should the WP bring a +1??

myfattypony

I would like to invite +1s for most of the wedding party, but I am not sure where to seat the +1s. Do people usually invite +1s of the wedding party? If so where do they usually seat them? Because a guy in my WP said he would like to be near his gf, but he would be seated at the head table, and I don't want her to sit there, I barely know her. I also feel like the head table is reserved just for the WP and the bride and groom.

MelissaAnne88

This is the reason that we aren't doing a head table. We want our wedding party to be able to sit with their SO.

But to answer your question: yes, the wedding party should be allowed to bring their SO.

McKenna2012

We were not going to do a head table but have recently changed our minds, so the +1s will be there.

vicki0508

Head tables are a pretty bad idea.  What's the point?  I think a sweetheart table is a much better idea.  It's pretty rude to separate the WP from their dates. 

Plus, it's really awkward for the GF to have to sit at a table with people she doesn't know, while her BF sits at the head table.  I mean, she's already sat at the wedding by herself, waited around while the WP took pictures, and now has to eat dinner by herself?  It's no fun (speaking from experience).

Edit - and yes, everyone you invite to the wedding should get to bring their significant others.

MelissaAnne88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-wp-bring-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cba76f94-ac71-455c-98ac-6e662a6c2c67Post:58bc39c2-d9f1-4587-b71e-c24f0bc4b161">Re: should the WP bring a +1??</a>:
[QUOTE]Head tables are a pretty bad idea.  What's the point?  I think a sweetheart table is a much better idea.  It's pretty rude to separate the WP from their dates.  Plus, it's really awkward for the GF to have to sit at a table with people she doesn't know, while her BF sits at the head table.  I mean, she's already sat at the wedding by herself, waited around while the WP took pictures, and now has to eat dinner by herself?  It's no fun (speaking from experience).
Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]
Agreed.

specialk84

Yes, you should invited SOs and yes, you should look into something other than a head table.

You could do a sweetheart's table, or a captain's table.  I told FI we were doing a captain's table, and he got super excited. "Can I have a parrot?  Please?"  Then he used his parrot voice to say his vows.  Sorry for the randomness.

I'm not picking on your choice to have a head table.  I just think there are better options.

mejane123

I really don't like head tables at all.  This is part of the reason I think a lot of people do a sweetheart table nowadays.  This and they want to have their time to themselves.  Have you considered that?  

It isn't going to ruin your night if you let them do this, and I personally think those in relationships should sit together.  You'll be doing that for the rest of your guests (hopefully), so I think the WP should be granted the same courtesy.  Plus, the reception is the time to thank your guests, and that certainly includes your WP who have probably put out a decent amount of $$ to be a part of your wedding, so I think you should try and make them as comfortable as possible.

Obviously if you have a huge WP seating them all at the head table may not really an option. Out of curiosity, do the SOs know each other or are they all strangers to each other?  Also, would you seat them all at the same table or scattered throughout the room?  Personally, if I were the SO, I'd want to be seated with friends or people I knew and not at a table with a bunch of people I didn't know.  But, that's just me and I don't really know proper etiquette for this.  

Edited to add a few words.

thesequel

Yes, everyone in your WP should have a +1.  They are doing so much for you already.  

HandBanana

I've been the +1 to the WP member and its no biggie.  I just get to go to cocktail hour and he doesn't.

I really don't think it is that big of a deal to not sit with your SO for dinner at a wedding where the SO is in the WP.  It is just another hour and a half and people are eating anyway.   Just MO though.

[Deleted User]

Agreed.

We did a head table and in hindsight, I wish we would have done a sweetheart table. It wasn't really that big of a deal since most of our WP wasn't married and didn't really have a date or SO.  And yes, you should allow them a +1 even if they don't bring a guest or a date.

mejane123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-wp-bring-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cba76f94-ac71-455c-98ac-6e662a6c2c67Post:ab3004f6-9f43-4c2d-a310-e0b8db409423">Re: should the WP bring a +1??</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been the +1 to the WP member and its no biggie.  <strong>I just get to go to cocktail hour and he doesn't.</strong> I really don't think it is that big of a deal to not sit with your SO for dinner at a wedding where the SO is in the WP.  It is just another hour and a half and people are eating anyway.   Just MO though.
Posted by HandBanana[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't really understand the purpose of this, so I would be curious if someone could explain it.  I was in a friend's wedding a few years ago and they did a private cocktail hour.  The WP for the most part hated it because we all had SOs who didn't know many people at the wedding so they spent the regular cocktail hour by themselves.  Plus half of the WP didn't know each other, so it was actually pretty boring.    </div>

PsyDet 2155

We are doing a captain's table: wedding party and their SO sit with us at a long, rectangular table.  I've been at weddings where my FI was at the head table away from me and it was awkward.

PsyDet 2155

Also I think the wedding party should be allowed to have a +1.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-wp-bring-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cba76f94-ac71-455c-98ac-6e662a6c2c67Post:2181e4b9-13b6-4e74-8ad0-0b5e09045e3d">Re: should the WP bring a +1??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: should the WP bring a +1?? : I don't really understand the purpose of this, so I would be curious if someone could explain it.  I was in a friend's wedding a few years ago and they did a private cocktail hour.  The WP for the most part hated it because we all had SOs who didn't know many people at the wedding so they spent the regular cocktail hour by themselves.  Plus half of the WP didn't know each other, so it was actually pretty boring.    
Posted by mejane123[/QUOTE]

I'm not sure I understand what a private cocktail hour is...

Cocktail hours are usually the period of time between the end of the ceremony and the beginning the reception.  It is time for the wedding party, bride and groom to take pictures.  Instead of guests milling around doing nothing, the hosts provide drinks and light appetizers until everyone is ready for the reception. It's really understood that bride, groom, and wedding party will not be at the cocktail hour.

jash009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-wp-bring-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cba76f94-ac71-455c-98ac-6e662a6c2c67Post:ee80e98c-1c13-4cd0-b388-dab9116f79f9">Re: should the WP bring a +1??</a>:
[QUOTE]. You could do a sweetheart's table, or a<strong> captain's table</strong>.  I told FI we were doing a captain's table, and he got super excited. "Can I have a parrot?  Please?"  Then he used his parrot voice to say his vows.  Sorry for the randomness. I'm not picking on your choice to have a head table.  I just think there are better options.
Posted by specialk84[/QUOTE]

I'm new to this, what is a captain's table?  Is it different from a Sweetheart's table?

I aggree with PP though, especially if the SO's of your WP don't know each other it could be really awkward for them to sit on their own for hours (during the ceremony, cocktail reception and dinner portion of the reception). 

That being said, I have been to weddings though where all of the SO's of the wedding party were at a table together and it ended up being fun.  As long as everyone is outgoing and friendly it wouldn't be a problem and could end up being fun and everyone can make new friends. 

We are going to be doing a head table because everyone in our wedding party has friends and/ or family that they can sit with and I am confident that they will enjoy themselves.  I think you just need to make your decision based on your WP and personal circumstance.

mejane123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-wp-bring-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cba76f94-ac71-455c-98ac-6e662a6c2c67Post:e7b7d069-e441-4669-b776-4b95037b4c99">Re: should the WP bring a +1??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: should the WP bring a +1?? : I'm not sure I understand what a private cocktail hour is... Cocktail hours are usually the period of time between the end of the ceremony and the beginning the reception.  It is time for the wedding party, bride and groom to take pictures.  Instead of guests milling around doing nothing, the hosts provide drinks and light appetizers until everyone is ready for the reception. It's really understood that bride, groom, and wedding party will not be at the cocktail hour.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

<div>Sorry, I'll clarify.  Basically, the WP, B&G, and families took all of our photos, then instead of us all joining the regular cocktail hour, we went to the bridal suite to a room away from the rest of the guests and had a separate cocktail hour for just the WP and families, no SOs allowed.  The servers brought food up to us and got us drinks from the bar if we needed them.</div>

mejane123

Oh, and BTW, I also like the captain's table idea.  I think that would be a nice compromise.  My venue actually offered this as an option, but we liked the idea of the sweetheart table instead.

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-wp-bring-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cba76f94-ac71-455c-98ac-6e662a6c2c67Post:39394f9f-97e2-405a-8687-5d1910247648">Re: should the WP bring a +1??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: should the WP bring a +1?? : I'm new to this, what is a captain's table?  Is it different from a Sweetheart's table? I aggree with PP though, especially if the SO's of your WP don't know each other it could be really awkward for them to sit on their own for hours (during the ceremony, cocktail reception and dinner portion of the reception).  That being said, I have been to weddings though where all of the SO's of the wedding party were at a table together and it ended up being fun.  As long as everyone is outgoing and friendly it wouldn't be a problem and could end up being fun and everyone can make new friends.  <strong><em>We are going to be doing a head table because everyone in our wedding party has friends and/ or family that they can sit with and I am confident that they will enjoy themselves.  I think you just need to make your decision based on your WP and personal circumstance.
</em></strong>Posted by jash009[/QUOTE]

Agreed 100%.

While head tables are not well-received around TK, it really depends on your WP and your guests. FI and I plan to have a head table as well, as the vast majority of WP SO's know a good portion of the guests already (WP will be 3 of my long-time best friends, two who do not have SO's at this time, my brother, his 2 brothers, his sister, his SIL, and a mutual friend who doesn't have a SO at this time).

WP should absolutely be allowed a +1 though, even if they choose not to bring someone.

vicki0508

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-wp-bring-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cba76f94-ac71-455c-98ac-6e662a6c2c67Post:89aafb7b-4dc0-4abf-8d08-adf2da5df4bf">Re: should the WP bring a +1??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: should the WP bring a +1?? : Agreed 100%. While head tables are not well-received around TK, it really depends on your WP and your guests. FI and I plan to have a head table as well, <strong>as the vast majority of WP SO's know a good portion of the guests already</strong> (WP will be 3 of my long-time best friends, two who do not have SO's at this time, my brother, his 2 brothers, his sister, his SIL, and a mutual friend who doesn't have a SO at this time). WP should absolutely be allowed a +1 though, even if they choose not to bring someone.
Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]
What about the minority?

myfattypony

I dont know what a "sweetheart table" is so if anyone could describe it. After reading the posts I think maybe a table for just FI and I would be best, and then the WP can be at a table near us with their SO. most of our WP and their SOs are friends except this one man in my WP, no one knows his GF yet, and she doesn't know anyone, either.

leia1979

Ugh, I answered on the double post that was posted two hours later (wha??).

Anyway, sweetheart table. Let your WP bring a spouse or date, sit with that person, and sit with their friends, too.

vicki0508

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-wp-bring-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cba76f94-ac71-455c-98ac-6e662a6c2c67Post:bbe21da4-24a8-47ea-b270-6cdd0e04391b">Re: should the WP bring a +1??</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont know what a "sweetheart table" is so if anyone could describe it. After reading the posts I think maybe a table for just FI and I would be best, and then the WP can be at a table near us with their SO. most of our WP and their SOs are friends except this one man in my WP, no one knows his GF yet, and she doesn't know anyone, either.
Posted by myfattypony[/QUOTE]
A sweetheart table is a smaller table that only you and FI sit at.  I've heard many married women say it was the only time throughout the entire day she and H got to sit and be with each other for a few minutes.

mkrupar

Yes, a sweetheart table is a table for just you and your FI.

I don't get head tables because I feel like it's just putting the WP on display and they were already on display for the ceremony, job over. The sweetheart table still showcases you and your FI. Your WP gets to enjoy dinner with their SOs. It's win-win for everyone.

HandBanana

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-wp-bring-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cba76f94-ac71-455c-98ac-6e662a6c2c67Post:2181e4b9-13b6-4e74-8ad0-0b5e09045e3d">Re: should the WP bring a +1??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: should the WP bring a +1?? : I don't really understand the purpose of this, so I would be curious if someone could explain it.  I was in a friend's wedding a few years ago and they did a private cocktail hour.  The WP for the most part hated it because we all had SOs who didn't know many people at the wedding so they spent the regular cocktail hour by themselves.  Plus half of the WP didn't know each other, so it was actually pretty boring.    
Posted by mejane123[/QUOTE]


A private cocktail hour seems rude.  I'm not sure why you quoted me in your response though because I'm refering to the regular cocktail hour and the fact that my because my date is in the WP he has to go take photos with the WP.

quirky75

We talked to our reception venue about this because we were having the same debate. We're definitely allowing our WP +1's but we weren't sure how to seat everyone.

They suggested we have a sweetheart table and then they're going to put two round tables (slightly smaller than the regular guest ones) on each side of us for our WP and dates so they're still nearby. They're our closest friends so we wanted to be near them still.

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-wp-bring-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cba76f94-ac71-455c-98ac-6e662a6c2c67Post:6bc81b8b-b691-40c4-b70b-3fb8bd322294">Re: should the WP bring a +1??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: should the WP bring a +1?? : What about the minority?
Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]

The only SO that won't know a significant portion of the guest list is my MOH's long-time bf... and he'll still know several other guests, as I intend to invite MOH's family (since I consider them family as well). The only WP member I'd be concerned about a SO for has already told me there will be no SO in attendance, as she is flying in from Canada and will be planning on getting together with a bunch of other guests in attendance to catch up beforehand and she "doesn't want to deal with dragging a boy around" (LOL).


I was the guest a WP member, though not a SO, and was not offended at my friend sitting at the head table. It's assumed in our families & circle of friends that there will be a head table. I think a lot depends on region/group of family & friends.

myfattypony

should we invite +1s for guests who DON'T have SOs??? a couple of my cousins don't have SO's, should we just give them an invite w/o a +1?

MyNameIsNot

Separating your WP from their dates is rude.  Are you separating your other guests from their spouses/dates in your seating chart?

A head table is not some exception to this rule.  If you want your WP seated with you, you need to put their dates up there too.  I don't know where people get the idea that this would be ok.  

HandBanana

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-wp-bring-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cba76f94-ac71-455c-98ac-6e662a6c2c67Post:90c09019-a97f-46f6-853f-96cc95a588a1">Re: should the WP bring a +1??</a>:
[QUOTE]should we invite +1s for guests who DON'T have SOs??? a couple of my cousins don't have SO's, should we just give them an invite w/o a +1?
Posted by myfattypony[/QUOTE]


Everyone out of high school receive a +1 for a wedding.  The exception was for widows although one is bringing her son who is driving her.  It actually makes seating easier when you have pairs instead of singles.

KellyBrian2013

As I said... head tables aren't well-received on TK, even though they're considered perfectly acceptable and "normal" in most families.

Do whatever is most comfortable for you, your FI, your WP, and their SO's/guests.

(And, no, it won't surprise me to get flamed for such a response or for my casual acceptance of head tables.)

mejane123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_should-wp-bring-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cba76f94-ac71-455c-98ac-6e662a6c2c67Post:59b7c37f-3c3d-4be4-b424-63ab7f86c9ca">Re: should the WP bring a +1??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: should the WP bring a +1?? : A private cocktail hour seems rude.  I'm not sure why you quoted me in your response though because I'm refering to the regular cocktail hour and the fact that my because my date is in the WP he has to go take photos with the WP.
Posted by HandBanana[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Sorry, I misread your post.  I thought you referring to a private cocktail hour.  As it was, we spent about 15 minutes taking WP photos and the B&G were taking photos the rest of the time, so we spent most of the cocktail hour separated from the guests.  </div>