Old friends coming out of the woodwork....WTF.

jmolas

I've had at least THREE instances where people just assume they're going to be invited. We changed our FB statues (FBO!!) to engaged and:

1) My friend from HS (note...almost 8 years ago) messaged me and asked what kinda of beer I wanted her to brew for my wedding and that her new bf is looking forward to meeting me in my wedding dress!

2) One girl I still am close to e-mailed 5 or 6 girls I USED to be close to in college and haven't spoken to since saying, "Does everybody plan on being there at the wedding next spring? It'll be like a reunion!"

3) An old friend I don't talk to anymore messages me to ask for the wedding date so he can make sure to get tickets early.

It's an epidemic! How do I deal with all these people? Right now, I've chosen to ignore, but something tells me I can't do that for long.

OBX2011

They will figure it out when they dont get an invitation....no worries

Ohhh and not saying that you are, but I would avoid sharing details on FB.  The whole relationship status is one thing, but dont share any further details of the planning process

Sarahkayfa

To me it sounds like they're looking for a chance to reconnect with you...Take it as such. Tell them you're thinking of having a family wedding, but you'd like to get together sometime soon, have dinner & catch up. You'll notice the same thing happen whenever you have a life transition.

cengle

How far out is your wedding? If you just got engaged, I would just tell them you haven't figured out a guest list yet, but you're wanting to keep it small.

If you're closer than that, just say that you're not able to invite everyone you want to, but you'd love to catch up another time (if that's true). Weddings make people a little crazy, and sometimes people say things about wanting to be invited or expecting to be invited when they don't really mean them. Don't worry about it too much.

nurse.misty

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_old-friends-coming-out-of-woodworkwtf?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c8a8a6ed-03f4-4d49-ac49-2209e3678701Post:ca62167a-28b2-4dea-bed6-73bb63b4ee4a">Re: Old friends coming out of the woodwork....WTF.</a>:
[QUOTE]How far out is your wedding? If you just got engaged, I would just tell them you haven't figured out a guest list yet, but you're wanting to keep it small. If you're closer than that, just say that you're not able to invite everyone you want to, but you'd love to catch up another time (if that's true). Weddings make people a little crazy, and sometimes people say things about wanting to be invited or expecting to be invited when they don't really mean them. Don't worry about it too much.
Posted by cengle[/QUOTE]

This. Unless they are banging on your door asking for an invite I wouldn't worry too much about it. Just don't put the wedding date/time on FB and they'll figure it out when they don't get an invitation.

Thea519

Oh goodness! I'm dealing with the same issue. I think everyone does at some point. Just let it play out. Invite who you want to invite and don't worry about the rest. You can't invite everyone you've ever known... so no worries

PsyDet 2155

I had people doing that when we got engaged as well.  It's definitely awkward.  I just ignored their friend requests (I had been out of touch with them for at least three years).

jaycee7389

i never understood why people just assume they are invited to a wedding (unless they are close friends or family).

i would listen to the advice of the PPs. if you haven't talked to them in many years, i would hope they won't get too offended if they aren't invited

AbbeyS2011

When I changed my FB status to engaged, I got alot of congratulation messages, but no one bugging me for an invite.  Since then, I have not posted anything wedding related on FB except once - when we were 6 months out from the wedding.  I could not resist! 

I do ask about addresses on FB, but that is only by PMing the person or persons privately. 

I agree with PPs - I would not worry too much about it. 

lisarose7

I didn't have that happen too much.  I DID, however, have a friend's FSIL pretty much demand an invitation.  H and I didn't care much one way or the other if she came, and we had room, so we went ahead and invited her.

achiduck

Yikes! It sounds like you're pretty early in the planning process so just tell them "Thanks for your interest in our wedding! We're still on cloud 9 and haven't even started to think about budget or the guest list at this point." Then change the subject. Also, avoid sharing wedding details on FB.

SarahPLiz

You could try not being friends on FB with people you aren't actually friends with for starters, but I get the whole wanting to stalk people from your past thing. I do it too. Just don't send them invitations. They will get the picture. 

ajroark

I am having this same problem! I have gotten a couple "when is the wedding?" emails and FB messages from people I had no intention on inviting. I handled it horribly though - I responded with the date to one person, but nothing more. They then responded that they were so excited to see me in my dress, etc. Does that mean I inadvertantly invited them? Just by telling them the date?

achiduck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_old-friends-coming-out-of-woodworkwtf?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c8a8a6ed-03f4-4d49-ac49-2209e3678701Post:344526fd-480a-4fc7-be1f-e3ee7e6837e6">Re: Old friends coming out of the woodwork....WTF.</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having this same problem! I have gotten a couple "when is the wedding?" emails and FB messages from people I had no intention on inviting. I handled it horribly though - I responded with the date to one person, but nothing more. They then responded that they were so excited to see me in my dress, etc. Does that mean I inadvertantly invited them? Just by telling them the date?
Posted by ajroark[/QUOTE]
I don't think so. If you LITERALLY only told them the date, then no, it's not an invite. However, if you said "it's on X date and we can't wait to see you" then you've invited them.

jmolas

Thanks all. I'll take your advice and just not post anything major like that on fb. I even have 2nd and 3rd cousins from around the globe asking for invites....weird. But thanks for the advice every1!

Carlydl

This happened to me too.  I had a girl that Iived in the same building as me when my FI and I first started dating (she hung out with our group of friends every once in a while) post "Send me an invitation to your wedding" to my FB wall just as a result of change my relationship status.  I'm also super strict about posting wedding details on my FB (because of TK and the Knotties)!

The first time she posted it, I just deleted the message.  A few weeks later, she posted it again.  So I deleted it again and sent her a PM telling her it was a family and close friends only wedding.  Her reply, "Ok."  Haven't heard from her since.  Problem solved!

OP, it's awkward, but nip it in the bud ASAP.  Another poster a few days ago had univited guests book a room in her wedding block.  The sooner you tell these randoms that they will not be receiving an invite, the less likely even more awkward situations will pop up!