Guest List Question...

danz9

Hi Ladies, I am here for you awesome advise.

So I know I am a year out from our wedding but a little question I would like to smooth out before we sit down with the family to discuss the guest list.

I coach a girls minor hockey team and have become very close with my girls, I spend lots of time with them though out the season and come next May we will be just out of the hockey season. I live in a very small community and know the parents and families also. I would like to start the guests list out with these gals on the list, they are all between the age of 10-15.

When inviting young friends, what are the suggestions about who you invite. There where 11 girls on the team this year and I expect it to be the same next season. Do I invite both parents? Do I invite the siblings?

I was thinking I would do the girl, and her two parents.  Acceptable?

I lurk on this board and have learned so much!

hlq2011

Yes, you would invite both parents; I don't know about the siblings.

ETA: My inclination is that you should invite the siblings, but I don't know the etiquette on this.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-question-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d2138ea8-aca1-485a-a134-c2f145c08592Post:3cb39b76-1bc1-4428-b305-38a81c75ffb6">Guest List Question...</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Ladies, I am here for you awesome advise. So I know I am a year out from our wedding but a little question I would like to smooth out before we sit down with the family to discuss the guest list. I coach a girls minor hockey team and have become very close with my girls, I spend lots of time with them though out the season and come next May we will be just out of the hockey season. I live in a very small community and know the parents and families also. I would like to start the guests list out with these gals on the list, they are all between the age of 10-15. When inviting young friends, what are the suggestions about who you invite. There where 11 girls on the team this year and I expect it to be the same next season. Do I invite both parents? Do I invite the siblings? I was thinking I would do the girl, and her two parents.  Acceptable? I lurk on this board and have learned so much!
Posted by danz9[/QUOTE]

<div>It's completely your choice, but personally I wouldn't be inviting them at all.  It's probably just that my opinion is formed as a teacher and I don't find it appropriate, but that's just me.  </div><div>
</div><div>I would invite them with both parents though if you are going to invite them.  But I definitely wouldn't send them any STD's, because if you do run into problems with going over the guest limit or over your budget, this is the first place I would suggest cutting, as I doubt any of them are expecting to be invited.  It's your choice though.</div>

thesequel

I'd definitely invite the parents, but would be unsure about the siblings.  It might be a nice gesture if you have the room in your budget.

OBX2011

Yes I would definitely include the parents but I too am unsure about the siblings.

nurse.misty

I would definitely invite the parents with them. Honestly I wouldn't invite the siblings though, unless you just had plenty of room in your budget for them.

danz9

Thanks for your opinions!

I was worried this would come across as weird but as a coach I end up spending upwards of 20 hours a week with these gals and have developed good friendships with some of them. Some will already be there (we are friends with the parents) so I though I should start the guest list with all of them and unfortunately they would be the first to be skimmed off if needed.

Wiscisbliss

When I was in 6th grade I was invited to my teacher's wedding.  She invited each student and a guest (I'm not sure how the invite was worded).  Only 4 students went and we all went with our moms. 

I think it would be OK to invite the kid + parent(s) and not other sibs.  Like PP said, I would not do a STD incase your budget changes and you need to make cuts, or you chagne your mind. 

bmoruzzi

I'd definitely stay away from this.  I work in a high school and don't feel it's appropriate to invite students, or in your case, kids you coach.  

NOLAbridealmost

No siblings.  The primary invitees are the little girls not the moms/dads so it's not like they'll balk at not being invited as a family unit.  I actually think it would be fine to invite just the girls and "guest" and they can pick a parent to come. 

elizabethjane25

i've had a few teacher friends get married, and they invited the students to the church to see the wedding, but not to the reception. i understand that this is generally frowned upon and considered rude, but in the case of students, i feel that it is acceptable. you are sharing an important moment with them and yet can still protect your reputation as a coach and teacher. 

Summer2011Bride

As a teacher, I would feel weird inviting them at all. I have gotten close to some of my students and still would never do this. I would throw a pizza party or something for all the girls when I got back and show them wedding pics or something if they wanted to see. Maybe that's just me.

If you DO invite them, I'd probably just stick to the girl and her parent(s).

danz9

Thanks for your opinions and info! In my little town we only have one team and I have  coached almost the exact same team for 3 years and will continue to coach them all though high school so the relationship is slightly different than a teacher / student, that being said i totally understand the  coach / player professionalism thats been brought up and will respect that when deciding our guest list. 

I dont have any teacher friends so your opinions are appreciated! 

Knalexis

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-question-20?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d2138ea8-aca1-485a-a134-c2f145c08592Post:3cb39b76-1bc1-4428-b305-38a81c75ffb6">Guest List Question...</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Ladies, I am here for you awesome advise. So I know I am a year out from our wedding but a little question I would like to smooth out before we sit down with the family to discuss the guest list. I coach a girls minor hockey team and have become very close with my girls, I spend lots of time with them though out the season and come next May we will be just out of the hockey season. I live in a very small community and know the parents and families also. I would like to start the guests list out with these gals on the list, they are all between the age of 10-15. When inviting young friends, what are the suggestions about who you invite. There where 11 girls on the team this year and I expect it to be the same next season. Do I invite both parents? Do I invite the siblings? I was thinking I would do the girl, and her two parents.  Acceptable? I lurk on this board and have learned so much!
Posted by danz9[/QUOTE]

<div>Do not invite them if you plan to drink, and/or your other adult guests plan to drink, use language to tell jokes, etc... Its just not a good environment to open a door for young children and their parents which you have a professional relationship with. I was invited as a 15 y/o to my dance teacher's wedding, however, our team had been working closely with her for 6 years, and we were all close. The parents drove us to competitions, out of town weekend shows, etc. It was also affiliated with a private small business dance studio, and times were different back then. I am a public school teacher now, working with performing arts students, and as much as I would love to have one class in particular come to my wedding as I have grown close to them, I cannot jeopardize my job, bring myself to letting them see me drinking, or be in the environment with other adults from my personal life. Its just not necessary- and bottom line - they will get over it!</div><div>Good luck!<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-kiss.gif" border="0" alt="Kiss" title="Kiss" /></div><div>
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bertke10

I agree with Knalexis. If there will be booze involved, one thing you don't want to have to worry about on your wedding day is having to "be careful" in the name of professionalism. If you can be sure that nothing they or their parents see will reflect poorly on you, then I'm sure it will be a sweet gesture.
Given their ages, I would assume the parents would take them home early anyway.

KelaRenee

I think a coach is in a different situation than any kind of normal teacher.  I'm a teacher and I'm not inviting any of my students to my wedding.

However, when I was in high school my debate coach had recently gotten married and had invited the debate club.  It made sense to me.