Wedding Etiquette Forum

Public vs. Private Proposal--a poll


Re: Public vs. Private Proposal--a poll

  • I can't see polls at work.

    PRIVATE.  If he did a public proposal, even if it was just in front of family, it would show that he didn't really know me.  I used to cry when people sang Happy Birthday at my parties.  (I don't anymore.)
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  • I'm with bethrothed on not liking to be the center of attention--I certainly wouldn't have wanted a public proposal.

    Rich proposed while we were dancing alone in his apartment to a Justin Timberlake song---how's that for a good memory?
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  • In Response to <a href="">Re: Public vs. Private Proposal--a poll</a>:
    [QUOTE]I can't see polls at work. PRIVATE.  If he did a public proposal, even if it was just in front of family, it would show that he didn't really know me. <strong> I used to cry when people sang Happy Birthday at my parties.</strong>  (I don't anymore.)
    Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

    This is why I love you---because it sounds exactly like something I would do.
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  • In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:9Discussion:d186a631-9321-462c-b762-4b72506201f5Post:482227cf-18db-4470-b372-ed02ea2a685e">Re: Public vs. Private Proposal--a poll</a>:
    [QUOTE]He had our families there along with my best friend and it was in a public area, but only family really noticed.  So I guess in your terms it was public, and perfect.  However a proposal where there are random strangers around would have been a big no! and <strong>@tencups  I don't think many "proposals" these days are not the first discussion of a wedding a couple has.  The surprise is in the how   its asked, not that   the question was asked.</strong>
    Posted by aggiebug[/QUOTE]

    Very well said.
  • Ours was very private, below deck on the boat while we were out for an overnight trip just the two of us.  I wouldn't have had it any other way.  I told him the only public proposal that would have been acceptable would have been at one of the two concerts we went to that summer and only if he somehow got me up on stage with the band to ask :)
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  • J and I were talking about this because I showed him a video of a guy proposing with a whole musical number on mainstreet at disneyland. I just was bothered by it because the girl looked so embarassed and of course the pressure was on her to say yes. Even if they had discussed it beforehand, I still feel like it made the moment so much more intense rather than joyful. So he said he thought that most women would like something like that...maybe not to that degree of spectacle, but would like something sort of public. I disagreed, so here we are!

    I too am fine with something in-between like some pp have said--in a public place, but not necessarily where tons of people are watching. Ultimately, though, private is the way I'd most prefer (and what I got).
  • In Response to <a href="">Re: Public vs. Private Proposal--a poll</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was adamant that the proposal be just between the two of us.  I didn't even want my family to know the date of the proposal so they wouldn't be sitting by their phones waiting for me to call. 
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    My thoughts as well.  I didn't want family there to add to the emotions, just spend time together and celebrate as one.  Then contact family later on and share the news.
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  • We were out in the middle of a pond on a rowboat; no one near enough to hear what was going on so it was intimate.

    I had never thought about what I'd prefer. I'm not too shy or reserved but MH is reserved: I don't think he would ever have done anything public.

    When I was in NYC for Christmas, just as we left Rockefeller Center a man got on his knee (on the ice at the rink) & proposed to loud claps & cheers from hundreds of people.

    It would have been wonderful & special to me however it was done, in the end.

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  • My FI proposed at a small restaurant that we go to all the time. There were not a lot of people there but it was still public. He spoke to the owner before hand and had him write will you marry me in chocolate on a oval plate.  When it came time for us to order dessert the owner said he had something new that he was putting on the menu that he wanted us to try. I didn't think anything of it since we were regular customers and he always comes over to talk to us and has given us dessert in the past.

    I had no idea it was coming that night or that FI had purchased the ring but we had been together for over 4 years at the time and had discussed getting married. I cried and was so happy that he put so much thought into the place and making the proposal a little different.
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  • I would have been ok with a proposal AT the ballpark as I am a huge baseball fan. However neither of us are the Jumbotron proposal kinds of people.  He did it in a very private manner. Had a few co-workers help him set up a rooftop table and canopy. Flowers, candles, Lenox champagne flutes, 2 bottles of wine. Then a co-worker cooked for us while 2 acted as "servers". It was wonderful!
  • The only thing I asked as far as the proposal went was that he not put the ring in my food or a glass of champagne or something.

    I never envisioned my proposal being at home, but maybe that's just because it doesn't seem to be our style. Private IN public would have been fine, too.
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  • In Response to <a href="">Re: Public vs. Private Proposal--a poll</a>:
    [QUOTE]The only thing I asked as far as the proposal went was that he not put the ring in my food or a glass of champagne or something.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    Me too! I told him I don't want to possibly choke on it or have to clean it to wear it! =)
  • So Mocha.... would you say that your proposal was "basement cat" approved?
    I work at a chain restaurant which shall remain nameless, but let's just say we drag a saddle out an put people on it for birthdays, etc.
    I've seen several proposals done on the saddle, and to be perfectly frank, they turn my stomacht.  To make someone get up on the saddle is to ridicule them (whether the pushing person realizes it or not), and that's a crappy way to start the marriage road. 
    The good, the bad, and the ugly:
    The good: it was the woman's birthday, and she was out to dinner with her two daughters (from a previous marriage) and her boyfriend.  They pulled the saddle over, yelled her birthday, and then he proposed.  It was cute because her two little girls were so excited, they were in on it.   
    The bad: youngish couple is out to eat with her father, guy tells all the servers to come out with the saddle.  He asks, and from what I hear (I avoided the whole situation because I didn't want to dump my rain on their parade), the girl looked uncomfortable, and the dad looked like he swallowed a turd (their words).
    The ugly: no saddle this time, but... The guy gave the ring to his server so that the server could present it.  Server presents the ring, and the guy says "so what do you say."  I'd have said, "try again next week."


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  • Ours was in a public place but very private. We were at Silverado Vineyards, the last winery for the day, while we were on the terrace with a lot of people he asked the girl inside if we could go on the roped off upper deck for better pictures. I was clueless, because I thought if he did it, it would be at dinner we had planned that night. He said he could never do it in a restaurant.

    On a separate note, I knew it was coming we had talked about marriage, and had decided we would'nt even live together unless we were engaged, or married. So this proposal came a month after I moved in with him. He wanted it to be special, and mean something to both of us. And it was his money that paid for my ring, which he picked out and paid for, so he deserves to have that moment.
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  • FI proposed at central park, and there were definitely people around, but I didn't really notice if any of them were watching or commenting.  Once I said yes and we hugged, I heard a woman in the background say "Awwww!" but that was it.  Once he got down on the one knee and everything I just didn't notice anything else.
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  • Ours was in the back corner of a pirate store, and nobody noticed. Then we went and ate pizza and didn't announce it to anybody there either. We were like thieves in the night. :)

    And I'm not big on the who jumbotron proposal idea. It definitely wouldn't have worked for me.
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  • In Response to <a href="">Re: Public vs. Private Proposal--a poll</a>:
    [QUOTE]Mine was pretty public.  We got engaged in front of the IFC theater here in NYC under a marquee that read "Julie, I love you.  WIll you marry me?"  It was absolutely perfect.  Random NYers went by and yelled congratulations (love that) but it was still very intimate because we were so focused on each other.  Plus, it was a public proposal that had a lot of meaning because that's where we first met. 
    Posted by julezlee[/QUOTE]

    I never knew this.

    I don't think anyone could possibly have as cool of a proposal and wedding as you guys.  So original and just!  I love it!
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  • Mine was public. FI invited a bunch of our friends and family out to dinner. He popped the question as everyone was ordering dessert. We got dessert on the house. 

    We had already talked about getting married several times and I kinda had a clue about what was going on. The real suprise is that he had been trying to propose for about 2 and a half years and I had kept messing it if only I had put my foot in my mouth. The dinner was kind of his second choice but I still think it was perfect because it was our moment.
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  • I really don't need a monstrous public display associated with my marriage proposal.  FI is an extremely private person and would never even fathom a public proposal like at a ballgame or sky-writing.  No one cares anyway enough about your proposal to warrant it.

    I do like the idea of proposing in front of friends and family though.
  • Mine was more of a discussion... and then we told the folks like 3 weeks later.  But the official ring presentation/proposal... was semi private semi public.  Was at a restaurant.  There were people around, so no, he didn't get down on one knee.  But I loved the fact that he did it anyway!  I knew it was comming, I knew when.  But I didn't know how or where.  And I'm glad it gave him the confidence to do so!  Love that man!Wink
  • I voted private, even though mine was very public.

    He proposed at a Phillies game with both of our huuuge families watching from other sections (I didn't know they were there).  All of our families and friends knew about it ahead of time.  I'm pretty sure I was the only person that didn't know!

    When it comes down to it, it really doesn't matter at all.  I loved my proposal, but if I had my choice, it would have been more private.  I had no one left to tell since everyone knew before me Frown

  • Ours was sort of public.  We were at a public park overlooking Seattle, which FI didn't know if it would be crowded or not.  There were actually quite a few people there, but I don't think many of them were keen on what was going on because it was night time.  And honestly, in that moment, neither FI nor I had any awareness of anyone else being around us.  It was just me and him there IMO, I seriously was just so focused on him and so shocked.  (We were planning to get married, but I was totally convinced I had another six months before I would see a ring.)  I liked the way it was, I don't think I would've wanted it totally private.

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  • LOL!  I love that video.  FI and I went to Disneyland last October, we were already engaged but weren't yet while we were planning the trip.  Anyway, I told him I was expecting nothing less than that proposal.  (Hopefully you can realize I'm joking...I promise I'm not a horribly controlling FI lol)  He can't sing though, so it wouldn't have been quite the same ;)
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  • He proposed to be in a public setting but ABSOLUTELY nobody else was around and it was perfect I wouldnt have it any other way. I loved the private moments we got to share right away instead of being bombarded by congratulations and clapping and such. It was amazing:)

  • My FH proposed right after our college graduation.  It was perfect in the sense that all our family and friends were waiting for us right afterwards for a party and to tell them in person our wonderful news.  It was not so perfect when his mother chimed in stating that we shouldn't be hugging anymore.  I don't think I realized before it happened how intimate the moment would be so I didn't really care if our family was watching or not...but looking back.  I would have much rather there been no one around until I was ready.  I'm not complaining I just wish that one comment of my life changing moment wouldn't have happened.
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  • I put either way because I think it really depends on the person.  He asked me in a public place (a park with hiking trails around waterfalls) but he timed it so we were the only ones there.  It was super sweet and wonderful.  And that place will always be special to us.   

  • I would have been fine  with a public or private proposal since we knew and had discussed getting married and how we would raise our kids when we have them for years.

    I didnt see it comming since I had been dissapointed year after year that it never happened. We went to the airport because he "had to work" on our aniversary and claimed he didnt want me to be alone while he was busy. I icked up the pillow that was sitting on the floor without a second thought. When I was finished putting it away two of his close coworkers (who helped out with the proposal) and our two closest friends from out of town came out of hiding as he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.

    It was wonderful it was wonderful it was just the 6 of us on a 737 and when he opened the ring box he opened it the wrong way(the ring was pointing at me insted of me looking down on it). I wouldnt of had it any other way and it being on our 8th aniverasy made it even better.
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  • I think however your significant other plans to propose is special no matter the audience. It already takes a lot of courage to pop the question...and to plan everything to make the moment special...that's just kudos on top!

    My fiance proposed to me at a ski front of both our families, most of our friends, and some random people coming down the slopes. It was about 5-degrees outside, VERY windy and semi-snowing....but it turned out WONDERFUL. SUPER romantic...he planned every little detail..including the sign... flowers.... inviting everyone out there (to what I thought was just our annual group snowboarding trip!)... the hotel... EVERYTHING.
    I'm not the kind of person that likes attention on me, but in the moment, I didn't notice anyone around me but him.  ;D

    He even had our friends record everything to make a short music video!:
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  • Im very outgoing and thought I wanted a public proposal, but my FI went to my dad first, i think that was very sweet! So he proposed in my room at my parents house. He had a box "fake mailed" to my house and my parents "left" really were in the garage. He let me open it on my bed, and inside it was filled with packing peanuts, 3 wooden rods with string. on the first "fishing pole" was a poem he wrote for me, the second one said will you be mine forever, and the thrid had the ring, while i was in shock he took the ring of the "pole" and got on his knee, and said a bunch of sweet things, and I wouldnt of changed it at all! My parents were also there to take pictures right after, so It was private, but also a little public with them to share it with. It was perfect.
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