WTF?

yma1624

So a little back story to this one (and I apologize in advance, it might get a little long)...

A few months ago while my FI was on the phone with his 19 year old sister I overheard her tell him "Oh btw, I am getting to invite 3 friends to your wedding." I immediately was not happy...she's a very nice girl, just EXTREMELY spoiled. I talked to FI about it and we both agreed that it just wasn't fair..I have 3 siblings that are only getting their "and guest." My opinion on the matter is that it's not like they aren't going to know people..most of our families are going to be there. Anyway, FI called and talked to his mom about it and was under the understanding that it was solved and that she would only get her "and guest" like everyone else. Well, I get their list today (which was a whole other deal in itself) a month before invitations have to go out and she STILL HAS HER THREE FRIENDS LISTED ON THERE!! I guess my question is, since when did wedding become a social event for 19-year old siblings? I think it's in poor taste to a) assume this is okay without discussing it with us first, b) go ahead and go on with it after an attempt at trying to talk about it calmly, and c) be so sneaky about it by just throwing it on the list. I just feel if I don't start putting my foot down on things like this now then it's going to be a lifelong ordeal of being controlled by what his sister wants and his parents thinking it is ok! I have been fairly calm about their stupid requests (I almost doubled my time and places looking for an affordable reception hall that was located in a hotel which still didn't end up being good enough) Sorry for the ranting but I am pretty fired up about this one! I seriously want to cry! Lol...am I just being ridiculous??

CherylE418

rofl at rock paper scissors lizard spock

HisCB

i will 2nd the idea to have her pick one or she gets NONE. and any univited guests will be asked to leave.

scurtis07

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wtf-17?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d15888a0-260c-485d-80dc-099e25ff15b3Post:3e35b2ba-1471-45ef-9202-b578c5b697a9">Re: WTF?</a>:
[QUOTE]It seems that FI's sister isn't focused on the spirituality of the event, and she wants to invite her friends to some really cool, rockin', dress-up party. If I were you, I'd have a meeting with your officiant, share what's going on, and then have the officiant schedule a super-important, can't-NOT-go-to-it meeting for you, FI, your parents, FI's parents and FI's sister.  And at that meeting, the officiant is going to talk about the real meaning of this ceremony and the celebration that follows...
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

<div>That may be a bit overboard, but if it comes to that go for it. My opinion is to simmer, get a level head, and be an adult and tell that brat to knock it off. If you are grown up enough to get married you are grown up enough to decide who gets to witness it. If your FI can't handle it via FMIL, then you go handle it straight to the girl, maybe she never got the message..so, I would just tell her that it's a wedding, not a party.</div>

yma1624

I have tried to tell her that she only gets one..my parents are paying for the reception. His parents have decided to pay for the bar. It's just causing so many issues and problems! My 22 year old sister is getting her fiance and no friends and is completely understanding. I just don't get it.

banana468

Then just address the envelope to her and guest and take off the friends.

mica178

What's the breakdown of the guest lists?  Are your and your FI's lists roughly equal.

If his parents are paying for part of the wedding and they want to allow your FSIL to bring 3 friends, they do get a say.  Sorry.  Either suck it up and allow her to bring her friends, or tell your FILs that you'd rather cover your own bar and control your guest list.  But you don't get to take their money and give them no say over who's invited unless they're really exceeding the guest list size because of budget or size.

JanoBean75

I wouldn't suck it up at all. The girl gets ONE guest. If your FI's parents were paying for the reception, I'd still say she gets ONE guest. Those other two spots could be filled with two of YOUR friends. 

Tell them flat out you will not be inviting three friends for your FSIL. You will invite her with one guest and if she doesn't like it, she doesn't get any. This is your wedding celebration, not hers.

M&R7111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wtf-17?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d15888a0-260c-485d-80dc-099e25ff15b3Post:18672575-66a0-4a6e-b95e-723414afe0e7">Re: WTF?</a>:
[QUOTE]What's the breakdown of the guest lists?  Are your and your FI's lists roughly equal. <strong>If his parents are paying for part of the wedding</strong> and they want to allow your FSIL to bring 3 friends, they do get a say.  Sorry.  Either suck it up and allow her to bring her friends, or tell your FILs that you'd rather cover your own bar and control your guest list.  But you don't get to take their money and give them no say over who's invited unless they're really exceeding the guest list size because of budget or size.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

But you know what?  She said they are paying for the<span style="font-weight:bold;"> bar</span>.  Can she be specific and say since the 19 yr old and her three awesome friends can't drink - the money givenby the in-laws doesn't involve the bratty daughter. 

The bride's parents are paying for the food and the rest, in which the 19 yr old and her entourage will partake - so it still stands that bride and her parents get to veto the 3 amigos.

NuggetBrain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wtf-17?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d15888a0-260c-485d-80dc-099e25ff15b3Post:18672575-66a0-4a6e-b95e-723414afe0e7">Re: WTF?</a>:
[QUOTE]What's the breakdown of the guest lists?  Are your and your FI's lists roughly equal. If his parents are paying for part of the wedding and they want to allow your FSIL to bring 3 friends, they do get a say.  Sorry.  Either suck it up and allow her to bring her friends, or tell your FILs that you'd rather cover your own bar and control your guest list.  But you don't get to take their money and give them no say over who's invited unless they're really exceeding the guest list size because of budget or size.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

That's just stupid.  Almost as stupid as Kristen's "go take his sister to talk about Jesus for a few hours and then she won't want to bring her friends to the wedding" idea.  Just because his parents are picking up part of the bill (a relatively small part in the grand scheme of things, more than likely) doesn't mean they suddenly get a big say in the guest list.  This bassackwards idea that parents + paying for anything even just the cocktail napkins = you don't get any say in your own goddamn wedding is completely fucktarded.  Seriously.  And it's not like she's saying that his grandma can't come.  She's saying that his spoiled sister can't bring 3 friends (HER friends.  Not family friends, but HER friends) to their wedding.  I would have given my brother the stink-eye and said hell no if he tried to do that too.

angel2210

To be perfectly frank, whether you invite them or not, I wouldn't be surprised if they showed anyway.