Bride/Guest?!

sbeightol

Yesterday I learned a guest planned her wedding the same day and time as ours. She is a family friend to both of our families and I've told her multiple times this past month our wedding date and she will be getting the invite after the New Years. She got engaged herself less than 2wks ago. This wouldn't be such a big deal (besides hurt feelings) except 1-small town so everyone-knows-all. 2- a good chunk of our guest list will be included on hers. Advice on what to do without being snarky?

AmethystMSU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brideguest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfc663ef-6695-4479-89db-919c10c71142Post:24159d5a-90dc-4979-8670-81f60d8d1491">Bride/Guest?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Yesterday I learned a guest planned her wedding the same day and time as ours. She is a family friend to both of our families and I've told her multiple times this past month our wedding date and she will be getting the invite after the New Years. She got engaged herself less than 2wks ago. This wouldn't be such a big deal (besides hurt feelings) except 1-small town so everyone-knows-all. 2- a good chunk of our guest list will be included on hers. Advice on what to do without being snarky?
Posted by sbeightol[/QUOTE]
If you both already have contracts signed, there's nothing that can be done so I wouldn't say anything. She made the choice to have her wedding the same day as yours. Perhaps that's what worked best for her and her family and close friends. It sucks that a chunk of your guest list will overlap hers, but they can make the choice based on who they are close to.

I noticed you said she will receive your invitation after the New Year's. Your profile says your wedding is in mid-June. Invitations should be sent no more than 6-8 weeks before the wedding. Did you send STDs? If not, you could send them ASAP to get the date on guests' calendars.

mica178

Do you both have your ceremony and reception locations booked?  If so, there's not much you can do other than keep on planning and hope that your closest friends choose to attend your wedding.

staceycaine

You do nothing. You invite who you want, she invites who she wants, and people choose.

If this was someone you were close to--in your wedding party, for example--you might be able to mention that it will be a little hectic, and that you are sad to have to miss her wedding, but since this is just a family friend, I don't think there's much to say. You can still say the "I'm sorry I won't get to be there" bit, though.

sbeightol

We're sending invites out early for multiple reasons. 3 months prior is usually late in our area. Also, we know 3/4 of our guests will need to be notified as close to the new year as possible.

sbeightol

No one has mentioned her venue yet. I've been booked since May. We've had our date, time, venue, general details all set in stone since May/June. We've never been quiet about our wedding either. Oh well I guess. Thanks for the advice!

AmethystMSU

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brideguest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfc663ef-6695-4479-89db-919c10c71142Post:dbe4bb3d-14b3-4a57-a8af-78469696d558">Re: Bride/Guest?!</a>:
[QUOTE]We're sending invites out early for multiple reasons. 3 months prior is usually late in our area. Also, we know 3/4 of our guests will need to be notified as close to the new year as possible.
Posted by sbeightol[/QUOTE]
That seems very, very odd since it sounds like your wedding is local and you're in a small town. Based on that, I imagine your guests already know the wedding details.

ski2play

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brideguest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfc663ef-6695-4479-89db-919c10c71142Post:dbe4bb3d-14b3-4a57-a8af-78469696d558">Re: Bride/Guest?!</a>:
[QUOTE]We're sending invites out early for multiple reasons. 3 months prior is usually late in our area. Also, we know 3/4 of our guests will need to be notified as close to the new year as possible.
Posted by sbeightol[/QUOTE]

Really?  3 months prior is usually late in your area?  WOW, they must have really, full social calendars.  Holy busy, small town batman!  I can see sending out the STD's at that point but sending your invites out 6 months prior. 

kmmssg

If you are sending your invitations 6 months early people will misplace them and forget to RSVP or forget that they did and make alternate plans.  You should be sending STD's.

redheadfsu

Send STDs (Save The Date) now. Send invites 8 weeks out.

Plus, sounds like everyone already knows your date.

achiduck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brideguest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfc663ef-6695-4479-89db-919c10c71142Post:9f449cd1-f058-48a4-81b1-c1e9365bdad3">Re: Bride/Guest?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride/Guest?! : Really?  3 months prior is usually late in your area?  WOW, they must have really, full social calendars.  Holy busy, small town batman!  I can see sending out the STD's at that point but sending your invites out 6 months prior. 
Posted by ski2play[/QUOTE]

My thoughts exactly.

OP - if you haven't sent STDs yet I would do that. While it definitely sucks that she's planning her wedding for the same day as yours there's not much you can do about it. Your mutual guests will decide who's wedding the would prefer to attend.

Grits8812

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brideguest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cfc663ef-6695-4479-89db-919c10c71142Post:24159d5a-90dc-4979-8670-81f60d8d1491">Bride/Guest?!</a>:
[QUOTE]Yesterday I learned a guest planned her wedding the same day and time as ours. She is a family friend to both of our families and I've told her multiple times this past month our wedding date and she will be getting the invite after the New Years. She got engaged herself less than 2wks ago. This wouldn't be such a big deal (besides hurt feelings) except 1-small town so everyone-knows-all. 2- a good chunk of our guest list will be included on hers. Advice on what to do without being snarky?
Posted by sbeightol[/QUOTE]
I would send STD's asap.  That way your guests will know about your wedding, and mark it on their calendar.<div>
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