Guests adding +1s?

thechimichanga

Hi Everyone! I'm new here. Joined awhile back, have gotten a ton of inspiration from everyone's beautiful weddings and I sit here thinking to myself, I need to know what these ladies would do...I know this happens all the time and I'm not the only one who goes through this, I'm just not sure how to respond to this, if I should respond at all?

FI and I are paying for our wedding ourselves, we decided that unless someone has a significant other(boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse) they did not get a +1. I know some pepole say thats not right, but we did what we could afford...and we had both been invited to weddings previously solo bc we were single and were not offended!

We have gotten multiple rsvps with +1s even though they werent invited with one. We're not sure if we should put our foot down and call these people and say we're sorry but we can't accomodate you? Or just let it go and try to enjoy the last two weeks left. We're still a little under budget which is nice, but there are now 10 extra guests that we have to pay for...if it was one or two people doing it, wouldnt be so bad...but its 10 cousins that have all done it, all in their early 20s. (I am too by the way!)

Is it best to just keep our mouths shut because we are under budget so we can essentially afford it? I just think its rude to impose on people, and not even ask first if its ok! But I don't want to be rude in and tell them they cant bring a date, even though they werent invited with one in the first place!

tidetravel

They're rude - you're not.  Put your foot down.  Call and explain that due to capacity/budget limitations, you cannot accomodate extra guests. 

andy71781

You are totally in your right to refuse them.  Personally, if I was under budget I'd just let them come.  However - that might set a bad precedent and encourage other people to bring guests.  You are right - it is rude of them to impos.  You would not be rude to refuse them.

andyandhillary

They were the rude ones in just assuming.  If it's worth it to you, you could call them and explain that they cannot bring their date.  Personally, I would just suck it up but that's me.  I would take the extra cost, especially when I'm under budget, over an awkward phone conversation.

salt78

It's perfectly ok to put your foot down about this. Not giving a +1 to someone who is not in a relationship or married is pretty standard practice. Just contact them and explain that due to budget constraints this is just the way that it has to be. 

pumpkinpumpkin

Is it best to just keep our mouths shut because we are under budget so we can essentially afford it? I just think its rude to impose on people, and not even ask first if its ok! But I don't want to be rude in and tell them they cant bring a date, even though they werent invited with one in the first place!

You're not being rude at all. It isn't a matter of being able to afford it (way to go, underbudget!), but your guests are being rude by adding +1. Like everyone else said, call them and explain that you cannot accommodate their extra guests, but you still hope they can make it.

thechimichanga

Ok makes sense....I'll talk it over with FI, if he'd rather just eat the cost and not have to have the conversations with people then I'll suck it up. I did hear that one cousin said well "Uncle Bob" passed away so he obviously wont be going, so its not like this is really an extra person. Yes, that really happened...don't think about your cousin who just lost her father, think about a way to bring a date! I really want to tell her no you can't bring a date, because I believe in ghosts and I'm going to have a plate for "uncle bob"...

Thanks ladies.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-adding-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca667203-9e9f-4efc-a4b7-5f117c3dac4cPost:a6c3d218-2e32-4f98-8f1b-4af9a0e610e9">Re: Guests adding +1s?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok makes sense....I'll talk it over with FI, if he'd rather just eat the cost and not have to have the conversations with people then I'll suck it up. I did hear that one cousin said well "Uncle Bob" passed away so he obviously wont be going, so its not like this is really an extra person. Yes, that really happened...don't think about your cousin who just lost her father, think about a way to bring a date! I really want to tell her no you can't bring a date, <strong>because I believe in ghosts and I'm going to have a plate for "uncle bob"..</strong>. Thanks ladies.
Posted by tara1223[/QUOTE]

This is awesome.  Tell her "no guest" and then sit her next to uncle Bob during dinner. 

[Deleted User]

Put your foot down. They are rude and inconsiderate regardless of who is paying. People just amaze me these days, where have people's manners gone? At least they could call and ask if it is okay before sending back the rsvp.

Kristin&eric

As soon as other peoeple find out that THOSE guest got to bring a plus one and they didnt, they will be pissed!!!! Just tell them that the venue is small and wont hold those numbers once you let someone do it, you have to let them all do it! I was at a friends wedding that did that and last min she had some plus one's come a BM found out and made a HUGE scene at her wedding, I had to deal with it. Just dont let some people bring their plus ones and others not. Its not fair

LD1970

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-adding-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca667203-9e9f-4efc-a4b7-5f117c3dac4cPost:3b7141fc-06f8-43de-b78a-1ca5bc88c116">Guests adding +1s?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Everyone! I'm new here. Joined awhile back, have gotten a ton of inspiration from everyone's beautiful weddings and I sit here thinking to myself, I need to know what these ladies would do...I know this happens all the time and I'm not the only one who goes through this, I'm just not sure how to respond to this, if I should respond at all? FI and I are paying for our wedding ourselves, we decided that unless someone has a significant other(boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse) they did not get a +1. I know some pepole say thats not right, but we did what we could afford...and we had both been invited to weddings previously solo bc we were single and were not offended! We have gotten multiple rsvps with +1s even though they werent invited with one. <strong>We're not sure if we should put our foot down and call these people and say we're sorry but we can't accomodate you? </strong>Or just let it go and try to enjoy the last two weeks left. We're still a little under budget which is nice, but there are now 10 extra guests that we have to pay for...if it was one or two people doing it, wouldnt be so bad...but its 10 cousins that have all done it, all in their early 20s. (I am too by the way!) Is it best to just keep our mouths shut because we are under budget so we can essentially afford it? I just think its rude to impose on people, and not even ask first if its ok! But I don't want to be rude in and tell them they cant bring a date, even though they werent invited with one in the first place!
Posted by tara1223[/QUOTE]
Yup, do this.

CLSchramm

Definitely put your foot down. This sort of thing can get out of control fast. In our circle of friends, the boys go through girls like hotcakes, and the drama is always stupidly intense. For this reason, I didn't give any of them +1s. Recently, at a party where there were quite a large group of people, a friend told me he'd been looking for a date but hadn't had any luck (even tho his invite didn't say 'and guest'). I looked at him, and said as loudly as I could, "Oh, thats ok, we are actually Waay overbooked and purposely didnt put on anyone's invites +1. But dont worry, everyone (indicating the group of people) will be there, so you'll have lots of people to talk to!"

I would call your cousins, and assure them that they'll have tons of people to socialize with (aka THEIR FAMILY!), so there's really no need for them to bring a date, and they'd be doing you a HUGE favor by coming 'alone' (some people like to feel like they're helping out). Hopefully by appealing to their sympathies, and stressing that they won't be the only ones, the conversations will go smoothly. GL!

alilly80

I just had a relative send back a card that said they were coming, +2 grandkids, who weren't invited. Since they're small and won't really be eating we aren't saying anything, but if they were adults we would say no. When you are paying for everything yourselves I think you have complete control over who comes.

thechimichanga

My mom is calling one of my uncles tonight to find out why both of his very very single daughters(i say that because all they do is complain about being single) have rsvp'd with guests. She is going to remind him that this is not a BBQ, and that they should have asked. She is going to play the shame on you card in hopes that they back down. The others I dont care as much about, they other few I'm hoping they come to their senses, however they are a little older, and are not related to the two brats who probably just dont want to look single.

flutgrl1

Most adult activities are designed on the couple model. So yeah I would think it is normal for adults to do things with their SO/date.

Also --- for a great many people, being stuck at a wedding ALONE with FAMILY is a level of hell.

I still hope this all works out ok for OP and no family/friends are insulted.

smokeybailey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guests-adding-1s?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ca667203-9e9f-4efc-a4b7-5f117c3dac4cPost:9c8215c8-0b02-4f59-af99-e43b61f6be54">Re: Guests adding +1s?</a>:
[QUOTE]Most adult activities are designed on the couple model. So yeah I would think it is normal for adults to do things with their SO/date. <strong>Also --- for a great many people, being stuck at a wedding ALONE with FAMILY is a level of hell. :)</strong> I still hope this all works out ok for OP and no family/friends are insulted.
posted by flutgrl1[/QUOTE]

Dude, do you know my family? 

signed,
a big fan of + 1's for all.

RasCal2011

I think that even if you are under budget you should tell people sorry no extra guest if that is what you want to do. Getting married is expensive in general and not just the wedding part.  If you have money left over that you could put to other things like a place to live and you would rather do that than have somebody bring a date just because they don't want to go alone, then do it.