Not paying for Day-After Brunch?

andy71781

Our wedding is on July 24 in Chicago and we have pretty much tapped out our budget.  There is a super cute diner (which is quite affordable) that I'm planning on having the brunch at.  Is it a horrible faux pas to not pay?  The brunch is going to be at individual tables so I don't think it would be that awkward but I wonder if there is a polite way to convey this to my guests. 

Input is greatly appreciated.

Brie2010

Yes.  You invite people, you pay.

scoetto

I think I put on my wedding website that brunch would not be hosted. And people who came paid for their own.

ETA: It was not a required event, nor was the afterparty. And people who attended both (mainly our friends) understood they paid for themselves. My parents didn't even join us for brunch the next day. They both went off with their different families and did their own thing. Yay family!

atayk21

If you say you are and your husband are hosting it then you should pay.

kikibaby

If you aren't paying, you should make it a more casual 'Hey, we're having brunch at X place at X time, if you want to join us.'  But don't expect everyone to come.

danieliza1127

If you can't pay for everyone, then just keep it casual.  No invitations, just word of mouth "hey Groom and I are going to xyz cafe for breakfast in the morning if anyone wants to stop in for breakfast before you leave!" or something like that.

september's bride

I think if you make it a formal "after-wedding brunch" thing, then you should probably pay. If, however, people understand that everyone is sort of just getting together the next day, informally, for some breakfast, I don't think you're obligated in the same way.

If the latter is what you're wanting to do, have your bridal party and family spread the word.

brookelynpaisley

Yep - if you invite people to brunch, you pay. A brunch isn't required, so skip it if you can't afford it. We didn't have one.

andy71781

Hmmmm I kind of feel weird about having the eh come if you want.  My wedding is pretty "not casual" (hence the breaking of the budget).  We are also moving after the wedding so this is kind of a big send off.  Ugh - I guess I'm going to have to go back to the money source and beg.  How much did your brunches cost?  I guess breakfast is a lot cheaper than the reception and not everybody will come.  Weddings are expensive.

kikibaby

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-paying-day-after-brunch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ccdda820-9236-4a7c-b299-6942d2285fb7Post:cb634390-b2b1-45c1-8395-b9afe3735b96">Re: Not paying for Day-After Brunch?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmmmm I kind of feel weird about having the eh come if you want.  My wedding is pretty "not casual" (hence the breaking of the budget).  We are also moving after the wedding so this is kind of a big send off.  Ugh - <strong>I guess I'm going to have to go back to the money source and beg</strong>.  How much did your brunches cost?  I guess breakfast is a lot cheaper than the reception and not everybody will come.  Weddings are expensive.
Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]

If you want it formal and want everyone to come, you have to pay for it. 

But, per the bolded sentence, if YOU can't afford it, you should skip it.  Begging for money is pretty rude.

danieliza1127

Well your reception can be your big send off.  You can do a big exit thing at the end of the night and then just have breakfast the next day with your parents and siblings and wedding party.  That would cut the breakfast costs down quite a bit. 

*BeachBride0410*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-paying-day-after-brunch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ccdda820-9236-4a7c-b299-6942d2285fb7Post:cb634390-b2b1-45c1-8395-b9afe3735b96">Re: Not paying for Day-After Brunch?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmmmm I kind of feel weird about having the eh come if you want.  My wedding is pretty "not casual" (hence the breaking of the budget).  We are also moving after the wedding so this is kind of a big send off.  Ugh - I guess I'm going to have to go back to the money source and beg.  <strong>How much did your brunches cost?</strong>  I guess breakfast is a lot cheaper than the reception and not everybody will come.  Weddings are expensive.
Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]

Didn't have one....actually never heard of them untill TK.  Personally I agree with the other ladies, its not a norm to me and I would say let people know you are planning on going to X place for breakfast and would love for them to join.  Nothing wrong with that. 

scoetto

Having a money source to beg to must be nice. Can you ask them for some for me? I could use some.

laladypoet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-paying-day-after-brunch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ccdda820-9236-4a7c-b299-6942d2285fb7Post:28d5799b-6f51-42cb-8b37-87df3ccdd8dc">Re: Not paying for Day-After Brunch?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yep - if you invite people to brunch, you pay. A brunch isn't required, so skip it if you can't afford it. We didn't have one.
Posted by brookelynpaisley[/QUOTE]

but who's to say she and her husband can't have brunch the day after their wedding? and who's to say people can't join them if they want? this doesn't seem like a hard and fast rule if you ask me.

laladypoet

just because your wedding is formal doesn't mean bruch has to be. it's brunch, not an audience with the queen. sheesh.

Nebb

solution: pot luck brunch!!!

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-paying-day-after-brunch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ccdda820-9236-4a7c-b299-6942d2285fb7Post:fbf12802-f5df-4828-a027-8995d1bc8b6d">Re: Not paying for Day-After Brunch?</a>:
[QUOTE]just because your wedding is formal doesn't mean bruch has to be. it's brunch, not an audience with the queen. sheesh.
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]

Good point.

september's bride

We hosted a brunch. It was delicious and lovely; it also cost a fortune. Would I do it again? No way.

Our brunch cost us $30/person with tea/coffee/juices included. We also had 45 people show up (including several who did not RSVP who we had to feed) which made the bill pretty hefty for brunch. Keep in mind that many people, if they were drinking the night before, will not have huge appetites but you will pay full price for them regardless. If you're concerned about money to the point where you have to beg for more, I would skip brunch altogether.

smokeybailey

At my girlfriend's wedding, she said that they were having brunch at the Excalibur buffet.  People could join if they wanted.  When my sister got married, the day after they said, hey, we are going snowboarding on Wednesday, come with if you want. 

Neither one paid the way of people.  I passed on the brunch but definitely rode that day.  Both were DWs if that means anything.

If you want something big and organized, then you have to host it (even from a logistics standpoint).  If you want to say, hey, come see us off into the sunset, we'll be having breakfast here at this time, people may come by to say goodbye (as I did at that aforementioned brunch) or come to eat or not care.  Another thing to consider is do you want to add another must do activity to your guests?  They are already pretty scheduled...

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

We're just going to have brunch in the hotel restaurant the morning after the wedding. We'll spread the word around at the wedding that people are welcome to join us because we'll be there at x-time. Don't do a formal invitation if you aren't hosting, though.

FWIW, my wedding is kind of traditional and formalish, too.

If you're all staying at a hotel, see if you can use a conference room and bring in bagels, fruit, juice, coffee, and pastries. THEN you can invite people to that.

ohwhynot

If I were your "money source" and you'd already tapped out the budget and then decided that you had to have a send-off brunch that you wanted me to pay for, I'd laugh in your face.  There's nothing wrong with doing as lalady and others have suggested.  There's nothing wrong with skipping it, either, and there is definitely nothing wrong with saving up cash, cutting something else from your budget, or taking on extra jobs to make the money yourselves. 

andy71781

Thanks for all of your responses. I actually called the place I want and it doesn't sound that bad - maybe like $1,000?  They guy is going to set a menu and we'll have the place for 2 hours. 

ps - this is a diner - not the four seasons.  The "formal" and emily post ettiquette crap comes from my step-mom and not me. 

*BeachBride0410*

I would fork over the $1000 myself if I wanted it that bad, instead of asking your "money source"

lopezk

if worse comes to worse, use the cash that you MAY get the night before to pay for the brunch so your guests dont have to open their wallets anymore for your event.

*BeachBride0410*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-paying-day-after-brunch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ccdda820-9236-4a7c-b299-6942d2285fb7Post:a2cb3cef-f59a-4f51-abd6-e2e43e532ea1">Re: Not paying for Day-After Brunch?</a>:
[QUOTE]if worse comes to worse, use the cash that you  MAY get the night before to pay for the brunch so your guests dont have to open their wallets anymore for your event.
Posted by lopezk[/QUOTE]

Please do not count on the money you may get as gifts.  If you do get money it will most likely be in a check form anyway. 
My mother always tought me "do not count your chickens before the eggs hatch"

KappaK

DItto PP who said if I was your "money source" and you tapped out the budget and asked for money for a brunch I would laugh at you.  My wedding was black tie optional and quite formal, and we skipped the brunch.  As someone else said, your reception is your big send off.  There is NO reason to spend $1,000 on that unless you already have that in your budget and really want it.  If the money is gone, then its gone and there is no money for a brunch.  

You can't invite people to something and then not pay.  That would be like asking people to pay the cost of their food at the reception.  It is a no no. 

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-paying-day-after-brunch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ccdda820-9236-4a7c-b299-6942d2285fb7Post:cb634390-b2b1-45c1-8395-b9afe3735b96">Re: Not paying for Day-After Brunch?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmmmm I kind of feel weird about having the eh come if you want.  My wedding is pretty "not casual" (hence the breaking of the budget).  We are also moving after the wedding so this is kind of a big send off.  Ugh - I<strong> guess I'm going to have to go back to the money source and beg</strong>.  How much did your brunches cost?  I guess breakfast is a lot cheaper than the reception and not everybody will come.  Weddings are expensive.
Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]

<div>And by this, I seriously hope you mean you're going to pick up some overtime at work.  </div>

MeaghanandMichael

I am not sure if you will be close to home (or your parent's house) but bagels, muffins, fruit and yogurt w/ coffee and juice may be a cheaper option if you host at a private residence.

andy71781

Hmmm when you are an internal medicine resident working 80 hours a week on the South Side of Chicago its kind of hard to "pick up some extra shifts" - same thing goes for an attorney who has borne the brunt of major salary cuts due to the recession.  I agree that my comment re "money source" was not in the best of taste but I hardly think I should be heckled for having somebody (my dad) help me pay for the wedding.  But, as I stated before, I think that we have room in our budget for the brunch so it will be paid for.  Wow sometimes people on here are a little too snarky.

Brie2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-paying-day-after-brunch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ccdda820-9236-4a7c-b299-6942d2285fb7Post:b7badde5-05e9-4816-b5bd-2e8f6e645ee8">Re: Not paying for Day-After Brunch?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmmm when you are an internal medicine resident working 80 hours a week on the South Side of Chicago its kind of hard to "pick up some extra shifts" - same thing goes for an attorney who has borne the brunt of major salary cuts due to the recession.  I agree that my comment re "money source" was not in the best of taste but I hardly think I should be heckled for having somebody (my dad) help me pay for the wedding.  But, as I stated before, I think that we have room in our budget for the brunch so it will be paid for.  Wow sometimes people on here are a little too snarky.
Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]

I'm rolling my eyes, hard.

Nobody will heckle you for your parents paying for your wedding.  My mom is paying for 75% of ours, because she offered and we accepted.  BUT, we will heckle the shiit out of you for taking someone's offer (hopefully) to help you with your wedding, and turning it into begging for more money for a totally unnecessary fancy pants brunch.  You do not NEED a brunch.  I'm getting married in Chicago, I grew up there and have been to a billion weddings there and have only ever been invited to a brunch once.  You're taking advantage of your dad's generosity if you go to him demanding more money for this.

*BeachBride0410*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-paying-day-after-brunch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ccdda820-9236-4a7c-b299-6942d2285fb7Post:b7badde5-05e9-4816-b5bd-2e8f6e645ee8">Re: Not paying for Day-After Brunch?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hmmm when you are an internal medicine resident working 80 hours a week on the South Side of Chicago its kind of hard to "pick up some extra shifts" - same thing goes for an attorney who has borne the brunt of major salary cuts due to the recession.  <strong>I agree that my comment re "money source" was not in the best of taste</strong> but I hardly think I should be heckled for having somebody (my dad) help me pay for the wedding.  But, as I stated before, I think that we have room in our budget for the brunch so it will be paid for.  Wow sometimes people on here are a little too snarky.
Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]

I am glad you recognized this & thank you, but you have to understand the "snarkiness" comes from us brides who have paid for our own weddings.  So personally that comment got under my skin.