Seating Chart or Open Seating?

SarahnVinny

Pros/Cons?

[Deleted User]

We assigned tables, not seats. I think most of the ladies on here will agree.

We had escort/place cards sitting on the table when the guests walked in with their names on them. They were color coded on the back so our caterer knew who wanted chicken and who wanted beef bc we had a sit down dinner.

salt78

I think it's good to at least give people a general idea of where they are sitting. Not like specific assigned seats, but an assigned table. I feel like it would make things less of a clusterf*ck when everyone goes to sit down.  

slubkin

I think it sort of depends on the feel and size of your reception.

We are doing an afternoon hors d'oeuvres only reception so we felt assigned seating was kind of silly since we expect people to be getting up and getting food and mingling a lot.

For a more formal evening dinner, especially with 50+ people, assigned seating is appropriate, although I like the idea of assigned tables better than assigned seats.

JessAndTrav

I actually have a huge preference for assigned tables/seats. I can't stand open seating.

We actually did assigned seats, and it worked out wonderfully. I've gotten numerous compliments on the way it was arranged, people saying that it was so much fun to sit by who that sat by.

I selected where people would sit based on their personalities and if they knew anyone. I had a random hodge-podge of people that didn't really know anyone at the wedding, so I sat them next to someone I thought they'd like, and it all worked out really, really well.


If you're going to do it, assigned tables/seats, make sure that you do it for every table. I've been to several weddings where just the WP and certain family members and guests had a reserved table, and it makes everyone else feel like crap.

HisCB

we arent doing any assignements. the only exception is the head table which will be for bride/groom, parents and grandparents and my 2 single sisters/BMs. the rest of the wedding party will sit with their families where ever they pick.

my experience at weddings in my family/friends groups is that people move around and mingle quite a bit anyway.

we will have most of the seating inside and some outside on the lawn, because my fiance insisted that many of his family are anti-social and wont want to be in the room with so many other people. people can chose to sit outside rather than be assigned to sit outside.

we are having the ceremony with guests sitted at their tables but with chairs turned and we are serving food buffet style.

HisCB

oh and i am sure there are cons to doing it this way, people might feel awkward sitting next to someone they dont know well, some people will have to sit at the back or near dance floor/music speakers. assigned seating can put people who are more likely to dance near the dance floor, people who kow eachother together, but i think that assigning someone to sit at the back, they might wonder why they were assigned to the back of the room, do you not like them as much?

SarahnVinny

My wedding is Semi-formal and about 150 guests. I had always planned on doing assigned tables but lately, I have been hearing its nothing but a waste of time. I wanted to know from experience, what you ladies chose and how it worked.

Celles

I hate open seating at formal events.  There are few things more awkward than wandering aimlessly through a banquet hall, peering around tables to see which seats may have have been "reserved" by a purse, asking strangers if they mind if you join them, and making awkward chit chat over dinner. 

If you happen to be separated from your party because there aren't enough seats at a table for all of you, it's even worse.

Don't do that to your guests. 

noodle_oo

I agree with Jess:  I HATE open seating with a passion.  This is mainly because it gives me a lot of anxiety.  I just want to know that I will have a seat with the people that I know.  But I am shy and not assertive, so what always happens is that I end up at a table where there is space, which is rarely where I want to be.

Anyway, I feel like open seating also makes the wedding look less formal and more like a BBQ.  If you do open seating, just make sure you have plenty of extra talbes since you are likely to have the tables not fill up completely, and the worst thing woudl be for a couple to have to search to find 2 seats together.

jessienjeremy

We are having aformal wedding.. but doing a semi buffet style dinner.... So I dont know if its appropriate to do assigned tables.. plus I dont know who knows who lol

marisah83

We're only having about 50 people at our wedding, and everyone going knows at least a few of the other guests, so we're not doing assigned seating or tables. 

SarahnVinny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-chart-open-seating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf2c4fd2-05e5-47d9-b3e3-5cc3b08467c4Post:f334699a-1f03-4442-9111-274fcc0091d2">Re: Seating Chart or Open Seating?</a>:
[QUOTE]I hate open seating at formal events.  There are few things more awkward than wandering aimlessly through a banquet hall, peering around tables to see which seats may have have been "reserved" by a purse, asking strangers if they mind if you join them, and making awkward chit chat over dinner.  If you happen to be separated from your party because there aren't enough seats at a table for all of you, it's even worse. Don't do that to your guests.  :(
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

This was exactly what I was thinking until so many people toldme that  people will be more comfortable choosing their own seats.

The assigned seating will most likely only last through dinner then guests will begin mingling. I pretty much know who would prefer to sit with who.

mica178

Assign tables.  I've only been to one wedding with open seating in the last 10 years, and I hated that experience.  Imagine carrying around your plate of food looking for an open seat with people that you hopefully know.

SarahnVinny

I have always planned on doing assigned tables. To me, it just seems more convenient. My bridesmaids however, are overly opinionated.

Birdie1483

In my experience, most of my friends do open seating. I've actually only been to one wedding where I had a table assigned ot me. These were weddings that had up to 600 people attending (no joke) but there was always extra space for people. The bride and groom usually just made signs to show that certain tables were reserved for family. These were usually closest to the head table.

The only time it has been a problem for us was when FI and I had to run by my apartment between the ceremony and reception. By the time we got there, we were the only couple out of our group of friends that didn't have a spot at the table. I was bummed that we had to go sit by ourselves at another table, but we ended up having a blast with FI's single friend. It turned out ok, but I was bummed for about 30 minutes (until I finished my first beer).

ETA: In my circle, I would probably get the side-eye if I did assigned seating/tables because even though it's an evening reception, it will be casual with a buffet. Our friends would look at us like we were uppity if we tried to assign tables.

Celles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-chart-open-seating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf2c4fd2-05e5-47d9-b3e3-5cc3b08467c4Post:b7cb024e-f9ab-4a03-81fc-ad951990f5f8">Re: Seating Chart or Open Seating?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have always planned on doing assigned tables. To me, it just seems more convenient. My bridesmaids however, are overly opinionated.
Posted by SarahnVinny[/QUOTE]

Maybe they could have some input into where THEY sit, and let you worry about the rest of the guests?  It really shouldn't affect them beyond their own seats.

SarahnVinny

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-chart-open-seating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf2c4fd2-05e5-47d9-b3e3-5cc3b08467c4Post:334e140d-5c30-4a93-ada9-60eb7da0bcc1">Re: Seating Chart or Open Seating?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seating Chart or Open Seating? : Tell them to hush or you'll make them make the seating chart. :)
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

In all honesty, they probably would. My girls are beyond helpful and I really appreciate it but they all have opinions and are all very strong-headed and sometimes it makes me second guess myself. Sometimes I feel like its their wedding!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-chart-open-seating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf2c4fd2-05e5-47d9-b3e3-5cc3b08467c4Post:f334699a-1f03-4442-9111-274fcc0091d2">Re: Seating Chart or Open Seating?</a>:
[QUOTE]I hate open seating at formal events.  There are few things more awkward than wandering aimlessly through a banquet hall, peering around tables to see which seats may have have been "reserved" by a purse, asking strangers if they mind if you join them, and making awkward chit chat over dinner.  If you happen to be separated from your party because there aren't enough seats at a table for all of you, it's even worse. Don't do that to your guests.  :(
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]


I agree with this. I practically break out in hives if I have to make a mad dash for a table and reserve it for my party. Or even worse, if I don't know anyone else at the wedding and have to beg a seat. Plus, we're doing a sit-down meal so we'll have meal choices on the escort card.

With open seating you should have about 10% more seating than guests. So factor in if that will be a problem.

HisCB

i have never been to a wedding that had assigned seating and im like Birdie, if i assigned seating people would think i was being bridezillaish or upity. it just isnt how its done in my circles. in fact i doubt that some people would even follow the assignements.
our guest list is at about 200. and i have faith that the people at our wedding will be fine sitting next to strangers,

also because guests will be seated at their tables for the ceremony, they wont be carrying food while they look for chairs. people will be sitting in their chairs after they arrive until the ceremony starts, so no one will be wondering if "this seats taken" because it will be obvious. also groups will be coming together and will find seats together. im not worried about it.

this isnt highscchool cafeteria, these are adults who can handle themselves in a situation sitting with strangers anyway.

ditto needing more tables though so that couples dont get split up.

ExpatPumpkin

We had a smallish wedding with 60 guests and we still assigned tables.  That's the norm in our circle, though, so I never considered open seating.  Our guests would have been surprised not to find table assignments. 

I greatly prefer assigned seating for the reasons other posters have already pointed out, but you should probably take your cue from what the norm is in your circle...

Also, assigning tables gives you another decor opportunity.  We had our escort cards hanging from mazanita branches with orchids and it was really pretty.  There are so many nice ways to set up your escort cards - check out bios for ideas.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-chart-open-seating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf2c4fd2-05e5-47d9-b3e3-5cc3b08467c4Post:c027b7f1-86c5-4f9f-b2f4-8688fb428529">Re: Seating Chart or Open Seating?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having aformal wedding.. but doing a semi buffet style dinner.... So I dont know if its appropriate to do assigned tables.. plus <strong>I dont know who knows who</strong> lol
Posted by jessienjeremy[/QUOTE]

How do you not know this? I mean, all your high school friends probably know each other. Ditto your family/FI's family, your college friends, co-workers...people kind of come in groups.

I've never been to a wedding with open seating, and I really don't think I would like it for the reasons PPs mentioned. This includes buffet weddings - our tables were assigned, and we were called up to the buffet by table.

saisongbird

We had a formal wedding with 180 guests.  We did assigned tables, and we had a sweetheart table for ourselves.  People like having guidance of where they're going to be, and if you assign the tables wisely, people will be seated with people they are friends or that they're related to, they will very easily work out who gets which seat.  Guided choices!

bellaxanthe

I'm the opposite. I despise assigned seating.  Hate who I've had to sit by. Hate that I'm not treated like an adult who can make a choice. I'm having open and providing a few extra tables so that if there happens to be groups that overflow or people don't want to join another table - they can have their own. I've gotten stuck by the loud speakers, by the obnoxious dj, with the worst family members (because I'm the nice one who will be polite). I gotten stuck at seats which promptly after dinner I was told I needed to move on because it was where the dance floor was. Yeah I HATE assigned seating. I will reserve the couple of tables at the front for my closest family and beyond that - who cares.

topchef33

We're doing assigned seating...well I guess just assigned tables.

We recently went to a wedding that had open seating. We were one of the first ones there, along w/some of FI's family (we knew the groom and his family well). So we got a good table, and there were a few other open tables left, so it's not like people had to sit w/other random guests they didn't know.

JanoBean75

I am assigning seats for dinner, but after that people can do what they want. It's easier on the restaurant to know ahead of time who ordered what.

kellyjellybelly

I mentioned this in a thread yesterday, but I'll mention it again.  I once went to a wedding without assigned tables.  I didn't know anyone at the wedding besides the bride and groom.  H and I just picked a random table, assuming people would fill in the spaces.  Nope, we ended up being the only people at the table.  Talk about feeling uncomfortable...  

We had a relatively small (70 people) buffet wedding, we still did assigned tables.  

Birdie1483

I know HisCB and I are definitely in the minority on TK, but that's just how it's done in our circles. I don't think any of our friends or us are purposely trying to make our guests uncomfortable by not assigning tables. Most come to the weddings EXPECTING to find a table on their own when they come. I just wanted to point that out...

JessAndTrav

I think that doing assigned tables/seating are just a nice thing to do for your guests. Here on TK they always say that it's about you, but it's about your guests, too.

I will say, put thought into who you seat at the same tables. For example, I have a group of friends that are wonderful but often make jokes that other people may feel are inappropriate or whatever, so I made sure not to seat them at a table with people that are far more conservative.

If you do it, it'll be worth it, and whoever is telling you that it's not worth it, OP, is full of it. I think if you're having 150 people, you should definitely do assigned tables/seating.

Birdie1483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-chart-open-seating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf2c4fd2-05e5-47d9-b3e3-5cc3b08467c4Post:1106648f-28de-45df-ac86-32f9166f67bb">Re: Seating Chart or Open Seating?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that doing assigned tables/seating are just a nice thing to do for your guests. Here on TK they always say that it's about you, but it's about your guests, too. I will say, put thought into who you seat at the same tables. For example, I have a group of friends that are wonderful but often make jokes that other people may feel are inappropriate or whatever, so I made sure not to seat them at a table with people that are far more conservative. If you do it, it'll be worth it, and <strong>whoever is telling you that it's not worth it</strong>, OP, is full of it. I think if you're having 150 people, you should definitely do assigned tables/seating.
Posted by JessAndTrav[/QUOTE]

I would like to clarify that I never said it wasn't worth it - it's just now what's done in my circle. I don't know if you were implying that or not about my specific posts, but I just wanted to clarify that. People do different things in different regions for different reasons.

kellyjellybelly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-chart-open-seating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf2c4fd2-05e5-47d9-b3e3-5cc3b08467c4Post:b7cf9a91-c1a2-4c23-80b6-092272eb43b2">Re: Seating Chart or Open Seating?</a>:
[QUOTE]I know HisCB and I are definitely in the minority on TK, but that's just how it's done in our circles. I don't think any of our friends or us are purposely trying to make our guests uncomfortable by not assigning tables. Most come to the weddings EXPECTING to find a table on their own when they come. I just wanted to point that out...
Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]
Well I'm guessing the wedding I attended was just going by how things are done in their circle, which is fine.  Except, I'm not from their circle, and as a result I ended up feeling like an idiot at someone's wedding.  Should I care that H and I were sitting all by ourselves?  Probably not, but this wedding was 8 years ago, and that's really the only thing from the wedding that I remember.  <div>I have been to A LOT of weddings, all but 1 have had assigned seating and I have never had a problem with who were sitting with.  </div>