Wedding Etiquette Forum

B guest list and Save the Dates

What do you do if you have an A list and a B list and they are family members of eachother?  I have a A list friend and her sister is a B list.  How do I send my Save the Dates?  What did you do?

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Re: B guest list and Save the Dates

  • Don't have a B list.
  • sparent2010sparent2010 member
    1000 Comments
    edited January 2012
    I would not have a B-list so that should solve the problem. B-Lists are rude so like Eagles said need to cut down on the guest list if you cannot accommodate all of your guests. 
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  • I only have one list. B lists are rude and people will find out they were on the B list. It's rude and feelings will be hurt.

    Like Eagles said, find a way to invite everyone or cut your guest list.
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  • E is trying to make my head explode tonight.

    Oh, and OP - don't B-list.
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  • If you don't have a B list, you won't have this problem.
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  • You avoid the problem by never having a B list because they're very poor etiquette.
  • Like others have said, it would be much better if you didn't do a B List.

    That said, if you are set on a B list, and don't mind that people will find out and be offended, I'd suggest not sending save the dates to anyone on your second list. So for your problem about sisters being invited - I guess you're going to have to move them to the same list, or one will be offended. Also, if someone does find out they are on the B list, they'll probably tell others as well and you will not come off so nicely to those guests.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-guest-list-save-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6fa1c5c-e133-42c8-9698-f84c8462444ePost:77fc922d-b8f6-44b5-aa5f-09a9d34feb12">Re: B guest list and Save the Dates</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: B guest list and Save the Dates : Or you could save yourself the trouble of looking like a self-centered brat and nix the B list. 
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>Some people will do something tacky no matter what anyone says, might as well give them some sort of advice (even if it probably won't work out in their favor).</div>
  • edited January 2012
    This really won't go over well with your guests. If you can't accomodate everyone for the full reception, you will need to make some changes. In your budget, in your venue, whatever it takes. It's just not very nice to tell some people they can come for one part but not all of it.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-guest-list-save-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6fa1c5c-e133-42c8-9698-f84c8462444ePost:091d8404-6983-4624-bd50-fa567fda5aca">Re: B guest list and Save the Dates</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: B guest list and Save the Dates : Some people will do something tacky no matter what anyone says, might as well give them some sort of advice (even if it probably won't work out in their favor).
    Posted by LeiselEB[/QUOTE]

    Or others who read this might decide not to follow through with the rude, tacky idea since everyone has stated it's not a good decision. But now they will still be rude since you just gave them an out.
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  • Are they celebrities? 

    I didn't even know weddings had a B list.  If you want them to get an invite put them on your list.  If you don't want them there, then don't send them a save the date.

    Easy problem solving.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-guest-list-save-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6fa1c5c-e133-42c8-9698-f84c8462444ePost:3e62bd65-2bbc-4e27-bb5f-4f223a2eed93">Re: B guest list and Save the Dates</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: B guest list and Save the Dates : Or others who read this might decide not to follow through with the rude, tacky idea since everyone has stated it's not a good decision. But now they will still be rude since you just gave them an out.
    Posted by PetalPockets2012[/QUOTE]


    <div>Please, I'd hardly call what I said "an out".</div><div>
    </div><div>I never said it wasn't rude, or that she should do it. I said that if she's going to ignore what we are all saying and proceed with a B list, then she ought to try to offend as few people as possible - even though people will be offended and she will look rude. Not everyone follows etiquette, no matter what they're told about what is proper and polite. Why shouldn't I try to offer some sort of advice? I'm not in favor of B listing, and that probably doesn't matter to the OP, or to anyone else wanting to have a B list.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
  • What I said wasn't against etiquette. I told her not to send save the dates to people she's putting on her B list IF she decides to have one, which I DON'T think she should. 

    Save the dates aren't a requirement, and it's fine to send them to only certain people, such as close family and friends. This advice is thrown out all the time on the E board, even in this post.

    What I said was no different than that. For save the dates, it's fine not to send to everyone, and save the dates are what she asked about. I said nothing about B list invitations - had that been the topic, I would have told her that there is no proper way to do it. 
  • B list is against etiquette so there is that. 
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  • And I never told her to do a B list. I told her not to.
  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    edited January 2012
    So yeah, rather than tell you not to do a B-list, even though I don't think they are a good idea, you can just send STDs to the people you KNOW you will be inviting. STD=invitation, but no STD =/= no invitation, if that makes sense. It's rude to ask people to save your date and then not invite them to the wedding, but not the other way around. They may just not have as much heads up and may not be able to afford travel, take off from work, etc. 

    I'm inviting several people to the wedding that I did not actually send STDs to, not because we have a B-list, but because we didn't have the GL finalized so we just sent them to family and the WP, essentially. Now we've got it all settled in terms of FIL's friends as well as my family's friends, so about 20 people will be getting invited who did not receive STDs. NBD. 

    As for the sisters issue, eh, I would say send them both a STD and make the sister a definite invite to the wedding, to avoid hurt feelings. Same would go for any other siblings as well as roommates. 
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  • somedays i think...hasnt this question been asked already? and then i remember...oh ya, yesterday..and the day before..and the day before that...and...

    as PP said..b listing is rude, therefore there is no nice, or proper way to do it without hurting feelings... budget for every person and if some people rsvps no, then your under budget..yay! :)
  • Our "B" list will happen just days before the wedding, lol. If we are under our guarantee of 150 people we will still be charged. If that happens, my younger daughter will be allowed to ask some friends to a free party, and they will be told that no gift is expected or wanted. None of them even know the bride, but to me it would be preferable to paying all that money per person for an empty seat! My younger daughter is already going to invite a friend or two anyway. We'd just expand that group. We are getting a huge amount for what we are paying now, so I don't think an upgrade is possible. We really couldn't ask any of the bride's previously uninvited friends..that would be awkward and rude. 
  • 1) Don't do a B-List
    2) Don't send STDs to every.single.guest.  We did this and now we are regrettng it hardcore as our list kept growing.  We would hvae cut others from the list but they had been sent a STD.
  • Don't have a B list.  If someone wasn't important enough for you to take them into account when you were planning your budget and your venue size, you don't need to invite them to your wedding.  If you cannot meet your minimum, upgrade something or just consider it lost money that you had already budgeted to spend.  

    It's fine to only send save the dates to some people on your guest list.  However, I really think that works best if you have a cut off (immediate family only, out of town guests only, etc.).  It would be strange to send it to one sister and not the other unless one is in your wedding party or out of town.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_b-guest-list-save-dates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6fa1c5c-e133-42c8-9698-f84c8462444ePost:e9bef0e8-ac1b-45f8-ad82-0c3f1f627712">Re: B guest list and Save the Dates</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: B guest list and Save the Dates : I know you are against it but this is encouraging her to do it, in my opinion.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    <div>Had I said "don't send save the dates to anyone you're not positive about inviting" would that have been better? That's essentially what I said. It's just semantics. </div>
  • Don't do a B list. It's not nice.

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