Seating Chart or Open Seating?

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-chart-open-seating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf2c4fd2-05e5-47d9-b3e3-5cc3b08467c4Post:c938c6ad-7cb2-4769-85ce-678eff53b126">Re: Seating Chart or Open Seating?</a>:
[QUOTE]we arent doing any assignements. the only exception is the head table which will be for bride/groom, parents and grandparents and my 2 single sisters/BMs. the rest of the wedding party will sit with their families where ever they pick. my experience at weddings in my family/friends groups is that people move around and mingle quite a bit anyway. we will have most of the seating inside and some outside on the lawn, because my fiance insisted that many of his family are anti-social and wont want to be in the room with so many other people. people can chose to sit outside rather than be assigned to sit outside. we are having the ceremony with guests sitted at their tables but with chairs turned and we are serving food buffet style.
Posted by HisCB[/QUOTE]
well this just reads like poor planning.



In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-chart-open-seating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf2c4fd2-05e5-47d9-b3e3-5cc3b08467c4Post:c027b7f1-86c5-4f9f-b2f4-8688fb428529">Re: Seating Chart or Open Seating?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having aformal wedding.. but doing a semi buffet style dinner.... So I dont know if its appropriate to do assigned tables.. plus I dont know who knows who lol
Posted by jessienjeremy[/QUOTE]
what? do you not know the people you're inviting to your wedding?

Birdie1483

My point that I'm trying to get at is that people do things a certain way in their own circles and really shouldn't be judged for doing so because people in different regions/circles do it a different way. There really is no right or wrong way, it's just what's best for your guests (which is what others have said). I'm not trying to say that assigned seating/tables is a waste of time. I would probably do it myself if it was done in my circle. However, none of our friends do this and if I did people wouldn't even think to look for escort cards and would just go sit anywhere.

Birdie1483

And I know I'm probably not going to get people to understand where I'm coming from on this, but I have to stand up for myself and HisBC because I know where she's coming from.

Birdie1483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-chart-open-seating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf2c4fd2-05e5-47d9-b3e3-5cc3b08467c4Post:4d6caf26-1dd9-45a1-8b36-6d8267484606">Re: Seating Chart or Open Seating?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seating Chart or Open Seating? : OPs bridesmaids were telling her it was a waste of time.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]


Oh ok my bad. :) Things are just done differently in my circle than a lot of people on TK and I get defensive sometimes when I feel like I'm being judged for just stating how things are done in my own personal circumstances.

[Deleted User]

birdie, i don't think anyone's judging. simply presenting the argument that there is actually a right/wrong answer here, and that going the wrong way can and will make some guests uncomfortable. i tend to agree with that viewpoint. they're not saying you suck.

Birdie1483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-chart-open-seating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf2c4fd2-05e5-47d9-b3e3-5cc3b08467c4Post:4d14b567-ecbf-465f-af64-d53540a103ae">Re: Seating Chart or Open Seating?</a>:
[QUOTE]birdie, i don't think anyone's judging. simply presenting the argument that there is actually a right/wrong answer here, and that going the wrong way can and will make some guests uncomfortable. i tend to agree with that viewpoint. they're not saying you suck.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

Maybe so, but my argument is that in MY particular situation, the "wrong" way isn't exactly wrong. I get defensive because anyone trying to say otherwise doesn't know my circle/situation and therefore wouldn't know what right or wrong was for that.

Like I said before, I see the benefits in assigning tables and if the OP doesn't have a circle like HisBC and mine where it would be weird if she DID assign tables, then it's probably best.

kellyjellybelly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_seating-chart-open-seating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cf2c4fd2-05e5-47d9-b3e3-5cc3b08467c4Post:09209315-3fd0-46dc-98d2-a7392f188675">Re: Seating Chart or Open Seating?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Seating Chart or Open Seating? : Oh ok my bad. :) Things are just done differently in my circle than a lot of people on TK and I get defensive sometimes when I feel like I'm being judged for just stating how things are done in my own personal circumstances.
Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]
No reason to get defensive - OP was asking for pros and cons.  That's what the responses have been, people pointing out pros and cons of both.  I don't think there was any judging going on.

[Deleted User]

i'm curious what else you do in your circle that people here frown on. dollar dance? cash bar?

lilianne22

I would reserve tables for the WP and family but let the other guests sit where they like.  I have never been to a wedding where I was assigned a table or a specific seat and I managed to find a place to sit and survive the evening just fine. 

SarahnVinny

I was in no way judging. I had always planned on doing assigned tables but a few bridesmaids told me it was a waste of time, so I came on here to see what others thought.

I have put a lot of thought into who will be sitting where and have even asked preferences when I wasn't sure.

Example: My aunt and uncle recently divorced and HATE each other, however I still consider him my uncle. I have always been close to him and he WILL be invitde regardless of what she says. This is where the situation of open seating first came up. Some bm's thought it would be easier and more comfortable for individuals in that situation to choose their own seat and that assigned seating may leave some feeling uncomfortable.

JessAndTrav

Oh, and btw, weddingmapper.com is excellent for creating your seating chart. It was so freakin' simple to use.

SarahnVinny

Thanks!

Birdie1483

Sorry I'm just now responding. FI and I had to get on the road and I couldn't reply from my phone. The dollar dance is the one thing I've noticed a lot that is different in my circle. It's really NBD for people to do it, but FI and I probably won't. I kind of have a personal space bubble issue, so I'm not a fan of dancing with a bunch of people and being forced to make small talk while doing so.

[Deleted User]

if you're not doing it, no need to get defensive.

Birdie1483

I wasn't getting defensive of the dollar dance, I was getting defensive about the seating arrangement situation.

Kristin789

My friend hosted an open seating reception for her daughter's wedding.

All the bride's friends knew, so they jumped out of the church into their cars, ran in to the reception venue and saved all the "down front" tables.

All the bride's relatives had no clue, and they move very slowly, so they arrived at the reception after all the nice tables were saved.  They ended up sitting in the middle, all divided up at about 7 tables that still had openings along with the strangers who were already there.

These elderly relatives are the people who came the furthest, and for whom travel is very difficult.  Then when they get there, they are tired and still trying to attend the wedding and some of the reception - and they are stuck in the middle at tables full of strangers.  And most of these people are widows or widowers who are by themselves anyway - so sitting with other relatives would be especially important.

And here it's customary that the most expensive gifts come from the older relatives of the bride and groom.

Do you really want to challenge these older people, who are on heart medication and diabetes medication, to go sit in the middle of the reception room with a table full of strangers where they can't even SEE any other relatives to talk to...?

Birdie1483

I know this thread is long and dead, but I just wanted to acknowledge that I probably over reacted on this issue. Me sorry for making accusations!