue. My family knows that we neither need money nor stuff it is simply that they feel that NOT having a bridal shower would be frowned upon because less than the gifts it is a way that the females of the family can send the new bride off with advice and warm wishes. <strong>the gifts have nothing to do with it princess. </strong>Posted by evitiello[/QUOTE]
Oooooooooh, Lord. That may not have been a good move.
Just have a luncheon or afternoon tea, if they want to give you advice and warm wishes. Tell them you don't want a gift-giving shower, since you don't want gifts (other than money).
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6862830-1606-4594-92e3-27a1531f8d21Post:134ad5c7-f7c2-4043-9971-c36d56f4eefb">Re: Money tree...</a>: [QUOTE]My mind is not made up, i am simply getting opinions and advice on this issue. My family knows that we neither need money nor stuff it is simply that they feel that NOT having a bridal shower would be frowned upon because less than the gifts it is a way that the females of the family can send the new bride off with advice and warm wishes. the gifts have nothing to do with it princess. Posted by evitiello[/QUOTE]
OK, which one of us lucky ladies gets to be a princess?
Then tell the person wanting to host, "I can't accept a shower but if you wanted to get the ladies together for a lunch or something, I'd love that!"
The purpose of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts. However if the hostess was into a brunch party in your honor, that could work - it just doesn't need to be called a shower.
However if you ARE going to accept the offer of someone throwing you an actual shower, you really should register at a brick and mortar store and not just for a honeymoon registry.
I almost feel like you should put quotation marks around "they" everytime you say it, because to me, it seems like YOU want the shower since YOU want the money tree.
Maybe you have some unpaid parking tickets that you need cash for?
i am going to do all of the above i will do a target regisry and my family can tell everyone that money is fine as well if they ask. It really makes no differnce to me. My grandmother and aunt is just having some issues with wanting to look tacky, but domt want us to have a bunch of stuff for us to store
That's great that they want you to have a fantastic honeymoon before he deploys, but what is stopping her from telling guests that ask that you would prefer cash for your honeymoon? You'll get more in the end, because Disney won't take their 10% or whatever it is.
What bothers me is that if I would gift a bottle of champagne on the website, you don't actually get the champagne, you get that value on a gift card. So all you're really doing is asking for cash, cleverly disguised. Why go through the third party, and just have word spread that you'd prefer cash for the honeymoon.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6862830-1606-4594-92e3-27a1531f8d21Post:99355d5e-a7bd-4760-80d2-ddee7206c80e">Re: Money tree...</a>: [QUOTE]You're open to opinions but I'm getting the impression the only opinions you're open to are the ones that suggest ways for you to get cash. Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]
Me too, and I just started reading this thread...princess.
That is why i was asking about the HM registry as well. if money is given it would be for a honeymoon not bills, tickets WHATEVER. I dont like HM registrys because they are hard to access as well as the .7% cap fee. BUT i was kind of inquring if that was more aceptable than a money tree or box.
if we do a brunch is it acceptable to put something stating that we do not want gifts (money or otherwise) that way no one is bringing a gift or no one is the one person that did not bring a gift
I've been to very few showers that weren't thrown by mothers. No BM/MOH I know could ever afforded to host such an event nor would have been expected to.
I have never heard of a money tree. Most people give cash in cards anyway. Just make sure those are safe at the reception.
We had a cardbox. Every wedding I've been to had a designated box or basket for cards. I do not think that it appears grabby. More as organized. It keeps the cards together vs just having them set carelessly on the table.
I do think that you need to skip the shower if you truly don't want ANYTHING AT ALL EVAR OMGZ.
Have a tea or brunch, but don't mention anything about gifts, otherwise it seems that it's all you're concerned about.
And again, just a reminder, you're not getting married to get gifts, thus the registry isn't a necessity. Use word of mouth to spread the word that you guys would really just like cash. Tell all of these relatives that are soooo insistent on you having a shower to insist to all of their friends that they give you money. Put that to good use.
If you have a shpwer but don't want gifts, then what is the point? I didn't read all the responses, but you will be very disappointed with a shower if you don't want gifts..
Oh my gosh... and I thought that Australian wishing wells were bad etiquette! Having your guests go and put up however much money they're planning on giving you in front of everyone else just seems ridiculous and highly humiliating for the individual guests.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6862830-1606-4594-92e3-27a1531f8d21Post:f400847d-217c-4939-88d1-d91dd27fbd7e">Re: Money tree...</a>: [QUOTE] My grandmother and aunt is just having some issues with wanting to look tacky <p>Posted by evitiello[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>Your grandmother and aunt want you to look tacky? It seems as though you're doing a good enough job of that by yourself! </p>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6862830-1606-4594-92e3-27a1531f8d21Post:530ffe32-c18a-4e63-9686-d41522b4e610">Re: Money tree...</a>: [QUOTE]Every home needs The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation. Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6862830-1606-4594-92e3-27a1531f8d21Post:82966739-c1c2-4b6f-91ce-ee87e0bc174f">Re: Money tree...</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Money tree... : Your grandmother and aunt want you to look tacky? It seems as though you're doing a good enough job of that by yourself! Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]
Ah Sun, how I adore you.
Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS
I think its so horrifying how "the knot" is really the bridezilla or hateful people headquarters. I can not believe how rude and petty so many of you are. Its really a shame, I am not innocent by my “princess” comment, but still i was so thrown off by the “etiquette” of this group. People come on these sites for advice or suggestions NOT criticism and a grammar lesson. I am sorry i did not fully punctuate and spell every word correctly, i don’t have time to sit in front of the computer for hours reviewing each persons post and honestly i would not want to. I get on this site while cooking supper and as i do daily chores etc. My SIMPLE question was is it rude to ask for a HM registry or money tree if we had all of the household items we needed and did not want our family to waste money on an extra toaster we don’t need. I am appalled at the hateful responses i received. To all of the ladies that felt the need to post hateful childish judgement please in the future if i make a priority to disregard my posts, i am planning a wedding not look for casting judgements.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6862830-1606-4594-92e3-27a1531f8d21Post:94a1f390-500a-47f5-921c-e87b8118ef63">Re: Money tree...</a>: [QUOTE]I think its so horrifying how "the knot" is really the bridezilla or hateful people headquarters. I can not believe how rude and petty so many of you are. Its really a shame, I am not innocent by my “princess” comment, but still i was so thrown off by the “etiquette” of this group. People come on these sites for advice or suggestions NOT criticism and a grammar lesson. I am sorry i did not fully punctuate and spell every word correctly, i don’t have time to sit in front of the computer for hours reviewing each persons post and honestly i would not want to. I get on this site while cooking supper and as i do daily chores etc. My SIMPLE question was is it rude to ask for a HM registry or money tree if we had all of the household items we needed and did not want our family to waste money on an extra toaster we don’t need. I am appalled at the hateful responses i received. To all of the ladies that felt the need to post hateful childish judgement please in the future if i make a priority to disregard my posts, i am planning a wedding not look for casting judgements. Posted by evitiello[/QUOTE]
Uh..... you asked for our opinion, we gave it to you, you didn't like what we said and you continued to defend your opinion and essentially asked the same questions over and over.
We cannot help that you can't get it through your head that ASKING for money is rude.
We cannot help that you can't get your family off your back about having a shower.
There were several good suggestions as to what to do next, and you're just not pleased with the results.
If you don't post again because we're all so mean, I don't think anyone will miss you.
Re: Money tree...
But that's something you spread via word of mouth only.
And you decline any showers that would only involve giving cash (or honeymoon registry purchases which ARE cash gifts).
It's not rocket science, and again, you're not required to register anywhere.
Since your mother is so adamant that you do the HM registry, tell her to just spread the word that y'all don't need anything and that money to put toward your HM would be appreciated.
[QUOTE]My mind is not made up, i am simply getting opinions and advice on this issue. My family knows that we neither need money nor stuff it is simply that they feel that NOT having a bridal shower would be frowned upon because less than the gifts it is a way that the females of the family can send the new bride off with advice and warm wishes. <strong>the gifts have nothing to do with it princess.
</strong>Posted by evitiello[/QUOTE]
Oooooooooh, Lord. That may not have been a good move.
[QUOTE]My mind is not made up, i am simply getting opinions and advice on this issue. My family knows that we neither need money nor stuff it is simply that they feel that NOT having a bridal shower would be frowned upon because less than the gifts it is a way that the females of the family can send the new bride off with advice and warm wishes. the gifts have nothing to do with it princess.
Posted by evitiello[/QUOTE]
OK, which one of us lucky ladies gets to be a princess?
Then tell the person wanting to host, "I can't accept a shower but if you wanted to get the ladies together for a lunch or something, I'd love that!"
The purpose of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts. However if the hostess was into a brunch party in your honor, that could work - it just doesn't need to be called a shower.
However if you ARE going to accept the offer of someone throwing you an actual shower, you really should register at a brick and mortar store and not just for a honeymoon registry.
Maybe you have some unpaid parking tickets that you need cash for?
That's great that they want you to have a fantastic honeymoon before he deploys, but what is stopping her from telling guests that ask that you would prefer cash for your honeymoon? You'll get more in the end, because Disney won't take their 10% or whatever it is.
What bothers me is that if I would gift a bottle of champagne on the website, you don't actually get the champagne, you get that value on a gift card. So all you're really doing is asking for cash, cleverly disguised. Why go through the third party, and just have word spread that you'd prefer cash for the honeymoon.
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EVERYONE knows that cash is appreciated.
[QUOTE]You're open to opinions but I'm getting the impression the only opinions you're open to are the ones that suggest ways for you to get cash.
Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]
Me too, and I just started reading this thread...princess.
I have never heard of a money tree. Most people give cash in cards anyway. Just make sure those are safe at the reception.
But then if guests inquire, the hostess could say, "Oh, they do have a registry at X and I know they're saving for their honeymoon too."
I do think that you need to skip the shower if you truly don't want ANYTHING AT ALL EVAR OMGZ.
Have a tea or brunch, but don't mention anything about gifts, otherwise it seems that it's all you're concerned about.
And again, just a reminder, you're not getting married to get gifts, thus the registry isn't a necessity. Use word of mouth to spread the word that you guys would really just like cash. Tell all of these relatives that are soooo insistent on you having a shower to insist to all of their friends that they give you money. Put that to good use.
[QUOTE] My grandmother and aunt is just having some issues with wanting to look tacky
<p>Posted by evitiello[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>Your grandmother and aunt want you to look tacky? It seems as though you're doing a good enough job of that by yourself! </p>
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
[QUOTE]Every home needs The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]
*LIKE*
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Money tree... : Your grandmother and aunt want you to look tacky? It seems as though you're doing a good enough job of that by yourself!
Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]
Ah Sun, how I adore you.
Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS
[QUOTE]I think its so horrifying how "the knot" is really the bridezilla or hateful people headquarters. I can not believe how rude and petty so many of you are. Its really a shame, I am not innocent by my “princess” comment, but still i was so thrown off by the “etiquette” of this group. People come on these sites for advice or suggestions NOT criticism and a grammar lesson. I am sorry i did not fully punctuate and spell every word correctly, i don’t have time to sit in front of the computer for hours reviewing each persons post and honestly i would not want to. I get on this site while cooking supper and as i do daily chores etc. My SIMPLE question was is it rude to ask for a HM registry or money tree if we had all of the household items we needed and did not want our family to waste money on an extra toaster we don’t need. I am appalled at the hateful responses i received. To all of the ladies that felt the need to post hateful childish judgement please in the future if i make a priority to disregard my posts, i am planning a wedding not look for casting judgements.
Posted by evitiello[/QUOTE]
Uh..... you asked for our opinion, we gave it to you, you didn't like what we said and you continued to defend your opinion and essentially asked the same questions over and over.
We cannot help that you can't get it through your head that ASKING for money is rude.
We cannot help that you can't get your family off your back about having a shower.
There were several good suggestions as to what to do next, and you're just not pleased with the results.
If you don't post again because we're all so mean, I don't think anyone will miss you.